I've been with my bi-polar girlfriend now for 9 months and I have had a gut full of the way she is so ungrateful to me and lashes out at me everytime she doesn't get her own way.

Just tonight she threatened to break up with me and get me killed simply because I didn't feel like going out!

When I first started going out with her I didn't know she had bi-polar and when she told me she did I said it was ok with me, not really knowing the road that would lay ahead of me.

I really want to make things work as I know in my heart I truley do love her but I can't handle her erratic mood swings which can't seem to be stopped.

The time we have had together has had alot of good times, but my god... has it had some bad times!!!! I've tried so much and put so much time and effort into this relationship but I am almost 100% certain I can't put up with this forever and now I think I have to end it but the last 2 times I did she tried to kill herself and I ended back with her out of sympathy I guess.

When I try to just be friends with her, it never works.

I know I am going to find it difficult... I honestly don't know what the right way is how to go about it... the last thing I want is her killing herself :(

But then at the same time I don't see our situation improving so I can't see any other choice :(

Can anyone here offer me any advice? I feel so damn confused.

Thanks

Ben

Ben,

is she medicated? I really feel sorry for you.
If she is unmedicated she is extremely selfish - in my opinion. Sure be unmedicated but do not expect others to stick around.
Do NOT bend to her manipulating emotional blackmail either - re suicide.
If she has a psych - suggest that you go with her next time. You can see what he's saying and get more involved with the knowledge of both BP and treatment.

BTW how old is she?

Juliet

Hi....it really takes a special person to be able to truly understand somebody who has BP and the effects it has upon one's life. If you are feeling that you are not the person who is going to be able to be there for your girlfriend for the long run, it just may be in everybody's best interest that you do make some arrangements to end the relationship. When somebody has a health issue whether it be physical or mental, they deserve somebody who is able to support them through it. It really isn't fair to either one of you for you to stay just out of sympathy. You sound like a nice guy but just not the guy who is going to be able to be the one to be there for the long run and that is the bottom line of the entire situation here.

One question.....is your girlfriend on any meds?? And is she taking them as perscribed??? Does she see a psychiatirst and therapist n a fairly regular basis??? How about sleep....does she get enough of that and eat right as well as incorporate exercise and avoid stressful situations as much as possible??? I ask these questions because it is very important that your GF manage her BP properly in order to avoid any relapses or develop some coping skills that will make it easier for her to interact with others when under stress. It is possible that your GF is not stabilized with the right meds which may be contributing to her behavior. BP is a chemical imbalance within the area of the brain that controls ones emotions and thought processes. If the right meds are not in place then this will definitely have some effect on one's behavior and interaction with others.

In any case....my advice is that if you are 100% sure that you are not able to be in this relationship that you do get out of it. Prolonging things is just not going to help. It might be a good idea if you forewarn her support system whether it be a good friend or family member so that they are around to help her through any difficulties that may arise from your leaving the relationship. Is that possible in this situation for you to do that???

It is a reality that relationships don't always work out and it is a reality that some people are just not programmed to have a relationship with somebody who has a health problem or disablity. Like I said, it takes a really strong and special person to be able to do so and the longer you remain with her the less likely she will be able to find that person. You must be fair and honest and truthful.

I hope this helps you in someway. Everybody deserves to be loved whether they have BP or not. Your post does show that you do care about her well being but are lacking in the ability to be supportive to her when things are not going well for her. Acknowledging that certainly isn't an easy thing to do but the facts stand that you must do what is fair to both parties here by being honest and then acting upon it.

I wish you luck and if you have any further questions or concerns please feel free to ask.

~ Goody:angel: :wave:

I have been to the end of the road so many times. I am married to a person who has bp and to say it has been tough is correct. If i had it to do over, i must confess that i would not choose to. This may sound harsh but this illness effect every aspect of one's life.
Now, i love my wife and care deeply for her. I plan on staying this way until death does us part. Being on the proper meds helps a lot. Staying in therpy helps too.
One must want help to get it.

One question.....is your girlfriend on any meds?? And is she taking them as perscribed??? Does she see a psychiatirst and therapist n a fairly regular basis??? How about sleep....does she get enough of that and eat right as well as incorporate exercise and avoid stressful situations as much as possible???

She has just started taking Zyprexa again as she wasnt getting to sleep till 4 in the morning. She is using it more for the sleeping effects as she has started a TAFE course in Business Administration.

She does have a psych she has been seeing for 2 years now.

Her diet could be improved i guess and she despises exercise even though she was coming to the gym with me for a while.

We have decided to go on a break for 2 weeks today, her call which came as no suprise as she is in a cold hearted mood at the moment. The breaks never last though... hopefully she is strong enough this time...

Just thought i'd let you know what is going on at the moment, everything is pretty much up in the air... hard times... maybe it will work out for the best....



I love her so much but

Sometimes LOVE just "aint" enough!

Yeah you are right

B.S..... Have you ever talked rationally with her? Have you ever gone to an appt with her to better understand her disorder??? Have you giving time to find out what her stressors are?

