Hi Everyone,

Well another bad day in the life of IF. I went to have b/w and u/s at 9am this morning b/c AF showed up. NP advised me not to call just go right in on CD1 b/c of what happened last cycle. Well that is what I did and when I got there I was told she is off for the next 2 days and there is no-one at that office to do my u/s. So DH and I had to leave work for the day and drive the 2 hours to B'ham to have b/w and u/s :rolleyes:. When they did u/s I was so excited b/c I had 7 follies, the most ever!! So I was thrilled!! I had no cycts and we were discussing my IVF cycle and the calender with BCP, Lupron shots, and Stims and I was feeling so excited about this cycle. Well as we got to the end my b/w came back with FSH at 21 :mad:. Too high to be an IVF or even an IUI candidate this month. :( :( All I could do is break down and cry at the office and all the 2 hour drive back home. It took our whole day and loose a day at work just to get this crappy news. We got back home at 4:30 and I just now got myself enough together to write you all. I am so completly and utterly over all of this. I just can't believe this. I wonder if I will even have a chance to get to IVF. How much more do we have to take. This is just unbearable!!! It's like DH and I are cursed or something! Anyway I really am not up to writing much or reading too many post and responding so sorrry about that. Mapia I did see one post from you sayng you were worried, thanks so much for caring. My computer still does not have internet at work so I could not log on this am. I have some questions to ask everyone but this post is getting long so I will write it in another.

Thanks for letting me vent.

kathy

Oh Kathy, I am so sorry that this is happening again!!!!! I just can't believe it. My heart is broke for you and DH. It is so unfair. I just don't understand why you can't get a break????? I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but I know that there is nothing. Sweetie, I am so sorry again. We are all hear for you and you lean on us and let it all out whenever you need to!!!!! Please keep us posted.
Big Hugs....
cmarie

Deluka I am so sorry sweetie.I knew something was not right with u today.I had this heavy feeling in my heart all day and now I know why.I dont understand why u cant catch a break.Life is so rough on us sometimes.I am not even going to try and say it will get better cause we all know the only way this could get better is if we are holding our baby 9 months from now.I dont know much about fsh.I did want to ask how u have 7 follies on cd1.That seemed a little weird to me I dident understand that sorry I am a little slow.BTW u can write as much as u want and ask us whatever u want.Take ur time we will be here for u I hope u know how much we love u sweetie.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kathy,

I am SO sorry to hear your news. It just crushed me, reading it. I can't imagine how you must feel. Wish I could do something to make it better...Really, it has to get better for you... you are in my prayers! (((HUGS)))

As far as the FSH- mine at the highest was 11.8 and that was with cysts (really, is there ever a time when I don't have them??). I was on BCP to get rid of them, and result was a high FSH. I am not sure if there is any correlation, but that was what happened for me.

I know you don't feel like responding, reading, etc. Take your time and just know that we are all here for you!

Laurie

I'm so sorry to hear this news and how disappointing this must be for you. I must say I'm baffled how one could have so many budding eggs and such a high FSH together at the same time, since I thought FSH gauged how many eggs you would have (among other things). 7 buds at the very beginning is more than I had at the beginning of my successful cycle. If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend you get it.. it's called "Inconceivable", written by Julia Indichovia (I may have the spelling wrong).. it's the story of a 42 yr old with an FSH of 42, who got pregnant naturally a year or so later. FSH levels can run up and down, and they can be brought down through certain means they say.. more details are covered in the book. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through right now, but don't give up.

Thank you all for your responses. I am still feeling pretty emotional but appreciate all your support.

Cmarie- thank you. It is still hard to believe but I have no choice but to deal with it. I just hope I will get a chance with IVF. I won't do it if I can't get better results and at some point we have to decide when enough is enough.

Mapia- like the good friend you are you knew something was up. As you can imagine this has been a very hard day. As for my 7 follies, that is one of my problems I have to go on CD1 b/c my follies grow really fast by CD3 they are sometimes too big and it's too late to start injections. That is mostly why last cycle was XL.

Laurie- My RE has said in the past that there is no correlation with BCP and high FSH but now that you said the same thing happened to you I really do wonder if some of us react that way. I just find it so strange that the only 2x it was high was when on BCP. It is something I will def address when he get's back from vacation.

Twinmommy- I am just as baffled as you are as DH and I thought exactly what you did. The worst part is my RE was not there to review so some other RE looked at the results of u/s and FSH and I just don't know if mine would have questioned it more. In retrospect I feel as if I should insisted on having done the b/w again. I did ask the nurse if we did b/w on CD3, in lieu of CD1, can I get a better FSH and she said no. So who really knows. She said even though I had 7 follies, she thought that they were not of good quality so even an IUI is out of the question, so I won't even TTC on my own for fear of miscarriage if my eggs are not good this month. The most confusing thing is my inhibn B test was really good, so why is my darn FSH so high!!!! So confusing and frustrating!! UGH!!!! I did hear about that book and have been meaning to get it maybe I iwll tomorrow! Thanks!

Well thank you all again. DH and I are not going to work tomorrow as we are both wiped and need a day after all this crap!

kathy

Deluka I am so sorry I just cant tell u how much I wish I were there to give a hugh hug.Maybe the day off will do u some good try to keep busy have a good day with DH.By the way I wouldent fear about ttc on ur own.If the big guy up there wants u to have a baby it doesnt matter what the doctors say.No one has real proof about the quality of ur eggs.I dont know just my theory the doctors have known to be wrong so many times.They arent wrong according to the results they have in front of them its just if the big guy wants it, then thats it whatever he says goes.Of course u do what u feel is right and what u feel deep down.Anyway sweetie just know u are in my thoughts and prayers.I have been thinking about u all day and even more this evening when I read what happened to u.I just pray god will give u ur little miracle soon.Take care sweetie and we will be here when u are ready to talk to us.

Love ya,

Mapia:angel:

Oh no Kathy, I am so very sorry hun. You really just can't catch a break here... all was sounding so good and then the darn FSH :mad: . Well I want you to know that I am thinking of you and I really wish there was something more that I could do. For now, I'm just sending you some cyber (((hugs))) and love. Take care of yourself and I'll hold out hope for you that somehow this cycle can be saved. -Kari

Deluka my heart really goes out to you..I wish I could offer more support or advice but I haven't been where you are and I can only imagine how much you're hurting..I'll keep you and DH in my prayers.
Ronelle

Oh Deluka

I am so sorry . . . i wish there s something i could do to make you feel better. . . so i am praying for you. I know how annoying it is to have setbacks. . . i am going though one right now.
However i am sure that our determination will be paid off. Just don t give up. We are all here for you.

AMy

I am so sorry you have to go through this, all I can offer is support and understanding of what is going on with you. Best wishes.

