nance898
05-15-2007, 11:35 PM
I met a man over the iternet 8 months ago. I am 52 and very intelligent. In al my life I never met a man so intelligent before. He also was extremely caring, generous ( bought me a car, etc) Very understanding, intutive, so special a person,m we made an unbelievable connection. but in all these months he never touched me. he todl me from beginning that he was very patient about sex. i thought that was admirable. after 7 months of not even a kiss i wondered, asked if h e was gay, no he assured me. married, no again.
He told me he had panic attacks and have to run, , i saw him have them from traffic, etc. said he could never go on a plane. ok. one day at a restaurant he said dont sit at that table, it is dirty., well it only had a drop of water on it. he told me he cant hardly go anywhere anymore. only places that are asteciatelly correct. getting harder to go to work, etc. stays on computer all the time.
he was abused when he was a child.
then 4 weeks ago, i said why do you call me " your friend" after 7 months, he started to have a panic attack and i said "well just go if your not going to allow me to touch or love you anyway." and he hasnt called since. i talked to doctors and ocd groups, they said he has ocd. he wont return my calls. im worried for him and miss him so very much, no one understands me like him.
i dont know how to help him, can somerone help me? he is sole caregiver of his elderly, dependant mother.
He told me he had panic attacks and have to run, , i saw him have them from traffic, etc. said he could never go on a plane. ok. one day at a restaurant he said dont sit at that table, it is dirty., well it only had a drop of water on it. he told me he cant hardly go anywhere anymore. only places that are asteciatelly correct. getting harder to go to work, etc. stays on computer all the time.
he was abused when he was a child.
then 4 weeks ago, i said why do you call me " your friend" after 7 months, he started to have a panic attack and i said "well just go if your not going to allow me to touch or love you anyway." and he hasnt called since. i talked to doctors and ocd groups, they said he has ocd. he wont return my calls. im worried for him and miss him so very much, no one understands me like him.
i dont know how to help him, can somerone help me? he is sole caregiver of his elderly, dependant mother.
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seriousperson
05-16-2007, 01:55 AM
Some relationships just don't work out.
I haven't been in a relationship or touched a man in 17 years.
I have a full time job, do freelance work, and volunteer work.
I have 3 grown daughters.
I'm considered attractive for my age, but a touchy feelly relationship is just not gonna happen.
You say you understand this person, but do you really understand what it's like to feel the way I've described?
If he's not returning your calls, I guess it's too late for you to accept him on his terms (which seem to include an unwillingness to change). But do you really want that, anyway?
Hey, you got a car out of the deal.
Maybe just leave him a message about how you appreciate his intelligence and the car etc. and you're sorry it didn't work out.
I haven't been in a relationship or touched a man in 17 years.
I have a full time job, do freelance work, and volunteer work.
I have 3 grown daughters.
I'm considered attractive for my age, but a touchy feelly relationship is just not gonna happen.
You say you understand this person, but do you really understand what it's like to feel the way I've described?
If he's not returning your calls, I guess it's too late for you to accept him on his terms (which seem to include an unwillingness to change). But do you really want that, anyway?
Hey, you got a car out of the deal.
Maybe just leave him a message about how you appreciate his intelligence and the car etc. and you're sorry it didn't work out.
kotitka
05-16-2007, 06:13 PM
I am OCD myself,
and I've always wondered, how many people are out there who have OCD to any extent...My mother has pure O, although she would deny it, but if I knew before, I would've been more patient with her. My sister admitted she may have some symptoms sometimes, but she is not fully in it :) I don't think she has it a disorder, luckily for her. My ex BF has pure O, and again, if I knew, I would have acted so differently in our relationship. I wonder if my current BF may have it in a mild form. The world is crazy, I wonder if there is norm anymore :)
and I've always wondered, how many people are out there who have OCD to any extent...My mother has pure O, although she would deny it, but if I knew before, I would've been more patient with her. My sister admitted she may have some symptoms sometimes, but she is not fully in it :) I don't think she has it a disorder, luckily for her. My ex BF has pure O, and again, if I knew, I would have acted so differently in our relationship. I wonder if my current BF may have it in a mild form. The world is crazy, I wonder if there is norm anymore :)
purplegirl1
05-16-2007, 08:45 PM
Maybe give him some time. He may be having a lot of anxiety right now, that you don't even know why. Or, if you know where he lives you could stop by. I wouldn't keep calling him if he is not returning his calls b/c that may make him more upset or anxious. If you are truly concerned about him, you could call the police if you are really worried about his saftey or his elderly relative's safety to check things out?
seaturtle
05-16-2007, 10:44 PM
He said "your friend", and maybe that's as far as he can go.
Can you leave it at that? A nice friendship? You might tell him that - send him a card, leave a message.
My guess would be that he feels frightened and rejected and
bad about himself since you told him to go.
He just may not want any contact with you. I've ben in relationships where I've broken them off (not b/c of OCD), and I simply don't want to hear from or see the person again, esp. if I've been hurt.
IS there any reason you are worried about him?
Can you leave it at that? A nice friendship? You might tell him that - send him a card, leave a message.
My guess would be that he feels frightened and rejected and
bad about himself since you told him to go.
He just may not want any contact with you. I've ben in relationships where I've broken them off (not b/c of OCD), and I simply don't want to hear from or see the person again, esp. if I've been hurt.
IS there any reason you are worried about him?