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View Full Version : Very upset and hopeless-long post!


Ariesladi25
05-11-2007, 08:59 PM
Hello to everyone!:wave:

I am not sure where to begin,but i guess I will try to keep it short and sweet. I am 25 yrs old and have experienced many female issues. First, since i was 17 I have had abnormal periods,some come every other month some every 6 months. I seen an endo dr,when i was 19, he did blood work,ultrasound,and said everything seemed normal,keep in mind at that time, I started to get excess hair on face and no periods.:eek:

well, I have been married a little over 4 yrs now and have not yet concieved. About 2 yrs ago, i lost alot of weight which alone helped me regulate period. due to some personal stress, i gained it all back, it has now been a yr and no period,and still alot of facial hair. I am so embarassed. Well, i made an appointment to see a gyno in a week.

I think i may have polyoscyctic ovarian syndrome. I am so terrified and sick of the thought i may not be able to concieve. about 3 yrs ago I was put on clomid for a month and never ovulated. after that i gave up and thought it may happen naturally. Of course, it never did.

I hope i can shed some light as to whats wrong with me when i go see dr.
I am so depressed and hopeless about the situation and feel as if my dream of having many kids is nothing but that. a dream. With mothers day coming up I want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

Happy Mothers Day to those who have conceived! (sorry that i am being a little negative here, i just am being honest and i hope somebody out there may help)

Please any advice or support would be so appreciated.

Sponsor
 



marinewife12
05-11-2007, 09:29 PM
Welcome sweetie.

I also have PCOS. So I know what you mean about the whole gaining weight thing. Sometimes it's very difficult for those with pcos to lose weight. Trust me, I'm right there. I have a very hard time losing weight, no matter what I do. I used to be a very healthy athletic girl...I'm 5'10" and used to weigh 125lbs in high school thanks to an active life. I'm still active, and I have a healthy diet, but pcos is wrecking my system.

Have you tried any other medications besides Clomid? And is there a reason you only tried it for one month? I've heard some women say that it took 3 months before they ovulated, and that if they had stopped early they would have missed that. Maybe you should try going back on Clomid, but giving it 3 months to work.

I've also heard GREAT things about Metformin. It's what my Dr.'s first line of defense is for pcos. He's seen good results, and a lot of women on the boards have also had luck with it. I've heard everything from it helped them lose weight to they were able to get a bfp with it.

It's great that you lost the weight the first time. That means you know what you need to do for the results again. I would say that you just need to try your hardest to let go of the stress and whatever else is holding you back from dropping the weight. Your body is the most important thing, so if it's not in order, your goal will be harder to achieve.

Most of all, know that you're not alone! Something like 10% of women have pcos. They're getting farther and farther along with treatment and understanding PCOS.

Hope this was helpful!!!


Kate

Ariesladi25
05-11-2007, 09:53 PM
Hello Marinewife12!:wave:

I appreciate you reading and replying back! It really helps me.

Anyhow, i only stayed on clomid for 1 month because, alot was going on we just bought a house at that time, and i gave up and thought maybe it will happen on its own. Also, at that time i just had a biopsy to see if i had cervical cancer,due to the reason i had a abnormal pap that showed hpv and some pre cancer cells. After the biospy, i figured i would lose weight and then we would start trying again. well i lost the weight went from 245 to 117 and was fit and active....some more personal things happen,and slowly i have gained it all back. so on top of that, I now am depressed about me gaining the weight,and i figured it would help if i lost more weight again and while doing so, see a dr this time to see what is wrong with me,so when we are ready to try it wont be so hard.