Mariella

Oh Kathy, hun, I am so so sorry. I didn't get to log on yesterday and I apologize that I wasn't there to help support you.

I know there is nothing I can say to take all this hurt and frustration away but know that I am thinking of you and DH. Taking the day off today to be together is a good idea. I hope you are able to comfort each other a little and find some peace together. Sending you lots and lots of love and (((hugs))).

Lori

Hi Kathy,

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today and hope that your heart is a ittle less heavy every day! You stay strong and don't let go of your hope...sometimes that's all we have:angel:
Love you,
cmarie

Kathy, I am so sorry to hear your news! What a disappointing day you and DH had yesterday. I don't understand what is going on with that FSH level. I wish you had caught a break this cycle! I am so so sorry you have to sit another cycle out. You and DH are in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't give up. You will be a mommy some day. We are all here to help you cope until that day comes. HUGE HUGS comin your way.

Holly

Thanks all for all your responses. I did not sleep well just re-hashing all of this and doing the why me pity party. I just woke up and came on the board and all your responses mean a lot to me. Without you guys I just don't know how I would get through. I still feel very emotional and tearing up as I write this. I am sure AF is not helping with that. DH and I spoke with his dad in Argentina for about an hour and he was really supportive, we also talked to my mom and she just cried with me. Tha part that hurts so much is that both our parents are keep bringing up adoption. So I just am starting to feel the realization of this being a real possibility. Ofcourse I would, it just hurts to think that I am close to the end of the road and soon maybe time to stop. I will try for a few more months to be an IVF canidate but I eventually I need to focus on other things. This has taken over our life and I just want something to go right. Anyway, I have not read anybody's post about their issues and I'm sorry about that. I will try to read up later. I prefer to respond to your threads when I feel a bit more positive and less down. Thanks so much for being here for me and allowing me to vent.

I'll check with you guys later.

Kathy

Deluka sweetie it just kills me to hear u so down.I can understand why u are though and I cant say I know how u feel.I do know how I felt on Saturday though and let me tell u I have never felt like that before.I can imagine u feel like I did on Saturday.There is nothing we can say or do to make it better I know.I dident want to hear anything from anybody on Sat.Poor DH went to the basement and stayed there cause I dident even want to see him.This just needs time.I remember u got a high FSH reading 1 other month as well.Dident it go back to normal the next month though?Maybe that will happen again.Also the book Twinmom told u to get I got it and it is a good book.I havent read it all but I have read at least half of it.I just have been so busy I havent been able to read much lately.Just try and have a nice day with DH taking the day off was a great idea.Well sweetie we will be here wating to hear from you later.Take care.

Love ya,

Mapia

Kathy, you take as much time as you need and don't worry about keeping up with our other posts. You got some tough news yesterday, and you need to take care of you and DH. We will be here when you are ready to talk. Hang in there sweetie. I know it is going to work out for you. I really hope it will be soon.

Holly

Kathy, Don't worry about all of us. We will take care of each other while you're gone. Just take care of yourself and DH right now and do what you need to do to get through it. We will always be here when you feel up to talking. (((hugs))

Lori

Deluka I am thinking about u I just wanted u to know that sweetie.I cant get u off my mind.I hope u had a decent day with DH.I know it was probably hard to do anything but I still hope u got out a little.

Mapia

Hello Kathy
I am so very sorry for you. I wish I could give you a big hug. I don't know what to say, but want you to know I am thinking of you and of course keeping you in my prayers.

Take care honey.

Ruby

Hi All,

Thanks again for all your responses. I don't really know why I am so particularly down this time but I guess it is just the fear IVF won't happen for me. Cmarie, Ruby, Lori, Holly and Mapia thanks so much for thinking of me throughout the day and for all the other previous posts too. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow either. DH told me that maybe I should just quit and go back to FL for a week or two to see if that will help. But I don't know, my problems will still be here when I get back and then I won't have a job. I hope you are all doing ok. Mapia- I def must be feeling what you were feeling on Sat. I just can't seem to get out of it this time. I layed in bed all day and I am about to go back to bed again. Just feel really depressed and discouraged. Anyway, I don't want to drag out this thread with my sob story so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I can catch up on your posts. If I do go to work my interenet may still be down so I may not be able to get on :( just one more thing to add to my frustrations! Anyway bye for now. Thanks again all you guys.

luv,

kathy

hi Deluka, I just want to encourage you.. I know how you feel as I've been there myself..I had so many issues at one time it really looked like I'd never have a child, and time wasn't on my side either. I know this is a difficult time for you but if you want a child please don't throw in the towel yet. Sometimes things happen for a reason, maybe to teach us things, but hope and persistent can pay off with such wonderful rewards. You take the time you need now but when you feel better you get back up and get back in the saddle. Look at other approaches.. get 'inconceivable' for example, or 'the infertility cure', ..listen, learn, apply, and believe!!! I still say with 7 buds on CD3 there's a lot of hope for you. If Julia Indichovia (and countless others) conceived naturally with just ONE egg and a mugh higher FSH than you then surely you've got a good egg in that bunch. And it's a BUNCH! My successful cycle I only had I think 4-5 buds on CD3, and ended up with 13 retrieved! (a couple were atrophied out of that group but still). I prayed so hard, and I think I almost WILLED them to grow.. I visualized them popping up and growing every day. Believe it will happen for you and please don't give up.

Hi Kathy,

I just hope there is something we could do to help you. I'm so sorry you are going through a rough ride. I pray that everything will work out for you in whatever path you will be taking in your next chapter of journey.

Lots of hug.

Deluka sweetie I hate to see u like this but I know it takes time.I dont think u should quit ur job cause ur right being jobless is no fun either sometimes at least this way u get out of the house.I dident work for so long and now I am glad I am getting out of the house.Maybe u can take another vacation and go to FL and just relax and be around family.I dont know u know whats best for u.I just hope u can get out of this soon.U are such a great person and u just have to keep the faith I know its hard.You are an amazing women and just from these boards I feel like I know u personaly and I swear to u I have been so upset for u all day.I miss u sweetie and I cant wait until u are feeling better.

Love ya,

Mapia

Kathy-

In my infinite wisdom (haha)...I can tell you there have been SO many times where I just wanted to say screw it...and give up (just look at how I was earlier this month, thank goodness, you missed that moment :D ...). However, something has made me perservere. I am not sure if it is sheer determination or craziness, but if I don't give up after 14 years, there has to be a reason. I know somewhere out there is that elusive 2nd pink line on the HPT. For us, it feels like a species near extinction, but I know our patience will pay off...it just has to. Everything happens for a reason, and one day, it will all make sense. In the meantime, lets ALL trudge through this together until WE finally get that BFP we have all been dreaming about. Remember, we're here for you! We all share each others frustrations and dissappointments along with happiness and celebrations. It never gets any easier, only more tolerable with someone to share it with that truly understands where you are coming from.

