So, I have spent my month chewing carrots, eating crispy water (lettuce), coming up with new ways to enjoy fish, avoiding all things great and wonderful (wine, chocolate, caffeine, red meat), and just overall learning to love the color green (in vegetables). The first week, I was pretty much homicidal, but now...really gotten kinda used to it. This "baby-making" diet has turned out pretty good. I even lost 15 pounds and am now at 110 (not that I needed to, but I guess it doesn't hurt).

So, also did the whole human dart board (acupuncture) and herbs. Today, as scheduled, here comes AF! YEA!:blob_fire

Gotta call my RE and schedule a baseline for Monday, hopefully...and see where we go from here. I am hoping to move on to another wonderful cycle of i'm-a-human-pin-cushion and maybe finally see those elusive 2 pink lines. ;) DH may get deployed to Iraq soon, so...tick...tick...tick, and I am ready to put an end to the 14 yrs of BFN! :)

I am spending a little time catching up on all the posts on this board...this will take me all night. I have checked in from time to time, but been pretty busy on my dissertation. Alot going on here on the "crack-boards". :D

Still wishing ya'll all the baby dust in the world!! Again...time to dance! :D


Laurie

That's great, Laurie! You must be so excited! :blob_fire I know what you mean about missing some of the good stuff - I have been craving chocolate like there is no tomorrow. I actually decided that I was going to have one of those little mini-reeses cups today. It was heaven! :angel:

Let us know how the u/s goes!

Good for u Laurie I really admire ur will.U must let us in on ur diet I could use to lose 15 pounds right now:D thanks to all these great meds I think we have all put on a few unwanted pounds.Oh well what can u do if it gets us our miracle its all worth it.We can always lose it after.

Well I am so happy that AF showed for u and I pray u have no more set backs.Please let us know how ur appt goes on Monday.I will say a special prayer for u.

I am also sorry to hear that DH will be leaving for Iraq soon that must be so hard to deal with.Good luck sweetie.

Mapia:angel:

Laurie - YAY!!! That is great news!!! Feeling healthy and you also get to make forward progress with TTC! I am so very happy for you. All the years of being a pin cushion will soon pay off and I know you'll look at your little angel and be able to say it was all worth it! Good luck with the baseline u/s... we will be waiting to hear how it goes!!!

PS - really hope it turns out that DH does not get deployed to Iraq. I couldn't imagine how painful it would be to see him leave for that assignement.

Laurie - Great news and welcome back! :) I hope everything goes great with your appt on Monday. Keep us posted.

Lori

Hi Laurie!!!

So good to hear from you!!! Glad the baby making diet is in full force and it looks like you have gotton some good results so far!!! I hope that will lead you straight to that BFP!!! You are really putting your all into this and after all this time TTC you really desearve a BFP. So DH may be deployed soon. When?? Geeze that stinks!! Maybe you can freezea few samples for the road LOL!! I really hope you get a BFP before he goes!!!

Sounds like you have been working hard on your disseration. You go girl. I don't know how you do it!! I thought about going back to grad school but with IF just can't imagine I can focus so kudos to you and Holly for going to school during all of this!! Keep us posted and good luck!!!!

kathy

Hi all! Thanks for all the warm wishes...it truly means alot.

Kathy~ I feel off the "diet wagon" a few times...had to have my wine and sweets...but overall, did pretty good. The weight loss, well, not really what I needed, but at least now I have to go shopping for new jeans that fit. :)

Looks like DH will be deploying in July, just as we suspected. We have known for quite some time, I have just been in denial. With the Army, you never really know if they "mean it" this time or not. I won't believe he is gone until he is on a plane and off to the giant kitty litter box across the pond (Iraq). I will miss him, but we are talking about freezing his swim team-and lots of it. He will be gone a whole year, so it would at least make it possible to continue this quest with him on the other side of the world.

I hate that he has to go, but at the same time, I know he loves his job. I would never stop him from doing something he loves so much. I just pray that he returns safely...to me and a nice, new buda belly. :) How sad...maybe his child will be conceived, and he won't even be in country! :D

I have my baseline u/s today at 2:45- so I guess we will see if Sasquash and spawn have finally left me alone, and what wonderful concoction (sp?) of fertility drugs will be impaled into my belly (with intricate precision) next....

