doesn't this ever stop?? this constant rollercoaster of emotions is something else. :eek: i go along somedays feeling great. then have some down time. is this really normal even on medication?:confused:

SIGH...i guess it is. i dont 'know.Easter was very lonely here. seeing all these people and families together.......made me very lonely. so lonely i should of called a hotline number just to talk with someone. but why bother anyways.

i do enjoy my art class. i like my job. its just physically i get tired. then more depressed. can't sleep. taking melatonin for a couple weeks but i dont think its going to last. i'm beginning to think sleeping aids are not for me.

i haven't been in counseling for a while. i can't afford it right now. my psychatrist doctor didn't like that at all. well geeze.....i'm doing the best i can and its NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. i'm trying to remember what i have learned in the past YEAR of talking with counselors. some i remember. some i dont'. i just want to be normal...what ever that is now days.:confused:

i talked with my old counselor from church last night for a little bit. she helps as much as she can. after talking with her an hung up all i could do was set on the bathroom floor with the door shut and cry & cry. i dont' know i guess i just needed to. i dont' know. i volunteered for something saturday but now i want to cancell it. suppose to just set there and be a timer. i dont even think i can do it now. i did forget to take my med yesterday. not intentionally..just forgot. i suppose that is why i'm down now.

well, anyway.........sorry to bother you all but wanted to write someone.

sorry you are feeling so bad mokie. i know what you mean about the rollercoaster. in my case i think a lot of it is hormonal. could that be part of your problem? please keep your volunteer commitment. it may seem almost impossible now but you'll probably feel better afterward. it is hard to get involved when you feel so tired but keep it up. also try to exervise a little. even a short walk might help. it is good you are involved in art class. maybe you could draw or paint your feelings. well, that's all i have and hope it helps. God bless

Mokie, I think that your ups and downs will continue until you resolve your issues. It seems that your biggest issue is loneliness and not having enough connections in your life. Get to work, move forward, and don't quit because you think that you can't do it!

hello. thanks for writing. ya i did e-mail the event and cancelled. i know....i probably should of went along with it anyways. i'm sorry if i let anyone down.

i know i'm lonely sannah....i've talked with kerry and told her so. iv'e been trying to get involved with different things. its just so slow then i get tired of trying.

marian.....i doubt its hormone since i had to have a complete hysterectomy. i've had lab work done in the past for that. depression for me is from a life time of not feeling like anyone cares about me. so i dont' feel the need to care about myself. my pets even come first before me. plus depression runs in my family.....well, thanks for writing. :(

Mokie, you must care about yourself! Your parents didn't give you what you needed so it made you feel worthless and now you are agreeing with them that you are worthless. Don't agree with them - they were wrong. You do not have to validate their beliefs. I know that they are your parents and you think very highly of them and don't want to believe that they could be wrong but parents can be wrong. If you disagree with them they will not stop loving you. This is really what we are afraid of as children - that our parents will stop loving us if we don't do what they want, agree with them, please them.