Luv,

Laurie

My new quote... "I see a sign that says - CAUTION, Small Children Playing- so I slow down. Then, it occurs to me.... I'M NOT AFRAID OF SMALL CHILDREN" :D

Well said Laurie, I totally share your sentiments and couldn't have said it better!

I'm thinking of you tonight Kathy and hope you are OK. I know you're feeling discouraged but please don't give up. You are a wonderful person (I truly mean that) and there is just no way God will deprive a child of having you as a mummy. Good things take time but it will happen. I promise to give St Gerard a bit of a shake up for you!

Take care sweetie.

Ruby

Deluka

I am so sorry that you are going through all this. I can t say that i know what you re going through because we all have different problems and we all deal with them in a different manner. However we are all united with the same goal in mind. So even though we can t really know how you are feeling .. . .remember you are not alone.
I am sure there will be light at the end of your tunnel. Just don t give up.
Praying for you. Hugs

Amy

Good morning Kathy!

Honey I am so sorry that you are so down, I wish I could do something to help! It is totally normal to feel the way you are right now, you had a huge disappointment come your way, so don't beat yourself up about being upset! IF is not easy, especially when you keep getting setbacks, believe me, I know...it is not easy to always keep picking yourself up and putting on a happy face. You need to take all the time that you need and just be good to yourself. Maybe you can go have a spa day or something special like that, you deserve it!!!! I do believe that you will be able to do IVF, you just have to hang in there. Please do not lose the hope, that is all we have through this IF journey! Right now you are sad and can't see past what has been thrown your way, so we will all be your positive shoulder to cry on and we will all pray for you and your chance to dance with IVF!!!:angel: :angel: :angel: You take however long you need, and we are always here for you girlfriend!!!!
Lots of love,
cmarie

You guys are all so great. All your post brought me to tears. I got a massive migraine last night worse one in 10 years, I'm sure b/c of stress. I feel a bit loopy today from the medication. I still could not bare to go to work as I feel I will cry every minute. I am sure I will feel better soon. Thanks to you guys, DH and my family I know I will be ok. I guess I just had a bit of a break down and have to work through it. I'm going to try to make myself catch up on house work to see if that will help me get out of this funk. The two friends I recently made down here ( they don't know anything about my IF issues) invited me out for tomorrow so I guess god is making sure I get out of the house so I am sure I will be feeling better soon just got to work through it this time. You guys are my friends and my strength and I thank you so much for being so caring. It just brings me to tears to know how great you guys are. Thanks so much and I want to get out of this funk so I am not such a downer over here. I will have my sense of humor back if it kills me :)

Ok bye for now. I hope you all have a great day!

kathy

Hey Deluka sweetie I am glad to see u on a little.I am sorry u got a migraine but its no wonder.That is good that u are staying home today if u dont feel ready to go back to work dont force urself.So glad to hear u are going out tomorrow with the girls that will be nice.Well I wish that u feel better soon.We will be waiting with open arms for ur return.Take care sweetie.

Mapia

Hi kathy!

Remember me?
it's been a while since i've posted. I ended up in the hospital last weekend with a virus and just got back last night from burying DH's grandmother. I've also been spending lots of time running back and forth to the cardiologist trying to get this blood pressure thing straightened out. but enough about me.

I read your post today and just felt your frustration on the xl'd cycle. you know i know how you feel. i can't believe that high FSH level. what a letdown. i know you had your hopes up and i was so excited for you. especially after all that planning we did before you went on vacation to time the bcp with AF when you got back. i thought we had it all figured out. i wish i could say something to make you feel better but i know getting past the anger of finding out a cycle was cancelled takes time. it's been 2 months now since my last failed IUI and it feels like 2 years. but try to remember i am here for you. we all are. i feel your pain and frustration.

i am waiting for AF to come, now on cd31. then i call the RE and go in for an appt. maybe we'll end up cycling together. i should have been halfway done an IVF cycle by now but last month was just more setbacks for me. so here's hoping you and I and our crazy bodies can pull it together and move to IVF sometime soon. you are not alone!

Hi CBB..I am so sorry for the loss of your DH's grandmother and that you were in the hospital!!! That is so scary!!! I am so happy you are doing better. I really hope AF shows up soon so you can see where you are at with your new cycle. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you can start your new IVF cycle soon!

Hi Kathy!
I still have you in my prayers girlfriend and hope that you are feeling better soon! I can't believe you had such a bad migraine, it was definintely the stress!!!! Can you go have an accupuncture appointment to help combat all this stress a little and maybe help get you into a better place? Just a thought! I miss you and your "chipper" little self! I hate that you are in such a funk, this IF crap is so unfair. Well, girlie, we are all hear for you so keep us posted on how you are feeling alright!
love,
cmarie

Thanks cmarie. it has been a rough last couple of weeks but i am muddling through it. i made a decision this week that i am praying was the right one.....i have cut back to part time at my job, starting monday. i had a meltdown tuesday night and just told DH I can't keep up the pace anymore. i was about to lose it. all this rushing around constantly has made me a nervous wreck. and now that I am seeing a cardiologist for high blood pressure i know the stress isn't good for me. so of course DH is frantic that less hours means less money and we have quite a few bills each month. but i am going to try it out and see. i think it is best for me and if i want to have a baby i have to give IVF my best shot. but i am still scared.

now kathy where r u hiding? i know you are trying to get through this as best you can. it is so hard and it feels like sometimes no one knows how disappointed you really are. i am really hoping that by taking this month off by next month you'll be good to go. we're all hoping for you.

Deluka thinking of u and hoping u have a nice day with the girls:)

Mapia

I am thinking about u my girl.I really miss u but I know u need ur time.Is there anything I can do to make u laugh??????????Just name it and I will do it.I would do anything for my girl.Even if it meant getting thrown in jail if it will make u laugh I will do it:D .Well drop us a note and just let us know how u are feeling.Anyway take care sweetie.

Love Ya,

Mapia

Hey Kathy.

Just checking in to see if you have been around. I'll check back later.

Meanwhile I'll sit here twiddling my thumbs because AF is now 5 days late and I can't start my IVF cycle until she shows. lucky me. So I am here just sitting and waiting.

Hope you are doing a little better.

Hey Kathy

Thinking and praying for you.

CBB i am sorry Af s late and that this is delaying your start of IVF.

