Hello everyone, I've been dealing with bi-polar manic depression for 6 years...and I needed to get some things off my chest.
Today has been the utter most worst day and I have no reason why:confused: ! I feel soo angry and confused tward my husband, and he just trys to help. I just want to run away and be myself, I know that prolly wouldnt help.

I feel like I can't breathe and have a huge lump ni my throat...and like I cant stop crying...

thanks for letting me vent, sometimes it helps me a little better...

Hi, Youngmother:wave: I have a daughter who has BP and it is a BIG thing her wanting to run away thinking that it will make things better. And I have read on this board that it is common to feel that way. But it is hurtful to the ones you love when you do this so it is important for you to figure out an alternative way to deal with what is going on.

It took me some time to come to the realization that when I want to help fix things for my daughter and become too involved it really makes things worse. And so together we have come to the agreement that when she needs some alone time that we allow her to have it. And when we do she is able to come back and talk about what is going on but at her own time and her own pace. So perhaps you need to establish that with your husband, that you KNOW that he loves and cares about you but when you say you need some time and space that he needs to give that to you. Reassure him that you will come to him when you are ready but that his not respecting that makes you feel even worse to the point of wanting to get away.

I hope this helps...I think that you need to know that this is not an uncommon feeling and that sometimes when loved ones only are meaning well they could actually be making things worse.

I hope that things get better....if they don't perhaps a call to your tdoc or pdoc may be warranted to perhaps tweak your meds a little bit. It is crucial that you take care of it within a few days before things start spiraling downward and get harder to fix.

Good luck and do keep us posted with how things are going.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Right now Im on no medicine due to finical wise. And havent been for 6 months. But my husband is going through this big job change and thigns are just going down hill it seems.. everyday:dizzy:

And Im trying to stay together for my kids and him but it seems the harder I try, the more worse I feel... does that make any sense?:confused:

Hi Youngmother:

There are resources to help you obtain meds via different programs some with the manufacturers of the meds. I have seen them on the net and groups that list resources for them. Don't let finances get in the way of stability or access to medical resources.

To me it sounds like you are trying to be there for everyone else in some ways it is making harder on you. I hope you will understand this next part and I will try to tie it together the best I can. I know for those with Tourettes who try to keep from having tics in the end it makes the tics that much worse. Some are able to do it and then have a moment when they just let go. I think for some Bipolar is the same way but not exact either. Meaning if we try to smile and pretend we are ok all the time it backfires and makes it worse. It is not acknowledging your feelings or allowing yourself breathing room that I think does it. Try and see if the Hubby will not watch the kids so you can de-stress from the stress of the day. Don't let it build let it go and talk to someone you trust and I hope hubby is one of them. Try doing it when the kids are in bed and the day is winding down. I know keeping it in doesn't help and letting it out at times at leas for me really does help. It also makes it a team effort which is what we need really. To know we aren't trying to tackle the world all alone. You have this board and the wonderful members on it. I am hoping this helps.

Eme

snail net equals ignorance that it posted more then once! lol sorry bout that! eme

[QUOTE=youngmother;2939691]I feel soo angry and confused tward my husband, and he just trys to help. I just want to run away and be myself, I know that prolly wouldnt help.

Hi Youngmother and everyone else. I've been lurking for a couple of months now and decided to finally pony-up and introduce myself.

Youngmother, I don't have a magic cure for you or anything, but as the wife of someone who is bipolar I can tell you what helps me. Last night my husband had a sudden mood shift. He was furious at everyone and everything, but he could not explain why. He said to me "I don't know where this mood came from, but I'm so ******* angry!" Just having him say those words helped me immensely, because he was making a conscious effort to let me know that he was not angry with me and that his feelings in that moment were not something he could control. What he did control was how he chose to express that anger, so instead of taking his anger out on me, he explained what was going on and went for a walk. A couple to three hours later, his lithium leveled him out and he was okay; and with no one's feelings hurt!!

I hope this story helps you. I mean, for all I know, you explain your moods to your husband all of the time. But I can say that it isn't always easy being the spouse of someone with bipolar disorder...but knowing that my husband makes a conscious effort to not take his moods out on me helps...A LOT:p

Be Well,
Artemis