I feel so sick ..i cant seem to get my head around it...my husband of 44 years has just been diagnosed with stage 3b non small cell lung cancer...they cannt operate due to it being central to the lung and resting on blood vessels which could be fatal ,so they ae starting him on chemotherapy this wednesday..Gamcitabine and cisplatin...he has just had a pet scan and its not spread anywhere ...pheww...i keep wandering how long hes going to be here....he seems to be dealing with it fine ...but my head is messed up...and my 16 year old finding it tough .....why????

Hi Wendy,

Sorry that you have such bad news, and now to some extent have to learn a new way of living. The time of diagnosis is a huge shock for everyone who has to come face to face with cancer, it will take time to come to terms with living with cancer and adjust to the many possible changes that cancer brings with it.
Your husband is very young, and I am guessing that you are too.

No one can answer the question 'why?' there is no answer, no 'why'. It just 'is' unfortunately.

Your husband has nsclc 3b you say, well there is a small ray of light there, in that it's not as bad as it could be, and it's been discovered relatively early for lung cancer. How was it discovered, did your husband have any symptoms? How is his health aside from the cancer?

I suggest you research as much as possible to learn about the disease and what to expect and the treatments, this way you will be better able to ask the medical team questions and understand if they start talking in jargon. There are lots of good informative sites online, most of them are American and connected with cancer institutes, they go into more depth then the British sites.

The people on this board are very supportive and in similar situations to you, most of them have far more information than I can offer you as far as caring for your husband.
I have stage IV cancer of unknown primary which has metastasised into the lung which is why I am on this board.

Don't panic, you are in shock right now, it will pass, then you will be in a calmer place to move forward with your husband and 16 year old daughter or son?

God bless you and your family :angel:

Cee

Hi cee10 ....i am 39 to be precise..thankyou for your kind words.. He had chest pains before christmas he went to doctors on Dec 8th from work..he referred him straight to hostpital ....he was diagnosed with Pleuracy and sent home with a course of antibiotics and told he has to breathe deep to get through it...no xray was taken at this time...after christmas i knew he still had this niggling cough so i sent him back to doctors he was slightly getting short of breath...doctor was amazed the hostpital did not do xray therefore referred him back ...he had xray end of Jan saw consultant mid february to be told he had cancer and that it was approx 6-12 months old and about 4 cm...they cannot operate at the moment as it is in left lung and sitting on a blood vessel ...he has just had 1st treatment of chemo...he does not feel ill...he hasa cough and slight breatlessness...his appetite is good in fact he has put 5lbs on he is eating very well he looks so well we cannot understand...he has no more symtoms...im so sorry to hear about your cancer ..i would like to wish you well...my husband is a great believer in positive mental attitude....
take care...wendy..x

Wendy - thinking of you and your husband this Easter. Stay positive and strong. May i ask more about his symptoms, what kind of specific pain did he have in his chest and did he notice it long ago and just kept dismissing it as something else. May i also ask if he is/was a smoker.

I am the same age and have been struggling to quit the fags for 4 months, Lung cancer scares the hell out of me and i think that i am almost becoming paranoid. I wish governments would throw more money into lung cancer research than weapons research - we would have a cure for most cancers in 10 years if only we spent the same amount on trying to save lives as opposed to trying to kill and mame.

And i wish i was mentally strong enough to just quit and stay quit, i can't believe how i have struggled in giving the smokes away.

Please stay strong for your husband and keep his spirits up and i will pray that he makes a FULL recovery. I think attitude is a very important thing to keep upbeat. I am sure he can beat this illness.

Thanks Edward... he had stabbing chest pains more than anything at that particulat time was difficulty getting breath...very painfull...he got through that period ..now he has no chest pain but does get slightly breathless..easy..i dont think it was pluaracy ...im convinced the pain was this damn tumour breaking through...he did smoke for 25 years unfortunatly although i tried to convince him to give up severall times...his father died 3 years ago form lung cancer..he was a weak ill man could not have chemo to weak...he smoked all his life ...this prompted my hubby to give up...hes not smoked for 3 years now..although hes still on nicotene gum..the doctor assures me this is not a problem..at least hes not smoking...it was really the first time he had chest pains ..none previous to this...this has all happened very quickly like i say first chest pains started in December....now hes on chemo...its such a shock to the system ...im sure people who are ging through this understand me.. I dont know how old you are Edward...but if you can quit ..please do...Life is so strange now...it almost does not seem real..feels like we have this bad dream ...when we wake up hope its just a bad dream but its real....its a new routine...its difficult ..but it seems you have to get on with it and deal the best way you can...i must say i am all cried out and seem to be getting stronger now.....i cant believe it ..i sound so selfish ...its my husband that has the cancer not me...but if you saw him you wouldnt believe it...today is 2nd day after chemo and hes been working all day from home ...he has no symtoms....i just hope!!!! And prey!!