Amy

Hey Kathy, I've been thinking of you this weekend and sending lots of prayers your way. I hope you are feeling a little better after the weekend with DH. I know how difficult this must be. Just know we are here for you if you need us. (((hugs)))

Lori

Kathy sweetie, I miss you! Just wanted you to know somebody else out here in cyber world is thinking of you and hopes to hear from you soon. Hang in there. Your day will come! :angel:

Holly

Thanks Amy.

I have no idea what is holding her up. she is usually like clockwork every 28 days. now because i really need her to show she has gone into hiding. and what's most frustrating is that it is not like i am miraculously going to end up pg, if that was going to happen it would happened over the last 3 years of trying. so i know i am not pg, and i know she is lurking, and just trying to make me miserable. i know 6 days late is not a lot - i've seen some of the other posts where ladies have these crazy long cycles, but i feel like i am ready to jump into IVF and this is just bugging me. so i am trying to forget about it and be patient.


Still thinking about Kathy!

Hi Kathy, sweetie, it crushed me to read about how this canceled cycle has gotten you down. You are such an amazing support, and you know we all love you. There is no doubt in my mind you are going to be a mom one day and a fabulous one at that! Your frustration is understandable and it's ok to be in a funk... but please just know that we are all here for you and will give you the same support you've given to us when we've been down. Hope you are feeling better and enjoyed some time going out with your friends. (((hugs))) to you sweetie

CBB - I can relate to 6 days late feeling like an eternity... even when I've just been one or two days late after getting a BFN, I'm miserable waiting for the old bag to show!

Kathy sweetie I wish u would drop us a note I am so worried about u and thinking about u all the time no joke.I hate not having u around it makes me sad.Anyway I just hope u are better.Maybe u went away who knows I hope u did.

Mapia

Hi Guys,

Sorry I went MIA on you all. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. Today I finally went back to work. I was just way too down before to go and I really pushed myself to go today. I really appreciate all of you caring so much.

CBB- I know that you are in the waiting game too b/c that darn high blood pressure. I hope your doing better and can start soon. I am so behind on posts I don't know where anyone is at.

Mapia- thanks so much for continuing to check on me. I can always count on you :) I really didn't want to make you worry. I just took this really hard this time. I guess the realization that the end of the road is near just really got to me. I still am hoping to be ablr to have my own baby. Try really hard to be omptimistic right now.

Holly- same to you. I have no idea where your at in your cycle so I have a lot of reading to do.

Lori- I saw you had a post I will respond to you there. I hope your ok. Thanks for thinking of me.

Kari and Amy - thanks to you guys as well for keeping me in your thoughts.

If I missed anyone...thanks to you all as well. I hope you guys are all doing well.

kathy

Delukaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa my girl I am so glad to hear from u when I saw ur name on the board I got a hugh smile on my face.I am glad u got urself out of the house.I dont blame u for acting like u did but we are ture friends and we will be here for u no matter what.So u can always count on us my girl.I cant imagine what u are going through so I wont say I know how u feel.I can only be here for u.Well sweetie hopefully things will work out in the end and I will pray extra hard for u.

Love ya,

Mapia:)

Thanks Mapia, You truly are a great friend. Man I wish you lived closer so we can grab a coffee and just chat. I know you and your jokes would gt me completly out of this funk. I guess I just have to wait and see what happens. My Re talked to me for more than an hour yesterday, he is so nice and caring. He told me worst case scenerio I can use donor eggs but I don't even want to think about that yet. I am hoping a still have a few good one's left especially since my inhbin b test was so good. So for now I am just going to PRAY so an extra you can send my way I will take. I am gtting that book inconcievable tonight my RE told me about this DVD about postive thinking from Oparah he said he does not usually recommend this stuff but it is good to keep positive thoughts. I have it written down at home. I will send it to you later in case your interested in inquiring about it.

Thanks again Mapia. Sending you big cyber hugs and I am praying for you on your 2ww!!! You desearve it girl!!!!

luv ya

kathy

I'm so glad you came back to us Kathy!! We were all so worried about you. Keep the faith sweetie. I'm confident it will all work out in the end.

Holly

Thanks Holly, I REALLY hope your right. If only we could fast forward to the good part in life again. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you this cycle. I'll be looking to you for advise next cycle so be ready!!!

kathy

Hey Kathy! I am so glad you have come back to us!
Believe me, I know what it's like to need some time to just deal with the bad things and sometimes you just don't feel like posting. I was quite angry when my cycle was cancelled again and when I am angry it is best I stay away from people until I cool down :) The disappointment can be devastating with IF, so don't feel bad about any of the feelings you were feeling. anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. I agree with you to not give up yet on your own eggs. there's still time to get this right. what is the next step for you? is it blood work again at a certain point in the cycle? do you wait for AF to come? I will pray for you that your RE can get this figured out so you can proceed. I'm just so happy you're back!

Yay!! Kathy, I'm so happy that you are back :) I missed you but totally understand you needed to what you did to get through it. I can imagine how hard this last week must have been. No matter what we are all here for you, that's the great thing about this board, it's the best support in the world! I'm praying hard for you that you will be able to move forward with IVF soon. Sending lots of love, (((hugs))), and positive thoughts your way!

Lori

Deluka so glad to hear from u.I know u were to upset to come on and I understand u just needed some alone time.The book is a great idea I got it read more then half but havent had time lately to read it at all.Plus now that my aunt is here I wont be able to read at all.Thanks so much for ur kind words about me getting a BFP.I am not going to get my hopes up but its ok cause now I know we will move back to greece and it is seeming real to me that we will leave its only a matter of time.Before it dident seem real that I would leave I guess cause my mom wont let go.Since my aunt came yesturday we had a good talk this morning and another friend of my mothers told her u have to let her live and mot make her feel guilty about leaving.She has to find peace so she can live her life with DH and so she can get pregnant.So my mom is better about it well at least she is saying just go I know u want to leave.Anyway it was a good talk.

About the donor egg I dont blame u and of course I would do the same as u I would not throw the towel in that easy until I just felt like I really had no choice.Things change and so can hormones.You know I pray for u.You dont know how much I wish we lived near eachother I would have come to ur house and just made u laugh saying stupid things.If u dident laugh then I would just have to make u.:D

You keep ur head up high and I want to see the Kathy I knew back.She is strong and ready for a fight.Its the Dominican blood in her.

Love ya,

Mapia

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much.

CBB- I know your right there with me. I just hope I can get a good shot at IVF but we will have to see. I have to wait until next cycle, meaning for AF to show up and then do CD3 b/w and u/s to determine if one, my FSH is ok and two, that I have at least 3-4 eggs to start with. I can not do IVF w/o those two being ok. I also have this calcified little mass (you know that wierd thing they didnt know what it was) on my uterus. RE did not seemconcerned but I have to have an abdominal u/s just in case. Worse case scenerio I will need to have a lap to remove it.

