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Hi, Tiger:wave: I am sorry that you are left feeling so bad by your friend. It isn't quite so easy to explain all of this but I will give it a try.;) I have a daughter who was recently diagnosed as Bipolar and has I am sure confused her good friends as your friend has seemed to do to you.

It sounds to me as if you are in your late teens or early twenties. My daughter is 15 and a sophomore in High School. IN the past few years she went through self harm, depression, ran away from home, shoplifted, attempted suicide and was hospitalized 4 times in an effort to figure out what was wrong. During this time she also became hypersexual and participated in things that were risky or self destructive. Her friends were so upset by this and wanted the old Erin back. However, Bipolar took over and alot of what she does or the way she acts is very much controlled by that.

She is on meds now and things are alot better. But still she says hurtful things and can be upset with friends at the drop of a hat. This has alot to do with how the disorder affects you. The part of the brain which controls thought processes and emotions is affected. That is why often a person who has Bipolar will do things impulsively without giving much thought to the consequences. That is where the risky behavior comes from, the self harm, the hurtful words, anger, irritability, frustration and what we call the "mission mode". That is, they want what they want and have to have it right away and don't care how they get it or who they hurt along the way. Sometimes it means avoiding friends that stand in the way of getting what they want as well.

The meds help to some extent but it takes alot of self awareness on the part of the one who has Bipolar as well to help them through all of this. Often without this the things they say or do often affect their friendships and relationships as you are beginnning to see.

My daughter has been lucky enough to have a close group of friends who really do care about her. She at times thinks that they are out to ruin her life when all that they are doing is trying to help. Often I am sure that they feel much the same way as you do because of how she sometimes perceives things to be that really isn't the case. And alot of the time when you are trying to help you are standing in the way of what their mind is telling them that they want to do.

What I am saying is, that it sound as if your friend still needs to be stabilized on her meds and work on developing techniques in which she can identify her behavior and feelings and work through them so that she doesn't hurt her friends or herself. This takes time and it really takes a special friend to be able to support somebody through this. You may better understand what your friend is experiencing by reading as much as you can about Bipolar, what it is and how somebody is affected and what things you can do to support them. By doing so you may be able to understand that the things that your friend is saying and doing ARE very much a part of this disorder but she must also realize that there will be consequences to her behavior one of which may be losing a very good friend. Setting boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate from her may be part of helping her out. And also understanding more about her disorder and ways you can best support her may be necessary as well.

You sound like a wonderful friend and your friend really could use a friend who will look out for her and understand how difficult this disorder can be.

I hope this helps you better understand that most of what you are seeing is due to the disorder. And that in time with the proper meds, therapy, and support your friend could lead a fairly normal life.

Good luck and feel free to ask anything that you think may be of help for you or your friend.

~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Your friend is just not happy with her life and has not been 4 a long time. The problem with people with BP is that they r surrounded by people who place restrictictons on their life and judge them by their own standards. May be a relationship of daily contact is not a good thing 4 her. Why do you assume she has the problem just because she is not prepared to conform at the moment. Is the correct behaviour 2 go out looking for potential marriage material to enslave to provide her with all the things society says she should want? Yes she is going to screw up (in conventional terms) and yes she is going 2 get hurt because her libido has taken over her brain. But she will learn from it and if she is no longer forced to conform she will end up a happier person once she has almost distroyed herself. Don't judge, just be around to help pick up the pieces at her darkest hour, thats what my friend did for me and once I gained insight, our relationship was in a different league. U can't tell a manic anything.

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Hey Tiger,
I Am Mslainie. Me Son 16 Is Bipolar And My Daughter Adhd 13. Its Been A Long Road, I Been Single Mom For 9years. My Ex Was Untreated Bipolar And My Brother Has Add. These I Know Now Are Passed In Family Genes. My Close Friend Goes In And Out Of Bad Depressions And Told Me Right Up Front. She Is Great With My Teens And Doesnt Judge. Alot Of People Thing You Can Catch Bipolar Or Add Or Anything They Dont Know About. Even My Family Has Not Fully Accepted My Son As Bipolar But He After 3 Years Is Doing Ok. He Is On Alot Of Meds But He Is So Much Better. Sometimes He Has His Good And Bad Days, I Forget And Think He Knows Exactly Whats He Is Doing Or Saying But He Told Me Sometimes He Cant Control It. I Had To Realize, I Can Not Control His Moods Either.
Back To My Good Friend, It Does Hurt Sometimes But I Had To Learn To Respect Her Wishes. Because I Value Out Friendship, But I Do Get Mad And Hurt.
Good Luck,
Mslainie

Hey Tiger,

Unfortunately, the people we love most are the people who have the power to hurt us the most. I can tell you from my own experience that education is everything. Eventhough a little knowledge can be dangerous (self-diagnosing, etc.) once you learn about BPD you will find it easier to qualify your friend's behavior. If she finds treatment and gets on meds (assuming she has bipolar disorder; I'm no doc) telling her level times from manic and depressive episodes will become even easier for you. The 1 thing you probably want to remind yourself of is that bipolar disorder is a mental illness. During an episode, your friend is not well. Try and remember that what she is experiencing is infinitely worse than any backlash that hits you. I am not telling you to simply take abuse, but just try to understand that when she's manic all rational argument will not make sense to her. If she gets abusive, get out of her way. If she tries to do something immediately self-destructive, you can try to stop her, but you take on that responsibility at your and her own peril.

My husband has had this illness for as long as I have known him, but he only got diagnosed 2 years ago. He sought professional help after he was no longer able to control his impulses through sheer will, and his impulsive and hypersexual behavior ended up hurting me. He didn't want to lose me, so he got help. If your friend loves you half as much as you seem to love her, she will probably come to a similar conclusion...but she won't get help until she's ready for it. And, until she is ready, she won't be able to accept help.
Welcome to the fun-loving world of mental illness. I hope this post wasn't a big downer. Please know that there is hope and there is help, but Paul was right: You can't tell a manic person anything.

Good luck and keep in touch. There are wise and kind people all over this board.
-Artemis