Hi

I am an undiagnosed sufferer awaiting to see my CPN, this is my story.

I have always been aware that there was some problems going on in my head but did not really do anything about it.

These feelings went from feeling really low and wanting to be on my own to be flying high, the centre of attention and the leader of the pack. I have always been agressive and could lose my temper over the slightest thing.

I am married to a fantastic woman, have 2 great kids and a good job in construction. My moods and temper have caused problems for us over the years,( I was verbally abusive to her), but we always made up.

Over the winter months the depression that came over me caused some real problems, I just wanted to be alone, sat drinking until I feel asleep, and was agressive and abusive to anyone(my poor wife), who approached me.


2 months ago my wife told me that she wanted out, my life has totally collapsed around me without her. She told me that she thought I was suffering from depression. I went to my local GP, and he made the appointment with the CPN. I then started to look on the internet, and found BP, I read everything I could find, I asked my wife to read something I found, she read it and said "that's you".

I contacted the BP society UK, and went to a local support group, I spoke to people there, long time sufferers, and all seemed positive I was a sufferer.

In a nut shell, I get depressed over the winter, I am aggitated and ready to blow at any time. I don't go into a mania state, but feel my moods getting higher and higher, with thoughts spinning in my head, it feels like I have taken speed, my pulse races and I feel great.

Then I come down again and can feel "normal" for a number of days,weeks, then I will go again for hours, days. My spending has caused me some problems in the past, I have 40 shirts for work, and still buy them??, I just get an idea in my head over something and buy it, or see something and just buy it, no real reason.

I love my wife and want to stay together, she seems to understand that I need help and is waiting for me to get it.

What can I expect from the CPN, what sort of treatment will I recieve, can I manage this, and get it under control, will I ever get myself under control, the depression causes most hurt and destruction, can I overcome this.

Any advice will be greatly appreiciated.

I don't have the advise your looking for but others will help in that area. I just wanted to say that I admire you for seeking help for this illness. If left untreated it can wreck peoples lives. I am married to a man with bp but he totally refuses to see he needs help That really first important step is seeing you have a problem that is causing you and your loved one pain and doing something about it. I wish you the best in what you are doing.
marsh

Hi DS and welcome to the board. I echo Marsh's response, that it's great that you're seeking help not only for yourself but for the preservation of your marraige. By now, you have probably researched bipolar on the internet. I will be interested to know your diagnosis.

The spending sprees are part of the mania or hypomania. You will find a lot pf women here (look at the thread that starts with "just when") who have gone through the verbal abuse, sometimes physical, with their mates. I am one of them and left my guy a month ago. He is not medicated. One book I recommend is Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder. Both your wife and you will benefit from this.

The good news is that it can be controlled, it just takes the right combination of meds and often therapy to get better. Sometimes the drs. have to adjust, add, change he meds until they get it quite right. Of course, I am not a doctor, but from what you describe, the elation to the depression, it sounds like bipolar but you have to tell him everything and see what he says.

There is a wonderful man on this board named EYES who I hope finds his way to this thread. He received help years ago and has been fine, stabilized and is married. He's an inspiration, a success story. You have taken the first positive step so things will get better! Since this is your first post, I'll tell you that the best thing to do is click on "instant email notification". Makes it easier when you get responses. Good luck and stay with us!

Thanks for the support.

I have never been so scared in my life as I am right now.

I am scared of what this disease has done/will do to me, and I am scared that my marriage is over due to me not getting treatment earlier.

I am constantly looking for answers, my wife seems intrested, but I just don't know what is going to happen to us. This does not help with the thoughts spinning around inside my head, I am up and hopefull over the future, then I am down and just want it all to go away.

This disease has really messed my life up, and so I am just looking for the answers to try and build it back, be that with my wife and family, or on my own, the latter is an option I try not to think about.

Thanks for listening, any answers or thoughts are greatly welcomed.

Welcome DS! It is great that you have done your research, and came here that is the first step! :) I have BP too, and can totally relate to a lot of what you are saying. I dont tend to get the highs so much, but there are a lot of types of people with BP and we all react differently.:blob_fire I can relate to the 'manic spending' it got me into bankruptcy a few years back.:eek: Maybe since your wife is being so supportive, anything you really want to change or have her watch for you to help you she can do that, is that possible? :dizzy:
as far as what to expect, like others have said, they will try you on different meds and please be patient (I myself am waiting for better meds, after 6 or 7 yrs I didn't have insurance so had to get the cheapest not the best for ME, then moved to UK because that is where hubby is from, but its making things worse as I want to go back to USA but no money so its really frustrating! :mad:
So I am waiting for a decent diagnosis over here, I finally got a doc (I kept geting bounced around that was annoying! so they havent changed my meds till they get to know me but I am on such a low dose I feel like a psycho and I am surprised my husband has stayed with me! I am lucky, you are lucky with your wife too! :angel: we have to think of the positive as us BPs if that is indeed what you have tend to take it all on too much, too hard everything excessive and something that is said to us we take personally and unfortunately hurt the one we love the most. Maybe because they are around. Well good luck to you and I hope all goes well. Since I havent been here all that long and my husband doesnt know, maybe you can give me tips on how to find support for BP in UK? that would be great since I am just kind of existing... and falling apart :rolleyes: :confused:
well keep up the good work, We are all proud of you to come on here! and we are all a big extended cyber friends and family you could say.
:wave: Leomia

Well all hats off to YOU, DS for finally getting the help that you need.:bouncing: :bouncing:

Now is the time for you to forge ahead....you have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain from this point forward. Getting to the point of wanting help is the biggest step you can take. So go to your CPN and let's get the ball rolling to find out what exactly it is that is going on with you!!!

So when is your appointment??? I sure hope it is soon.

Please do not look behind you but rather look ahead.....you are finally going to get a diagnosis and treatment and from there on in things should be looking up. Don't focus on what will happen with your wife....let the chips fall where they may fall but focus on YOU and getting yourself squared away so that your future can be a bright and happy one.

Welcome to a great place where you will find a wealth of knowledge and support.

Good luck and please keep us all posted as to how you are doing.

~ Goody:angel: :wave:

Hi all quick update.

I met with my CPN yesterday, told her everything, history, symptoms, my own thoughts, etc.

She said that she was unable to make any diagnosis(waited 6 weeks for this!!!), and that I must see a consultant pdoc.

She said that it does sound like Bp but would not like to comment, so now I wait still, again!!

My mind is spinning over my marriage situation, one minute I an fairly calm and polite, then I get paranoid and ask my wife is she seeing anybody else.

This up and down is starting to wear us both down, and just hope that she stays around long enough for me to start solving the puzzles in my mind.

I know this is no quick fix, but once we are on the road, I hope it gets easier for her.

I don't lose my temper as much as before, I know how to keep calm, sort of, but it's the paranoia and racing thoughts that send me a little crazy.

Any thought, comments or responses would be appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

Hey Ds

well at least you got the first step done, and that usually is hardest. THe cpn maybe didn't want to misdiagnose you so how long do you wait for the pdoc appt? I hope it is soon! I can imagine how hard things are that you feel. But be open with your wife and say you really are trying but I am sure you have done this anyways... Just keep the line open..
Maybe you can try to train your brain to really think things out before you say them because its normal if you are BP and not medicated yet or fixed or whatever you want to call it to suspect things that are not true, (delusions don't always have to apply to yourself)
So maybe if you tell your wife this she will be better able to help in the interim before you get properly diagnosed!
At least you are on the right path and that goes to recovery so that is great!

Hang in there!