Lori- Thanks so much! Your a sweet heart! Especially when you yourself are having a bad day, it as sweet of you to think of me. I'll take all you guys can throw at me to get a chance to have a successful IVF cycle!!

Mapia- So glad to hear your aunt has arrived I know you were excited about her coming for easter. What a feast your going to have I'm sure. I am so glad to hear your mom seems more supportive. I think she will understand but she is a mom and will always want you near her just like we will when we have babies and have to let them go out into the world w/o us. I know your trying to stay busy this 2ww and not focus on it. I think it's the best way to be.

Have a great night everyone!!!

kathy

KATHY!!!!!

Wow! Thought you had abandoned ship on us! I am so glad you are still "in the game". :D

I will keep you in my prayers...that FSH WILL come down & you will have those follicles!!! I just know it is your time!!!

Keep us updated!

Laurie

Kathy

I am so glad you are back. This must be a difficult time for you. I ve learnt these past few days that sitting cycles out is terrible coz there s less to keep you going. However i am sure that things will get better.I am praying that you ll find the strenght to help you fight IF and to achieve your BFP. Don t give up sweetie.And remember you are not alone.

TAke care

Amy

Hi Laurie and Amy,

Your guys are so sweet!! Thank you for thinking of me I am doing much better, especially today. I feel more like myself again.

Laurie my girl I hope your right about my FSH I am going to have real positive thoughts to try to trick my FSH into going down to normal!!! Where are you at in your cycle??? I know you got AF?? What was next for you??? I bet your on spring break you lucky thing!!! :) how are your little school monsters doing??

Amy- your so right. After sitting out some cycles it really drains you. The most scary part and the reason why I got so down was b/c if things don't get better with FSH that's it no IVF for me. So that scares me to death!! But like I said to Laurie I am going to think positive thoughts and do lot's of praying!!! Your in the 2ww right??? I hope you get some good news my friend!!! It would make me so happy for you!!! I know from you other post you are in a rough patch yourself. I hope that puppy helps bring you a little more happiness during all this rough time!!

Thanks again you guys!!! As always it really feels good to come hear and read all your thoughtful and caring posts!! :)

kathy

Deluka my girl you just dont know how happy I am to see u back here.Let me tell u it was boring around here without u.I guess u tend to get people here and talking.Sorry I am not on as much but u know just enjoying my aunt we have our morning coffee together and talk.Its good to finally have someone to drink my morning coffee with.I will be mostly on when I am at work and mostly late nights.

Well I am glad u are not throwing in the towel.Thats what I want to see u fighting.So what is the next step now?

Mapia

Hey Mapia!!

I was wondering where my girlie pal was!! The board keeps going down. I was trying to write you a post to see where you were. Thanks so much for being so caring. That is sweet of you to say that I get the board going but I can not take all that credit :) I'm glad too that I feel better. I was reallly feeling like cow poo, then fertlizer, now I am at the grass stage and I am sure I will be a flower in no time. LOL!! I'm such a cheeseball!! LOL!!

Anywhoo, that is so nice that you have some-one to chat and have coffee with. Your aunt sounds really cool! Don't worry about not being on so much, enjoy your aunt.

Right now I am just not doing much of anything. I have to have an abdominal ultrasound for a little mass I have on my uterus but RE does not think it's a real issue. Then I have to have that thing where the measure your uterus for IVF so that will be probably next week or so. Then just waiting to AF to show and praying that this time it will be better. Monday is DH and I's wedding anniversary so we were thinking of going to Nashville for a night. It is only 1.5 hours away from us. So that should be fun. It's great to see that you have your aunt there to keep your mind busy during the 2ww. I miss you though so when your at work make sure you make yourself seen over here!! :)

luv ya!
kathy

You better believe I will be seen when I am at work.I dont know why since I got to work I got a slight headache and I am so tired and I dont know why I slept plenty.Yeah I am so glad aunt is here she is so reasonable and I love talking to her.So today I will go to church and tomorrow and Saturday night.I will light a candle for u.Glad to hear u have a plan for this cycle I will pray all goes well and u can move forward.

Happy anniversary and ur little trip away will be nice.I am glad u will go away even for a night.

Mapia

Hey kathy!
how are ya?

Just an idea to kind of get you through this next month until AF comes....what I have been doing for the last 2 months is scheduling one procedure/test/appt each week. this way each week i have something to look forward to that is making progress. so i did b/w one week, mock transfer one week, xrays one week, echo one week, etc. it kind of made the time go faster for me rather than do it all at one time and then have to sit idle for weeks at a time. i know it sounds like micromanaging, but i always feel like each time i check something off the list I am one step closer to IVF. and you will be too after your u/s and mock transfer. so i guess you'll start your IVF cycle in May? I just know your FSH will go down. is there anything that can affect its levels?
what protocol for IVF did you discuss with your doctor?
i think it is great that you are going away for your anniversary! good idea!

Hi Kathy,

I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary. I hope you and DH have a great trip!

Lori

Hi Guys,

The system went down again and then I got busy at work.

Mapia- thanks so much for lighting a candle for me I really appreciate. You were not kidding when you said easter was important for greeks. Wow your going to church for 3 days straight I am def asking for your prayers then. :)

CBB- Hey girl!! You always have the BEST IDEAS!! Thank you!!! I will def do that with my appointments. I am still not IVF savy on the terms but I guess my protocol is to have the u/s to measure my uterus, not sure when I am to do mock transfer.. is that the u/s of the uterus where the measure the size?? Then I should be scheduling that next week. Is there anything else I should be scheduling?? Hopefully I will be doing IVF in May and that would be right there with you and Lori!!!! I just hope it will happen. Just need 3-4 eggs and a good FSH. Please gods of the eggs and the FSH let next month be a good one for me!! :)

Lori- thanks so much as you can see we may be IVF cycle buddies. I am excited but quietly excited don't want to get my hopes up too high as if I have bad FSH or not enough eggs we will convert back to IUI.

Ok ladies glad to see your all hanging in there. Have a great night!!

kathy

I would not have gone to church today but today is the day where they collect reefs of flowers to make Jesus his bed of rest.My mom thought it would be a good idea to buy a reef and take it to the church.I will not stay for the service just light my candles leave the reef and then go home.It is holy week and yes the greeks take it serious.Easter is a time of new beginings so I will pray we all get our new beginings with BFP's.Honestly I am not in much of a mood to get dressed and go I feel so tired for some reason this weather I guess.

