Most of you know I am separated from my husband and he is bp. He sent me an email saying I love you. Divorce me. I don't understand how those two go together. Then he said he wanted to explain something to me and when I asked him to he said I don't want to talk to you anymore. Anyone understand this? PLEASE...

marshmallow, it kinda reminds me of the title of that book on borderline personality disorder......I hate you, don't leave me.

I would just act nonchalant and when he wants to tell you he will. I'm wondering if this is game playing on his part.....kinda like "I've got a secret, and I'm not tellin'" to get you to pull teeth to get it out of him.

not sure of anything here but;

is it possible he realizes the grief his disorder is causing you and since he does love you, getting a divorce will (in his mind) relieve you from that grief?

I would suggest a lot of research on BP and how it manifests itself. You may simply be on the recieving end of his disorder. BP does cause some very strange and often contradictory actions.

Hopefully he is recieving medical help. There are many meds and combinations of meds available. It can take a lot of work and time to find what works for a person.

Thank you Rose your comments always help.

Gooby, he is not on meds and refuses to take meds. He is in denial that he is bp. I am so sad about all this. Thank you for your reply

I don't understand why I can't get over him he has done so many terrible things to me but I still want the marriage to work. He did say once that I would be better off without him. He gives me such mixed messages but now seems to really want to end things. I guess its time we have been separated a long time and nothing has changed.

Marshmallow I know how you feel. I was stuck in that rut too. I know you want the marriage to work, I did too, but in the end, he wasn't the man I married. I wanted the man I married back, and that just wasn't going to happen. Sure you might hang on to the marriage, but it's not going to make you happy. You want the marriage to work, and you want him to be nice. You're wishing on a star marshmallow. I'm sorry to tell you that, but you KNOW that if he's not taking meds and he's in denial that NOTHING is going to change ( at least not for the better ). Things could always change for the worse. I'm so sorry marshmallow, but I think you will be happier without him. It will take some time, but you will feel better. He's not around now, it's not like you're losing much. You really need to stop waiting around for his mood to change, it's not going to. Please make a decision for yourself.....get away from this relationship and this man who continues to hurt you. You deserve better.
:angel:

Rose, I am taking the steps for divorce but my heart is divided. You are right he is not here and I am doing ok in many ways. It is just hard to see how a man can change so much from a loving man to this cold person that doesn't seem to care at all. I just want to stop hurting. He thinks he has done everything to make this marriage work when in reality he has done nothing. He has spent so much money on wasteful things and goes to bars and has done drugs. Not things that will help a marriage. It is strange how you can know something in your head but your heart still hurts.

marshmallow I understand your heart is divided.....believe me, I do, but don't lose sight of one of the reasons it's divided is that he's ripped it in half.......
the back and forth stuff is what really takes a toll on you. once you make up your mind and make some progress moving forward you will feel better.
:angel:

marshmallow, take solace in the fact you care about him but you cannot make him better. That is something he has to do. It will not get better until he decides it is time to do something.

Most folks are resistant to change. We all like things familiar and cozy. Sometimes we simply need to accept things are not going to get better. If you are willing to live with things as they are, they don;t get divorced. If you want to improve your situation, continue the path you now walk.

It IS a tough decision to make. Hopefully you have the support of friends and family to walk with you as you walk the path you need to follow.

This may (and I say this with great reserve) wake him up and help him realize there really are problems. Only then can he get the help he needs.

Until then, you do need to live for yourself. Only then can you have enough to give to others.

Thank you gooby. Like I said I seem to know the right thing to do in my head but my heart is fighting it. I do think that at this time he is not going to get any help. He is so sure it is me with the problem and thinks I need to change. Strange how he can go from saying I love you, divorce me. Kind of an oxy moron sentence.