Hello Cyber Soulmates (smiles)

Well, the xanax taper is coming along... or I should say going along because all I keep doing is going and going and going. The anxiety level is so high that it causes like a super high energy level. Unless I am physically active or engaged in intense mental activity, I feel like I am going to pull my hair out. (Peace, you were so right about that).

Yesterday, I was up at 7:30 AM and started my day with a frenzy of physical activity. I washed, dried and put away every little sppon or dish at the house where we were staying. I went for a walk. It ttok me 2 hours to drink a 12 ounce coffee because I had a hard time sitting still long enough to finish it. Then I crashed for a hard nap for about 1 and 1/2 hours. Then Hubby and I left Ohio and drove straight home for 8 and 1/2 hours. I drove for 1/2 the time to help distract myself from the anxiety. When I wasn't driving, I started playing a mental game of watching traffic patterns between cars and trucks because my mind was racing if I didn't occupy it. As I watched the patterns, a million other thougts were simutaneously flying around my head. And yes, if you are reading and think I need to be commited to a psych ward, I can completely understand. Smiles.

I slept from 3:30 Am this morning until 9:00 AM and while I am very active at this moment, I can feel that a crash and hard nap is going to hit eventually again. So far today, I have been on the computer way too much and am going to have to walk away when I finish this. I have talked with my daughter for an hour also. I am going to unpack all the toiletries and clothing from the trip and then think I will try to chill enough to let the crash occur.

My own stupidity led me to far too much activity dancing like a fool at the wedding I attended Saturday and driving long hours without enough walking breaks. On Sunday afternoon, I felt a sharp "pop" in my right leg (which is my good leg) and there was a huge balck and blue mark with a hard spot in the middle of it. I also found a huge bulging vein running from my thigh to my calf that was very painful. Since then, about eight more of those black and blue spots have shown up. I think it is actually small blood vessels popping. since we have come home, the huge vein is no longer bulging and no more new back and blue spots are appearing. I will call my family doctor in a day or two and have him check me. I know this could very well be a vascular problem and because of the heart attack a while back, I do have some concerns.

On the positive side, there is much happening also. The depression seems to be completely gone. Hurray! I am lighting way too many cigarettes, but am stubbing them out as I recognize what I am doing. (The smoking has got to stop next, but am not going to worry about it too much at the moment. have to get my head straight first before I can tackle that).

Also, much to my amazement... and I hope to Buckeye Tim's if he happens to read this.... I discovered I have muscles in my calves and arms again. HAHAHAHAHA! I have been a totally flabby, out of shape, middle aged chick for so long that themuscles just crack me up. It is quite delightful to rediscover them.

Okay, I am going to end this because I have got to walk away from this computer and do something more constructive.

Wishing you all well
reach

Hey reach!
hugs to you, and I am flying back from the Bahamas. Im so tired of the travel and all of this drama, but its almost over....Anyway Ill check in tomorrow and be able to read all of the posts and all. Just wanted to say hey to ya and hang in there ok!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM:wave:

Izzy

Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. Needed that tonight. Hubby is irked with me because I am not in bed sleeping. I know he is trying his best to be tolerant with me, but he is getting annoyed and irritated with me more often. I would love to be in bed sleeping, but the anxiety just won't let me.

This xanax taper is hell. I tried to learn all I could, but am still caught surprised and unaware. Knowledge is helping me understand what is happening, but it sure doesn't feel too great, understanding or not. The no sleep is getting to me and I have bags under my eyes 1/2 way down my cheeks.

I am feeling frustrated and anger is creeping in hard. I have tried explaining to my family that coming off Xanax is not anything like coming off the oxycodone. They see me moving around and think all is fine. They can not seem to understand that all the moving around is the damn anxiety playing havoc with me. They, if I complain at all about being exhausted, I get crap for not laying down and resting.

Oh, I know they love me and they are trying to be tolerant, but I am aggravating them, especially my hubby, the most. And quite honestly, I am feeling aggravated by him also. Probably because we are spending so much time together. Normally, I like to have quite a bit of private time, but lately, I just need to be around people. need to talk... a lot, hahaha!