So here i am experiencing terrible things,like the hair on chin and lip,no period,and acne out of no where. I feel so un woman like. I dont know. Plus, here is mothers day coming up and i feel worse. i am a step mom to a 14 yr old but i never recieve any credit for that. I want my own child. I just dont think it will ever happen.:mad:

sorry to go on and on again,
thank you again,

lovelygal
05-11-2007, 11:05 PM
Hi Sweetie,
Just wanted to say welcome and take it easy, do not crawl into any hole because you have not concieved. I personally do not see it as mothers day to those that have kids or have concieved, I see it as a day for all women out there with or without issues. So heres wishing you a happy mothers day, you are a woman. For your problem, I think you may want to talk with your Dr. not just focusing on clomid and ovulation because I have a cousin who had problems concieving after she got married because she was producing a lot of androgen(not too sure if thats the name), they said it was a male hormone which made her grow a lot of facial hair(when I say a lot, I mean like a hairy man). After so many tests, she was placed on a drug for almost 8months to supress the hormone before even putting her on ovulation drugs and am happy to say that she is a proud mother of two today.
So to make it short, am not a Dr and I can't diagonise but it does not harm to talk with your Dr and get the right treatment first. Hope my words can help.

Goodluck,

Lovely.

Ariesladi25
05-11-2007, 11:25 PM
hey there!

Thanks for the advice! I will certainly make note of that. and thank you for a happy mothers day and same to you! I am a step mom but i have never been acknowledged for all i have done,oh well, she is not my daughter anyhow,i have no reason to complain.

I do want my own child. I want to look at my child and see my husbands eyes or my smile. those are the things in life that are irreplacable.

so thank you for your kind words. i go to dr on may 23...so its my first visit and i am scared and worried i will be told you are not gonna concieve ever!

again thank you

Black Kat
05-12-2007, 12:46 AM
Hi! :wave: I honestly don't know much about PCOS, but I do know 2 women who have it, and both of them have children. I thought you might find that encouraging! :) So don't give up~ one day you too will have little ones of your own!

Kat

Ariesladi25
05-12-2007, 08:40 AM
Hey there everyone!

Thank you for your support and kind words. Its hard to cope and i know all of you have felt,or feel that same way. Its hard finding people to relate to ,when they all have kids. What has been bothering me alot lately, is how you hear on the news what people do to their kids. I heard a story on the news a couple days ago,where a lady had birth and threw her baby away in a dumpster. It doesnt make sense why people like that have baby after baby and then do something like that,and then there are women who would give a leg to have a baby,like myself. It saddens me to see how some are.

Sorry, i had to vent on that subject. I dont wanna go to any gatherings tomorrow because it make me more depressed. I hate watching the other women in family recieve a gift and be told happy mothers day and then here i am childless and i feel like a failure to my husband.

Also, to let you guys know, i have gone on the pcos board, and no one seems to reply to me...so i tried this board,since it does deal with my main issure ,infertility.

I am not feeling sorry for my self at all, i am just worn out and hopless....

again, sorry i am being depressing here.
Happy mothers day to all you moms and mommies to be!

Amy 333
05-12-2007, 08:50 AM
Hi Amc

Welcome to the boards i am sure you llfind all the support you need here.
I am sorry that you are going through all this i know it s not easy.
I understand what you mean about Mothers Day .........my angel baby would have been 1 month old this weekend. Instead i ll be meeting up family and will probably be teased all day as the only one who s not a mum yet. However i do my best to think positive ..... we ll be celebrating too hopefully sooner rather than later.
On a more positive note....2 co workers of mine both with severe pcos had children . one conceived after 3 months without any meds at all . the other after 6 months with the assistance of medication.

Hold on and good luck for your appt.

Amy

Viktorria
05-12-2007, 10:17 AM
Hi AMC, You found the right board. Everyone here is very supportive. I have a friend with PCOS and she has 3 children, so it can happen for you. Hers were all conceived naturally (although none of them were planned, just happened to be her little miracles and she's thrilled).

You mentioned a Dr. appt on the 23rd - is that with an RE or an OB? I also had your fears that they would tell me there was no chance of me conceiving, but my RE said that they VERY rarely say that to people, unless there is an extreme age issue, which is not the case with you. Good luck with your appointment and let us know what the dr says!

Ariesladi25
05-12-2007, 10:35 AM
Hello everyone,

Thank you all again for taking time to read my story and to respond. It is very appreciated! Well, i didnt know where to start to i called my regualr dr and asked if i should see an endo or gyno...she said to start with gyno and she gave me a referal.... I am just sick today over everything..... i feel so unfeminine,with all the pcos symptoms,i feel like a freak.... i mean no offense,because i know other women suffer the same and i am not calling them that,it just how i feel about myself.. i am sick to my stomach today...

