well where do i start ok here goes...had a smear done in 2003 when i was pregnant with my first child. It showed abnormalities which were still there when i had a smear after the birth. Went into day surgery and had the growth burnt off. went 2get a smear done in 2005 it showed that i had the wart virus or otherwise known as the hpv virus,a year later still there now went 2 weeks ago and guess what yep still there and it's type 18 which is one of the types that develop into cervical cancer,so back to surgery again next month this time thay're gonna cut it out and send it away 2 see if it's cancerous now that is scarring the crap outta me!!!!!!I already have severe heart failure now this im gonna loose it real soon.........:blob_fire

Hi suz,

Firstly I want to say that I completely empathize with you regarding this scary issue. It can be completely debilitating and overwhelming so this is a good forum to come and vent as we all know exactly how you are feeling. That said, I think the most important thing now is to have your support network surrounding you-- family, friends, etc-- people who be there to support you when you're getting ready to go to get your LEEP done (is that what it is that you're having done?) and try and relax in any and all ways possible. I was a major stress case a few weeks back and even now while I wait for my biopsy results I have my moments of being paralyzed by fear, but the best thing is to revel in that fear for a few moments and then snap yourself out of that state and let those feelings subside. You will be fine!

Also, I'm not clear as to what your diagnosis was. You said you had high-risk HPV, but what did your pap smear results and biopsy results say? Did you have some type of dysplasia? I think depending on the grade of dysplasia, they have different methods of treating it. For example, low-grade dysplasia is usually not treated with anything as most of those cases regress to being healthy cervical cells again. For moderate and high-grade dysplasia, they usually go in and perform a LEEP. If you're certain as to what's going on with your body, I suggest you make an appointment and ask your doctors everything you want to know. Sometimes doctors are so busy with other appointments that they only give you the main overview of your condition. But it's your right to know *everything* so I'd suggest you make a list of questions and ask your doctor everything about your situation.

Do keep in mind all this is PRE-cancerous, meaning it will be treated and you will be fine. You don't have cancer as they would've been able to tell you that by now. A lot of us have the high-risk HPV (myself for example) and sometimes this never progresses into cancerous or pre-cancerous changes. And oftentimes your body will clear the virus after a few years. So do relax, go ask your doctor your questions (this will calm you down), and keep yourself distracted with other things in your life. You will be fine!!! I hope this helps? Take care and let us know how things progress with you!

well im in australia so maybe what they call here as LLets is Leep or whatever you said(sorry can't remember)over there all i know is the first time i went in for surgery in 2004 i had high grade abnormalities which they burnt off which was supposed to be 96% effective well i was in the 4% that got it back.I took mum with me cause she is a registered nurse and she explained it more thouroughly my doc is also good at telling me have been seeing her since 98. Anyway now the last pap test i had showed number 18 of the hpv virus which is one of the one's they think developes into cancer. Also may need a laproscope done cause i have abdonominal pain but have to ask my heart doc first cause it may be dangerous 4 me. See i have more than one problem. My family is not much help they tell me to stay positive but my mum suffers depression as do i and she isn't really much help unless it's to explain medical things,my dad has lukemia so can't bother him much my bf doesn't know how to be supportive and he's mostly worried that i have to remove my womb cause he wants a child. my kids are not his. Don't have many friends and those i do have don't know what to say that's why im here cause i need people to talk to

Hi again suz,

I understand how this is all very overwhelming right now. Right now your priority is taking care of your health so try not to let outside factors stress you too much. I must say, though, that I do hope your boyfriend could be more supportive of you right now. Understandibly the risk of affecting fertility with all those surgical procedures is scary, but it does not mean that by having the LEEP again will make it impossible to have another baby. But fertility should be secondary to your health right now, and hopefully he is providing you with the emotional support you need right now?

I truly hope it all works out fine for you. I think one of the hardest things during all of this is the mental health aspect and how it affects all of us-- if you have depression problems to begin with, then I'm assuming you're going to therapy now too? If not, maybe that would be a really good idea to help you manage your stress and help you better deal with your health issues. Just make sure to keep talking to your doctor and keep up with your appointments. I'm sure you will be fine!

Thanks you seem like a very nice person. no i don't think he will become more supportive he's only just started to come to terms with the fact that i have a heart condition....stress makes me physically sick because of the heart thing so im tryin not 2 stress to much but it's near impossible! no i do not see anyone for the depression i am on zoloft though which kinda helps. live 15 mins outta town trying to get transfered to closer but till then can not really see anyone cause i can't even walk to the bus stop without being short of breath and tired. so yeah way to much to stress about but not supposed to stress:D if it wasn't so serious would be something to laugh out,funny how life keeps dishin it out 2 me huh

Suz,

Wow! You do seem to have some issue that really need taking care of.
The pre-cancer condition is just that. Do not fret until you have smomething to fret about, especially since you say you have a heart condition.

Does your doctor (GYN) who is treating you know about your heart?

At this point someone should be giving you meds to protect your heart by lessening the stress you are feeling. PLEASE see you mental health doctor ASAP.

You will see that all will be well. Just settle down and try to think of yourself as being well.

Praying for you!

Thanks for your advice Roux but ido not have a mental health person to talk to. Yes my gyno knows about my heart and yes im on meds bout 4 different one's right now....I am tryin to stay positive but it is hard with a bf who thinks only of himself. I'm sore and don't want sex but he always asks for something for him it's very annoyin and im gettin real sick of it

Hi Suz,

I too tend to get really stressed out when that one final thing lands on the pile of things i am dealing with and I end up feeling totally overwhelmed. Here is what I do:

First, get two pieces of paper.

On the first paper, write EVERYTHING that is bothering you, stressing you out scaring you, making you feel uncomfortable, etc. Just get them all down, even if it seems like nothing, write it down. Big stuff, small stuff, all of it.

Next take the other piece of paper and fold it into thirds (we would call this a hot dog fold in 4th grade!) In the first column, write: "Real problems that I can do something about", in the second column write: "Real problems that I cannot do anything about," and in the last column write: "Problems that are not really such a big deal."

Then take your first list and start sorting each of your problems into one of the three categories. When all of your problems are neatly sorted, fold the paper so that you can only see the list of problems that you can do something about. THIS is the only list to focus on. When you can focus clearly on those things that you have some power over, you will start to feel better and more in control. You will also find it easier not to get so involved in stressing out about things you either can't change or don't really want to change.


Good luck.

Kim

Yeah that sounds good only problem is the issues i have all fall into the catergory of "can't do anything about" my main issues are my heart condition (which all i can do is take my pills which are being increased all the time
),this surgery which i have researshed and now know it is called LLetz meaning large loop excision of the transformational zone andis called a LEEP in the usa! well i can't do anything about that either except pray that it's not cancerous, next is the laprascope my heart doc has said it's ok to proceed but the recovery time is 1-2weeks and im not sure whether i can cope with that havin kids and all. The last 2 things are the depression which is not being helped with these latest issues and lastly the fact that im not supposed to get stressed which is the same as the last one.....so what now i know i can't do anythin bout these things except try to stay positive but not findin that very achievable right now

Well, I still think there are things you can do about a lot of it, even if you can't reverse the medical problems, even just making yourself feel better will go a long way towards cutting back your stress.

I am really stressed about my own health issues, and so I tried to sort through it all today. One thing for sure: I know lately my diet has been really poor and cannot be helping my health. We just had cheesburgers last night and pizza the night before that! So, today I cleared out the cupboards of junk food, found my dusty bottles of vitamins and calcium supliments, and made a really healthful dinner. I also bought blueberries to make blueberry smoothies in the AM, instead of coffee, and put a piece of tape around my wine glass at four oz. so I would not be tempted to drown my stress in extra-large glasses of wine (as I had been doing).
I also cleaned my house spotlessly today, which also made me feel more in control of my environment. I feel so much better just not having clutter around me right now.
Lastly, I made myself a cup of tea and got into bed early to watch some super silly show with my son.
Another big plus: I went and had an inexpensive pedicure ($10!) before going in to my gyno. Just seeing my bright orange toes and smooth feet made me smile a little in a bad situation. Lots of little things can really have a calming effect. I do feel so much more calm right now. I had a productive day, ate well, and took my vitamins. Tomorrow...maybe I'll work in a walk with my kids somewhere to get some physical activity. Bad things may be on the horizon, but I do think we owe it to ourselves and our families to try to have as much happiness each day as we can possibly muster.

Kim