Oh, well, anyway.
Tomorrow is another day.
reach

dear reach,
I hope today finds you feeling better. I understand the feelings your describing so well. Though our tapers were much different, I think we would both agree that the anxiety is one of the worst symptoms by far. I have trouble getting my husband to completely understand as well. You feel like you mind is racing, breath is shallow, knots in your tummy that no matter how many times you walk around the block, they won't go away... and my husabnd tells me to go lay down and rest! :dizzy: He tries, he tries SO hard. But, unless he could actually step into my body, I don't think he'll ever completely understand. On the other hand, I am so appreciative of him, sometimes I wonder why he stays w/ my crazy, ex-pill popping self... maybe he loves me as much as I love him. That would be good, right?
I know it's hard sometimes but remember that your family loves you desperately and hates to see you uncomfortable. They just want to help, even though you might want to swing on them sometimes!:)

So, some exciting news for me... my best friend is pregnant. We found out last night. This morning she is meeting w/ her doctor and she asked me to go w/ her. I'm SO EXCITED!!! For me, this is going to be a wonderful distraction.
I hope you have a good day reach, I really do...
jkm

Reach im sue the xanax taper is hell..i was told when my son was in re-hab that it is so much harder to come off of benzos than opiates. that if not done the right way like you are doing, it can kill you. He was abusing some benzos along with the opiates, when he stopped the benzos he had a seizure, this was the day before his re-hab. he told me while he was in re-hab he saw people drop every day with a seizure from benzo withdrawel. you are tapering, this will not happen to you because you ar e doing it the correct way..he is totally off drugs for 56 days now but suffers anxiety. he bites and picks at his cuticles till they bleed.. my heart breaks for him..but he can never take a benzo again because of his addictive personality. its too bad because those meds can be used for things like that , but before you know it, the dosage is not enough and you keep increasing. you are an inspiration to many people and i know you will be ok.. god bless:angel:

Hi

Thanks you guys for posting your understanding and encouragement. Today is really not going well and I am fighting down anger and resentment with some of my family. I know rationally in my brain that I am being oversensitive, that only those who have been through a benzo taper of really close to someone who has can truly understand. However, my emotions are really starting to fly today.

My niece called because she was at her wit's end with her ADHD baby having a temper tantrum. It was her second call of the day. The first call was to complain that daycare was closed for the day... hubby took that call and what does he do?.. he invites her to meet with her fairly estranged father for a meal here at 3:15 in the afternoon.

Then my sister-in-law calls, who is well aware I am on this taper and asks if I can run over a town away and check on her teen-age daughter because the kid complained she was sick, but my sister-in-law was worried that she was faking it and really stayed home from school to have her boyfriend come over. So I make hubby drive me there because I am so anxiety-ridden that I am afraid I won't be able to focus on driving. I get there, my niece is sick with a fever and feeling dizzy. I make her drink some orange juice and tuck her back into bed and came home.

I feel like hiding away from all of them. What really sacred me today is some fleeting toughts of taking an extra dose of Xanax. So I asked hubby to REALLy hide the damn pills and he has them sitting on the kitchen counter. I wanted to kill him. God, that is horrible to say. I think as I am typing, he is finally putting them away. And I know it is just fleeting thoughts and stupid thoughts, but I understand so much what Kadee wrote about in another post concerning scary thoughts. I am going to try and recognize the thoughts as evil, stupid thoughts and just put them away.

Hubby is getting ready for a doctor's appt. When he leaves, I am going to try and lay down and calm down. I think if I didn't have this board to write this out right now, I would wig out. I swore I was not going to whine and complain, but I am doing it anyway because if I don't, I am going to say things I will regret later to my family.

Alright, enough. If I don't stop now, I am going to go ballastic writing sabout ten other issues irritating me.

reach

Hi Reach
Xanax tapers can be a (____) Sounds like you are in the middle of a cattle stampede off to the water hole, and everyone is stepping on your toes all at once cause you are right in the middle. .

I understand anger and resentments. They kept me loaded for a very, very, very long time. Maybe a lot of feelings are deeply buried under layers and layers and they are starting to resurface, so much the weight is getting a bit heavy for you to handle.

You know the saying, my grandmother said often, "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" When I was a little girl I thought she was talking about her apple pies. I thought she was referring about baking or cooking cause she was always in the kitchen. Maybe she was? but I think she was probably talking about; concentrating on what is really important and dropping the things that waste energy, like, how you react to situations that come your way. Maybe? I don't know. What do you think?

Getting well again, recovery is all about change.

Maybe you could reacquaint yourself with yourself, and take yourself out on a date, like reacquainting a personal connection to yourself with honor and kindness, doing some of the things you love, your hobbies, recreation, walks, privacy things, entertainment etc, etc...
And talking feelings over with your family over the events of the day You don't need any new layers of resentment to latch onto you right now. Not even a transparent one.