I am depressed that i have to go shopping for an outfit for tomorrow. It is hard to find clothes now,since i gained so much weight back that i lost...

i dunno what to do or feel anymore...:(

Ariesladi25
05-12-2007, 11:57 PM
Hello all!

Just a quick note..i changed my username to ariesladi25,it was amc23... Well, today it seemed like everywhere i went there was someone pregnant...I am happy for them,but it still hurts...and then today i was shopping for clothes and i was talking to the sales lady who was very nice, and i jokingly said i cant afford the bras she was showing me and i said im poor,which was a joke,and she said you must have kids because of the joke i made and then i said no,i have a step daughter but none of my own and she thought i was gonna cry from my facial exopression i guess i had. I dunno,tomorrow is always a reminder of what i dont have,being mothers day and all. well,at least i got 2 pairs of jeans and some shirts..oh and my favorite perfume- happy by clinique....anyhow,Happy mothers day to all! Tomorrow will be a sad day none the less,but my husband and i are going out to brunch with my parents and then by his mom for a little bit so i will post tomorrow nite,if you guys dont mind!;)

Ariesladi25
05-24-2007, 11:26 PM
Hey to everyone!

Well, I had my gyno appointment this wed. All in all, i think it went okay. She seemed to be a nice dr and understanding. only thing i found out , is that she does not treat infertility,but she would recommend someone at a later time.

Anyhow, she repeated the pap to see about the cancer cells that were shown a few years back. and she did a exam. she said from what she could see from the exam,everything feels like it should,but of course that doesnt mean something isint wrong.

I explained to her all my symptoms and she suggested to go for bloodwork,I guess to screen for pcos. She also said that she suggests losing weight and I told her about my anxiety/depression i have had for about 7 yrs and she also said that i should see a therapistr before trying to get pregnant. something about , how i want to be ready physicaly and mentally becuase having a baby and trying to conceive,can be very emotional as it is and having depression prior could make it get worse. She gave me provera to take for 10 days. I am going saturday for the blood work and then i see her in three weeks to discuss results. So scared. I have been self diagnosing myself through the internet. Some of the disease out there match my symptoms and its scaring me big time!

I guess basically the plan is to lose weight and deal with my depression in the meantime,before ttc. and of course find out what is medically wrong with me.

just thought i would share... I feel alone and like I am not normal. In my eyes, i think " Im 25 with facial hair and no period and cant get pregnant, whats wrong with me"... and i know that i am not the only one like that,but when you are experiencing all those things you feel like you are the only one at the time.

thanks,

Best wishes to all
ariesladi25

TryN2BMommy
05-25-2007, 09:12 AM
Hi Aries,
I'm glad to hear you have a plan of action. I agree that it is important to deal with any depression or anxiety that you are feeling before ttc. Especially if you think there will be issues making getting pg hard, ttc can be extremely stressful. I wish you all the best. :)

And remember, you definitely are not alone.

Holly

Ariesladi25
05-25-2007, 10:00 AM
Hey hollyncurren,:wave:
Thanks for the words of support! I do have to say i feel alone,except for this board. I mean my husband,of course,is there for me,but sometimes you need a females point of view in this case. My mother just keeps telling me,that if i would of went to gyno when i was 16 and had these problems,that i would of been ok and already pregnant. She keeps bringing up the past and i tell her it does not help me in the present to say things like that. Even my gyno aggred that she is negative support for me,if she continues to say those things....

I am not going to blame myself. I am trying to make small steps now. I just hope i dont get frustrated with all the tests and back out like i did a few yrs ago.... I guess i cant eat anything after 6 pm tonite,and then i am going for the test tomrrow morning. They said no water either.:mad:

Thanks again for taking time to read and post back,
take care,
ariesladi25:angel:

Kari15
05-25-2007, 12:05 PM
Hi Aries, I just want you to know that I am sorry that you are going through all this and feeling the way you do. I think it's great that you are taking action and trying to get thing emotionally and physically under control so that you can pursue your dream of having a child. IF is a very challenging and difficult thing to go through... sounds like you have a good DH who will be supportive through it all. Well I wish you luck and hope that all your hard work will soon pay off!