Mapia

Hi Kathy.
The mock transfer is when they measure your uterus, particularly how deep it is, to see where the best place is for them to deposit your embryos on transfer day. when i scheduled mine they told me it had to be between cd5 and cd11. so I went on cd7. then shortly thereafter i started a course of antibiotics to make sure I was clean (DH had to take them too). the mock transfer took only a couple of minutes and was painless for me. i also at that time had the sonohysterogram and cervical cultures done. i was wondering if your RE said if you will be doing the bcp protocol or the luteal lupron protocol. i am doing the lupron protocol and start it on cd21 (4/23). will take the shots up until retrieval. i start Bravelle on 5/4. looking for retrieval the week of 5/14. holy cow! You, me and Lori will be the next round of IVF musketeers (ha ha like the 3 musketeers). and you thought you were a cheeseball!

Hi Mapia,

That sounds nice. Sorry you have a headache, I am sure it's the change in the weather. It was 80 here two days ago and this morning it was 35!!! Talk about sinus pressure!! More poor plants I hope they don't die after the just started spouting up!!

I hope you feel better soon. I know your not looking at pregnancy signs this month so I won't even go there. I like the idea that easter is a time for new beginnings. I will be thinking about that too when I go to mass.

Did you take anything for the headache?? Sometimes a cup of coffee makes mine go away. The caffiene I guess helps.

kathy

Well I feel better but I can only take tylenol at this point.Yeah I know caffine works.I have bad sinuses so maybe that was it who knows I dont get headaches often.Yeah no signs I am not a believer of signs anymore.Anyway after I ate lunch I felt better so maybe I just had to eat.So u will go to mass Saturday night?

The weather is wacked it was 80 here on Monday as well and today its like 47.I tell u its nuts and I am so upset that easter will be spent indoors.We always have easter outside.Ok I have to say it I wish I were in greece......lol.My aunt is funny she said oh america is nice pretty but what we have in greece the close ness with our neighbors and the warmth between people they just dont have it here.She said people wont come over for coffee like ur neighbor I said ah no.She said then I wouldent live here for a million bucks.

Mapia

CBB- some how I missed your post!! Glad I saw it this time though!!

Ha ha!! Cbb you crack me up!!! Well actually I forgot we are not going to do the BCP he told me on the phone the other day that I will have the nuvo ring?? Then I will do lupron shots as well and someting else..can't remember right now. I have my calender for IVF schedule but it was for this month. The nurse said it will be the same for next month just the dates will change. That is..if all goes well... As for the mock transfer I don't know why we did not do it yet then???? They said they were going to call me to schedule but I am past CD7 so I guess we will have to do it for this next cycle. So it looks like all went well for you so far. You must be so excited. Did the cardio give the the green light. How are you feeling about everything??

kathy

Well I feel better but I can only take tylenol at this point.Yeah I know caffine works.I have bad sinuses so maybe that was it who knows I dont get headaches often.Yeah no signs I am not a believer of signs anymore.Anyway after I ate lunch I felt better so maybe I just had to eat.So u will go to mass Saturday night?

The weather is wacked it was 80 here on Monday as well and today its like 47.I tell u its nuts and I am so upset that easter will be spent indoors.We always have easter outside.Ok I have to say it I wish I were in greece......lol.My aunt is funny she said oh america is nice pretty but what we have in greece the close ness with our neighbors and the warmth between people they just dont have it here.She said people wont come over for coffee like ur neighbor I said ah no.She said then I wouldent live here for a million bucks.

Mapia

I understand that you don't want to look at signs. Me niether!!! I will go to mass on Easter Sunday. That is when we usually go for easter. Your aunt is so right but here in the south people are warmer to their neighbors I have to admitt. I forgot to tell you we had a tornado warning on Tuesday at 11pm we heard the sirens and I ran to my all my neighbors that are next store and my elderly neighbors across the street and woke them up b/c we are the only ones that have a safe room and I wanted to make sure they heard the sirens. Luckily it was just windy and rainy and we did not get hit. But we were stuck in there for about 45 minutes. It was an adventure!! :) Well gotta run for now.. I have a guy coming to give me a quote to cut down some trees in our backyard. So I'll be back later.

adios (bye)
kathy

Oh wow u had the sirens go off on Tuesday that is crazy.Yes I agree people down south are warmer the farther u get north the worse they get.So u have a safe room that is cool.Did u guys have them put it in after u bought the house?So I dident understand did u and ur neighbors stay in ur safe room for 45mins?That was sweet of u to go wake them up.Lucky u are off I have another 25 mins.:mad: Well talk to ya later.

Mapia

Well it looks like your off line now and on your way home!! :) Yeah it was crazy I was so nervous. I am used to Hurricanes that at least give you several day warnings as opposed to minutes. DH and I built this house so when it was built we asked to have a safe room made under the porch. My dad would kill him if something happened to me in a tornado since DH is the one that dragged us here so at least he had to be sure we were safe. Yeah it's a nice size so all my neighbors we in there telling us about the tornado of 89' where a lot of people died. Just would I wanted to hear during a warning!!! Well I hope your headache is gone. Don't forget to light a candle for me at mass tonight!! Maybe god will listen to your prayers since I think he forgot about all of mine :)

kathy

He dident forget u god doesnt forget great people like u.Thats funny ur dad would kill DH.So does DH lock u in there when u are being a bad girl?????????:D BTW how can I see if u are on the boards I dont know that trick.

Mapia

Awhh your sweet!!!

ha ha!! DH wishes he can lock me in there sometimes I'm sure!! But my dad would kill him for that too!! LOL!!! They way I can see if your online is if that little green circle is on by your name it's on. If it's gray your are not one. Just learned tht the other day. Well I gotta go DH needs the computer to do H.W.!! Darnet. I never get to use the computer at night b/c he hogs it!! But he's my little piglet!! LOL! Bye for now!!!

kathy

Hey kathy.

I am not sure why your RE hasn't scheduled the mock transfer yet. maybe in the beginning of your next cycle? the nuva ring is birth control right? isn't that the thing they stick up there? i don't know much about it but a girl i work with was asking me about it and i said i have no idea how it works. if that is what it is will you let me know the particulars so I can tell her? thanks.
I am feeling good now. yes the cardio said my heart is healthy and strong. wahoo! i am on a beta-blocker med now. i go back for the follow up on 4/16 and then he should be able to give me a letter to bring to RE saying green light go! what a relief. i am very excited to be heading back to the RE too. i finally after over 2 months feel like i am getting back on track. it's been torture. i just hope and pray everything works out for me this time, so i can live my life again and start planning for my family. IVF here I come, guns blazin'! i am so glad i will have you girls with me going through this. because Lord knows I will be scared out of my mind come retrieval time. and since no one in my life knows (except my mom and one friend) i have no one to support me.
i hope these next few weeks fly by for you and that soon you'll be telling me about your IVF protocol and back to getting the oh-so-pleasant shots!

