Hello, I am a US Army Infantry soldier stationed in Baghdad, Iraq. I have been here for over 10 months and have seen my share of combat. I have seen quite a few bad days (ill spare you the details). Lately I have been getting very angry at everything around me and the war in general. I have never been an angry person but I am having a harder and harder time controlling it. The other day we came under fire and I lost control of myself and started screaming in utter rage while returning fire at the insurgents. Im not sure what is going on but I need to find a way to control my anger, because it seems to be taken over my life. I understand I am not in a normal situation but I would rather not take back any long term and dangerous problems. Any advice would be appriciated.

First of all, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you
are doing for our great country!!! Not a day goes by that I don't think about what it must be like for you people and your loved ones!
If anyone has a reason to feel Anger it is you! This is a perfectly normal emotion. All I can say is try to hold on and keep working at not letting that Anger take over you! You can do it! Also, don't they have military psych docs if you need it? Look into that if you think the anger is more than you can bear.
Best of Luck! Remember "This too shall pass!" saying that to myself helps me sometimes.

Hi Sniper, I agree with dompierre, you all have an extremely hard job to do. Anger is a normal reaction to various situations and I can see how you would get angry for many reasons. The two things that you don't want to do with anger is to go beserk or to hold it in. You need a place in the middle to release it. If you can come here and post your anger it might help. Also, like dompierre said, is there anyone who you can talk to there about your anger? Just discussing the situations with others that make you angry could help a lot. You don't even have to say that you are angry just discuss the situations. I am really sorry that you have to go through all of this. You have been well trained to do this job. Just remember that your emotional reactions, whatever they are, are normal, so don't feel bad about having them and don't try to push them back down. Yeh, and thanks also for serving our country.

Thank you both for your responses. I guess its hard to keep track of my anger when im under alot of stress. It helped to admit the problem and focus on trying to understand it but this environment really is not conductive to mental health. I tend to get the most angry during and after a stressful incident. There really isnt much in the way of stress relief or mental help on the FOB, and most of my buddies deal with the same issues so it may have to be something I have to get help with when I get back. I guess I am trying to look at as if I didnt feel anger and hate this place then i am dead inside and something is wrong with me. It just feels like forever until i can go home.

Edit*

Although I get mad at people I dont think its so much them as it it the environment i am in that is making me angry. I feel like my soul is angry at me for making it deal with death and the dead all the time.

Hi Sniper28,
I too would like to thank you for your service. It's an honorable doing.
And I agree with the others that your anger is normal and due to so uch stress. I was going to suggest talking to the chaplain, they are trained for this. Keep praying for help and peace and soon you'll be home. How many months do you have left? My friends son just got home yesterday. All vets and soldiers that know what you are going thru and I'm sure can voice a better opinion than someone that hasn't been in war. My prays are with you..Njoylife

Thank you so much for all that you are enduring for us. My husband will be deploying on Tuesday. Its only for a short time this time, but still...I worry every minute and keep him close to my heart. Do you have someone at home that you are able to get care packages from and notes and things like that? I like to think that helps a little. Try to stay strong, My hope is that you are all home very soon. I think we have all had enough.

Love from Arizona

Hi,
I hope today finds you feeling better!
Your gonna get through this and you'll have amazing stories to tell someday! Maybe you can write a book. I know that keeping a journal can be quite therapeutic. It helps you get things out, get things into perspective, and remember where you've been in this journey called life!
Keep us posted!

Hi Sniper28,
Wow!! Cant imagine posting to a soldier in Iraq!! Firstly can I say God bless you for being such a wonderful soul and risking your life for your country!! I know you can find support on this board.....please come here often....we would be honored to listen and to help you after the sacrifice you are making for so many others right now being away from home and from your family!
Of course you would be angry!! I would imagine all of you are angry over there, am I wrong? I can not even begin to imagine what you see on a daily basis!!! Things that you know are wrong, things that should not go on in life, of course this will make you angry. This is not YOU, it's the reason you are there, but its not YOU! I dont know if you are spiritual, but if you are, it would help if you pray when you feel like this, or when these feelings are coming to you, to think of what you love most in this world. I'm sure it is so very hard, but try to keep focussed so will be home safe to your family. God bless you and I hope this is over soon and that you will be back home where you belong!!!