Ariesladi25
05-25-2007, 12:49 PM
Thanks guys,

I know that all i want is to be a mother. My gyno did tell me i shouldnt make being a mother my identity,just in case.and then she said i am not trying to set you up for disappoinment,but in general you cant focus your idenity on having a child... i know she is right,but in my eyes not having a child would leave a huge void that nothing could ever replace.... i dunno...so many feelings and emotions. i wanna thank all of you again who have replied and took time to respond, it means so much!:)

thanks and take care,
ariesladi25

CBB
05-25-2007, 02:32 PM
hi Aries.
I am glad you are seeing a doctor and getting some initial tests done. IF is sometimes like a puzzle, with many different pieces that have to fit together to become pg. i tell all the new girls on here the same thing...it could take months or even years for you to get pg, you cannot get frustrated or back out after just a few tests because there is a lot of testing that goes into an infertility workup for both you and DH, and you must have patience. a lot of IF treatment is trial and error. You'll see on this board women doing many many IUI's, lots of IVF's, and it doesn't always work on the first try. you must keep on trying if your dream is to have a child. IF can be a very long journey and for most of us this board has helped a great deal in getting through all the rough patches. So stick around, update us on your progress and know you've found friends here. Good luck!

Ariesladi25
05-25-2007, 04:23 PM
thanks cbb and everyone else,

I know it is a long process. But i am prepared to stick it out this time. I know i must lose weight. I guess seeing a therapist wouldnt be a bad idea as well. How do i start and get in the frame of mind,that says you are gonna lose the weight and stick with that. I dunno. i have lost weight before and i know what i have to do,i just need to do it. Im scared i guess that i am going to be diagnosed with something bad,like a tumor or cancer. :eek:

I just am depressed when i see a woman pregnant or get invited to a shower. Im sure you guys know what i am talking about.
I will definatley keep you updated!

thanks again,
ariesladi25

JAM82
05-26-2007, 06:30 AM
Hi,

I too have pcos and have been ttc for 3 1/2 yrs without success i have recently had two cycles of iui which failed unfortunateley however i have to keep going.Like you i have v irregular periods the first came at 17 went away for a year then came back maybe 2/3 times per year.
I am remaining positve about the whole thing as theres nothing i can do about it anyway.
I do think it sounds like pcos as weight gain,acne,hair and irregular periods are just some of the symptoms however you dont need to have them all i only have the weight and skin and period symptoms.
Try not to worry too much abot it at least if you have it you can do something about it(isnt it better than it being unexplained?) and get the treatment thats right for you and maybe save yourself some heartache. and dont rule out being a mum i know it seems so far away but your getting closer everyday and look at posh spice! she has pcos and has three kids! theres hope for us all.

x

jelly2001
06-06-2007, 02:31 PM
:wave: Good Luck to all! It's nice to have a place to vent and get advice from women who know. Have a 5 year old daughter. Misscarried twins at 4 months about 2 years ago. My cycles are irregular. Tried clomid for 7 months due to one test that showed my levels were low. Last clomid cycle was in August. Made me feel fat and witchie as well as decline in mucus. Husband's test showed low count and mobility but could have been due to tight undies:eek: , caffine, and chewing tobacco. We have done away with all three. Trying on our own since then decided to try IUI today, without clomid. doctor thinks levels are good without it. Wondering that if this is not successful if we should go back on clomid before next IUI. Thanks to everyone for sharing and baby dust to all:angel: . Any thoughts on how to prepare for today? :rolleyes:

rubynz
06-06-2007, 09:44 PM
Hi Jelly

Sorry I can't give you any advice on your IUI as I have never had one but I just wanted to wish you luck. I know what you mean about the clomid, I am taking it for the next three cycles (days 3-7) and this month it made me terribly moody and depressed. It was like I had really bad PMT. I try to tell myself that it must be doing something good if it affects me so badly.

Anyway, hang in there and good luck!

Ruby

 
 
 




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