Talk to her (not when she is maniac) and find out what gets her going, find away you can step in maybe by going "don't dwell" or "let it go", instead of going back at her and adding more fire to the flame you can work through this.

It's hard, yes! But it can be done, love conquers all!

It doesn't really conquer all if the person is not showing love. I tried everything with my husband to talk to him but it feel on deaf ears. When a person says I love you and then abuses you well is it really love?

Do you think he is just an abusive person or is it definitely from the bipolar? i'm bp and I'm not an abusive person (medicated or not) when I do go off the deep end I say things that I don't mean but my personality speaks for itself and everyone knows I don't mean it that it's the disorder....

Do you think he is just an abusive person or is it definitely from the bipolar? i'm bp and I'm not an abusive person (medicated or not) when I do go off the deep end I say things that I don't mean but my personality speaks for itself and everyone knows I don't mean it that it's the disorder....

hey dee reading your post i'am hoping you can give me some imput here- ok me and my husband has been seperated for about a month now and he;s un-med bp- the other day he screamed at me he hated my guts, now he's acting out and doing such cruel things like turnong off my power & utilites,taking the vechilces,trying to get me arrested? now is it bp? or what? the words are hard but the actions isn't something i can turn my head and say ok he's sick? how can one person love someone and then w/in a week do such cruel acts to literally destorys this person- he's acting like he hates my guts and doing this w/out any remorse? please advise thanks

Did anything tick him off during that week??? I'm just trying to understand.

Did anything tick him off during that week??? I'm just trying to understand.

ell alot has been going onw/ hi for about 9 weeks now, he's about to retire after 25 years in navy,got into bar fight, got arrested for disorderly conduct,walked out on me about 30 days ago, been in a motorcycle accident, then became evil towards me, saying and doing cruel things... i at first thought and i know cause he's told me he was having problems w/ the reiterment in about 4 months and he's scared and feels like som attachment... then after all his behavior thats has happened so much so soon, i know he is ashamed of himslef and he's told me that... but now pushing for a divorce- taking the cars in the midd;le of the night, you name it.... it's as if i feel like he's doing this for a justification of his behavoir? i don;t know but i know i'am his only target... and dee-nah i can't make sense of this, is this what he really wants or where is the hate and vindictiveness coming from, and how much longer can one withstand anymore of this? my gosh he should be worn out too, so i have an protective order in place for 2 weeks cause he started to scrae me, taking everything, and trying to ruin me in so many ways even wants to try to get me to go to jail???? i am hoping after 2 weeks his mood can be more stable and will he ever realize or seee what damage he's done?
can a couple ever recover? i retained a lawyer and iam hving br=eing forced to go through the emotions of the divorce-- cause this is what he wants and i have to protect myself.... i'am so hurt i feel like it's so hard to take me next breath? but my hands are tied? we had a great marrriaged and loved each other so deeply- we traveled were best frineds- we even bought a business we were going to do together once he retired? then this came and with in 30 days so much has happened so fast. how can a man whom took all the $$$$ have the utilities turned off on his wife???? it's so un-godly... i don;t know how the hatefulness isn't eatuing him up inside to make him what to stop hurting me, and to show some remorse???

Is he a drinker? Is he going through a mid life crisis? I don’t know about anyone else but this doesn’t sound 100% like BiPolar to me, there is more going on!

Is he a drinker? Is he going through a mid life crisis? I don’t know about anyone else but this doesn’t sound 100% like BiPolar to me, there is more going on!

he has been drinking yes- why doesn't this seem like bp? a few weeks ago he was on top of the world- party- thought he was god, then the evilness- then i love you then i hate your guts... to thinking the fbi was chasing us> to the pi's watching him in the rv to where he's staying -to buying yet a thrid motorcycle to - to walking out of this marriage and doing evil and cruel actions- it's got to be more them mid-life? he hates himself right now!!!!

I didn't say it wasn't BP I just said that there is more going on then just BiPolar. Has he ever been diagnosed with anything but?

Listen I'm so sorry you are going through this, I looked back at my other messages and they look so insensitive to your situation. I'm just wondering if there is more... I'm a big one on this board for anti bipolar BUT this is not the direction I was going..

Run Forrest, RUN!
I'm half kidding but... I am bipolar and I only get abusive when I drink.
So, I don't drink!
Keep your bearings and pay attention. Is she drinking when she gets abusive? Has she been this way off and on for your entire time together?
Not everything can be "blamed" on being bipolar. It can become an excuse for all kinds of bad behavior and I just don't buy that.
Only you can decide if you can live with these ups and downs.
It's a hard choice sometimes.
I wish you the best!

