Is it normal for someone with Alzheimer's to ask this over and over? My mom is probably in the late middle stages and every few minutes she will ask. I answer her over and over and then it goes on to "When will it go away?"

ANd of course there are a jillion other questions that are asked on a daily basis. Not sure how long I can hold out but I promised her I'd never send her to a Nursing Home and after a short stay there a few few years I know I don't want to send her back.

Also sorry I only seem to come around and whine. :)

Come around and whine as often as you need to. That's why we are here.

Yes, it is sadly normal for an AD patient to ask the same questions over and over again. There is no right answer. The best one we could come up with was my brother saying,"don't worry, you will always get the best of care." That is not the same as ''you will never go to a nursing home" because at a certain stage the nursing home gives the person far better care than any one person can do at home, especially if they have to go to work, and even harder, if they have children at home.

That promise is often made, but loses its meaning as time goes by. What you meant when you said that to your Mom years ago was, "as long as it is possible for you to get the best care at home, we - not just myself alone - will provide it. But (implied) if it becomes impossible, a facility may offer you better care than we can." That is a promise I can make and live up to.

You also have to remember that there are good nursing homes out there, even if they may be hard to find. As for cost, the AD person has no feeling for money or finaces any more, and as her child you are more interested in having her get optimal care than in inheriting her money (if any.) In this spirit we spent down Mom's money for her care in a good NH and when it was gone she got into Medicaid. So we get no inheritance. That is of no importance. Instead of that I got my own life back, now a year and 9 months ago ... regained my physical and psychological good health, and am content knowing Mom is in good hands.

Those who are better off can afford to get long term care insurance now, and those who have nothing will be eligible for Medicaid sooner. We were among those ''caught in the middle," with too much and also not enough. (paradox!)

I know you are not thinking of financial matters, but just remember that your Mom's care is of the utmost importance, and maybe an assisted living facility, a group home, a nursing home or even an Alzheimer unit will turn out to be what you promised her. 'We will always give you the best care possible."

I urge people at the beginning of this process not to make any rash promises they may not be able to keep, and also to remember that a stage comes when the patient herself does not know where she is. Many who are crying "I want to go home" do so even when they are home. What they mean is their childhood family home with Mom and Dad and themself as a small child. So don't let "I want to go home" confuse you, later on.

God bless you and all caregivers.

love,

Martha

How long did it take you to spend down the money? I've applied for a variety of services but she has too much money in the bank to be eligible for anything. DO you think if I sneak a little into another acccount over 6 months until it gets to where it needs to be that we could all get into trouble? I've tried telling these people that I thknk of that as her funeral money but it doens't seem to matter :(

And you're right, I know I can't do this forever; I'm old, I have fibromyalgia and arthritis and a few other problems and my doctor is already fussing at me, but I'd like to keep her home until she doesn't know where she is anyway.

It's just the "Do I have Alzheimer's?" question that was getting to me. Everything I've read I never read about that being asked LOL

Dear Texas,

My brother consulted an Elderlawyer. His fee was $10,000 out of Mom's money, but he made sure we had all the paperwork together to prove Mom's case. In New York, once you are rejected for Medicaid you cannot apply again, so even though it took months, we got all the necessary stuff together and then the lawyer handed it in, and it was approved. We were allowed to prepay her funeral This was over 1 year ago - everything is paid for from the coffin to the flowers to the engraving on our Dad's existing gravestone. We had to pay full price for the nursing home from January to the end of March. Then her money was gone. Now the NH takes her social security, plus whatever they get from Medicaid, leaving her just a small allowance. (for haircuts, for example.)

Mom didn't have to know about any of these things because my brother had power of attorney over all her affairs.

It was the best decision we ever made. Mom is being treated as well or better than when she was paying full price.

She is very delusional and for a long time kept telling everyone that she is in an exclusive resort only for rich people. We had to chuckle when we thought she is totally penniless ... but feels rich. Life is strange!

love,

Martha

PS her bank accounts for the last 5 years were scrutinized by medicaid. They were looking for any sudden large gifts. Luckily there was nothing of the kind to be found, just her rent, phone, electric, etc. You can't really hide anything.

Hi Texas Cookie,

My father has Alzheimers and Parkinson. Probably a stage 5-6. He is still at home with my mom who has uncontrolled diabetes and early dementia. They are trying to keep living at home as long as they can. Probably til my mom goes beserk! Or the house burns down!

I myself have Rheumatoid Arthritis and other illnesses. So I can do no cleaning or cooking when I go to help. Just pay bills, do pills, and visit with them. Also go to dads dr. appts.

Anyway, more to the point. My dads family doctor, knew what shape they are both in and they will not budge at the moment. So, he told them about 1 year ago, that a Health care agency (independent co.) was going to start coming to their house to see dad. It was totally financed (100%) by Medicare. But, they had to stop with my dad, because he is not mostly homebound. They go somewhere almost every day.

This one was called "Home Health Care" and there are others in the Houston outskirts. So, there is probably this type of company were you live.

A nurse came 1 x per week and talked and did vitals (was also in touch with his dr.). A physical therapist came 2 x week, and a occupational therapist came 2 x a week. Plus my sister and I (and my mom who did not want it) had about 6 visits with a Social Worker. It help them, us a lot.

You might want to check it out, thru your moms doctor. Or just look in your yellow pages or maybe on the net? There is a senior booklet that is put out quarterly for this suburb of Houston and is at a lot of dr. offices. Family drs. and neurologists also.

Hope this helps you somewhat!

Love, Wannabe

does the dr have her on any of the meds for alzheimers they work great it works by slowing the progression of this awful disease. honey u have it hard and i will keep u in my thoughts. i have been there know exactly where u coming from.

Thank you for the info, I'll look into as soon as the dang flu goes away. Kind of hard trying to stay away from my mom so she doesn't get it :(

She's been on Aricept for a few years now but it just doesn't seem to do any good. Right now we're experimenting with sleeping pills because she roams at night and I don't get any sleep which makes me tired and grumpy all day long.

Thank you for your thoughts, I can use all the good vibes I can get LOL


does the dr have her on any of the meds for alzheimers they work great it works by slowing the progression of this awful disease. honey u have it hard and i will keep u in my thoughts. i have been there know exactly where u coming from.