Blessings and peace to you!!
Carsam :angel:

Kurd are our best allies there.
The main thing to do, be in control.
We let what is bothering us take control of us and this causes alot of anger and irritation.
Take control of your thoughts.
Dont let them take control of u.

Also, try to be level and calm.
You can get your emotions out in a calm level way.
Just dont get angry where your out of control.
Calm, Level and take Control

Hi,
I hope today finds you feeling better!
Your gonna get through this and you'll have amazing stories to tell someday! Maybe you can write a book. I know that keeping a journal can be quite therapeutic. It helps you get things out, get things into perspective, and remember where you've been in this journey called life!
Keep us posted!

I have never written a journal in my life. Maybe it would help to get some of it out on paper. I guess I just figured that this experience would be something I would block out and forget but I have grown alot out here and it has changed my perspective on life in a positive way. I want to enjoy it now. That is good advice im going to start one and that and see if it helps. I guess I have been relying on telling others and expecting them to understand.

Hi Sniper28,
Wow!! Cant imagine posting to a soldier in Iraq!! Firstly can I say God bless you for being such a wonderful soul and risking your life for your country!! I know you can find support on this board.....please come here often....we would be honored to listen and to help you after the sacrifice you are making for so many others right now being away from home and from your family!
Of course you would be angry!! I would imagine all of you are angry over there, am I wrong? I can not even begin to imagine what you see on a daily basis!!! Things that you know are wrong, things that should not go on in life, of course this will make you angry. This is not YOU, it's the reason you are there, but its not YOU! I dont know if you are spiritual, but if you are, it would help if you pray when you feel like this, or when these feelings are coming to you, to think of what you love most in this world. I'm sure it is so very hard, but try to keep focussed so will be home safe to your family. God bless you and I hope this is over soon and that you will be back home where you belong!!!



Blessings and peace to you!!
Carsam


Thank you for the support. Most of us are angry, at least those of us who are doing the work outside the wire everyday. I feel like our government has let us down, but we still fight for each other and look forward to the day we can go home. I used to be spiritual but all the carnage I have seen in the name of religion has turned me into a logical moralist. I still believe in a moral code and God but I just think he has nothing to do with most of the religions in the world that preach hate and intolerance. Maybe im just jaded right now. I just dont feel like a wonderful soul to be honest. I dont feel honor in killing and taking a mans life, but I have done it. War just seems terrible to me. If you have any questions for me though I would be happy to answer them honestly.

Sniper,

Thank you for the bravery that you and your fellow troops offer us. I can't imagine the hell that you guys, and girls go through on a daily basis.

As far as your anger.....I would think that you have every right to be angry, and rage filled. But you and I both know it isn't healthy to hold on to it. The writing maybe a good place to start, and as one other said, a chaplin is a good choice too.

I wish you well, and a safe return home. Please be well, and keep safe.

Again THAK YOU for all that you do.

Hugs,

Sid

Sniper,

Thank you for the bravery that you and your fellow troops offer us. I can't imagine the hell that you guys, and girls go through on a daily basis.

As far as your anger.....I would think that you have every right to be angry, and rage filled. But you and I both know it isn't healthy to hold on to it. The writing maybe a good place to start, and as one other said, a chaplin is a good choice too.

I wish you well, and a safe return home. Please be well, and keep safe.

Again THAK YOU for all that you do.

Hugs,

Sid

Well going to the chaplain is out of the question because I would not want to risk being taken off the line. I hate going outside the wire but my friends count on me and I wont let them down. I will try to start to write my feelings out.