Laurie

Hey Laurie

I am so happy for you . .... it s great to be back in the game. At the same time its a pity DH will have to leave soon. Really hope that you get your BFP before he leaves.
I admire you so much it must not be easy dealing with IF and having DH in the ARmy.
Really hope that this will be the month for you.
You can count on my prayers.

AMy

BTw

How do you manage to go without chocolate???
I am trying my best not to eat any at all but its so difficult. Especially when i am a little down. chocolate kind of makes me feel better. though since i ve read that it may increase risk of m/c i am trying to stay away.

Amy

Oh Laurie, that stinks about DH having to deploy to Iraq. I really was hoping that would fall through. :( I think it's great that you plan to freeze up some of his swimmers so that you can proceed and hopefully he'll come home to a nice round belly on you! Let us know how the u/s goes today. Hope the sasquash is leaving you alone!

Hey Laurie,

Man that is so hard to have your sweetie so far away for so long. I don't blame you for being in denial. I was joking before but I am really glad you are freezing some sperm just in case you don't get a BFP before he goes. I will be praying for his quick and safe return and that you have a bun in the oven or just baked and ready to come out as soon as he gets back!!! Your IF sisters here will be for you!! :)

BTW it doesn't sound like you needed to loose any weight either. You sound like your already small!! Man you must be a skinny thing now!! :)
kathy

Hi Laurie.

I am glad you are back for another round. It's hard to resist the torture isn't it?

I am sad to hear DH has to go away. That must be hard. You sure are a strong woman to consider doing treatments while he is away. I have to admire you! the sperm freezing sounds excellent.
i know this is no laughing matter, and i hope this isn't insensitive, but i was just thinking how funny it will be when you tell somone you are expecting and they know DH has been gone for months - they'll probably give you a look like who's the daddy? never dreaming of what you went through to conveive the baby. then you can have the big laugh. ok, i'm corny and i admit it. and i pray that when DH comes back you are just about ready to give birth. how perfect will that be?

What is the subject of your dissertation? when do you defend it? I turned down two offers of admission for a PhD program (Florida and Florida State) and sometimes i wish i had done it. but i don't know if i could have done it while struggling through IF. my concentration is really lacking nowadays.

Good luck at your next appt.

Well....(drumroll)....

NO CYSTS!!! That's a definate first! They did FSH and estradiol and will get results of that back shortly..so not totally out of the woods, but it is a step in the right direction. I am so excited!!! I will find out what medication etc. tomorrow...boy do I need this right now! :D

We've already discussed the whole...well, your DH has been gone for 8 months, how could you be 6 months pregnant scenario. I will just keep 'em guessing...it makes it more fun to see them squirm. :D Never judge, lest you be judged! DH is actually happy about the whole "out of the country for the entire pregnancy" idea. He know's how hormonally homicidal I am with just the medications...watch out! :)

CBB- I am only into my first year of my doctorate program at Texas A&M (out of 4 since I am doing it part time) and still working out subject matter. Right now, I am in the literature review stage, to evaluate other research and see if there is a need for mine. I am leaning towards something with teacher retention and agriculture education with the onset of "No Child Left Behind". Doesn't that sound riveting! :D I like being in the program as it keeps my mind occupied. You know the whole "idle mind is a devil's workshop" theory...being overly busy is best for me! :D

Well ladies....keep me in your prayers and I will do the same for ya'll! This good news doesn't happen to me often...so I may need to take full advantage of it!

Laurie

Great News Laurie!!! :blob_fire :blob_fire

Finally got rid of those suckers!!! Yippee!!! :D I am praying for you that the rest of your B/W comes back PERFECT!!! :angel: :angel:
and this all leads to that BFP!!!!

BTW your dissertation sounds awesome!! Doesn't matter how long it will take you it is a great thing to continue your education.

Good luck girl!! So glad you got some good news, that diet did the trick!!! :cool:

kathy

Laurie that is awesome news :blob_fire :blob_fire .I will just pray all goes well for u wow I guess the diet and accu really works huh???????Well u got me believing it does.Please let us know what happens with ur bloodwork.I pray all is fine and u get the green light.

Mapia

Hey Laurie!

You sound so energized! I could feel it right through the computer!

I am so glad the sasquatch is gone. Finally! What great news! and I love your idea about keeping people guessing as to how you got pg with DH far away. It's none of their business of course but i would love to have some fun with it. Seeing them squirm will be great and will make the time pass quickly. I hope the rest of the b/w is just fine and you are on your way! Wahoo!

i remember doing the lit review for my master's thesis - i actually found it fun to sift through all the journals and articles and web sites looking for info. kind of makes me want to go back to school :rolleyes: Good luck Dr. Laurie!

