bukeyegirl75
04-13-2007, 07:39 PM
First off, I know I spelled Buckeye wrong in my screen name and when I went to log back in, I found that out. No big deal really...lol
Now onto my story...
I have been a pain pill user off and on for a few years. The first couple years it was primarily vics and/or percs. I had my gallbladder taken out and discovered that for some reason I was much happier when I took these things...
I'd take them whenever I could get them. Then I had a real need for them. Over time I had gained about 70 pounds and therefore suffered some pretty severe back pain due to....well...being so top heavy. lol. So my dr started giving them to me regularly. Yay, right? So what happened? Duh, I got completely hooked....but my Dr, being a very good one, told me that I was way too young to be permanently on pain pills and that my reason for needing them was easily fixable. He put me on a diet and gave me some back excercises to do in the mean time. Well, I lost almost all of the weight along with the back pain, but kept the addiction. I told him that I still had back pain, so he referred me to a pain clinic. He also switched my vics to ultram. I was very unhappy, obviously, and feared the withdrawal, for I had gone through that once before. Much to my surprise, there was no withdrawal and the ultram gave me almost the same buzz that the vics did. Weird, my dr said that these were non-narcotic?! I'm not gonna complain though, right? Well, that was a year and a half ago now. He gave me 200 a month. Almost enough for 8 a day, which is the max daily dose. Well, to get the same buzz that narcotic pain pills give, you have to take more.....and more...and more. The 200 wasnt enough anymore after a while so I started ordering them online. Then the 180 extra I got from that wasnt enough. I got up to 560 a month, taking between 12 and 18 ultram a day. There were times that I ran out because I didnt order them online in time to get them the next day and let me tell ya, the hell I went through all those times made me freak out anytime I even thought that I might run out again. One time in particular I ran out for a weekend and I just wanted to die. I was in pain. BAD! I had the "brain zaps" something awful. I couldnt sleep. I was severly depressed after just the first day and had horrible panic attacks. Restless wasnt even the word for the way my legs were acting. lol. It was the worst physical and mental anything I'd ever gone through and I went through vic withdrawal before. There was no comparison..
Just recently, my insurance changed and my dr didnt take my new insurance. I also ran out of money and had no way of getting any to order any ultram online. I found a doctor but couldnt get in for a few weeks. I went to an urgent care but they only gave me 15 pills. I had no way to get more. I started to freak out about the withdrawal so I started looking online to see what, if anything, I might be able to do about it. That's when I came across this site, thank God!!! I found the list of things to take and things to do in order to make the whole withdrawal experience a little easier. THEN, I came across some people who had taken ultram and almost died. WHAT??!!?? I read a "warning for all who take ultram" post about seizures and such. Someone said that you can DIE if you take more than you are supposed to take. They were talking about how if you feel like you are seriously zoning, you could have a seizure at any monent. Someone wrote about having twitches leading to seizures. Another person wrote about having one while sitting on Santa's lap with their kid. I had taken so much before that I would twitch and seriously zone many times. No seizures luckily but after reading about this, I WAS DONE!!! I was sitting there reading this after I had taken my last 6 pills and the anxiety attack I had made me feel like I was having a heart attack. My palms were sweaty, my heart literally started to ache, I started shaking, and I got dizzy. What have I done to myself?! Or almost?! I could have KILLED myself! I literally didnt want another ultram ever again. I was still really scared of the withdrawal though...
Well, I went to sleep, somehow, that night and expected to wake up the next day a mess.... I wake up and feel GOOD!! Huh?! So I wait and expect the heat flashes, cold chills, pain, depression..... The worst symptoms I got that day was some sneezing, stomach pain, and goosebumps. I figured it would get a whole lot worse. I didnt expect to be able to sleep that night. I expected the depression and anxiety. For crying out loud, I went from taking up to 18 a day to nothing. Plus I had been on them for a year and a half and had experienced the withdrawal symptoms just hours after taking them in the past. It's now been 13 days and the worst I got was what I mentioned above, some very minor anxiety, and some "brain zaps."
That being the case, I am convinced that alot of withdrawal symptoms come from our minds. They can be gone if you try hard enough. MAKE YOURSELF HATE THESE EVIL PILLS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO YOU!! THEY ARE KILLING YOU! EVEN IF IT ISNT ULTRAM AND IT WONT CAUSE A SEIZURE IT CAN DAMAGE YOUR LIVER OR KIDNEYS AND CAN KILL YOU THAT WAY!!! BE ANGRY AT IT!!! IF YOU TRULY DONT WANT IT ANYMORE, YOU CAN EASILY BE DONE WITH IT WITHOUT GOING THROUGH HELL IN THE MEAN TIME!!!
I'm done yelling now. I posted this because this site and some of the people on it basically saved my life and if I can help just one person out with this, all this stupid typing will have been worth every single second.