Thank you so much for all that you are enduring for us. My husband will be deploying on Tuesday. Its only for a short time this time, but still...I worry every minute and keep him close to my heart. Do you have someone at home that you are able to get care packages from and notes and things like that? I like to think that helps a little. Try to stay strong, My hope is that you are all home very soon. I think we have all had enough.

Love from Arizona

I wish the best for your husband and your family. It can especially hard on you being the wife.

I guess I just figured that this experience would be something I would block out and forget

I have grown alot out here and it has changed my perspective on life in a positive way. I want to enjoy it now.

but I just think he [God] has nothing to do with most of the religions in the world that preach hate and intolerance.

Sniper, blocking it out is not healthy. I agree the journeling is a good idea. With your second quote up there it sounds like you have found the right thing to do with this experience that you must deal with.

You say that you feel like the government has let you down. Well, the American people will never let you down. I feel for you all everyday and for all of the sacrifice that you all have to do over there.

I believe that many religious groups have strayed from God's original message. Remember, that there has been a lot of human interpretation going on here for centuries and many of them have lost the path because they have quit listening through their hearts. Sounds like you can stay focused on your moral compass and meet your obligations to your military service and to humankind. I have no personal experience with this but there have been many tearful movies which have shown the moral quagmire of war and when humans have stayed focused on what is moral.

Please keep posting as long as it still helps.

Sniper, blocking it out is not healthy. I agree the journeling is a good idea. With your second quote up there it sounds like you have found the right thing to do with this experience that you must deal with.

You say that you feel like the government has let you down. Well, the American people will never let you down. I feel for you all everyday and for all of the sacrifice that you all have to do over there.

I believe that many religious groups have strayed from God's original message. Remember, that there has been a lot of human interpretation going on here for centuries and many of them have lost the path because they have quit listening through their hearts. Sounds like you can stay focused on your moral compass and meet your obligations to your military service and to humankind. I have no personal experience with this but there have been many tearful movies which have shown the moral quagmire of war and when humans have stayed focused on what is moral.

Please keep posting as long as it still helps.

Really i could not imagine what the vets of the Vietnam war had to endure. The government was against them the people were against them and they faced an insurgent enemy that was mixed in with the civilian population. In Iraq we are faced with an enemy that is also mixed in with civilians and that is a tough war to fight morally for the individual. There are times when innocent civilians are killed, because they are in the wrong place at the wrong time or are used to make propaganda by the enemy. It is soo incredibly easy to let anger at the situation turn into anger at the Iraqi people. You have to set your morals in your head before you even come here. What will I do so that me and all my friends will make in home alive, so they can live. That sounds easy but the moral question is complex. It involves making tough choices. Shooting at insurgents when they surround themselves with civilians, blowing up houses that contain insurgents when it could hurt or kill civilians as well. Those are just a few of the many examples of moral grey area of being a soldier in an insurgent war. Maybe its not a grey area? Maybe it is morally wrong to do those things but the soldier has to make the morally wrong choice to save his buddies lives. If not for our quick and decisive and violent nature many of my friends would be dead. How do you morally fight an enemy that blends with and is part of the civilian population?

I have lost faith in religion . To me religion is mans attempt to control God and when that fails its mans attempt to control his fellow man. I know that sounds extreme but it is my brutally honest opinion. God to me is peace and love. He does not wish for women to be subserviant to men, does not condone killing or violence, and does not scare people with damnation. Maybe I am getting off topic, but some of my anger is from what I have seen people do in the name of religion. I have seen a car bomb explode and wounded people screaming for help and bleeding to death, bodies everywhere and I do not see anything but evil in that. Yet the people responsible for that claimed that they did it for God? If we can be so brutal to our fellow men in the name of God imagine what evil men could do in a complete absence of him/her.

Im not really a negative person though. I actually have a really good sense of humor, but these problems weigh me down out here sometimes.

Thanks for listening though.

