I've been out of college for a year now looking for work. I've been temping for almost a year now.
The first job I had as a reservation assistant, I was fired for disobeying a direct order, unporductivity, and a bad attitude. Considering it somewhat of a fluke I moved on.
My second job I was an insurance claims processor. I was fired becuase I didn't get along very well with a long time employee.
My third job, I was let go without any defined reason... I simply wasn't needed anymore.
This fourth job, I went in as a temp and was hired. Three weeks into a physical therapy front desk job I was fired for bad behavior.

Obviously, something is wrong with me. I willingly acknowledge and admit that I have a problem with anger. My issue is what is it that I am so angry about?


Any advice is welcomed. I'm willing to talk, listen, and learn. :)

Obviously, something is wrong with me. I willingly acknowledge and admit that I have a problem with anger. My issue is what is it that I am so angry about?
Any advice is welcomed. I'm willing to talk, listen, and learn. :)Only you can answer that question. Think about the times when you fly off the handle/ snap back/ flare up. whatever. There is a button being pushed, and you need to work on finding out what that button is ACTUALLY connected to. As an example, I used to get very upset if older women were bossy with me..on really thinking about it I realised that I was like this because my own mother was very disapproving and scolding, and every slightly sharp word from a lady like this would turn me straight back into that sorry little girl. Maybe you were treated badly at some time in your childhood and the anger comes up when that particular button is pressed. Only you will know what it is. See if you can find any common theme around the incidents that got you into trouble, think of place, tone of voices, words used, all you can think of. It will be interesting and also may be very helpful.

Only you can answer that question. Think about the times when you fly off the handle/ snap back/ flare up. whatever. There is a button being pushed, and you need to work on finding out what that button is ACTUALLY connected to. As an example, I used to get very upset if older women were bossy with me..on really thinking about it I realised that I was like this because my own mother was very disapproving and scolding, and every slightly sharp word from a lady like this would turn me straight back into that sorry little girl. Maybe you were treated badly at some time in your childhood and the anger comes up when that particular button is pressed. Only you will know what it is. See if you can find any common theme around the incidents that got you into trouble, think of place, tone of voices, words used, all you can think of. It will be interesting and also may be very helpful.

I agree w/Seraph... what's most important is this part of her quote:

There is a button being pushed, and you need to work on finding out what that button is ACTUALLY connected to.

That is the key! :wave:
Redwing, are you gonna go to some anger management therapy? Or just see a therapist? You've got to put your finger on what's triggering your anger and find out why it is that way.
If not, that anger will hold you back in life, b/c no one wants to work with, deal with, or be around an angry person. Matter of fact, they'll lock you up with a quickness if you don't deal with it now.

Red, you have taken the first step in admitting that you need to do some work! Seraph, your post was excellent! Will wait for your next post Red.

Thanks Ser! I understand that my anger is connected to something and you're right I do have to find out what it is. There are just many things connected to my anger.

I do realized that no one wants to deal with an angry person. Being fired multiple times has tipped me off to that.

I know that anger is an unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated.

Now, finding those buttons:
I get angry when women talk down to me.
When people joke with me and I don't like it. Ex: I said to a friend this weekend "I'm so not picky its not even funny." Later he repeated this phrase back in jest, I didn't like that and felt hurt. I should have voiced that thought, assertively not aggressively, but instead I internalized it.

I've been in therapy on an off since I was 12. My parents recogized early my passive aggressive behavior. I know it wouldn't hurt... but I really can't afford it at the moment. And the last time I went to a therapist it was forced and there were other issues at hand I had to deal with.

I've been wondering if I should keep an anger journal. Perhaps that would help?

Thanks

Red, people are passive/aggressive because they cannot stand up and meet their own needs and stand up for themselves (assertive). Did you mother talk down to you or not really respect you as a person?

Hey red...
I'm wondering if during your therapy you worked with Cognitive Behavior Therapy. If not, then that is something you should look into. There's plenty of free information on the net, it's easy to understand and something you can begin to work with on your own. CBT suggest keeping journals but more for tracking the irrational thoughts that are causing the anger and then replacing those thoughts with more realstic ones.

Also, keep in mind that anger may not be the real issue; there may be underlying emotions which are being covered up by the anger; sorrow is commonly underneath anger so you may want to look in that direction too.

Thanks Ser! I understand that my anger is connected to something and you're right I do have to find out what it is. There are just many things connected to my anger.

I do realized that no one wants to deal with an angry person. Being fired multiple times has tipped me off to that.

I know that anger is an unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated.

Now, finding those buttons:
I get angry when women talk down to me.
When people joke with me and I don't like it. Ex: I said to a friend this weekend "I'm so not picky its not even funny." Later he repeated this phrase back in jest, I didn't like that and felt hurt. I should have voiced that thought, assertively not aggressively, but instead I internalized it.

I've been in therapy on an off since I was 12. My parents recogized early my passive aggressive behavior. I know it wouldn't hurt... but I really can't afford it at the moment. And the last time I went to a therapist it was forced and there were other issues at hand I had to deal with.

I've been wondering if I should keep an anger journal. Perhaps that would help?

Thanks

They say journals do help.

Red,
so, you just kept a lot of thing "bottled up" inside you; now, when someone pushes a button, you let it out.

Sounds like the things you didn't get to voice when you were younger; the things you didn't get to say back THEN, you're saying out loud NOW, but you're totally P.O.'d. Everything just piled up and your letting it out in spurts, but it's coming out--not the way you really want it to.

Red-
Your situation sounds a lot like my daughter, who was fired from a multitude of jobs--she too would get a job, work for a while and then suddenly something would happen to set her off and pow, she'd get fired or quit in a huff- probably just getting the jump on an inevitable firing. She finally, and just recently figured out that she just cannot stand to be criticized in any way, shape or form. She does not like to have anyone be "the boss" of her--so she's struggling with that reality. She was bullied for like 15 years by a certain "friend" who was a super-bully to the point of threatening her life (I find out now!!) and so she is really hates 'authority'. She does much better in jobs where she has a lot of autonomy & flexibility. She needs to know she can come & go and does not have deadlines or bossy bosses--also she needs bosses who are very professional & upfront. ALSO she doesn't like to deal with the public--so I guess my reply to you is that you need to find your niche, so to speak, whatever that may be. Maybe you keep working at jobs that aren't clicking with your personality. Some people can't stand office work, some people want to be outdoors all day, some like set 9-5 hours, others require flexible times. Don't beat yourself up--talk to an emplyment specialist and see if there is something that appeals to your nature more and see if there is something that would actually appeal to you--what is it they say--find your bliss and the money will follow? (I think that's maybe not so true, my bliss was having 5 kids and I'm hardly rolling in dough--but they're all doing well--)
Good luck!

You cannot worry whether or not you can afford it or not and it sounds to me like if you have had this off and on since 12 then you really need to consider the alternatives of not going to therapy as in losing another job and more importantly friends or family members and im not saying that would happen to you but you have to weigh the possibilities that it could happen and then you would be even more angry with YOURSELF for not continuing your therapy.
Hope this helps you.