You are in a process of tapering, letting go, let your body adjust and trust that process, those are your true values, don't let resentments harpoon you. I think it is about stress today and the little buggers have let loose, more louder than clearer. . Learn how to reduce stress while going through your taper and you won't feel like you are wasting your energy so much.

I know you will get over this, they don't last long, as long as you nip it in the bud. Trust the process of your W/D and do some hunting on remedies for your stress and your stressors. cause - well - (repeat of first sentence.)

trust your process
be kind to your self

kadee

I am on Niravam which I was told is Xnax except it dissolves under your tounge and hits you faster. I have been on it for about ten months and I tried stopping on my own but the second day I felt so bad I had horrible cramps and could hardly walk. My doctor says I don't need to be weened off, I think he is wrong but I just wanted to see if anyone here knows. I am on 25mg tablets.

If you are experiencing physical withdrawal then you are physically dependent (hooked). I would suggest professional help to address your addiction.

If your doctor does not understand addiction, then you should consult one who does.

Hidy reach~
I feel so badly for you....you are such a sweet lady, and you dont need all of this crap now. Ill check on you later tonite, but for now Im out the door, and everyone is in the car, and I HAD to stop and post to you...
Take it slow, breathe, and try to relax. I love a heat pad or a warm/hot bath, and maybe that works for you or not...I dont know. I just couldnt see my friend be in such agony without letting you know Im here for you, and I wish there was more I could do!!! UGH! i feel so helpless!
Like Kadee said...Trust your process, you have done so well and overcome what some will say couldnt/cant be done without other ways to overcome, so THAT in its self is enough I hope for you to keep on pluggin away~
Tons of Luv and warm hugs,
xoxoxoxoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:

Hi Guys

I am doing kinda better for now. No more anger at the moment. Smiles. I am laying low because I seem to be breaking out in spontaneouos black and blue marks. Have done a bit of research on it and have a few concerns. Trying to rest with my legs up. That bulging vein is down, but the black and blues keep popping up. Could be just the strain I put on myself during vacation. Little worried about small blood clots, but will call doctor Monday, or sooner if I get too concerned. My gut tells me it is just the strain I put on myself over vacation time.

Tonight I am calm. Getting off computer now and going to watch TV for a bit with my legs up and hopefully get some good sleep tonight.

Kadee... gonna lay there and deep breath. baby. You were right... need to work on those stress relievers.

Izzy... with a big, deep, slow breath, I say to you... thanks for caring, Sweetpea.

Here's to peace for all of us
reach

Nite reach~
Im on my way to bed with the flu that Ive had for a long time now...it sucks...
And having 4 lil kiddies under the age of 10 to take care of! anyway, not about me, but about you...I hope you sleep well and get feeling better, and this will pass...you KNOW that. Please stay strong, and we love you and care so much about you. you can do this Reach! You can!
xoxoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM:angel: :angel: :wave: :wave:

Hello Everyone

Boing! Boing! Boing!

That's me jumping all over the place this morning.

I have been up for about 2 and 1/2 hours and have jumped around between various activities at least 6 times already. Boing!

Woke up, read board, posted a couple of posts, spent some time reflecting, read some more threads, posted again, put some laundry away, stripped and changed the bed, now back on here to post on my thread. Planning to take hot bath after this, eat a banana in bed, and try to rest with my legs propped up. Yeah, yeah, I know, way more info than needed. Chuckles. hope you will all bear with me. To those of you wondering, this is what a taper from Xanax is like. Learn, learn from it. if you can, always look to natural resources before you start with any benzo.

I am typing here like a maniac and my conscious mind is racing, but somehow, in the midst of it all, I have an odd sense of calmness in my subconscious mind that all is going to be okay eventually. Kadee, I think that maybe you can understand this?

In the midst of this taper, I am working hard to change my obsessive compulsive behaviors. I am working on becoming simply obsessive-persistent. Yeah, I know it may seem like just a matter of semantics to some, but it is an important difference to me. Think I will talk to my clinical social worker about this as a new diagnosis. Chuckles.

Okay, I need to get off as I have got to go do the things I said in order to gear down here. The computer in general, and especially the board lately, have been increasing my anxiety so I have got to back away.

This is the day that the Lord has made and I need to take more time to rejoice in it.
reach

Reach,

You rock! You are such an inspiration to all!
Keep at it sweetie. You are doing so great!

