camillacamilla
03-12-2007, 03:19 PM
I edited..sorry
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NutshellNutter
03-12-2007, 06:14 PM
Hi Camillacamilla,
I'm BP and I have been in your exact situation. The smallest conversations turn into disagreemtns, which turn into arguments, which turn into violence - and then we ask ourselves when we're calm again 'Where did it all come from?' - unfortunately the answer never appears.
Whilst manic I have attcked my OH, thrown knives at him, slashed his hand open, jumped up and down on his head, run his toes over with the car... the list goes on. I know how you are feeling now.
Despite the anger, there is an air of elitism about oneself, which fuels the anger towards others even more. It becomes an isolated place, which fuels the anger more still.
However, one time, in the future, you will come down from this high. Your OH is keeping himself safe at the moment by staying away - this is maybe a good thing for the both of you (although in my case this fuelled the nager even more!). What meds are you on at the moment Camilla? Do you have anything to calm you down like diazepam / lorazepam of anything? Can your ring or contact your pdoc / mental health team?
Please try to focus on keeping yourself safe at this moment. Try to contact your pdoc and let him know what has happened and that your meds are touching you. You need some help at the moment - this burden is too heavy to carry on your own shoulders.
Let us know how you go,
Thinking of you,
Nut.
I'm BP and I have been in your exact situation. The smallest conversations turn into disagreemtns, which turn into arguments, which turn into violence - and then we ask ourselves when we're calm again 'Where did it all come from?' - unfortunately the answer never appears.
Whilst manic I have attcked my OH, thrown knives at him, slashed his hand open, jumped up and down on his head, run his toes over with the car... the list goes on. I know how you are feeling now.
Despite the anger, there is an air of elitism about oneself, which fuels the anger towards others even more. It becomes an isolated place, which fuels the anger more still.
However, one time, in the future, you will come down from this high. Your OH is keeping himself safe at the moment by staying away - this is maybe a good thing for the both of you (although in my case this fuelled the nager even more!). What meds are you on at the moment Camilla? Do you have anything to calm you down like diazepam / lorazepam of anything? Can your ring or contact your pdoc / mental health team?
Please try to focus on keeping yourself safe at this moment. Try to contact your pdoc and let him know what has happened and that your meds are touching you. You need some help at the moment - this burden is too heavy to carry on your own shoulders.
Let us know how you go,
Thinking of you,
Nut.
camillacamilla
03-12-2007, 06:53 PM
edited...sorry
NutshellNutter
03-12-2007, 07:03 PM
Hi Camillacamilla,
Keep up to date with your meds - don't drop any of them in anger (as I have done previous).
Give your OH his own time to come round, he willl return and you will be able to discuss things with him rationally at that point.
Don't feel this is your fault, for it is not. This is out of your hands when your mood goes - I know, for there I have been.
Keep posting, don't lay low alone,
Nut.
Keep up to date with your meds - don't drop any of them in anger (as I have done previous).
Give your OH his own time to come round, he willl return and you will be able to discuss things with him rationally at that point.
Don't feel this is your fault, for it is not. This is out of your hands when your mood goes - I know, for there I have been.
Keep posting, don't lay low alone,
Nut.
rishi
03-12-2007, 07:48 PM
hi to you both....please know how much your posts have helped me understand inside the bp. truly, i thank you very deeply. for so long i have thought that if only i could do better, my 40 yr. untreated son would be ok. that is what he continues to tell me. through you i am learning from your inside-out. you are my teachers and i will learn how to help become support. i am sooo glad that you are aware, smart, sharing, connecting, and working/choosing trearment. deep bows, rishi
Llama
03-12-2007, 08:04 PM
((((camilla))))
I know how you feel I am pretty manic right now too. Your husband probably just needs some space to think things through. I know it's hard to wait, but I'm sure when he's ready he will want to talk. Hang in there dear!
I know how you feel I am pretty manic right now too. Your husband probably just needs some space to think things through. I know it's hard to wait, but I'm sure when he's ready he will want to talk. Hang in there dear!
sharonamy
03-13-2007, 01:19 PM
((((camilla))))
I know how you feel I am pretty manic right now too. Your husband probably just needs some space to think things through. I know it's hard to wait, but I'm sure when he's ready he will want to talk. Hang in there dear!Air of elitism, love that, what is that, i have that. its as if you have the right, god will forgive you, anyone will forgive you, for what you are about to do because you HAVE THE RIGHT. No one feels like you do and in your mind that gives you the whole souled right to do exactly what needs doing. Be that running over your husband or punching the cashier in the supermarket. Hmmmmmm.......elitism, has made me think. it hits the nail on the head. must be part of the mania.......the right to do and say what we like because we FEEL elite.
