My therapist has helped me so much. A lot of what he has helped me with is standing up for myself and expressing my feelings (usually anger, which I suppress). He is totally supportive of me. He believes in me in a way that almost makes me believe in myself!

Problem is that my therapist only works on me, not my family. My family simply CANNOT validate my feelings. I understand that people disagree with each other, etc., but I just want my feelings to be validated.

For example, I grew up poor and I have a chip on my shoulder about it. My siblings are extremely successful and they don't help me at all. I understand that maybe they feel it's not their responsbility, etc., but when I expressed to my mother that this was upsetting to me she just argued to me how I was "wrong" and "greedy" and "feel entitled." Meanwhile, I guess I should just be pleased to hear about my brother's extravagent vacations, hobbies, lifestyles, etc. and not feel the least bit jealous or upset while I struggle in graduate school for a profession that pays very poorly? (I feel the career choice was a huge mistake but that's for another post.)

The issue is not that he chooses not to give, which is his prerogative. The issue is that the FEELING I expressed was sadness about not having more help in my life and my mom just argues with me about how my feelings aren't justified! I just wish that my brother would step in and help me since I don't have a father to do it (he's dead). Believe me, I realize that it's not his responsiblity and he doesn't "owe me," but I still wish that he would, since I don't have anyone else to help.

All my mom needs to say is, "I can imagine how you feel. You sound upset. It must be hard." But instead we get into a huge fight, which is of course all MY fault.

I hate my family!

Hi Danna, you have to get beyond the need to have others validate your feelings. You will find such freedom once you get to this point. You are an adult now so you do not need someone else to tell you that what you are doing or feeling is okay. Also, with your brother, I think what you really want here is that father figure. Having your brother help you financially is symbolic here for having a father take care of you.

Also, with your brother, I think what you really want here is that father figure. Having your brother help you financially is symbolic here for having a father take care of you.

Sannah, this is *exactly* it. It's not that I expect or even want handouts...it's that I feel that something was "missing" in my life. The love and security of having a father is something I will never have, so I guess in my mind help from my brother is the next best thing. I would much rather be independent and be able to prosper on my own. However, since my upbringing was lacking in so many ways, I guess on a certain level I wish someone would help make up for the past. I understand that this is not realistic, but it's still how I feel on a certain level.

The other thing that I struggle with is a real fear of success. Any time things start going well I seem to sabatage myself. While I might look lazy compared to my siblings, in fact I'm really struggling and trying to achieve success too. I'm a hard worker, but somehow I never quite found a career or path that works for me.