Great news Laurie! Glad to hear the cysts are finally gone and you get to move forward this cycle. Hope this is just the begining of good news for you.

Holly

AND THEN MY BALLOON GETS DEFLATED....FAST!!!!!!!!!

My FSH is 15- which would explain my decreased ovarian reserve (antral follicle count of 6). RE recommends donor eggs....again. I am so frustrated! I am only 34 years old, and have the ovaries of an old lady...and I never got the chance to pass on my genetics (not that they are all that great...but I did not want mother nature to decide for me, I wanted to make that choice).

It seems that after 14 years, our journey, sadly, may be coming to an end. It may be time to accept the inevitable, instead of looking through the rose-colored glasses I am so prone to do. It now appears, the light at the end of our tunnel is slowly burning out, as it is only now a flicker. We are still left, hearts aching, without our little miracle- but life will go on.

This too shall pass, however, nothing eases the pain right now.

I still feel fortunate for all I do have- because like I have stated before, no matter what, I have LOVE!

I am going to do acupuncture, diet and herbs for 1 more month, but hold on to only a small thread of hope. That's all I have.

Laurie

Hey Laurie!

Don't give up just yet! I think the doctor told someone on this board that she had old ovaries or eggs or something and suggested donor eggs to her but now she is doing IVF with her own. maybe she'll see your post and can tell you more about her experience. she too had high FSH problems. It's not over yet!

Would you consider donor eggs? Would you consider IVF if it were a possbility?

I hope you can figure something out. I know life goes on and you have a pretty nice life right now but i pray there is a way you can get your miracle as the icing on the cake. even though i know on your new diet you probably aren't eating cake ;)

Laurie I cant believe that I was so excited for u sweetie.I dont understand why u can catch a break what is going on the past couple of days.Seems like all this bad news I just cant take it anymore.Well I will pray for u and hope u get a shot next month.Good luck sweetie.

Mapia

Thanks Mapia~ concentrate on that BFP you are gonna have tomorrow! I am praying for you girl- I will just live vicariously through you...ok?

CBB- I am not at all opposed to donor eggs...but our savings account is. IVF is much the same...we are totally out of pocket pay, and IVF is SO out of our budget! I wish there was a way! Maybe something will fall into our lap...

I am breaking the diet today...I have a nice bottle of Merlot waiting patiently for me to drown my sorrows..... :D

Laurie

Laurie thanks sweetie u really are the best.I hope I get that BFP as well.I want to make my girls proud of me.:D U enjoy ur Merlot tonight and I will pray god throws u a life jacket finally.Take care sweetie.

Mapia

Armywife,

First, I want to say how sorry I am about this. Why do these things happen!!! GOD!!!! The person they suggested donor eggs for was me. My FSH was 17.4 this month and they are still moving forward. It had to be below 18...I just made it.... Did you have the inhibin b test?? If your FSH is high and the inhibin b is Low (meaning you need to test the results to be greater than 45) each test is read differently. I hope you understand what I am saying... anyway.... if they both match then you can have of an idea if ovary quaility and researve are low. My inhibin B is great in the 80's and my FSH is the one that is sporatic. my RE theorizes that is has to do with my BMI being 21 that makes the FSH show an abnormal reading. Keep in mind that these tests are based on mass numbers of people not the individual and that FSH being high is only considered to indicate a correlation with egg quality. It is not a known fact that FSH levels directly means that you egg quality is bad. Ask your RE that he will have to agree. Some Re's will work with you and high FSH look at mine and I am higher than you!! So don't loose hope girl. Remember that book Inconvievable this lady had an FSH of 23 and she was 40 and she has 2-3 kids!!! So you see it can happen DON'T GIVE UP!! I refuse to let FSH take me down!!! Neither should you!! I'll be praying for you!!

((HUGS))



kathy

Mapia~ got my eyes peeled for that life jacket..boy could I use it right now. I would even take the swimming pool styrofoam donut if it would help...I can't be picky! :)

Kathy~all signs point to a poor prognosis for me and my feeble eggs. I have a low antral count (usually 2-5), have been unsuccessful for 14 years, high FSH, and not only a poor responder to fert. medications, but a NON RESPONDER. Looks like I got dealt the crappy hand in this. I look at all the symptoms online, and they have me pegged...I even thought I saw my pic next to it as an example :D Just another thing I have been in denial about. I just need to take off the rose colored glasses now and then.