I know how you feel I am pretty manic right now too. Your husband probably just needs some space to think things through. I know it's hard to wait, but I'm sure when he's ready he will want to talk. Hang in there dear!Air of elitism, love that, what is that, i have that. its as if you have the right, god will forgive you, anyone will forgive you, for what you are about to do because you HAVE THE RIGHT. No one feels like you do and in your mind that gives you the whole souled right to do exactly what needs doing. Be that running over your husband or punching the cashier in the supermarket. Hmmmmmm.......elitism, has made me think. it hits the nail on the head. must be part of the mania.......the right to do and say what we like because we FEEL elite.
ErylFlynn
03-13-2007, 01:35 PM
I have to agree with Rishi, it is hard for us who are not diagnosed with bipolar to understand, and understanding helps us to cope and be supportive in return. I wish I would have known the woman I love was bipolar long ago, and that I knew a fraction of what I know now. I am hoping I don't lose her forever. It is nice to be able to hear what others are going through even if it is a small clue or snap shot.
rishi
03-13-2007, 08:38 PM
air of elitism...wow. so my son would so love to laugh at you two and think/say "you guys have No idea what being Elite truly means". as i am learning, and as he refuses treatment and diagnoses, oops, and as he is 40. and in a major manic space....the disease progresses. what can any of us, his family (spouse, daughter, brothers, parents, etc.) do?? i thank you again, and one day soon will post and introduce myself. moms like me will never give up, nor lose hope. is there anything i can do for him now? is it wise to directly explain that if he researches bp he will recognize himself and his options? w/love to us all, rishi
sharonamy
03-14-2007, 06:15 PM
air of elitism...wow. so my son would so love to laugh at you two and think/say "you guys have No idea what being Elite truly means". as i am learning, and as he refuses treatment and diagnoses, oops, and as he is 40. and in a major manic space....the disease progresses. what can any of us, his family (spouse, daughter, brothers, parents, etc.) do?? i thank you again, and one day soon will post and introduce myself. moms like me will never give up, nor lose hope. is there anything i can do for him now? is it wise to directly explain that if he researches bp he will recognize himself and his options? w/love to us all, rishiThe air of elitism isnt something you conscienciously think about at the time.......its like your so wound up that you are and should be invincible......like you are not of this world and have rights, power , strenght, pigheadness to do what ever you want at the time..........it is not about being right it is a survival method , because inside, at that time , we are soooooooo scared and soooooo small that this THING come s over us. I would encourage your son to look at this site. Dare him too!! Dare him to proove you wrong once he has at least had a look.........xx
rishi
03-14-2007, 07:57 PM
oh sharon...xxx...he is way too manic at this time to hear me, and when the time is good i will tell him (especially about our posts) and his curiousity will take over. thank you !! ...and can you say any more about the "thing" that takes over?? do you know that you are feeling sooo small, and sooo scared at the same time you are feeling elite, better than, and invincible? ...truly, rishi xo
sharonamy
03-15-2007, 09:12 AM
oh sharon...xxx...he is way too manic at this time to hear me, and when the time is good i will tell him (especially about our posts) and his curiousity will take over. thank you !! ...and can you say any more about the "thing" that takes over?? do you know that you are feeling sooo small, and sooo scared at the same time you are feeling elite, better than, and invincible? ...truly, rishi xo
I think its when you change "states". when in depression you know what a useless piece of wotsit you are, have been, will be and you hate yourself. guilt and self worth are your best friend. then all of a sudden your manic and the little voice that weakly said all along , in depression, this isnt true.....surfaces........BIG TIME. you are big, you are strong, you are the best. you know everything and nobody is going to take the pee out of you now (cos when youre depressed you are paranoid and think everyone thinks your a big joke). Bipolar.........EXTREME MOOD SWINGS!!:angel: :wave:
I think its when you change "states". when in depression you know what a useless piece of wotsit you are, have been, will be and you hate yourself. guilt and self worth are your best friend. then all of a sudden your manic and the little voice that weakly said all along , in depression, this isnt true.....surfaces........BIG TIME. you are big, you are strong, you are the best. you know everything and nobody is going to take the pee out of you now (cos when youre depressed you are paranoid and think everyone thinks your a big joke). Bipolar.........EXTREME MOOD SWINGS!!:angel: :wave:
rishi
03-15-2007, 07:11 PM
yikes sharon, where have i been all my life?!?! thank you ...you have described sean as if you knew him well...better than i have...too true and thanks to you i can do better and we can change patterns...at least i can/will. xo's to you...rishi
ErylFlynn
03-15-2007, 10:16 PM
Sharon what you said worries me the most, and why I am trying to slowly let my love know I love her and don't hate her. She will eventually swing down, and then her head will clear for some forms of rational thought. She might think what she did that hurt me and then swing lower. I hate the idea that one thing that could bring us back together could be a severe depression in the woman I love. At least if it does if she is not too depressed to reach out a little I will give her a shoulder to cry on and remind her things will get better.
sharonamy
03-16-2007, 11:56 AM
Sharon what you said worries me the most, and why I am trying to slowly let my love know I love her and don't hate her. She will eventually swing down, and then her head will clear for some forms of rational thought. She might think what she did that hurt me and then swing lower. I hate the idea that one thing that could bring us back together could be a severe depression in the woman I love. At least if it does if she is not too depressed to reach out a little I will give her a shoulder to cry on and remind her things will get better.