Hi Kathy!!! Glad to see you back on the board cause we were really missing you girl! I'm so glad your RE is working so well with you... I think that is great advice to inspire yourself with positive thinking - I could use a little of that more days than not myself! Seems that some days I am SO hopeful and positive and the next day I'm more discouraged than ever before - it's a crazy roller coaster isn't it?! Well I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts for your IVF cycle... I'll be praying for you all the way!!!

Well just got back from church and wanted to let u know I lite a candle for u.I also lite one for all the other girls.:)

Awwww arent u daddys little girl.My dad would tell DH to lock me up if I were mouthing off......lol.But I would kick down the door and beat him down:D Well my girl sweet dreams.Thanks for explaining the online thing to me.I always wondered what those little circles meant.:p

Mapia

Hi Guys,

CBB- Hey girl!! How are you today?? I am so excited for you that you are getting started!!! After two long months of waiting it's about darn time for you!! I hope 2 months of waiting will be IT for me too!!! As for the mock don't know what happened there either if I hadn't been so down last week I am sure I would have followed up but I didn't even want to talk to them. I left a message for the nurse to contact me about it all. She c/b and said she was going to talk to RE and see what is supposed be done next. I hope they didn't drop the ball b/c he was out of the office they may have forgotten about me!! As for the nuvo ring. So excited to have a plastic thingie in my whoo hoo for 8-16 days!! NOT!! It's this plastic ring thing and for IVF instead of taking the pill I will use that but it does the same as the pill in supressing you. That is all I know b/c at my last appt. I told them I didn't want that but RE said that is what he wants me on instead of BCP. So I will do it.

You know that I will be here for you on retrieval time!! I am so excited for you I can't stand it!!! :) The shots are unbelievable, I have like 4 a day!! yikes!!! But no pain no gain right!!!

Kari- I could not agree with you more it is such a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am any more. I want the happy go lucky me back!! Sometimes she comes back but I want the whole me back. I hope you start feeling better too. This is a rough road but you know what they say...what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and this won't kill us!! So I guess we are stronger than we think :). Hang tight my friend!!

Mapia- Thank you, thank you for lighting the candle for me!! I appreciate it so much. You are such a great person!! I just luv ya!!! :) How are you today?? What is the plan for Easter?? What do you guys cook that day??
BTW your right I am daddy's girl!!! Big time!!

kathy

Deluka u are so welcome sweetie.I always think of my girls u know that.U are the only friends I have I know its sad but at least I have u guys.I am doing ok just a bit down today cause this morning my dad came by to see my aunt and my mother riped into him as usuall she needs to get over the divorce its been 10 yrs.She really makes me mad sometimes and upset had me in tears.I just dont need this stress in my life right now.She sees what I go through month after month and she still does these things to me.My poor aunt went off on her as well.I just need to get out of here.DH is right there is no way I will get pregnant here with her upsetting me like that.Anyway sorry to blab on about my problems.But I have no one else I dident want to call DH and get him upset so I figure I tell u.

Well what we do for easter we roast a lamb on a fire a whole lamb.We make different sweets etc.Tonight we go to church and tomorrow night we go late cause we celebrate at midnight that jesus rose.I am just upset that the weather turned cold and we will have to spend it inside.Other then people watching the lamb cook everyone else will be inside.We have at least 30 people coming maybe more.What will u do?

Mapia

Oh Mapia,

That really stinks. Your mom can be tough to deal with huh. It sucks that she can not get along with your dad. I am sure that must really hurt you. Have you told her how it makes you feel when she acts like that with him? You know I am here for you, I want you to tell me when your upset. Blab away!!! You know I am a blabber!!! :) You have been there for me so many times. I just wish you didn't not have to deal with this on top of everything else. I think you and DH are rigth you will be more relaxed when you go back to greece. You will have your BFF and ofcourse you will still have us too!!! Soon you will be there again. I have been trying this thing to help me when I get down I try to think of a good memory I have of whatever..anytime that I recall was a very happy time and I push and push that thought in my mind and a lot of times the bad feeling start to lessen. Maybe you can try it.

Your easter dinner sound awesome!! You guys are going to have a great time!! Mine will be less than exciting. Since no family here we I was going to make an easter dinner and make Turkey with stuffing, potatoes and green bean casserole, and a dessert. But since I was down I really have not been taking care of the house and have a lot of catching up to do so to cook on Sunday on top of that will be too much. Our new friend, you know that dominican one I met, it's her DH's b-day Sunday and since they have no family here either them and another couple and DH and I are going out to dinner with them. We may go to mass tonight too not sure.

I hope you start feeling better.

kathy

Well ur plans sound good I am so glad u guys found a nice couple to hang out with.Even better that she is from the Dominican as well.Yeah I guess easter will be fun I just hate running around getting things ready and then washing dishes all day.Pots and pans I just wish we could for a change go to someone elses house to get served.I know it sounds bad but I am just not in the mood this year.

My mom knows how I feel about the whole thing she went about the whole divorce so wrong always bad mouthing my dad etc.She has so much hate in her its not even funny.I tell her to see a shrink and she tells me I am crazy I need to see one.I give up I have tried to help her over and over.My dad felt so bad for me today he said he will take me to greece with him.He is leaving next month.It just makes me sad that she has all this hate inside her I just dont know anymore.I do try and think of happy moments and all those moments were in greece.I have none here.I cant believe she does this to me thats because I deal with it but my brothers wont put up with it.I talk to her she doesnt understand I yell and cry still nothing so I give up not much more I can do. I have to look out for me and DH now and worry about me and what I am going through.All these months I never once cried in front of her only the day they told me they dident have the sperm and cycle would be XL.Thanks for listening.

Mapia

Oh Mapia,

That is awful. I wish your mother was more understanding and owuld let go of that hate. Hate is like poison and all you do in hurt yourself and those around you. I think your doing the right thing to be thinking of you and your future. You can't change they way your mom is but you can change they way you react to it. Once your back in Greece I just know it will be easier for you on so many levels. Just think of the anticipation of that.

As for easter dinner, that is something I do not miss at my house either. I think I told you my mom has 7 sisters and 5 brothers. So when we get together we have little tables that as a famil all bought for parties and holidays, all the sisters and neices do the cooking and cleaning, the guys roast a pork in the backyard, drink and play dominos. Then it's the endless dishes. My mother finally got a clue and got paper plates and plastic utensils so we don't have so many dishes. But it is always a mess anyway b/c a small party at my house is 75 people. On average we are about 120 or more. It's insane!! So I totally hear you I hate do dishes, that was always my job as a kid and ofcourse we did not have a dishwasher until the job was passed down to my sister lucky stiffer!!! Just try to enjoy and have fun. One day some of our aunts and uncles will be gone one day and all we will have left are memories of Easter Sundays and all the other Holidays we share with them.