Debbie

Hey 2nd Chance

Thanks for the nice words. My day is starting off great with a lot of chuckles and smiling going on. The anxiety is still high, but I am learning more how to cope with it.

2nd... let go of the anger and resentment and outrage, okay? Please start a new thread and get back to helping yourself with the use of the boards. I am really being kind of selfish here because I like posting with you so much. Posting helps me a LOT and I know I go a bit hogwild at times, even not on the xanax taper. But during this taper, it is extra important to me. C'mon, help me out here.

This is real self-pity story here, but I was actually angry with the board for a few days because I felt like not many wanted to encourage me because they all feel I am so strong and confident and superior. I was angry and hurt. I wanted to blast most of the board. So I had to lay low and listen hard to words from kadee on this post to get past all of it. I am past it now. Of course I know how much my friends care about me here. It was strictly my own problem with perspective. Sometimes, I fell like it is a total bombardment of my brain learning so many things lately. Whew!

Looking forward to seeing your thread.
love
reach

This is real self-pity story here, but I was actually angry with the board for a few days because I felt like not many wanted to encourage me because they all feel I am so strong and confident and superior. I was angry and hurt. I wanted to blast most of the board. So I had to lay low and listen hard to words from kadee on this post to get past all of it. I am past it now. Of course I know how much my friends care about me here. !

hiya reach, just wanted to let you know how amazing I think it is that your able to describe my thoughts so well... crazy how that works, huh?
That being said (since your 'over it' :) lets be friends, k? I think your one of the neatest people I've never met :) funny, right? hee hee

jmk

Your post made me laugh again. Thanks.

Of course we are friends, you chucklehead. Smiles. It was all my issue, not anybody else's. And it is totally gone now.

Okay, I am going to do a REAL sign off now (haha), as I have spent far too much time on the computer this morning and it is a beautiful day outside. Going to join hubby in the backyard and give him lots of advice about how to plant his garden.

Toodles
reach

Reach,

Hello there sweetie! I have just read your post and I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you!!! I mean here you are going through all the stuff that goes along with this xanax taper and yet you are always there to help everyone else with their issues. I have probably been guilty of not just simply letting you know what an amazing job you are doing and encouraging you to keep up the good work. Im on day 4 (again) and I have been so caught up with me and my issues that I didnt even take the time to come on here and read up on the posts of my truly wonderful friend and encourage you as you always do for me. For this I want to apologize. I guess that you always seemed to have just the right thing to say to me no matter what my issue was and I guess I was, in a way, taking you for granted. Im sorry for that.

From now on I will try to work on my self centered pity party issues just as hard as I am working on my addiction issues. I guess it all goes hand in hand, and as I mentioned on my other thread, I am trying to take this opportunity to improve ALL areas of my life.

So, reach, you are doing an amazingly wonderful job!!! Keep up the good work!!! Stay Positive!!! You can do this!!! I am sending you all the positive energy that I possibly can through this computer!!! As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers! Stay strong!

Big Hugs,
Harmony

hi reach
havn't been on the board much, just checking in to see how you are doing? How does your garden grow? row on row? What is that poem? Yes, it's planting season for the mind too..Hope you and hubby and family are in good spirits. What happened with the buldge you noticed from the wedding dances. Everything ok? I hope so. You take that treasurable special care reach
always

Kadee

"with silver bells and cockle shells, all in a row." Smile. You always bring me a smile.

Kadee... Kadee.

It is late at night and I can not seem to fall asleep. My mind is whirling. Sigh. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, just thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. I feel calm enough, my body is tired and I am not tense, but my mind just won't stop whirling. Guess it is just symptomatic.

The bulging vein is down quite a bit, but tonight it was kind of warm. This is really weird, but I am breaking out in black and blues on both legs now and it has started today happening to my arms... mostly my upper arms. They are going to fit me into my family physician tomorrow (well, today). They will call me in the AM to let me know what time. I am not terrified, but it is making me kinda edgy I guess. Well, tomorrow will take care of tomorrow, right?

Taper is coming along. It is tedious at times, but I am trying my best to just ignore it as I can and go about my day. The bursts of energy are less frequent and fatigue is making me emotional. I am wearing down, Kadee. However, the calendar tells me it is time for a cut, so I have no doubt I will have some energy flares again. chuckles. This whole thing sure is a trip.

