Hi Everyone,
I haven't posted here in a bit but still read the posts. I guess it's my way of hanging on somehow? I still can't get over how much pain this disease causes people. My dad died on January 11th this year of lung cancer. We only had 2 weeks to prepare and really can you ever prepare? Life has gone on I guess but it is very different. My mom is alone at 60 just retired and is trying to get some kind of life for herself. She likes to talk about my dad alot and I still can't talk about him because it hurts too much. His birthday was last week and it was tough. There are still moments when I can't believe he is gone to the point that I actually walk into their house and forget. Please tell me this gets easier. I do have good days but then something will remind me of him and my heart sinks... Take care everyone!
Tammy

hi tammo,

i wanted to respond to this.. my mom passed away almost 3 months ago.. when i first i wrote something on here, you replied that you had a similar case.. i wanted to reply and say life will go on, right now its rough for everyone as i said my mom's been gone for about 3 months and i still cry almost everyday, i cry when i see pictures or when someone just talks about a memory with my mom.. i still catch myself going to call and talk to her on the phone as i did everyday several times a day.. i visit her grave and talk to her everytime im there.. this will take awhile for us. but our hearts will heal in time but never forgetting how wonderful they were to us... they will be in our heart forever... please take care of yourself and your mother it must be really hard on her and it is on my dad..

GODBLESS

Toni :)

My dad passed away February 5. His birthday would have been next week. My mom is alone too now. I totally feel what you are feeling. I have really good days and then I have a real blow out that sets me back a few paces. I am sure we will make it through as our dad's would have wanted us to.

Please know you are not alone. I check back to this site too hoping to see good news once in a while.

Thanks Toni. I am very sorry for your loss. It's nice to be on this site with people who understand. I hope you find the peace you need. I completely understand what you're feeling. I'm just trying to stay sane and feel like I need to bury this a bit so I can deal a little at a time. It's so hard! I guess the shock is wearing off and maybe that's what I'm feeling.((( hugs)))
Thanks you have helped me feel better.
Tammy

Thanks so much for reply. Sorry for your loss. I know I'm not alone this and that helps tremendously.
Tammy

tammo-It's been 8 mths since my mom passed away and I still have good and bad days. There's times when I just see commericals and remember that was one of her favorites-or when I'm shopping and see something and think I've gotta call mom and let her know about the bargain....This past weekend was a fun and sad one-my sisters/nieces and I went to Chicago and I wished that she was with us. Remember you're not alone. Cherie

My mom died three weeks ago and I sometimes forget. I pick up the phone and my heart sinks. I know what you mean, life is going on but I feel like I'm watching from a distance. I turned to a man at the stoplight the other day and said "My mom died." He didn't say anything (this is New York!) but that's how I feel. How can you be crossing the street? My mom died. How can people go on and go to the bank and the store and the movies and she's no longer on the earth?

I know how you feel...I mean, I am so sorry anyone else has to go through this but it's true: you are not alone.

isn't it amazing how we can sometimes go days w/o thinking of them and then have a really crappy day!! There are times that I can suddenly begin to cry! I wasn't like that when my dad died 17 years ago-but to suddenly lose the one person that has been the rock of our family-that's when my heart broke! cherie

Hi Tammy,
Im so sorry for your loss. I can tell you that it does get better, but not completely. Both my mom and dad died within 5 days of each other, both from lung cancer last May. Dad had only known since Jan and Mom since March, so we, like you had little time to prepare. I did cry every day probably up until this January. I still cry from time to time when something comes into my head or I hear a song. I cant believe its almost been a year and the memories of the illness and decline and hospitals are still so vivid . Take care and dont be afraid to let your feelings out. Only I hope they dont come out at the grocery like mine were apt to do.

Becky

OMG Becky I'm so sorry! I can't imagine that. I don't even know what to say! Life can be so unfair! But here you are comforting other people..pretty amazing! ((hugs)) Thanks for your reply. Take care
Tammy

Hi Tammy,
....I don't know if this helps but my Bud has been gone going on 5 months and although the "missing" and "sadness" are all still there, I have become stronger and it has somewhat.. become more...how should I say....manageable. There is never a day I don't think about him or hope he is doing OK in Heaven or wonder what will happen in my coming days...months...years...or however long the Lord has in store for me. I still include him in my prayers and pray that he inspires me to do the things that are right and productive in my life. Sometimes the choices are blurry, but in the end, the heart speaks and so far I think my heart is attuned to Bud in Heaven. I will be the co-captain of the Old National Bank (last year we had 272 walkers) Relay for Life team. My co-captain is a 7 yr breast cancer survivor who is currently undergoing treatments for recurrence in the ovarian/cervical area. We have fresh energy and we are both on the battlefield in different ways...I am a surviving caregiver trying to realize that life continues no matter how tragic, catastrophic the journeys get. She is striving to survive and I can protect her as she gets tired and hot and sick during the Relay. All in all, I have to say that no matter where each of us is in this war against cancer,...We keep on keepin' on!!!!!!!!!!!

God bless everyone here and keep us in the palm of His hand....

Jan

Tammy. We all grieve in different ways and there is no wrong verses right way. My mom died from NSCLC almost 4 months ago. At first talking about her hurt and I would cry but found out soon those tears turned to laughter as funny memories came to mind. There are still some memories that bring tears as I was having lunch with a woman I use to work with and she asked about my mom's death and I found myself in tears telling her about that last day. She told me about her mom's death some 30 yrs ago and she too was in tears as she talked. It is normal so don't not talk about him for fear of crying as talking about him can be so healing! Yes tears are even healing.

I quite quickly learned to focus on what I had verses what I lost. I had a fantastic mom and a fantastic relationship with her. I use to think I would fall apart if she died well that has not happened as I am able to draw strength in the fact I am lucky for having had her. So many people never had a mom like mine or the realtionship we had and to me that is much sadder then what I am dealing with. My mom loved life and she would not want any of us sitting around depressed she would want us out there enjoying life. No that does not mean I don't cry at memories and sometimes those memories come at odd times but it means I am out enjoying life laughing, having a good time and when I do have a blue moment or day I get over it and do not let it take control. My mom is in my heart and in the hearts of all that loved her and I catch glimpses of her in her Grandsons and friends and because I do I do not feel alone as she lives all around me.

My mom's birthday was March 6th so while that was a difficult day I looked for the good in it and that was I had a piece of cake in her honor! What better excuse is there for having a piece of cake? Take care JanMarie