i've recently found out that my husband is depressed and has been since his father died 1 year ago. he told me he feels numb and is not happy. at first i took it personally, but after a good cry i was fine - we found a therapist and i've been supportive. things seemed to be better & then i realized he had been talking and text messaging a female co-worker from out of town. i confronted him about it a week ago and he told me it was just work stuff, etc.. but i found it hard to believe after looking over the cell phone bill.
anyway - he came home from a out of town yesterday and i confronted him again bc now i'm actually going online to see the phone action.
he admits they are friends, he enjoys talking to her & there is a mutual attraction. he apologized for not being honest & told me he would never cheat on me. he doesn't know why he enjoys her company, he just does. this hurts me a great deal - there were over 300 text messages going back and forth btw them in 10 days in addition to 4 hours of phone time in the same 10 days. my phone time with him doesn't even compare.

we both spent the evening crying off and on and trying to support each other, apologizing and being confused & lost.
as of 11a he hasn't contacted his new friend.

what i'm getting at is ---- is this normal behavior for someone that is depressed? to be drawn to someone new?

jat

Not for sure but I know my daughter talks to "friends" of friends. I spoke with her counselor about this and she said she may feel better talking with people she doesn't personally know. That people can talk more openly and freely if they really don't know the other person aside from conversations. I kind of understand that but am still concerned about who she talks with. Really question her alot which opens up more problems sometimes.
At least he admitted it when you asked. That's a start. I know I would start to wonder what was really going on but hope I'd trust my husband enough.
Maybe she helps him with his depression. Possibly she's gone thru the same thing. Keep a watch on things, but don't smother him. That could make things worse. Good luck!

i've recently found out that my husband is depressed and has been since his father died 1 year ago. he told me he feels numb and is not happy. at first i took it personally, but after a good cry i was fine - we found a therapist and i've been supportive. things seemed to be better & then i realized he had been talking and text messaging a female co-worker from out of town. i confronted him about it a week ago and he told me it was just work stuff, etc.. but i found it hard to believe after looking over the cell phone bill.
anyway - he came home from a out of town yesterday and i confronted him again bc now i'm actually going online to see the phone action.
he admits they are friends, he enjoys talking to her & there is a mutual attraction. he apologized for not being honest & told me he would never cheat on me. he doesn't know why he enjoys her company, he just does. this hurts me a great deal - there were over 300 text messages going back and forth btw them in 10 days in addition to 4 hours of phone time in the same 10 days. my phone time with him doesn't even compare.

we both spent the evening crying off and on and trying to support each other, apologizing and being confused & lost.
as of 11a he hasn't contacted his new friend.

what i'm getting at is ---- is this normal behavior for someone that is depressed? to be drawn to someone new?

jat


Can it be mid-life crisis? It's NOT depression!!! Confusion maybe?

Not for sure but I know my daughter talks to "friends" of friends. I spoke with her counselor about this and she said she may feel better talking with people she doesn't personally know. That people can talk more openly and freely if they really don't know the other person aside from conversations. I kind of understand that but am still concerned about who she talks with. Really question her alot which opens up more problems sometimes.
At least he admitted it when you asked. That's a start. I know I would start to wonder what was really going on but hope I'd trust my husband enough.
Maybe she helps him with his depression. Possibly she's gone thru the same thing. Keep a watch on things, but don't smother him. That could make things worse. Good luck!

Not for sure but I know my daughter talks to "friends" of friends. I spoke with her counselor about this and she said she may feel better talking with people she doesn't personally know. That people can talk more openly and freely if they really don't know the other person aside from conversations. I kind of understand that but am still concerned about who she talks with. Really question her alot which opens up more problems sometimes.
At least he admitted it when you asked. That's a start. I know I would start to wonder what was really going on but hope I'd trust my husband enough.
Maybe she helps him with his depression. Possibly she's gone thru the same thing. Keep a watch on things, but don't smother him. That could make things worse. Good luck!

Thanks CaringMom. My husband and I have moved forward since my original post - our communication has opened up 100%. He's told me that he is not continuing this friendship with this co-worker and I believe him. We have an agreement that if they do need to speak for work purposes he will tell me instead of me finding out by looking at cell phone activity. I do trust him, I know he's been having a very hard time the last few months and I have already forgiven him for what I felt was a betrayal. My focus now is to get him over this depression he's been going thru from his fathers death.

Can it be mid-life crisis? It's NOT depression!!! Confusion maybe?

Christina - He's only 34, so I don't think it's a mid-life crisis. You don't think it could have been the need for something/someone new and exciting after being depressed for so long?

MY HUSBAND IS ALSO DEPRESSED AND I ALSO DISCOVERED A TXT MESSAGE TO ANOTHER WOMAN, A FRIEND AND WORK COLLEGUE OF MINE.LUCKILY THIS WAS THE FIRST MESSAGE AND NOTHING CAME OF IT.NOT SURE WHAT HE THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN OR WANTED TO HAPPEN HE SAYS HE DOESNT KNOW.I FEEL HE WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING/SOMEONE TO MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.HE IS ON MEDS AND WE ARE GOING TO COUNCELLING TOGETHER AND INDIVIDUALLY.i feel there is no quick fix and you have to be prepared to put your own needs aside and concentrate on helping them get better.Believe me this can be very hard to do.best of luck, keep in contact.ps my husband is 39.