DH is staying late at work for pre-deployment crap...so I cry here, alone, at my insufficiencies at being female. Maybe it's better he is not here. I am not very attractive when I cry.

God has other plans for me, I just wish I knew what they were. We will see what happens after this month....that thread I am hanging onto is getting pretty weak.

Good luck ladies...ya'll are all in my prayers~

Laurie

Oh Laurie, I am so incredibly sad for you! :( Really I can't imagine 14 years of heartache that you have endured... I'm gonna keep praying for a miracle to come your way. You are such a wonderful young woman and you deserve to have young healthy eggs so that you can pass on your beautiful genetics. I don't always understand God's plan for each of us.... this is another one of those times that I am just left stunned at how unfair it appears to be. But I will not stop hoping and praying for you... I just want you to know that.

Armywife - is your husband active duty? Tricare doesn't pay for IVF (boo hiss) but you can get it done at a handful of military hospitals. I have gone through it twice now at WRAMC. Since my DH is the problem so to speak we have to pay the high end of the cost spectrum of 5k, but some people get away with as low as in the 3k's. ICSI and the MESA stuff is what makes ours cost so much. It's not free - but alot better than the private sector costs of 25-30k.

Elliesmom~ Yep...love the Tricare insurance... I won't see a military doc if I had a hangnail. I always get off post referrals. He is active duty- currently at Ft. Sam Houston. We will be moving soon to Fort Bragg, NC, as soon as he gets back from deployment to Iraq. What can you tell me about the IVF? I haven't heard anything, so any info is useful. Is there a way to look it up? I have looked at BAMC but can't find anything.

Kari~ Thanks for your well wishes. You are too sweet. I need all the hope and prayers I can get. :)

Laurie

You have to do the IVF at the military hospital with military Drs. It used to be a handfull did it, the hospitals in Pearl Harbor, San Diego, San Antonio, and D.C. (Walter Reed). I know Walter Reed still does it, but I didn't look into the others this last time since our "material" was stored there and we would be going back regardless of what was closest. I have done it twice and gotten pregnant both times - so I guess I can advertise for them. Seriously, the lab work is actually done by an outside lab, which is what you pay for. The doctors and the medications all come from the hospital for free. So the lab has to report their stats by law and they actually have better success rates than most private facilities. I know Walter Reed has alot of info on their website not sure about the other facilities, but its worth checking out.

Wow Elliesmom, Congrats to you!

Laurie, I hope her story will give you a little encouragement. I'm sorry that you've gotten more disappointing news, and I hope that things start to look up for you soon.

Holly

Hey Kathy!

I knew it was you with the FSH problems but i didn't want to "out" you unless you wanted to share your info. ;)

Laurie- i think between kathy and Elliesmom there is some inspiration there and maybe that will spur you to do some more research into your options before giving up hope. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try. Good luck! I hope this can still work out for you.

Hi Laurie,

I just hate to hear you so sad. It is so unfair that this has to happen and that somehow we got dealt these cards and I don't blame you one bit for feeling discouraged after so many years of trying. I still don't think FSH matters as much as they make it matter and the fact that you have 2-5 follies is not bad at all. If you can do IVF they will likely be able to get you to produce more. I think what Elliesmom says sounds really promising for you. IVF may be the thing that will work for you and if the army will pay GO FOR IT!!! I really hope that some how some way there is a light at the end of the tunnel where you can at least try IVF. Hang in there sweetie, I really am pulling so much for some good news to come to you that will lead to you being a mommy!!

BTW CBB- thanks for your discreation taht was sweet of you :)

kathy

Well, another *crash and burn*~ yes, they do IVF, but only if FSH levels are below 9. At 15- you can really count me out! It was a great thought, however.

DH is taking this pretty hard...and I am trying to understand his points, but it is increasingly difficult through all my tears. *God give me wisdom and patience, but if you give me strength, I might really do some damage to him* :D

Oh, well. I am sorta coming to grips with all this...what can I do, I can't change it? I was dealt the crappy hand on this...too bad I already bet it all.

Good luck ladies...we need more positive thoughts on here!

Laurie