Listen I'm so sorry you are going through this, I looked back at my other messages and they look so insensitive to your situation. I'm just wondering if there is more... I'm a big one on this board for anti bipolar BUT this is not the direction I was going..

i understand and i'a here for both sides because i feel we can learn from each other- i would love to kow how people w/ the bpd feels after they go through like an episode and leaves someone they love and care about feeling like the way i'am now- so i can better understand... my husband has alot going on- like i mentioned he's having a tough time w/ his retirement,etc. and just filled w/ some much anger and rage and bitterness? and i wish i could reach out to him but i don;t know how? and i don;t think you were incsenitive- i read what you posted and that's why i'a reaching out to you.. maybe for some direction> understanding, etc.

I know with me my down falls are my self esteem and dwelling! I can dwell on a situation that just happen for HOURS, it drives me crazy and I can’t get it out of my head. ANOTHER thing and I’m not saying you do this but my boyfriends egg me on. They act like they don’t care to get a reaction from me and then I just spiral….I try to explain myself and they ignore me which makes me more enraged… Then they say I’m crazy (more enraged) then I calm down and who is knocking on the door MY BOYFRIEND!

Make sense?

I know with me my down falls are my self esteem and dwelling! I can dwell on a situation that just happen for HOURS, it drives me crazy and I can’t get it out of my head. ANOTHER thing and I’m not saying you do this but my boyfriends egg me on. They act like they don’t care to get a reaction from me and then I just spiral….I try to explain myself and they ignore me which makes me more enraged… Then they say I’m crazy (more enraged) then I calm down and who is knocking on the door MY BOYFRIEND!

Make sense?

the more i try to talk to my husabnd or the more i try to stay connected to him the more he pushes me away and now the more he's lashing out and doing spiteful, actions towards me. can i ask you a question pleae? the last time we went through this ( our second time) it lasted 8 weeks and then all of the sudden out of the blue he called and he was like my normal loving senseitive husband saying everything i wanted to hear-- well now this time it's been 9 weeks- should i wait a couple more weeks or so before i give up hope? cause from what i'am trying to learn is it always takes a little longer by another 2-3 weeks after each espisode easch time? so is there any beleif to that? i beleive you're right about dwelling on things and i know for a fact that his self esteme is low cause in 4 weeks- he's been into 2 bar fights,lock-up for disorderly, in a motorcycle accident, and walked out, about to retire, hasn't a clue of what he's gonna do-- so i know alot is going on- and his spitefulness,vindictive ness and out right cruel actions, like threats,getting my utilites turned off, running to a lawyer and getting these papers (seperation) to where they were just totally un signable- like he bascially gets everything and i get my jeep and the clothes- nothing from our home,money other things we have- nothing... and i wouldn't sign them so he ran back to the lawyer and now we have a temporay hearing on may 4th, for a judge to tell us he remains where, gets what, and drives what til our lawyer and us can come up w/ a settlement on this all... dee-nah all this happend so quickly???? i know that when they're cycling he can make rash and quick-hasty dissions? is that true? you're imput is helping and i thank you and i know like you said you're more anti-bp here but i feel i'am on both ends here- i do care and want to understand cause from what i learn there;s a great deal of suffering for you too, and with everything my husband has done i want to try to understand what he must be feeling inside?

I’m sorry you might of posted this but how did all of this come about? I mean he couldn’t of just woke up one morning and said THAT IS IT…. Did you see any signs? Was there a fight? Was there something he doesn’t like that you did AND what I mean by that is I know my boyfriend HATES it when I go out with one of my friends.. something stupid like that would set him off…. I’m not pointing this at you so I hope you don’t think that I’m just wondering where all this came from. I guess what I’m trying to say in a constructive way did you do anything as well… The way he is reacting is nobody’s fault but his own! I hope you don’t take offence to that!

I’m sorry you might of posted this but how did all of this come about? I mean he couldn’t of just woke up one morning and said THAT IS IT…. Did you see any signs? Was there a fight? Was there something he doesn’t like that you did AND what I mean by that is I know my boyfriend HATES it when I go out with one of my friends.. something stupid like that would set him off…. I’m not pointing this at you so I hope you don’t think that I’m just wondering where all this came from. I guess what I’m trying to say in a constructive way did you do anything as well… The way he is reacting is nobody’s fault but his own! I hope you don’t take offence to that!

we;ve had a few arguments but the day he left we were talking about his behavior and about the arrest that had happened and he got defensive and sid that's it- he said he didn;t like himself and was ashamed with himself- i beleive all the self destruction he's going through has made him filled w/ anger and rage- and through the process he's targeting this marraige we had a great life- traveled alot- just bought a business together so when he retires in 4 months we would have our future and his carrer straight???? we were so close... now he's turned into this man i don;t even know? how can you do what you're doing to someone you love? he's even trying to get me arrested for assault charges on a incident that no assault took place???? filing these divorce papers that make no sense and being out right cut throat cold about it- if he wanted this divorce and was ok w/ it all then why not make it fai and civil.. he comes to the house in the middle of the night and takes the vechilces and takes all the money out of the bank- i feel like he can care less if i was alive or dead- i feel as if he wishes i was dead... no emotion what so ever or compassion for none of this???

what are you guys posting all this stuff in my thread for? can't you get your own? the rudeness of some people :jester: