Thinking of you and wondering how you are doing? I know you had alot on your shoulders last week with finding out about the surgery and all. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks pepper, how sweet of you to be thinking of me with all that you are dealing with. I never thought i would meet such wondeful people like you and the others on this board. Pepper, I want to thank you for being there for me and being a soport and keeping me in your prayers.
This week has been though, with the news of the surgery I have heard so much negative things about it, like why are you getting surgery and why are you just giving up. Only if people really understood what I was going through, now my family is alot more supportive and some of my friends are. Now I have the ones worrying about the meds I am on, esp. my friends that are nurses, they dont understand why I am on such high doses. It is getting on my nerves and I am just so frustrated right now, and then there are the co-workers all who are nurses, are like they are you gettin on my nerves with the whole surgery thing they act like I havent tried anything, like I am just sitting on my butt doing nothing, I am so mad. Forgive me for going off like this.

Then old sweet fiancee, I am mad at him too and its not really his fault. I just want to bet left alone, I am in alot of pain and he comes over and acts like everything is ok, why I look a certain way and I am like i am on meds thats why and I just woke up. You know you can look terrible when you awake from a med induce sleep. Anyways I feel bad because I dont want to make love anymore to him, I am hurting to much. I try to do it sometimes to please him, but I could care less, I am in so much pain that I am just going through the motions and this is few and far between. Sometimes i feel I am going to loose him if I keep up like this. I start fights with him and I guess it is because i am so miserable. I just need help.

I am so sorry i am just letting all this stuff out pepper, it has just been so though for me, but I have to think and be positve, I appreciate you so much, thank you and I pray you are having a pain free day. God Bless, sorry if I gave too much info
Rachel

Rachel, I so understand where you are coming from. I don't think anyone my hubby included REALLY DEEP DOWN UNDERSTANDS. I believe unless someone is living it they don't understand at all. They can't even begin to comprehend the daily pills, the daily pain, and how hard it is to go thru the motions of daily living. We also have alot of feelings of guilt because we CAN'T DO THINGS and that we are worried about tomorrow.

I think what you are going thru with your finance is a huge test on your relationship and if you can make it thru all of this, then you should have a good solid relationship for your future.

Honey, I want to write more and will be back....but my I need to go dip in my spa for a few minutes. My back is really bad today.

I am back. Have I said I love my spa??

I know that I have had to personally step back from some of my friends as painful as it is and not even address my pain or back problems with them. Because they don't understand, can't relate or they end up doing nothing but frustrating me. I am not sure if this is the correct approach or not but it certainly helps me by not dealing with the anguish of these discussions.

Just remember that you are the only one that can make the decision to go ahead with the surgery. No one else is walking in your shoes and dealing with the pain day after day.

I think you are really very strong and just remember that we are here for you and will be more than happy to listen to you or answer any of your questions that we can.

Take care sweetie!!

I totally understand how both of your are feeling. KK pain is a thing of its own and we just deal. My hubby whom by the way is a saint doesn't even ask anymore he knows I am in too much pain.

I am sorry you are going thru all that you are. I know had hard it is however I also know that does not make it anybetter.

I really messed up this week I was so busy living that I forgot to order my refills. So I am withdrawing and just coping. I haven't told anyone but the pain really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I can't be active sure will be glad with Monday gets here and hope the Dr office has someone to sign scripts.

We planted flowers today or so I watched. Now hubby wants to go to dinner and it will take every ounce I have to do it.

love ya guys hope you all have a great mothers day.

Thanks pepper, you know right about now I really wish I had that spa, I am too jealous. but you are right about the friends. I am just going to start keeping things to myself you know. it is hard because I want to be able to share things with my friends without worrying about what they think I should do or not do. Thanks pepper! Man, I really wish I had that spa, lol:)

I so understand about the friend thing and wanting to share.....isn't that what friends are for??? I have found out who my real friends are thru this ordeal and it has definitely suprised me.

kk - you are more than welcome to come over anytime use the spa. My door is always open for good friends.

Thanks pepper for the invite, I will be there! Now I do have some friends and some people who have really been there for me that I thought would not, so you never know.

Clover, girl you let the pills go out? Wow, I am sorry, I know its hard esp. with you working and all. I hope you be ok through the weekend. I am glad that your pain isnt too bad and I pray that it does not get that way. See with your hubby at least you guys are married, I am scared with my fiance because we are not and he has no ties to me you know. Do you know that he has not called me all day. He left this am mad at me after I said some mean things, but I did call him and apologize to him a couple of hours later and he never returned my call. He was suppose to spend today with me because tomorrow I was going to be with my mom. We have not had a major fight in a while, but when it gets like this it makes me want to forget wedding planning or looking forward to a future with him. I understand he is mad, but he could have called by now. So now I am more pissed. I am sorry to spill all this out to you, but its all related to this back, before my back my relationship was great, everything was, now I am learning to re adjust and its hard, but I am adjusting thanks to you, pepper and the others. Well, anyways I hope you sleep well tonight and take care, Happy Mothers Day

Kk
I certainly understand. My hubby and I almost got into a fight this morning. I almost removed his title of saint. Pain does take it out of us and not everyone understands what and how hard chronic pain is to deal with.