Wendy I'm 38 and i am really going to give it up this year. I have never tried to quit before and i find myself coming up with excuses to have that last puff. How many cigs would your husband smoke in a day.

Illness really does change everything. You really do not have anything unless you have your health. May i ask what your husbands eating and exercise routine are like. I think a well balanced diet helps to keep your system running. Its hard to concentrate on things when you have this illness on your mind, but try and stay focussed. I know what i am like when illness strikes, and i just hate being ill. I don't know what your health system is like where you are, but in my experiences i found it dehumanising - the doctors look at you and see the illness and sometimes not the whole patient.

I pray that you guys stay strong and attack this demon with both both hands. Everything i have read about lung cancer, whether it is sclc or nsclc always seems to be so negative. I believe human willpower and inner strength are the thing that can beat this disease. I am sceptical of alot of the drugs out there, and even the mainstream chemo treatments still leave alot to be desired. I am very sceptical of the whole pharmaceutical industry and believe molecular biology will bring new treatments with greater results and less side effects. But leaving the research only up to the pharmaceutical companies is wrong in my book. Governments should be doing all they can to fund this research to develop new treatments. I belive lung cancer is one of those diseases that will claim countless lives - not only because people smoke, but because of the times in which we live where we are consistently bombarded with so many chemicals and particulates. Its getting dangerous to live in the modern age.

I pray that all the treatments that your husband receives, he tolerates well and that he does not suffer any serious side effects. If you believe, and if he believes that he can beat this illness than he will beat it. I have read of many people that have beaten this illness. Doctors are only humans trained in medicine - they do not know all the answers, they just follow what they have learnt in a book. My best wishes and thoughts go out to you. Just keep reminding your husband and yourself that he can and will beat this illness.

wendy..I am so sorry you are going through this....
I am new to all of this too. my husband was just diagnosed about 3 weeks ago. It is in both lungs...this back and prob his hip. Maybe more...they havent done a complete scan yet... He is undergoing radiation tareted at a one tumor that is blocking the airway to his lower lung. He has not felt well in 3-4 months. Lost close to 40lbs (he was overweight to begin with and technically is still...that could have been a blessing).
It is fortunate that it seems like your husband is able to somewhat function and do "normal" things right now. Be thankful for that. Mine can barely get to radiation every day and we have had to "skip" twice already because he was feeling so poorly. He is tired, but doesnt sleep much. He spends the days watching TV going backand forth from the den to the bedroom. He wants so badly to be able to go to work or mow the yard and it is tearing him up he cant. He is 47 years old. Young like your husband...too young!
I have been working at home during this. I feel totally blessed that I have a job that allows me to do it. They have been so great and so supportive!

They havent given much hope to me or him about his prognosis. Currently they are trying to get his lung open from a massive pleural errusion that had collaspsed his lung to the size of a lemon! until that is done..he has a chest tube in and they arent even considering doing chemo or anything else.
I have read such encouraging stories of people in the same situation given a small pd of time and beating the odds... it gives me some hope...even if it is just for additional time...

I totally understand how you feel about the "dream" and it all being surreal...as much as I understand and acknowledge what is going on there are times that I have to remind myself how serious this all is... it is just strange....like it must be someone else this is happening to. I had a dream hat he was killed in a car crash and when I woke up..instead of the relief you get that it wasnt true...the realization hit that a different "car" WAS indeed killing him!

Dont downplay your feelings though...you have the cancer too! It is affecting your life and quality of life as well. You are both dealing with this terrible beast but from two different angles. Having a board like this to come to is great. To be able to share what is going on. I know for me I have to internalize a lot of my feelings around my husband because I know it would be that much harder on him to see me upset or worried. I have to be strong for him. I spent the first week crying every second I had a spare moment alone... then in front of him off and on all one day... but he wanted me to promise I wouldnt...I told him I couldnt but I would try... At least for now I have been holding up. So much needs to be done and taken care of....

Be thankful for every "normal" day you have...keep fighting the fight...
treatments and statistics are getting better all the time. Just remember, your feelings are improtant too.

(((Wendy)))

Hello all
I still consider myself fairly new to the aspects of Cancer. I have Lung Cancer (Adnocarcioma) - Stage 4. I was diagnosed about 3 months ago with Rheumotoid Arthrits that the Chemo uncovered. About 1 month ago I was diagnosed with ITP (still trying to learn to spell the things I've got). This is a immune disease. It has marked my plalets with a protein that triggers my body to destroy these. Just had a bone marrow test and will find out more later. One of my biggest problem through out this ordeal is no support group. I can find a few for general cancer but by now I've learned that there not all the same. I hope I have found a place to talk with others that have gone through some of the things I have to go through. Even before the platlet thing, my oncologist told me I was so sensitive to Chemo. They were never able to give me 100% thru the entire course. I've been on Avestin for 6 treatments. My CEA marker was down to 6.4 after 3 months, but had jumped to 21 after 6 months. I'm not sure what the doctors will do now.