Did you go to your art therapy class? I hope so and I so wanted you to create an image of that lotus string. What did you do there? Did it help you? I have little creative talent. I am almost totally concrete-sequential. Like I can never see beautiful images in relaxation therapies. But I can apprecaite beauty even if I can not create it.

Okay, I am being Ramblin' Rose here. Feeling a lot better talking with you.
"... take treasurable special care..." I really like that. I always think of that whenever your name pops into my mind.

You do the same
reach

hi reach
I hope you managed to get some sleep, you sure have a lot on your plate, and now the doctor with (maybe) more doctor revolving doors.

I have read and pasted that Ginkgo, a medincal herb, reduces the clotting tendency of platelets, dilates blood vessels (thereby improving blood flow), and reduces inflammation. Ginkgo is used to improve blood flow to the brain and in the lower legs. It may be useful in treating dizziness, headache, noise in the ears (tinnitus), memory loss for recent events, and mood disturbance.

Yes, the Art Therapist is going to be an experience. She is going to fuse me altogether, my PTSD, my old nagging addict and me, she is going to bring us all into the present so I don't disassociate with myself, help me stay in the "here and now" all in one piece unlike Humpty Dumpty. The lotus string was something I experienced in total relaxation after my yoga class, I might have been floating over your house. I was very high in the universe. Who needs drugs? ha..

I hope you stay centered with God and love, after your doctor visit. Stay in the hopscotch square of faith and step away from fear. They might probably tell you to stop smoking, drink more water, stay away from fatty foods and to increase your circulation.Please let me know. Do you have pain when you elevate your legs? Reach, my thoughts and prayers are with you today.

You helped me so much at the beginning of the year when I was detoxing from the 10 year opiate addiction..We talked practically every day for a month. You are my angel. I have so much gratitude for you. I still take the melatonin for sleep you suggested I get from the vitamin isle. It works just as well as a Valium, and it won't give me any withdrawal symptoms. Like you said I might get a dependency on them, that is OK, as long as there isn't a withdrawal.

kind thoughts and prayers for you
kadee

reach,

How did your doctor appt. go today? I dont know what could be causing you to break out all black and blue, but hopefully the doctor will be able to provide some insight there. I hope that everything will be fine and just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Hugs,
Harmony

hey reach.... reach out...
what is going on?
are you ok?
please let us know


t.t.s.c.
kadee

good morning reach,
just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hoping all is well for you... also curious about your doctor appt., let us know how you are, ok?
Rest your weary lil' head if needed or post your heart away... type!type!type! right?... when your ready....
thinking of you, jkm

Hi Guys

My appointment has ended up being today, Wednesday, at 4 PM. I don't think I am in a life-threatening situation at the moment, but if I do, I would go to the ER. Yes, I am very concerned about the black and blues... another popped out again on, now on my bad leg, last night, right below the knee. It has a tiny hard spot in the middle of it, just like all the others had when they erupted. Of course, I was running around like a mad woman yesterday fighting the anxiety.

I am not in a rush to go see my beloved family doctor because I have this feeling he is going to send me to the cardiovascular doctor, who I last saw in October and he head ordered a stress test for the following day. That was the day I had the peaked and had the huge breakdown. I know I should have gone to se him much earlier than this, but was just not in condition to do it.

I am struggling emotionally right now and guess I am afraid that if the doctors discover one more problem with me right now, I am going to break again. whooooo....

Kadee, I am going to get some Gingko today and start on it late this afternoon, after the doctor appointment. I want off the Plavix... I think it is much more detrimental to me and I have resarched and found out that the Chrondroitin supplement serves almost the same purpose. I hate the plavix more and more as I read updated research on it. I am starting to hate all chemical meds for me, personally. Am trying to work on getting my body and mind to function normally with natural stuff. The transition is taking a lot of hard research and changing old mindsets... which is probably just adding to the darn anxiety from the taper.

Forgive me from laying so low lately... not trying to worry anyone, just trying to keep anxiety at bay and flipping around here by the moment emotionally. Back to fighting by those moments again.

I am reading the board a lot more than posting, so don't give up on me, okay? I am sticking to the taper and made the small cut last night for the first time. I slept hard and well last night... the exhaustion from the taper is one of those backward blessings that allows me some hard sleeping that I desperately need.