My hubby is the same way he gets real quite and won't talk and that just makes me madder. Then when he does get over it and want to talk I am so mad we fight again. This doesn't happen much but does and more so since I have been in chronic pain. As much as think he understands he really does not.

Good luck you are in my prayers

Yeah, Clover you are right my fiance gets quiet at times and it does make me more angry, I hate when he does that. Yesterday I told him its like he has a muzzle on his mouth and he just ignored me and left, and I have not heard from him since. Oh well.

How are you feeling today? I hope you are feeling ok today and that you are taking it easy. I hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day, Clover
Rachel

Pepper, how are you today, I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mothers Day, I hope you are having a pain free day and that you are rnjoying the spa lol, you take care.

Well I can see we all have something in common. I am in the dog house right now because I did not go to church. My hubby really wanted me to be there. I told him I wanted to be there too but my pain is out of control. He is giving me the silent treatment and it is mother's day too!! Geez!!

I had to take meds around the clock, Clover I have taken enough for the both of us, since mid day yesterday. I don't know what the h### is going on. I am hurting across the entire lumbar part of my back. It does not feel like a spasm but pain down into the left side is extremely unusual. I never have left sided pain.

Anyhow, I am getting ready to transplant vegetables that we sprouted from the seed with the children once my meds kick in.

If you ever get the chance and it you have not watched it -- get pursuit of happyness. AWESOME MOVIE!!

Take care ladies and I hope you are not in to much discomfort.

Well I can see we all have something in common. I am in the dog house right now because I did not go to church. My hubby really wanted me to be there. I told him I wanted to be there too but my pain is out of control. He is giving me the silent treatment and it is mother's day too!! Geez!!

I had to take meds around the clock, Clover I have taken enough for the both of us, since mid day yesterday. I don't know what the h### is going on. I am hurting across the entire lumbar part of my back. It does not feel like a spasm but pain down into the left side is extremely unusual. I never have left sided pain.

Anyhow, I am getting ready to transplant vegetables that we sprouted from the seed with the children once my meds kick in.

If you ever get the chance and it you have not watched it -- get pursuit of happyness. AWESOME MOVIE!!

Take care ladies and I hope you are not in to much discomfort.
Pepper, I just saw that movie and it was awsome! I am sorry you are in the dog house too! Maybe something is in the air with our men these days, it is very unusual for me not to hear from mine this long. Going on 24 hours and not a word. Oh well, I can get even meaner you know. We were suppose to go to church today ourselves, i beleive if we spent more time there anyway we would not be in the situation we are in anyway if you know what I mean. We start the premarriatal classes on the 20th and I hope it helps.

As far as the pain I am there with you on that one girl, now this is suppose to be our day, could we at least have one day to feel good right? I am going to try to make it to my moms, she is fairly young only 51 and i am the on who acts like the granny lol. I cant take my meds until I get over there because I have to drive and I dont like to drive with meds on board you know. Well, take it easy and I hope your meds kick in soon and enjoy the day with the kids, I am sure they will make you feel special today. My daughter has a behavior problem and has already worked my nerves and made me feel like I am lower than dirt, but any way thats another topic another time, you take care ok.
Rachel

Good Afternoon ladies.
My pain got so bad I could not get out of bed. I was crying and thought oh S*** did I mess up. Pepper I was in hot water with the family this morning to. My hubby went into the other room and came out with some oxcotion that I had when I got out of surgery and didn't use. He was so mad at me for not telling him.

At least I know that the pain is intense and I do have problems. Hubby things the surgery didn't work or I hurt something.

Careful planting I did a little yesterday which probably contributed to the pain. Anyway I am starting to feel better and the leg pain is getting better. Hopefully I don't have to go thru this again.

It is hard getting refills at my Dr because they only sign them Monday-Thursday and then if you are lucky enough to have a Dr or PA in the office.
My Dr is out of town and the other Dr goes to other towns. The PA is just plain not there half the time and even when he his I think he leaves his brain at home.

KK sorry I hi-jacked your post.

Pepper I was unable to join my family in church also due to pain. I was in bed crying.

love ya all hugs-happy mothers day

Boy aren't we the life of the party. I think we all shed tears today. I sat in the hot tub with my hubby and cried. We had a long discussion and he asked me point blank if I think the surgery helped me.....boy was I caught off guard. Do you know the sad part is that I can't say? I told him that was not a fair question especially since I have been in SEVERE pain the last two days. He told me that he thinks it has definitely depressed me. I have lost the hope that things will get better which is so not like me. To be honest, I think he might be right.

Clover, I am so glad that hubby founds some meds and pray that it is giving you some relief. I understand about not telling him. I would have done the same thing.

Rachel, I hope you were able to have a good time at your Mom's. I wish I lived closer to my Mom and Dad. I miss them so much.

Take care and know that you are both in my thoughts.

I hug for you.....

I really do know where you are coming from. There are days where my pain is so bad all I want is to be left alone. I have the same problem with people lecturing me on my drug use. These are the same folks who take to their beds with a cold.

Pepper
Funny that your husband asked you that cuz mine said the same thing.

I am 12 weeks and still have alot of pain.

Hope you are doing better and don't lose hope. We can't we have to keep going.

You are so right we must hang on to hope and remain very strong no matter how difficult it might be.

I think I am frustrated with the pain, it appears to be never ending, and I really thought I would be better by now. When I try to go out and live my life my back flares its ugly head.

How is the pain??

Pepper
I know what you mean about getting frustrated. I have been there more than once. All I keep thinking is that we are not given more than we can carry. We will be better people from going thru this. I know that sounds awful right now but I have to keep that thought in my mind.

It is 4am and just couldn't stay in bed any longer. The meds my hubby had put away that I did not use from my surgery helped but the pain is still real and there. I know from this experience that I still have some healing to do.

Pepper hope your evening got better and that you had a peaceful sleep. Talk with you later.

Pepper I'm sorry if I keep asking this but don't you have some other issue's in your back that they won't fix yet ? This could be where your pain is comming from ?

I tried weed wacking yesterday for 30 minutes and wow did the pain come on. I understand how frustrating this is too. I don't want to get to the point where I pay a person to mow our lawn. Luckly for my JohnDeer mower I can do it myself ,does it hurt ? Yes the mower is worse than my 4 wheeler on my back. Thing's need done !

I sure hope you find relief in your pain so you can do your normal activities and raise them children right , jeez you don't want them to grow up spelling like me :dizzy:

Shawley :wave:

Yes I have a herniated disc. My hubby and I were talking about that. He wonders if it has worsened. I am going to try and be strong and spill my guts out on my next appt - the first week of June and we are praying that I just needed extra time to heal.

Pepper I don't know how it could get better ? If it's herniated that's pretty bad isn't it ? I can't believe he didn't fix that the first time around.

I see you going in again for another surgery to repair that ? Know wonder your having all that pain. I don't understand Dr.'s course I'm not that smart nor do I know much about the human spine. I do know more than before thanks to my injury and this site. :D

Yes I have a herniated disc. My hubby and I were talking about that. He wonders if it has worsened. I am going to try and be strong and spill my guts out on my next appt - the first week of June and we are praying that I just needed extra time to heal.
Ok, It looks like i have been gone away too long in self pity, pepper whats going on girl? I am so sorry you are feeling bad and in pain like this. I hope and pray you find the answers you need on your next visit and you make sure you let them know that you are in alot of pain. I wish there was something I could do for you. I just want to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Many cyber hugs((((((((())))))))))))

Pepper I don't know how it could get better ? If it's herniated that's pretty bad isn't it ? I can't believe he didn't fix that the first time around.

I see you going in again for another surgery to repair that ? Know wonder your having all that pain. I don't understand Dr.'s course I'm not that smart nor do I know much about the human spine. I do know more than before thanks to my injury and this site. :D
Now Shawley as much as I luv yah im gonna get yah, you did not even say hi to me and now I am sad frown lol

Hi KK
How are you feeling? Are things getting any better?

I hug for you.....

I really do know where you are coming from. There are days where my pain is so bad all I want is to be left alone. I have the same problem with people lecturing me on my drug use. These are the same folks who take to their beds with a cold.
Techno that is so true and they want to talk about us. Man if I get better i will never call off work for a silly cold you take care. and have a good day

Hi KK
How are you feeling? Are things getting any better?
Hey Clover I wish they were getting better, once again it is taking me aobut 45 min to typr thde 5 words worhout falling the sleep on these meds. It has been real though and I am trying hard thats with all the pain and ithching and all.Bu, I hope all is well with you, I will start posting more once I feel better.
.

kk - Thinking of you and praying that you are feeling better soon.

KK
I sure hope that you get to feeling better soon and I of course have you in my prayers

Thanks pepper and clover for your prayers, wow, now, everytime I turn this site on I fall asleep while reading it. This increase in meds is just terrilbe. But you guys are great thanks for thinking of me. I started aqua areobics today I will attempt to start a new thread about it. How are you?