To rishi and erylflyn, you have to be a saint, you deserve all the medals.....my advice.......be there , but at the same time reserve some distance for your own sanity. You cannot annalise a bp cos they cant annalise them selves. Try not to try. Just.....be calm, be there, be level headed , be loving, be humble as much as possible. if they rage at you , they are raging at the world and themselves. rememeber that. no matter how personal it is. they dont mean it. they wont you to know that. but i can understand that somehow you cant because you love them. well take it from me they love you too, but they are not capable of a normal loving give and take relationship.....so...........IF you decide to stand by them, dont be a maryter, make sure you have your own life and do just as much as you can......and understand now, whatever you do will not be enough, because bps never have enough. not because of anything you do or dont do but because it is the nature of the illness. xxxxxxx
To rishi and erylflyn, you have to be a saint, you deserve all the medals.....my advice.......be there , but at the same time reserve some distance for your own sanity. You cannot annalise a bp cos they cant annalise them selves. Try not to try. Just.....be calm, be there, be level headed , be loving, be humble as much as possible. if they rage at you , they are raging at the world and themselves. rememeber that. no matter how personal it is. they dont mean it. they wont you to know that. but i can understand that somehow you cant because you love them. well take it from me they love you too, but they are not capable of a normal loving give and take relationship.....so...........IF you decide to stand by them, dont be a maryter, make sure you have your own life and do just as much as you can......and understand now, whatever you do will not be enough, because bps never have enough. not because of anything you do or dont do but because it is the nature of the illness. xxxxxxx
sharonamy
03-16-2007, 11:58 AM
To rishi and erylflyn, you have to be a saint, you deserve all the medals.....my advice.......be there , but at the same time reserve some distance for your own sanity. You cannot annalise a bp cos they cant annalise them selves. Try not to try. Just.....be calm, be there, be level headed , be loving, be humble as much as possible. if they rage at you , they are raging at the world and themselves. rememeber that. no matter how personal it is. they dont mean it. they wont you to know that. but i can understand that somehow you cant because you love them. well take it from me they love you too, but they are not capable of a normal loving give and take relationship.....so...........IF you decide to stand by them, dont be a maryter, make sure you have your own life and do just as much as you can......and understand now, whatever you do will not be enough, because bps never have enough. not because of anything you do or dont do but because it is the nature of the illness. xxxxxxx
ErylFlynn
03-16-2007, 12:34 PM
I don't feel like a saint, it is constant work to not want to lash out at the way she acts. To do some thing mean to hurt her like she is hurting me. I am trying my best, I brought some things she left behind I thought she would need some time or at least still want. It is hard for me to accept it is just the illness, if I some how knew inside her she loved me and wanted things to be good between us, it might not be so hard. But how do I know? I don't have the experience with a person effected with Bipolar to understand her and that is hard. I am trying, but I think it will take us back together and me being deep involved in her treatment to get the grasp I need.
Sorry we hijacked the thread, Camilla are you doing ok? Have you seen your doc and maybe started to mend things with your husband?
Sorry we hijacked the thread, Camilla are you doing ok? Have you seen your doc and maybe started to mend things with your husband?
sharonamy
03-17-2007, 07:40 AM
I don't feel like a saint, it is constant work to not want to lash out at the way she acts. To do some thing mean to hurt her like she is hurting me. I am trying my best, I brought some things she left behind I thought she would need some time or at least still want. It is hard for me to accept it is just the illness, if I some how knew inside her she loved me and wanted things to be good between us, it might not be so hard. But how do I know? I don't have the experience with a person effected with Bipolar to understand her and that is hard. I am trying, but I think it will take us back together and me being deep involved in her treatment to get the grasp I need.
Sorry we hijacked the thread, Camilla are you doing ok? Have you seen your doc and maybe started to mend things with your husband?Like i said.....youll probably never will no for sure, because she wont either.....not all the time, in all states....its a case of if you love her, thats your decision and you have to put up with it. you cant control how she feels or what she shows you and also thats the last thing she needs, cos bps hate the feeling of being controlled cos they fight permanantly to control themselves. you will just irritate her. as i said , have your own life, accept that you may never know, but this is the choice you have made or move on.
Sorry we hijacked the thread, Camilla are you doing ok? Have you seen your doc and maybe started to mend things with your husband?Like i said.....youll probably never will no for sure, because she wont either.....not all the time, in all states....its a case of if you love her, thats your decision and you have to put up with it. you cant control how she feels or what she shows you and also thats the last thing she needs, cos bps hate the feeling of being controlled cos they fight permanantly to control themselves. you will just irritate her. as i said , have your own life, accept that you may never know, but this is the choice you have made or move on.