Love you all
reach

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

Foresee the outcome of everything today, in a positive way, so you can handle it in a positive way. I know that might seem hard, but you know what I mean from your childhood romp-a-abouts in various rooms, when they say, 'turn it over'

hugs and prayers
kadee

Hey Hey Kadee

Okay, I am trying hard to laugh at the irony of what just happened. Trying. My beloved doctor's office just called and to remind me of my appointment TOMMORROW at 4 PM. Okay, yesterday I wrote it down, I told my husband, and I told you guys that it had to be today at 4PM. I called back, had to go through the answering service who, unbelieveably, put me through immediately to one of the office girls. I told her that, without a doubt, the other office girl had gone and spoke to the doctor herself and he told me to come in today at 4PM. She said, "No, the records on the computer show THURSDAY at 4PM. I wanted to just bang my head on the desk a few times. I guess the other office girl, as sweet as she is, maybe made an error. My doctor can be a tyrant at times with his staff and might really lace into the girl, who I believe made a mistake. So I am going to have to close the trap here and suck it up.

Not the biggest deal in life.

Now hubby is irked with me because I was resting peacefully before going to the appointment and he wants me to go lay back down and I can not. Posting instead.

Whooo-hooo. What a ride.

I remembered to take my xanax dose timely today so it is helping to keep me calm a bit.

Gotta get my original mantra back in my head:
"I am getting better and stronger everyday."

Writing this as I say. "Hrmph!" and standing with my hand on my hip mentally.

peace out
reach

Hi reach!
Sorry i havent been there for you...Ive had a drama of my own over on the PM board, about insurance...How are you? You are so kind and sweet to everyone, and I hope you are doing well. We just took our boston terriers our for a walk, and i made hubs go with me, and they were dressed in their lil coats. HEEHEE!
hubby wouldnt take the girlie in her pink coat cause it made him look g*y~...Lordy....lol!!!:eek:
So he took lil boy in the green coat...
I told him hes got to get over his issues!!!! What a wierd one....oh well hubbys can be that way!
Anyhoo, hope you are hanging in there, and take care and take it slow! I miss chatting with you!
xoxoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM:wave: :wave:

Reach, please let us know what the doc has to say..thinking about you:angel:

Hello Everyone

I saw my doctor today for like a half hour. Thankfully, I am not dying. Smiles. It seems two simutaneous events are going on here.

One is kind of funny and happy. I am developing new little veins and even some larger ones from all the exercise. Thank you, Buckeye Tim. This is like a miracle because my veins have been a collapsed mess since the strong chemo years back.

The second event is that my blood is probably way too thin. I have been on Plavix since a heart attack two years ago and have recently also been taking Gloucosomine/Chrondroitin with MSN to combat arthritis. It helped much more than aspirin or tylenol products. Well, after researching, I came to find out that Chrondroitin is also a natural blood thinner. That's mostly what the doctor and I talked about today. He wants me to stay on Plavix, I don't want to. He ordered specific blood tests.. a LOT of them, so thank the Lord for these new veins! The results will be sent to both him and the cardiologist. Then I will discuss coming off the Plavix with the cardiologist. My doctor talked sincerely about balancing what I learn by researching myself and balancing it aginst the advice of experienced doctors. I know he is right. Blah. Balance is a tough act to follow through on consistently and persistently. I can not have the blood work until June 16th... insurance, of course, and I just do not have the money to pay for the tests... very expensive ones, totally free with insurance.

I am going to set up an appointment now with the cardiologist, talk to him and get a stress test in place that was supposed to take place last October, on the day of my final breakdown. The blood work should be able to be done very close to all of this. I guess routine life is calling me back to reality now. It has been more than six months since taperings have begun... time for routines again.

The xanax taper is going. I am now taking 1/2 tab midday and @5/8ths about an hour and a half before bed. I am sick of converting to mg and just eyeballing portions. The anxiety runs high still at times, but is not unbearable. I was even able to have a friend visit for coffee today and we spent an hour yakking and catching up. I was up and down a lot and talking rapidly, but she is a great friend and just reminded me to sit down. Chuckles.

Thank you all for sticking by me. It means a lot.

See you around the OK Corral.

Hugs
reach

hi reach, I've got a great big toothy, cheesey grin on my face right now :D Know why?... cuz I just finished reading your post. Take care of yourself though, only you really know your body, but the reality is that sometimes those darn doctors have a point. I love the idea of doing everything the natural way too... but I also know that if I don't take my med's everyday, there will be some real physical ramifications. Know what I mean? Like it's poison but I can't live w/o it. Sounds familiar, hmmm...
Anyway, here's to you and getting through today....cheers.....
jkm