Thanks for reading,
Buckeyegirl
Now onto my story...
I have been a pain pill user off and on for a few years. The first couple years it was primarily vics and/or percs. I had my gallbladder taken out and discovered that for some reason I was much happier when I took these things...
I'd take them whenever I could get them. Then I had a real need for them. Over time I had gained about 70 pounds and therefore suffered some pretty severe back pain due to....well...being so top heavy. lol. So my dr started giving them to me regularly. Yay, right? So what happened? Duh, I got completely hooked....but my Dr, being a very good one, told me that I was way too young to be permanently on pain pills and that my reason for needing them was easily fixable. He put me on a diet and gave me some back excercises to do in the mean time. Well, I lost almost all of the weight along with the back pain, but kept the addiction. I told him that I still had back pain, so he referred me to a pain clinic. He also switched my vics to ultram. I was very unhappy, obviously, and feared the withdrawal, for I had gone through that once before. Much to my surprise, there was no withdrawal and the ultram gave me almost the same buzz that the vics did. Weird, my dr said that these were non-narcotic?! I'm not gonna complain though, right? Well, that was a year and a half ago now. He gave me 200 a month. Almost enough for 8 a day, which is the max daily dose. Well, to get the same buzz that narcotic pain pills give, you have to take more.....and more...and more. The 200 wasnt enough anymore after a while so I started ordering them online. Then the 180 extra I got from that wasnt enough. I got up to 560 a month, taking between 12 and 18 ultram a day. There were times that I ran out because I didnt order them online in time to get them the next day and let me tell ya, the hell I went through all those times made me freak out anytime I even thought that I might run out again. One time in particular I ran out for a weekend and I just wanted to die. I was in pain. BAD! I had the "brain zaps" something awful. I couldnt sleep. I was severly depressed after just the first day and had horrible panic attacks. Restless wasnt even the word for the way my legs were acting. lol. It was the worst physical and mental anything I'd ever gone through and I went through vic withdrawal before. There was no comparison..
Just recently, my insurance changed and my dr didnt take my new insurance. I also ran out of money and had no way of getting any to order any ultram online. I found a doctor but couldnt get in for a few weeks. I went to an urgent care but they only gave me 15 pills. I had no way to get more. I started to freak out about the withdrawal so I started looking online to see what, if anything, I might be able to do about it. That's when I came across this site, thank God!!! I found the list of things to take and things to do in order to make the whole withdrawal experience a little easier. THEN, I came across some people who had taken ultram and almost died. WHAT??!!?? I read a "warning for all who take ultram" post about seizures and such. Someone said that you can DIE if you take more than you are supposed to take. They were talking about how if you feel like you are seriously zoning, you could have a seizure at any monent. Someone wrote about having twitches leading to seizures. Another person wrote about having one while sitting on Santa's lap with their kid. I had taken so much before that I would twitch and seriously zone many times. No seizures luckily but after reading about this, I WAS DONE!!! I was sitting there reading this after I had taken my last 6 pills and the anxiety attack I had made me feel like I was having a heart attack. My palms were sweaty, my heart literally started to ache, I started shaking, and I got dizzy. What have I done to myself?! Or almost?! I could have KILLED myself! I literally didnt want another ultram ever again. I was still really scared of the withdrawal though...
Well, I went to sleep, somehow, that night and expected to wake up the next day a mess.... I wake up and feel GOOD!! Huh?! So I wait and expect the heat flashes, cold chills, pain, depression..... The worst symptoms I got that day was some sneezing, stomach pain, and goosebumps. I figured it would get a whole lot worse. I didnt expect to be able to sleep that night. I expected the depression and anxiety. For crying out loud, I went from taking up to 18 a day to nothing. Plus I had been on them for a year and a half and had experienced the withdrawal symptoms just hours after taking them in the past. It's now been 13 days and the worst I got was what I mentioned above, some very minor anxiety, and some "brain zaps."
That being the case, I am convinced that alot of withdrawal symptoms come from our minds. They can be gone if you try hard enough. MAKE YOURSELF HATE THESE EVIL PILLS AND THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO YOU!! THEY ARE KILLING YOU! EVEN IF IT ISNT ULTRAM AND IT WONT CAUSE A SEIZURE IT CAN DAMAGE YOUR LIVER OR KIDNEYS AND CAN KILL YOU THAT WAY!!! BE ANGRY AT IT!!! IF YOU TRULY DONT WANT IT ANYMORE, YOU CAN EASILY BE DONE WITH IT WITHOUT GOING THROUGH HELL IN THE MEAN TIME!!!
I'm done yelling now. I posted this because this site and some of the people on it basically saved my life and if I can help just one person out with this, all this stupid typing will have been worth every single second.
Thanks for reading,
Buckeyegirl