Hi Sandra...im sorry to hear about your Cancer ...my husband is new to Cancer also about 3 weeks ago diagnoses only it feels longer i have to say..i have heard Avestin is very good...im sure your luck has to change...it takes some getting your head around it ..doesnt it...and Snoopy...chin up.Gal ...it breaks my heart..to see so many people going through this heartache...i didnt even know about this site before my husband was diagnosed..somedays are so wearing mentally feel like head is going to explode..but im sure you know about that ..both...I feel like i need to kick myself up the butt..sometimes and say cmon...we need to think positive..but its hard..unfortunatly you find yourself thinking of everything...my husband has his first chemo last week...he is slightly drained...he was showing no signs of being ill reaaly apart from slight cough..since chemo he seems down...i do hope to god it will have some effect...for everyone...

thanks Wendy..... I am hoping the chemo works for your husband. Sorry he is down..do you mean physically or mentally or both? I think mine is both right now at this rate...I am not suer if we will get to the chemo
he hasnt been to the last two radiation appts b/c he hasnt been feeling well..the past 4 days has been bad... tired/sore etc etc.. he is taking more pain medication..he has been sleeping more and is almost in 'hiding" he hardly ate yesterday... but on top of that, I dont think he is being totally honest about how he is feeling to protect me or to protect himself maybe from more medical stuff... he hates going to the dr. hate the whole health care thing..etc etc... for him to have something that requires this much medicall atten is bad...I just dont think he is/or will be a fighter....
I hope your husband is....it is hard to sit and watch something you have no control over....and feel helpless.... all the "what ifs" gong through my mind...

take care

Snoopy...its hard ...it must be for you..feeling so helpless..please try and think positive...thats what im trying to do...it has to make a difference...Sounds like your husband has not got around it in his own head yet....its all new to both of us...its hard...i feel so sick with it all.....Fortunatly my husband is very strong...he has not had symtoms from chemo really only a little tired....but hes only had 1 treatment so far...i hope to god its attacking them bad cells...We have to be positive gal..for both our husbands sake....Chin up!!
wendy

Hi All,
I just sat down and read all the postings that have gone back and forth on this thread. I hope you find the comfort and some wonderful friends on this posting board. My husband was diagnosed in June 05 with SCLC and as I was reading your postings it brought back the initial feeling of when we found out, but now those feelings are so different right now. You feel numb and overwhelmed, but then all of a sudden you jump into survival mode. My husband is losing his quality of life right now, but we have had some great times during this last 22 months. He was NEVER a believer of chemo, but when given his prognosis there were not many options given the extensive degree of his cancer. He has outlived what any doctor ever thought and got to spend more time with our boys. As I have mentioned before I have great friends, but they cannot completely relate to me since they are not going thru the same thing so the board has been great.
The boys off from school this week and hear them up to something so better run, but just wanted to say hi and always keep in mind that miracles do happen and always keep faith. I think my husband's positive attitude has done him wonders!
Kim

Hello everyone,
my goodness, I am always amazed at the number of new people that end up here, looking for answers, hope, support, strength...a shoulder to lean on.

My story is old. I came here in May 2005 right after my hubby was dx with stage IIIB nsclc, with malignant pleural effusion. He went from hopeful to inoperable within an hour's time, when the PET revealed the lymph node enlargement and the effusion.

Shock, numbness, disbelief, and a deep-seated knowledge that this was NOT GOOD. My hubby also started with stabbing chest pains. We had just married in Oct 2004, and in Nov of 2004 the chest pains started. He was 55 at the time, sooooo, we thought....heart problems?? Process of elimination that took several months (don't you just looooove the wait?) they figured out it was not heart related, but lung cancer. From time of first symptoms, he lived 24 months. Some good, some awful. But he lived. He passed away Nov 5th of 2006 and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, or miss him from the depths of my soul. But, I must go on and live.

He was as healthy as a horse other than the cancer. He put on weight instead of losing weight. It was not until the last 3 months or so of his life that "things" really did start happening. He went rapidly at the end and I am grateful for it. If I could post pictures of him in Sept at his birthday party and pictures of him at the end of Oct of the same year, you would not believe the change. He looked like had aged 20 yrs. He lost about 25 lbs in that time and he was in so much pain and unable to breathe, even though they had him on 6 liters of liquid oxygen. I knew time was running out.

Yes, in a sense, I had cancer too. My grief counselor told me that the caregiver/friend/family start grieving when the dx first is given. She was right. Looking back, I began to grieve LOOOOONG before he passed, and I am exhausted from it. I am ready to live and do what I can to make the rest of my life as vibrant and meaningful as possible. One day, when I am laid down to rest next to my Bud, I will be with him, and inseparable. Until then, I have waged war on cancer and try my best to help in any way I can.

I pray for everyone here and hope that a cure is found soon, before more wonderful, precious people are lost to this hungry monster.

Love, peace, healing, prayers, and hugs from Southern Indiana....

Jan