Oh Sniper, I couldn't agree with you more on every single word that you have written. I could have written what you wrote myself. You sound like you have the highest morals that any human could ask for. Your government has placed you in this position and you are doing your job to the very, very best of your ability. God bless you. Do you realize how thick you are building your character right now? You have been placed in probably one of the most trying circumstances that any person could be placed in. You are being challenged and incredibly so and you are stepping up to the plate. I am so sorry that you have to see, experience and do what you HAVE to do because of the decisions that our government has made. I am so glad that you all are so tight and together with your fellow soldiers. This is what is going to save your sanity. Please keep posting.

Hi Sniper,
I completely agree with Sannah. You have to be one of the toughest people I have heard from. Your anger stems from not feelings of hate, but feelings of love for your fellow man!!! What you have to do is never never lose this!!! You do not "choose" to be there, you are "compelled" to be there, it is a choice and although some days based on what you're seeing, it's hard for you to see that you are standing up for every innocent person in this world. Sometimes bad things happen to innocent people but you know that can be said for life in general, not just war. People have horrible illnesses, children are kidnapped and murdered.....it's all part of the same evil cycle. But as long as there are good people in this world and we keep fighting to ensure that it is not taken over by these horrible souls, that's all we can do in this life. You're so right what you say about God, people are so quick to blame him for what's wrong in the world. But God is not evil, men are evil.
You are a very compassionate human being and it comes across loud and clear. You also have every right to become discouraged based on what you see and do every day but you dont. We need more people in this world like you Sniper, I really hope we can help you through your time there and that you will come home safe and sound very soon, all of you!!!!

Carsam :wave:

Hi Sniper28,

It was great to read your posts! You do have an incredible inner strength! I keep trying to find the best words to write, truth is I haven't got a clue! To confront evil with more evil really is senseless! I must admit, however, I do strongly believe that what you (all of you) are doing and have done is NOT for nothing. It is all so complicated.
Keep up the good!! God bless!

Oh Sniper, I couldn't agree with you more on every single word that you have written. I could have written what you wrote myself. You sound like you have the highest morals that any human could ask for. Your government has placed you in this position and you are doing your job to the very, very best of your ability. God bless you. Do you realize how thick you are building your character right now? You have been placed in probably one of the most trying circumstances that any person could be placed in. You are being challenged and incredibly so and you are stepping up to the plate. I am so sorry that you have to see, experience and do what you HAVE to do because of the decisions that our government has made. I am so glad that you all are so tight and together with your fellow soldiers. This is what is going to save your sanity. Please keep posting.

I do try to keep a strong moral center, but like anybody else I fail at following it more than I should. Sometimes its fun to bend the rules and be bad. But when it comes to something important I try to stick to what I know is right. Its just complicated out here but it helps to know that people support us. Im doing fine now, this place just gets you down. Its almost like a prison in a way. We live inside a walled compound our every move is controlled, there are no females for the most part, and we cannot see our families. Its not as bad for a few obvious reasons as prison, but its just the lack of freedom that gets to you. I havent been getting angry the last few days.

Hi Sniper,
I completely agree with Sannah. You have to be one of the toughest people I have heard from. Your anger stems from not feelings of hate, but feelings of love for your fellow man!!! What you have to do is never never lose this!!! You do not "choose" to be there, you are "compelled" to be there, it is a choice and although some days based on what you're seeing, it's hard for you to see that you are standing up for every innocent person in this world. Sometimes bad things happen to innocent people but you know that can be said for life in general, not just war. People have horrible illnesses, children are kidnapped and murdered.....it's all part of the same evil cycle. But as long as there are good people in this world and we keep fighting to ensure that it is not taken over by these horrible souls, that's all we can do in this life. You're so right what you say about God, people are so quick to blame him for what's wrong in the world. But God is not evil, men are evil.
You are a very compassionate human being and it comes across loud and clear. You also have every right to become discouraged based on what you see and do every day but you dont. We need more people in this world like you Sniper, I really hope we can help you through your time there and that you will come home safe and sound very soon, all of you!!!!

