I'm really struggling with it. I went through all my teenage years rarely drinking. Then find mysel ( few years back ) needing pain meds which sent me into a spiral of addiction. With strength of my husband, we got over that and it's been a year opiate free. Then, i started drinking a little and started liking it more and more. I got me outta bed, helped me put on some weight... all stupid reasons I guess. But now I've been on a binge for over a month of daily heavy drinking. Now I'm just afraid to stop.

Anyhelp?

What scares you about stopping?

:angel:

Alcohol is a drug. Just happens to be legal. I found true recovery only when I gave up all mind altering substances.

Maybe you abused opiates because are an addict? If so, you will tend to abuse all substances, including alcohol.

I would suggest checking out 12-Step based Recovery. This has kept me clean and sober and verrry happy for many years.

Please be careful!!!!!!! I was a pill head, addicted for 5 years....managed to kick them...horrible w/d's. But did I? I just replaced one with the other. Alcohol was legal afterall....but in the end ruined my marriage and almost my life.. I have now been sober for almost 9 months...I am an addict...if it alters my mind............... I LIKE IT.......keep coming around here.. this board helped me so much...I had people "suggesting" AA..but I was too hard headed....we each have our own bottom...we have to find it..just know that the longer you dig, the deeper it gets...... good luck to you!!!

Drinking, like all other drugs merely numbs the problem temporarily. What problem/trauma are you escaping/not facing at the moment?

Thanks for all your advice and questions. First, I'm scared about stopping because I'm kinda getting the shakes a little when I don't drink. I don't even really like it. How stupid am I?

Second, I went through such horrible, horrible pain for about 3 years which lead to some serious mental depression and awful problems with the love of my life. Ironically, I started drinking because we were getting better and I was getting back on my feet. I got a job after 6 years of being a SAHM that pays $25 an hour. Great for not working for so long. I don't start until the summer, but I'm scared I'll screw that up. Sound like I'm sabatoging myself? I'm so socially inept from being isolated so long that I embarrass myself by trying to talk to everyone in the room when we go places drink or no..... Insecurity? I guess I'm answering my own questions.

I was always so careful about drugs and alcohol my whole life and this is just stupid. I'm willing to do the work but I don't think AA is the answer for me because of the religious factor. I prefer to speak to God all alone in the privacy of my home than to have someone TELL me that He is speaking to me. I kicked opiates by myself cold turkey and it robbed me of somethings... but I did it and I know I can do this. BUT where do I start? Would I have a seizure after drinking steady for a month or so? I used to have seizures with my brain injury so I'm not really scared of them and I feel foolish going to a detox center saying "oh yeah been drinking for like a month, never drank before... can you detox me?"

Thanks for listening.

kayleighsmom, first I think your being really hard on yourself. In your last post you called yourself: stupid, scared, self sabotaging, socially inept... because you try to talk to everyone in the room?... SO! whats wrong with that? It's polite and people will remember you, right?
It seems that you are in a state of indecision. You want to do what you know is right, but you know that it is going to be SOOO hard! Stay here, stay close to this board. More will post and you can go back and read others stories as well. You can find strength and encouregement here.
Take care of yourself.

Thanks for all your advice and questions. First, I'm scared about stopping because I'm kinda getting the shakes a little when I don't drink.

Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic, but it sounds like you are physical dependent. Many alcoholics seek treatment and stop drinking long before they get the shakes.

I would seek medical advice - alcohol withdrawal can be deadly.

"I'm willing to do the work but I don't think AA is the answer for me because of the religious factor. I prefer to speak to God all alone in the privacy of my home than to have someone TELL me that He is speaking to me."

I do not mean to be disrespectful, but this is NOT what AA is about. There is NO religion in AA and the GOD that is spoken about is one of your choosing. It bothers me that something that has worked for millions of people is also rejected because of false assumptions. Seriously, no disrespect, but have you been? If you have been and had this happen to you then try another meeting. AA meetings are full of different kinds of people with all kinds of opinions, but I would suggest that you aquire a copy of the AA Big Book and check it out. It has worked for me and it has worked for many friends of mine that are atheist.
God Bless,

cleanandserene