I was wondering if you could help me understand how it is - to be addicted to hard drugs. I've never had them so I can only imagine the craving, the buzz and the withdrawal. I'd love to know,
what was your turning point?
how low did you stoop before finally seeing it isn't a good way to live? (For my son, being on the streets doesn't seem to be low enough)!
Is the reason for having drugs because of blocking out an underlying event/s from the past?
Thank you in advance.

Hi isitme,

By the grace of GOD I will celebrate 7 years of sobriety from drugs and alcohol this coming September. This comes after a relapse i had after 10 years of recovery, so as far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as a "recovered addict", only an ongoing recovery one day at a time.
For me, I used on a daily basis and substituted one drug for another for many many years. I have kicked the hard stuff only to begin the insanity time after time, until i had enough. The bottom for me was malnutrition, anemia, physical dependance, the inabilitiy to work or function. I had become completey devoid of any spiritual principals and have done many things in my life that I probably deserve to be locked away for. But having said that my higher power obviously has a different plan for me.
At the end of my using i was taking more than 100 pills a day mostly percocet and valium, but also cocaine tussinex and hycodan. I was admitted to a program of recovery in North Miami Beach and kept on meds for two weeks to ease my withdraw. they were giving me liquid dilludid and liquid valium to bring me off of the many other drugs i was taking and then slowly lowered my meds until they finally took me off completely. i suffered for a long long time after that, not sleeping for weeks, muscle cramps, constipation and an inability to urinate unless i was sitting in a hot tub. it was hell. My complete detox took over a year until i started to feel normal. I went to many, many AA meetings, at least once a day, many time two or three a day just to keep my mind on recovery and also because i was scared to death of using again. Even after going through all of that I managed to convice myself that i could use successfully so after 10 years of sobriety I drank one beer and within 2 weeks was worse off than i could have ever imagined.
The bottom line is that everyone's bottom is different. i know people that have been in 10 or more rehabs that still use, but one thing I do know is to never give up hope. I pray that your son will find hs way to recovery and join us. I will also pray for you as I'm certain you have agonized over his using.

GOD Bless

cleanandserene

Thank you so much for your truthful post. I have heard some people continue as the withdrawals are so bad. Could I ask, was there a specific reason, (in your mind) that made you decide to take in the first place?

I've been clean and sober since August 1, 1991, from a heroin and cocaine addiction. Via N.A.

I never used day in day out for years, but I did have runs as long as a few months where I was completely hooked.

What is your son's story, or yours for that matter? Have you used drugs? Do you drink alcohol? Do you take prescription pills? Clean and sober for me means none of the above.

I am sorry about your son, I hope he finds recovery soon. The streets are mean. Why we decide to take drugs at the beginning, is that what you are asking? I hope you are not trying to blame yourself for your son's current situation. So many variables and situations that lead us by the throat into the grinder of addiction,

When I was younger, I identifed with muscians, they were all on heavy drugs and the majority of them are dead, Parties and social peer pressure were another reason, there wasn't peer pressure, everyone was doing them, the drugs made me feel teriffic they took away all the pain from childhood trauma and in later years took the pain and memories away from various abuse histories. I spent 30 years in active addiction before I realized I had to do something different, and that was getting help, getting clean and sober.

I hope your son finds himself in a situation where he is wanting help, that will save parts of him. How about yourself? How are you coping with his lifestyle? It must be agonizing and horrific. When he wants to change his ways, there are a lot of options available, if he chooses to remain where he is, there won't be many gifted doors opening for him

wish you the best
kadee

I guess the reason for taking the drugs doesn't matter. I'll live in hope that he will realize one day soon, that he does need help..........before it is too late.
I've been off the guilt trip/blame wagon for his situation for quite some time, years. I know it is his choice, unhealthy as it may be. So sad though.

Thank you so much for your truthful post. I have heard some people continue as the withdrawals are so bad. Could I ask, was there a specific reason, (in your mind) that made you decide to take in the first place?


Hi isitme,

I'm not sure I understand your question for me but I will give it my best shot. I lived through addiction my entire life, always substituting one drug for another as soon as I realized I was in trouble. I have kicked opiate addictions many ties, but not with the understanding that I would one day be able to live drug free. My detoxes in the past were all done by myself and as soon as I felt better I would get on the train again thinking that now I could control it. In AA that call this "insanity", repeating the same mistake over and over expecting a different result. I tricked mysef so many times. My addictions grew worse to the point that I did not eat anymore while taking over 100 pills a day and drinking opiate cough syrup. I got to the point that I could no longer function, was malnutritioned and anemic. My wife put me in treatment and they used th methods desccribed in my earlier post to bring me off the drugs I was taking. While there I knew in my heart that I would not live very long if I continued my abuse and I wanted to be clean more than any other time in my life. I was dying. While there I listned intently as they described addiction as a disease and i was able to understand the concept of addiction as a disease, that gave me hope. I was also introduced to Narcotics Anonyous as well as Alcoholics Anonymous and Pills Anonymous. I used the time in treatment with the help of my counselor to map out a plan that would give me the greatest chane at sobriety. What he told me was that I would have to make the committment first and foremost to y sobriety, as i was no good to my family while using. When i got out the first thing I did was to find a meeting where i found a man to sponsor me. It was really really diffiult to stay clean, especialy the first year. I would go to meeting and cry and say I couldn't do it. I found so uch support at the meetings and people stayed with me and helped me in so may ways that I oon started to put some time together.
To answer your question easily would be to say that I did not want to live my life like that anymore, that I was dying and was willing to do whatever I could to get clean. I hope I have not been too long winded, but would also like to add that my experiene shows me that in order to get clean one must be willing to go to any lengths. To use the cliche, "I was sick and tred of being sick and tired". That first year was so difficult because I had withdrawl symptons that stayed with me for so long. Bu through the people I had met, the phone calls the meetings I ws able to stop.
I hope this helps.

cleanandserene