Kathy

Yeah I know u are right but these people that come over are not relatives.We also get paper plates but still leaves the endless pots and pans and other stuff used to prepare.I hate that no one helps me not even my SIL it just annoys me thats all.When I am invited somewhere I always help at least offer.Anyway I will be fine.You are so right about hate u only hurt urself and those around u.She has diabetis cause of the divorce her health is not that good and for what?Do u think my dad will ruin his health I told her for u.I am going to concentrate on DH and me thats all.I guess if we get a bfn maybe we can concentrate on leaving sooner then later.I am just so confused cause I think I will have to put IF on hold for a few months for the move.Should I continue treatments insurance will cover 6 more IUI's.I just dont know.I am just to upset to think right now.She has gotten me so mad I dont even want to go to church with her.I know it will make her so mad if I dont go to church thats why I dont want to go now just to make her mad.

Mapia

I can see your predicament (sp?) I wouldn't make any decisions when you upset. It's better to feel less mad. Besides you still have time to decide what to do about the IUI's. As for the family not helping that is REALLY annoying when my SIL's calm they barely lift a finger especially the oldest one. Her husband seems to take care of their son more than she does!! It's crazy!! She sleeps in while he takes care of him on the morning. I guess I'm old school, I just could not imagine not waking my little baby up and feeding him I would love it. He's two years old she can help. Anyway getting off the subject here.

About not going to church, I don't know if not going will make it worse or better for you. I too sometimes just have to put my foot down with my mother so that she get's back to reality. Whatever you decide good luck. This was supposed to be a fun weekend for you!! :(

Dh and I are still debating whether to go away or not this weekend still don't have a hotel, just not motivated to look DH is right now so we may go on impulse at the last minute but I really rather stay home and clean the house.

I am leaving work in 20 mins!! Yippee!! Are you at work??

Ok hon I'm outta of here for now. I hope your ok. I will check on you later. Hey I have another post below but just wanted to let you know I am signing off for now. Cheer up ok!!! To make me go up there and eat lamb and puke all over the people that didn't help you at the party. I'll do it I sware!! :)

Yeah I am at work.Thanks for listening lucky u are leaving.Sorry I just got slammed at work.

Mapia

Please dont do that cause if u puke I will have to clean it up:p But u are more then welocme to come if u promise to behave.

Mapia

Hi ladies, this message is for deluka/kathy mostly:

My former boss was on the nuva ring, but I don't know for how long. She is in her mid-40's, and last year while on vacation in another country, she had a stroke. Long story short, her dr's eventually attributed it to the nuva ring. I'm not trying to freak anyone out, and I know everybody reacts to meds differently, but please look into the info on this b/c before you make any decisions about using this instead of bcp or any other forms. Most of us want to trust our dr's that everything they recommend is the right choice, but sometimes we need to speak up loud and clear with the info we know also. Sorry if this isn't the right place to speak up, but just wanted to alert you to possible problems with this form of b/c. It probably wouldn't even be a big problem for you because you would be using it short term, but just wanted to give you a head's up.

Christin

Thanks Christin I really appreciate the heads up I will be sure to look in to it. I wonder if your boss wasa a smoker b/c people who smoke increase their chances of heart attach on BCP and the nuva ring. I will def discuss this with RE and do my own research!! Thanks again!! :)

Mapia- my girl I promise to behave but when I get to Maryland I will get a loud spekaer and yell out Mapia!! Mapia!! Hopefully I will find you and can crash your party!! Will make your mom clean up the puke!! LOL! You know I'm kiidding. I was just thinking about you hoping your ok so I thought I would get on the board before I go to bed. Yes it's sad it's 9:30 over here on a Friday night and DH and I are going to bed!! We're such losers!! But it is so cold over here I don't want to do anything!!! Talk to you later!!

kathy

Its cold huh yeah well its cold here to.Well go to bed and cuddle wow 9:30 I dont recall going to bed that early since I was a kid.......lol.I am ok I dident end up going to church cause we are just not talking right now.Dh and I just went out for a little ride he is so upset that my mom keeps doing these things to me.Oh well what can u do and all I worry is about leaving her and I feel bad and I shouldent.My aunt is totally on my side telling me she will take us with her when she leaves.What can u do she my mom I am used to it well not really I just get so mad cause all I am going through and she does this stuff.Dont u worry if u ever come to MD u better believe we will find eachother no doubt about that.Well have a great night sweetie thanks for thinking of me.Now keep ur hands out of the covers not in the covers..............hahahaha:p .Its a little saying we say in greece.Sweet dreams sweetie.

Mapia

Hi Mapia,

Just checking on you today. Boy you must have been pretty mad at your mom if you didn't go to church with her. So if you don't mind my asking what happened. I know she got into with your dad but did you an her actually have a fight as well. My mom and I use to fight a lot when I was a teenager and she could say some really mean things but like you said she is your mom and their not perfect, their people too. I know you feel guilty about leaving but I know that in your gut you know what is the best thing for you to do. Once we are married our life is with our partner. Our parents will be gone one day and our kids will also be off on their own lives and the one person we will always be with is our spouses. So if that means you happiness is in Greece so be it. I am really sorry your having a hard time. I hope your having a better day today.

Would you believe we actually had snow flurries last night!!! It was and still is so cold I just can't believe it!! We went to bed so early I think it was the wine I had at dinner it made me really sleepy that with the cold weather. BRRHHH we slept with the fire place on so it was nice and cozy!!

Ok well I really do hope you and your mom are doing better today!!! I'll talk to you later!!!

kathy

Yeah I was pretty mad at her.She got into with me yes telling me I always take his side I said that is not true but he came here just to have some coffee and visit with my aunt.U started this hugh fight about him not giving us money and how his girlfriend has priority.She feels he should give us money to help with IF.He has given some but I dont think its right for me to ask him for money all the time.He has money yes he owns a very good piece of property here and makes a lot of money just from the rent.She does say some nasty things and not only to me she says mean things about me to DH and DH is so mad at her.Today she told DH I am a lier and I started the fight and DH said thats not true our aunt told me what happened and she said u started the fight.Also DH said to her I know my wife and she never lies so I dont think she would lie to me.She is not only driving me crazy she is driving him crazy as well.He is so upset that she treats us like that.The poor guy is so far from his family and he said other then u I have no family or friends to turn to.Anyway her whole issue is that my dad should give us money and she wines about that all the time and its hit my last nerve after 10 yrs.I totally dont need this stress in my life.Thanks for thinking of me.

Well it snowed here as well woke up this morning and say a little snow on the ground crazy I know.

Mapia