My hubby had been so good, then it all went to hell...friday was one my one week post op. I had felt so bad that he was trying to work, and do all the bids for the company etc and everything else. My kids have been doing pretty much all the taking care of me.

I hadn't seen him much at all maybe a few minutes a day since home from hospital. But I knew he had alot on his plate.

Well friday he got done working around four...I was looking forward to hm coming home and seeing him etc. - Well to make a long story short instead of coming home to see me or take care of me, he went to the bar.

I was so pissed, he strolled in after ten sometime. More than anything my feelings were really hurt. He's an alcholic. I just couldn't imagine going to the bar if he were at home hurt.

Then when he gets home, he comes in and screams at me, my daughter and I were in bed watching tv...she's the one who's been taking care of me really. And yells crap like, That I am a drug addict pill popper, and told my daughter that someday she'll realize this. On and on and on. Of course I reply I just had surgery and yes i take meds prescribed to me, when has a doctor prescribed you to get drunk? When have i neglected my family or mistreated them because of my prescriptions?

I know this somehow must make him feel better, trying to defend his alcholism. I just can't believe he would treat me this way. So now the joke between my daughter and I, is what time is it i'm a drug addict.

What a jerk, then the next day he thinks' he's done nothing wrong, sees nothing wrong with the concept of being home instead of a bar, says its all me blowing things out of proportion. Tells me that I do like my pills. And then acts like nothings happened.

what a jerk.

My heart goes out to you Yvette. I lived in a alcoholic family myself (mom, step dad, and two brothers). I understand it all too well. I am lucky that I do not possess the gene (I get that from my dad I guess). I also choose not be that way and be in control of my body. (It's one a few things I can control, myself and my actions.)

Unfortunately you know that you cannot change him, nor support his actions. It doesnt make it hurt any less no matter how tough we put up the shield to ward off the drunken actions of our loved ones.

The stress of things is probably his logic for the current behavior in his mind and unfortunately, after a few.. he takes it out on those he loves the most.

Meanwhile.. stay strong like you have since he's been at this, and hopefully he will come around. BUT just focus on yourself and keep your daughter ever closer to you. Sounds like you have a special bond with her.. lovely.

Hang in there, there is always hope. My mother/ stepdad is 15+ years sober now. And my brothers even longer. Tammy:wave:

Yvette - I thought my house has been a soap opera and I think yours has topped mine.

Please give you daughter a big hug from me and tell her I said thank you for taking care of your Mom. She needs you more now than prior to her surgery.

Take care of yourself vette and try to go with the flow. Put yourself first and get thru your recovery.

I am focusing on my recovery for sure. This actually was one of my reasons for going through with surgery, to be able to work and support myself and kids and not have it thrown in my face that I haven't worked.

Ya know we already have to hear an deal with so much other crap being spineys, but it really hurts my feelings when my hubby calls me a drug addict, pill popper drunk or not. We all know I am not...its just I can't believe the odasity of it all. Or choosing to go to the bar.

I guess he just lacks the ability of compassion, I always thought people treat you how you treat them, and this is far from true in my life.

My dad is an alcholic to and its funny my brother and I both rarely drink, thank god we chose the opposite.

Thanks for letting me vent, I guess my feelings are just hurt. He see's hes dont anything wrong ofcourse.

People say I should take my kids and run, well I can't drive let alone take care of myself or run.

Then the sad thing is, he'll turn around and be mr nice guy for a while, till he pulls some sort of crap again.

thanks guys...believe it or not I am focusing on my recovery. I don't know what I'd do without these kids.

vette

Vette - I have had to rely on my children alot lately because of the death of mr. pepper's uncle. Suprisingly, we are doing incredibly well. It is a proud moment when you can see your children picking up the slack and helping you get thru the pain and assist you in recovery.

Be proud of the fact that you dd is doing so well and has that inner compassion to help.

I can understand how people tell you to leave......but I understand you have to be able to support yourself and the children. Just take care of yourself and I pray that he is not abusive to you physically.

Know that I care and am here for you even if it is in cyber space.

((((((((((big hug))))))))))) not to hard though. It is heartbreaking when someone we love hurt us like that. My heart goes out you Yvette. I do know how you feel, it is very sad and upsetting. Your daughter sounds like a doll! being good to her mommy. Your right, focus on your recovery and the love of your children that will help so much in getting you strong. I wish I could just come by and brush your hair or help you with whatever you needed. Take care of yourself today, don't push yourself to hard.

Rose

Yvette,

So sorry to hear about what is going on with your hubby. I am just so glad you have your kids there to support you and assist you right now. Growing up in the same situation with my mother as the alcoholic I completely understand. Just try to get as much rest as you can, you have been doing so well so far in your recovery. **HUGS** to you and **HUGS** to your kids for being there for you!!!

