Hi. Been having ups and downs again. psychatrist wanted me to try melatonin for sleep but i dont think its helping much. so took an ambian cr tonight. its starting to kick in.

when i dont sleep i get tired and more depressed. something about chemical in the brain get mixed up when you dont' sleep or something like that.

well, if its not one thing its another. i try and try my best at what i do and it just never seems good enough.:blob_fire i'm struggling with finances right now. i could use a better paying job but i like my job i have now. i'm just not making much money at it. so i need to do something. its just i get to thinking about what i should do and it doesn' matter what i do its NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. nothing i do ever seems good enough. so i dont' know. i was crying earlier just cause i'm overwhelmed i guess. had to take my dog to the vet 2x this week. first time he was sneezing for a couple weeks and the other day he sneezing blood so that can't be good. vet gave me anti biotics to give him. now today i took him cause he is limping and won't use his hind leg at home. left him at the vet and do ya think he could limp for them....NO...course not. anyway had to charge it and i dont like useing my charge cards. i'm trying to get it paid off not keep adding to it. but ranger is my baby boy and he is worth it.

well, i dont know what or why i'm writing. cause i'm lonely i guess. tired and feel like whining i guess. i suppose that's wrong too. nothing i do seems right anymore. i'm not in counseling right now. can't afford it . it doesn't matter anyways.....what good does it do if i dont' like myself. and i dont'.
well, sorry for writing but this is a depression board right. well, if ya read this then thanks.....

Hi Mokie, sorry that you are struggling. You say that nothing you do is good enough. These are the facts that I gathered from your post - 1) you like your job, 2) you do not want to change your job, 3) your job does not provide enough money, 4) you are distressed about your dog's health and are probably worrying about another loss in your life, 5) you are not sleeping which makes you feel worse, 6) you do not like yourself, 7)you want to get back into counseling.

It seems that what you are doing is good enough but it isn't enough. You have to work with what you have. If your current plan isn't giving you the results that you need you have to keep trying to find a plan that will give you the results that you need. Getting upset that you can't get enough orange juice out of the orange that you have is counter-productive. Getting another orange is productive. Sounds like you easily get discouraged if you are not successful with one attempt at bettering your situation. When you try to improve your situation with one try and it doesn't work do you start telling yourself that you are a failure and you can't do anything? This is so untrue Mokie. What is going wrong here is that you give up after one try and get all upset. You can better your situation. You are more than capable. You just need to believe that you can do it. Were you told that you couldn't do anything right?

Can you get a second part-time job?

hey mokie,

i go through rough patches like this too. the good part about them is i know they'll pass, even the darkest, most aweful and discouraging ones will pass... plus, you have some real problems now with your dog--it's difficult to see an animal you love be hurt, i know!!!! i can't stand to see animals suffer either!! even the squirrels or birds on the streets....this past winter, with all those cold days freezing nights out there, i actually thought about them, can you believe it? i probably sound like a nut, but it's true. so, on my way to work in the morning, and coming back home in the afternoon, i carried bags of stale bread and bags of peanuts with me, just for giving it to the birds and the squirrels, because i felt so sorry for the poor things....

i really hope your baby (ranger) will be ok!!! :angel: in fact, i'm sure he will!!! and i think you'll be ok too! it's one of those phases that we go through. i, too, know them so well, mokie!

take care of yourself!!!!

sannah... you must be a psychologist or something..that is what i do. i get discouraged so easily that i give up and feel like a failure. i dont' have much if any self confidence. i was never encouraged growing up so feel like i can't accomplish anything. i'm not trying to live in the past its just how i was raised....no encouragement and now its effecting me big time and i'm having a hard time in life.

i'm thinking about a part time job or maybe just find another job that pays better. i dont know. :confused: i'm tired alot so get down easily.

well, anyway...thanks for replies.

i get discouraged so easily that i give up and feel like a failure.

i dont' have much if any self confidence.

i was never encouraged growing up so feel like i can't accomplish anything.

i'm not trying to live in the past its just how i was raised....no encouragement and now its effecting me big time and i'm having a hard time in life.



Dearest Mokie, no, I am not a psychologist, I've just been fine-tuning my people skills for years, thanks.

I believe you, you are not stuck in the past. Your past has just affected your personality. You can change it, though! You do not have to stay like this. When you hear those voices telling you that you are a failure - DO NOT LISTEN! Mokie, you are not a failure! You have just stopped trying too early everytime so that you cannot see that you can be a success!