Carsam

Who knows we might all be coming home in the next year, me ill be coming home somewhere around the 16 month mark. It a while still, but im used to it by now. I am actually getting excited about the prospect of my life after the military. It has taken a good chunk out of my mid to late 20's but I am looking forward to the challenge and prospect of starting fresh in the civilian world.

You know you made me think carsam about when I was younger. When I was a kid I played war, and watched war movies, and saw war as this glorify filled entity. In my time out here I have changed 180 degrees from how i used to think. I now believe that war is a very last resort and should only be used in the direct defense of our soil from an invading force. Its just such a terrible thing. It's like a voracious monster that devours anything in its path. Even good intentions turn wrong in war. I do hope for everyone involved it is over soon.

Sniper, maybe having an outlet here for your thoughts and feelings and feeling understood has helped you not get angry. We will all continue to be here for you until you return.

Hey Sniper!!
Happy to see you coming back to visit here online....you are really getting your feelings out. This is great!! It's not good to keep things bottled up inside and you are going through more than your share of turmoil so please continue to talk to people here. 16 months.......if I think about it here for me, time goes so quickly. But that is probably very long for you I know.
I am so glad to hear you havent been feeling angry for the last few days, I hope that this board is helping you a little.
What you said about as a kid thinking war was "glorified"...that is so sad and true. We start our children off thinking of fighting as a "fun" thing. You too Sniper have made me think about my own 3 year old son. Only 3 years old but is already running around with little "weapons"....OK, so they are toy guns, water guns, plastic swords from the Ninja turtles. But you got me thinking about this. It will just evolve from this to video games of battles, I know this. From such a young age, we're already teaching our children to "fight". We have alot to learn.
I know you have a job to do there and bless you, I can tell you are doing it well! Can I suggest Sniper on your "downtime"...when you are frustrated and feeling "trapped" there, that you put alot of that time into "planning your life" when you get home!!! Think positive. Plan to make the most of every minute when you get back. Not that you are making up for lost time, because every moment you are in Iraq is valuable, unfortunate but valuable. But plan what you want to do in life, to be happy because you deserve it!!!
What are your goals in life when your time is up and you can concentrate on yourself? I'd love to listen if you would like to share!!!!
Stay safe and hope to hear from you again soon!!!

Carsam :angel:

Sniper, havent heard from you since yesterday!!!! Are you okay over there? Let us know you're safe and sound, okay?

Carsam:angel: :angel: :angel:

Sniper, havent heard from you since yesterday!!!! Are you okay over there? Let us know you're safe and sound, okay?

Carsam:angel: :angel: :angel:

Oh yea im ok just been having long missions and finally have a day off and im a little worn out. Pretty tired.

I have been trying to work on my future over here. I read alot about finance and the stock market, and im gonna try to become a real estate agent when I leave the army. I eventually want to make my money by investing in real estate and in the stock market. Thing is I gotta wait for the real estate market to stabilize before I attempt that. End goal is to have enough money that I can support my family off just interest from my investments alone. I wont complain if I never have to work again. I would just travel and enjoy life. It is going to be tough for the first few years but I am looking forward to the challenge.

Hey Sniper!
Sounds like you have some great goals to achieve when you get home!!! I'm all for working hard and then taking some time off to enjoy life!!! I'm sure you'll have lots of time until you get home to think about it and plan your future, this is so positive for you!!!
I hope I'm right in saying this, but you dont sound as "angry" as you did when you came to the board, are you feeling a little better?
We are always here if you need to talk. From where you were, I'm sure you could always use someone else to talk to!!!
Hope all is "peaceful" in your world tonight!
Carsam:angel:

Hi Sniper28, Hope you are doing well over there!
Investing is wise. Good Luck to you (though luck has little to do with it)


I am sure you will get all you want in life, it's all how you look at it, and attitude, among other things. :cool: