well, i havent done anything bad in 1 week(burnt etc). i feel distracted, its good to me. im focused on food restriction, its the first meaningful goal i have had in 3 yrs and its working.i lost 1 pound i 5 days, but its slow to start with but now im getting the hang of things again. i dont know what to say in therapy now, i am not telling them i am starving because then theyll write me off with other problems again and i cant have them interfearing with my goal, so ill do this in secret, im just confused a little because then they may think im making a miraculous recovery. i think this goal is good and im afraid theyll burst my bubble here, my doc always said try and focus on something and ive found it. i might be happy with me when i do this and this might cure everything. it would be good to say i did this myself, i found the answer not them when they were not helping. its my own private little project that i may surprise people with because i CAN change things, some things.

my doc rang, no word on my refferal, its like waiting in a room with 4 white walls for a never ending amount of hours just staring at the door. so much is happening around me and im stuck to the ground. apart from my project nothing is changing, so ill focus on this.

im terrified, my exams are next week and there is no way i can do them. i have only read 1 book, i dont understand them and the concepts, i cant begin to answer questions on them and ive looked at past papers. i am screwed, im worried this is the climax of me falling apart.

havent been here in a while, sannah/dakota, hows things??

xox

Hi Kerry, I think the food restriction is giving you a sense of control in your life where everything else feels out of control. Real recovery will come when you can feel that you have your life under control, especially your feelings. Your feelings will feel under control once you understand them and can work with them. IMO this would be a good place to focus your energies for getting better. Sorry to hear about school. With all of this going on in your life I would think that it would be very hard to focus properly on your studies (another reason to let your parents know what is going on with you and why you cannot focus on school).