Niki

I am sorry your husband chose the bottle over you and then throws in your face your pain. It isn't right nor fair. I also feel sorry for your daughter who had to witness such an exchange. I hope she is older so that she understands what is happening. If not, I am sure you will explain it as best you can. Just know that I am thinking of you and your family. It is funny they say a daughter can be your best friend...and I believe in your case she is just that...what a wonderful gift to treasure. I am giving you both a big ((hug)). You both deserve it.

Hey Vette,

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad time last night and in front of your daughter too. In my opinion, his accusing you of being a drug addict is justification in his mind for being an alchoholic. Stay strong dear, explain it to your daughter when he is not around, make sure she understands. It's a good thing that you have her. Get strong, heal yourself and make that and your daughter your #1 priority right now. Once you are better maybe you can get dh some help. Keep us posted dear, rest and heal. ttultr, Lynn:wave:

Hi yvette,:)
Really sorry to hear your hubby is treating you this way at a time when you need him the most. The good thing is your daughter and the love and compassion she has given you unconditionally. Soon you will be better able to deal with things.He has shown you something 'the truth' about who he is as a person and a companion. The truth will set you free !
One day soon he's going to call out your name .When he does take a pill and go to sleep.:)

Thats right its called carma. It seems alcohol related or not alot of people just take advantage and treat people like crap and just expect that they will always be there, and then are just devastated when they wake up to an emtpy house.

Yvette
I just read your post and my heart goes out to you and your kids. My hubby was by my side if I as much moved for the first 2 weeks.

Drinking has a way of playing with there minds. They become convinced that they have done no wrong and it is someone else.

Honey you take your meds and stay ahead of the pain. Let the house work go and don't worry. All the house work will still be there later. Don't over do it take it from me you will be back in bed again for days if you do.

I wish I lived closer as I have said I would help you out if I could. Love is funny who knows maybe he will wise up and stop drinking and be a different person.

Tell your daughter I think she is very brave and caring to take care of you the way she does. Even keeping you company by watching TV with you.

My father and brother are acholics but my sister and I do not drink never really cared for it. My dad is not mean just a happy ole drunk but my brother is strange I don't even speak to him unless we happen to meet. He lives in missouri also.

Hope you are feeling better.

I have pretty much still been living in bed, except for my walking and a few minutes of picking up around the house with my grabber. Sitting up sometimes, I thought maybe i was overdoing the sitting. I am wondering now if I should become more active. I got my first walk outside this evening it was nice, and then my son came in and we watched a movie together, he's 17 so this is a big deal to me...

Maybe I should step it up, the doctors instructions sure leave alot to question, I think i will call tomorrow, i need to make my follow up apt anyway.

Don't worry I stay on my meds..I'm a drug addict pill popper
remember :jester: just kidding, what else can i do but joke about the stupid crap.

I don't want to overdo it like you know who's...but maybe I am underdoing it...confusiing...what is there to do when you can't blt, drive etc. clean house or do laundry.....

Dear Yvette, I am so sorry to hear about what is going on! From your posts you sound like such a strong person, so you hang in there, and like the others said, focus on YOU and your recovery. It sounds like you have done a great job raising such supportive and loving children! I think our kids learn a lot about helping others and feeling for them, when they help us with our surgeries/treatments. I have seen my 4 kids grow a lot with all my back/knee troubles. You take care! Sending good thoughts your way...Kera4

Hi Yvette,
I'm so sorry you had to go thru this and with your daughter there too. You and your kids sound very strong. My first hubby was alcoholic, he died at 35 from the desease, it is a desease not a choice, once I accepted that I had a totally different outlook on his drunken actions. I'm not saying we stopped fighting but I did not have that hate inside me anymore towards him. How could I hate someone who was sick. And boy he just keptroving over & over just how sick he was. The hate I had for him was eating me alive then, I'm so glad that I got rid of that before he died, I was left at 24 with a 5 yr old and no money or job. Anyone that has alcoholism in their lives are survivors and very strong. I can hear the stregnth in your posts.

I know how hurt you feel, thats the hurt that doesn't heal very fast. Please stay strong, you & the kids, you will over come this back thing and be able to manage your life better than ever! I'm so glad you have here to come too and vent and please do so often, dont let that tension build up in you that will create more pain and you don't need that.

Your #1 on my prayer list, I'm so sorry that I can't come and take all that crap away for you so you just have to worry about getting better. It truly makes my heart hurt to think of you having to deal with this at such a time in your life when you need support. You have done such a good job with your kids, teaching them compassion for others and how to take care of the ones you love. Those are probably the two most important things in life to learn.


I'm sending (((((((BIG HUGS)))))) to all of you!

God Bless

Carol

Yvette,

I'm really sorry that your having to deal with this ontop of your recovery. It sounds like you are putting your recovery as #1, good for you.

