I have always had a problem making coversation and speaking up. I am extremely shy and when I go to parties or near people talking I can't just jump in like normal people -- no. It's like the words are caught in my throat and won't come out. Or, when they do, it's so soft no one hears me.

I also experience brain freezes and cannot think of anything to say. There are two guys who catch the train with me and they talk about sports often, but because I don't know anything about sports, I can't think of anything to say. Also, they work in the same department and I work in a totally different area, so there are no common topics we can discuss.

I cannot even talk to relatives because I just cannot think of anything to say. With my sister and mother, we have things to talk about, but I can't say the same for anyone else.

Also, when I talk, I stumble my words and often say dumb things that don't make sense and after I say it I feel awful.

It would be great if anyone has ideas on how I can make small talk. I have bought waaaaay too many books on the subject and none have been helpful.

I'm the same way. I deal with sometimes w/ comedy. I am the guy that can make anyone laugh. The problem is I am so shy that it needs to be coaxed out of me or I have to be familiar with at least some ppl there heh. Once I start though there is no shutting me up.

As for the guys on the train, if you really want to talk to them it can be simple. Watch Sportscenter on ESPN or just read the daily news sports section. You can get a overview of the main pts of the day. Even if you don't fully understand, you can use this knowledge as a intro into a conversation. Such as 'how about those mets last nt, great comeback huh'. Then let it go from there. You'll be amazed that once in the conversation you can just flow with it. You won't be expected to shovel tons of knowledge on them and you will start to feel more relaxed. Heck you might even start to like sports :)

it's so soft no one hears me.


Hi CSense, yeah, I have done the above and once I stopped I have noticed it in others.

I have frequently used questions to get a conversation started. People love to talk about themselves! Listen carefully and keep asking questions until you understand exactly what they are describing. After that you can make comparisons with what you know about the subject or related subjects. I know you have a lot of interests, thus, knowledge in your head, things that you are passionate about. Try to bring these subjects into the conversation. I'll bet a lot of your problems here have to do with your self-consciousness and the thoughts that you have in your head about yourself. Weeding those out will help because they aren't true! Mistakes mean nothing whether this is studdering on a few words, losing your recall ability or whatever. If you don't make it a big deal no one else will make it a big deal. If you make mistakes a big deal and get uncomfortable you will make others uncomfortable. Discomfort DOES start with you!

C - I get nervous around others too. I always fear what I say will make me seem inadequate (especially at work). I hate small talk because it can feel so forced. Maybe you can talk to the guys about communiting. "Hey, did you see that guy eating the gyros with extra onions last week? Ha ha." Or maybe try talking to them about where they are commuting to (work/school). I bet there's stuff you have in common to talk about. You probably just haven't discovered it yet. If you're from Chicago and don't know about sports you can always say, "The Cubs sure blew it yesterday, didn't they?" LOL

I have always had a problem making coversation and speaking up. I am extremely shy and when I go to parties or near people talking I can't just jump in like normal people -- no. It's like the words are caught in my throat and won't come out. Or, when they do, it's so soft no one hears me.

I also experience brain freezes and cannot think of anything to say. There are two guys who catch the train with me and they talk about sports often, but because I don't know anything about sports, I can't think of anything to say. Also, they work in the same department and I work in a totally different area, so there are no common topics we can discuss.

I cannot even talk to relatives because I just cannot think of anything to say. With my sister and mother, we have things to talk about, but I can't say the same for anyone else.

Also, when I talk, I stumble my words and often say dumb things that don't make sense and after I say it I feel awful.

It would be great if anyone has ideas on how I can make small talk. I have bought waaaaay too many books on the subject and none have been helpful.


Csense,
you just need to be comfortable with yourself!
If you feel comfortable and have confidence, you'll do fine.

Look at all this advice. I like sports, too! I watch the ball games, hockey, tennis, golf, some soccer, water sports.... I actually wind up getting caught up in the games!
You have a voice and you can talk. You're just as important as anybody else, and what you have to say is equally important as well.
Remember, they eat, sleep and go to the bathroom just like you!

Now go ahead and start talking! ;)