I as well have dealt with Alcoholism growing up, and thank God, I didn't inherit that habit. Being on the other end of it, is scary, you never know whats gonna happen next, tip toe around them, endure the nastiness and hurt from what they have to say. I really wish that I could give you a big hug and help you out, but please know that your in my thoughts and prayers.

Just remember that the love and compassion that you teach and put onto your children, will pay back to you!! Stay strong, focus on yourself, your recovery and your children. It sure sounds like their taking care of you :) . Give them a big hug from me.

I as well am really glad that you have here to come to and vent and get the support that you need. Just remember, we are all here.

Take care and hugs to you

Yvette ,
I am so sorry for you..Like Pepper I too lived had family issue's with alcahol..Yea I drink once and a while , I have never enjoyed the bar's , drunken people annoy me..I have lived in fear all my growing up year's..One of my older brother's(dead now from alcohol)used to come home to my elderly parents and scream and throw stuff , my dad was blind from WW2 and he really couldn't defend us much ,but I used to shake and cry when I was little scared he was going to hurt us..I promised myself I would never be like that. I have seen guy's like that.. I even have got into a few fist fights over the same situation..Thats abuse , and to do it in front of your daughter really pisses me off.

I don't mind the drinking as long as you can handle it, but it doesnt seem that your hubby can handle his booze.. You should video tape him and show him how he act's...I feel sorry for you.

Yvette please let yuor family do your dishes and stuff , I know you feel worthless but you need to heal first,,listen to your doctor.
That's one of the great thing's about my wife she wouldn't and still don't let me do much of anything.. But there are day's she get's a little tired of it and say's stuff to hurt my feeling's but I know she's doing alot and it makes me feel crappy because I can't do anything without my back and legs hurting.

Hope I don't make you upset about my post here ,but I do know what your going through. I only drink when my buddy comes over to watch GORDON win the race...BTW I hate Kenseth ! ;)

Awww buddy sorry that once again my cars...well you know jimi and matt they are both awesome.

And don't worry about pissing me off, the way my h acts pisses me off. Ya know its weird, he's one of those people who could drink two cases of beer and still stand straight, walk straight and drive straight. And he's usually mr. nice guy, laught it up have a good time, expect when it comes to his family.

I guess my idea of love and how you treat someone and his are completely different, and no matter how I try to express it, talk about it, deal with it, it never changes. All these things aren't rocket science, to me they are just everyday normal things you should do, like you wife has surgery, be by her side.

Well someday I will be healed.....

I've always said I wish I could video tape him, although I'm sure he'd refuse to watch it.

I guess its been a real eye opener once again, that in my denial...he's never gonna change. Enough about him.... I need to focus on me, and my victory 48

Yvette , I'm the same the way when I drink , know one can tell if I'm drunk or not. I used to be able to drink close to a case a day back in the day..
Anymore 3 16oz Busch I'm feeling it. After my third surgery I really don't feel like beer anymore..Don't taste good to me now ?? It sounds to me your hubby doesn't like his buddies to know how he treats you or how he is with you.. I get all warm and fuzzy with my wife when I drink . She get's alot of this :p ...lol get it ?

Matt is ,,well you know he doesn't like women so I won't go there..But I like Jimmy but ONLY cheer for Jeff , he should have won that race if it wasn't for his fender thing falling off..:mad: finishing 12th wasn't bad ,he's still in 2nd in the points standing and only 8 points from 1st. Bristol is comming up this week , Jeffy will rip it up ! I can see Matt into the wall this week.

Yvette, I feel so bad for you having to deal with your husband's alcoholism on top of your surgery. You've gotten a lot of good comments on here from people more experienced with it than I am. I just wanted to add about his comments about your liking your pills: yes, we all like our pain pills. You bet we do, because they help us so much! But that doesn't mean we abuse them! There's nothing wrong with liking something that helps you! Don't let him make you feel bad for that!

Hang in there! You're a fighter! I know you won't let this keep you down!

Take care,
Emily

Please stay on topic to Health issues only Nascar is not a health topic

I read your post last night and have been thinking about you all day today. I am so sorry that you have to go thru that crap with your husband on top of everything else we have to go thru trying to recop after surgery. I fell like if we cant depend on our spouses during this time, it really shows what type of person they really are. I guess your post really hit home because I to was married to an alcoholic. We were together 15 years, and I can begin to tell you what all I went thru PLEASE if you can get out. Unless he decides he is going to quit drinking NOTHING ever changes. And the thing with my ex was he could be the best person in the world when he didnt drink. I am glad you seem to have great support from your daughter. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am a newbie here sometimes I just read posts and dont respond. Please keep your mind on your number one priority right now getting well. Good luck and I hope things get better!:) Lynn