ChanceFL
05-26-2007, 08:15 PM
I think someone had an earlier post about this subject, but I wanted to bring it up again.
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
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syradmb
05-26-2007, 11:18 PM
I think someone had an earlier post about this subject, but I wanted to bring it up again.
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
I get this every now and then. I think it's another classic sign of OCD. You're obsessing and by confessing it's like a compulsion to relieve your anxiety of obsessing.
I try to ignore them when I start to feel guilty about things but sometimes that doesnt work and I confess. You know what happens to me a lot. I feel like, ok I need to confess this and I obsess but I really dont want to because of whatever reason but sometimes it builds up so much that I do just blurt it out or confess. This is rare but it has happened. And when it does I start to obsess that Im going crazy and will eventually lose control as I just did when I confessed. Does that make any sense?
LoL. Probably not. but point is I understand where you are coming from.
Recently my OCD starting resurfacing after an extremely stressful first semester of law school and ongoing marital issues. In the past I have been plagued by checking/counting/washing rituals and I also had a bout with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. Now, my latest issue is with guilt and the overwhelming need to confess. I felt that I acted inappropriately with a male student during the semester and I eventually confessed to my husband who accepted it and forgave me. However, since then I have been racked with guilt over everything. I felt so guilty that I had to go stay with my mom for two weeks. But while I was staying with my mom, an incident happened (it was trivial, but not to me) and I partially confessed to her, but could not bring myself to confess it all to her. Subsequently, I left her house because I felt guilty. Then I began obsessing over something similar that happened with my sister ten years ago that I had never confessed and I feel really compelled to confess to her even though she will probably be really disgusted with me (or so I think). So now I can't even talk to my mom or my sister.
I went back to my husband, but now I am racked with guilt over something I lied to him about 7 years ago. (It was pretty big). I know this is OCD, but what do I do? I keep replacing one guilty obsession with another. Most of the posts I have read involve confessing intrusive thoughts that have not actually happened, but the problem is, mine have happened. Do I confess these misdeeds, or leave well enough alone? Please, any advice would be appreciated because I am in hell!
I get this every now and then. I think it's another classic sign of OCD. You're obsessing and by confessing it's like a compulsion to relieve your anxiety of obsessing.
I try to ignore them when I start to feel guilty about things but sometimes that doesnt work and I confess. You know what happens to me a lot. I feel like, ok I need to confess this and I obsess but I really dont want to because of whatever reason but sometimes it builds up so much that I do just blurt it out or confess. This is rare but it has happened. And when it does I start to obsess that Im going crazy and will eventually lose control as I just did when I confessed. Does that make any sense?
LoL. Probably not. but point is I understand where you are coming from.
seriousperson
05-27-2007, 02:29 AM
Sounds like a really tough manifestation of OCD.
I used to want to "confess" my anger and annoyance about things my then-husband would do. Eventually it would all come spilling out. No wonder he is my ex-.
One would think you (we) wouldn't confess things that are going to cause further harm to interpersonal relations.
But then again, one would think I wouldn't pick at my skin knowing the harm it will cause.
It's not easy.
The therapy I've read about typically involves forcing oneself to confront a situation that causes anxiety -- like not washing hands for n number of hours.
That doesn't work quite so well with things that we shouldn't be doing at all.
I used to want to "confess" my anger and annoyance about things my then-husband would do. Eventually it would all come spilling out. No wonder he is my ex-.
One would think you (we) wouldn't confess things that are going to cause further harm to interpersonal relations.
But then again, one would think I wouldn't pick at my skin knowing the harm it will cause.
It's not easy.
The therapy I've read about typically involves forcing oneself to confront a situation that causes anxiety -- like not washing hands for n number of hours.
That doesn't work quite so well with things that we shouldn't be doing at all.
ChanceFL
05-27-2007, 02:55 PM
Thank you both for responding. I did confess to my husband last night and although he was a little angry, he didn't think my confession was all that big of a deal. I did, though. Now, insted of feeling the relief I thought confessing would bring, I'm obsessing over something else and making myself sick with guilt over this new "indiscretion." I have always been overly concerned with honesty (even when I was growing up I always confessed), but this obsession with it is getting out of control. I just started seeing a psychologist and next week I am seeing a psychiatrist about medication. Hopefully something will help.
Has anyone else had these symptoms and overcome them with therapy and meds?
Has anyone else had these symptoms and overcome them with therapy and meds?
Psychobabble
05-29-2007, 07:13 PM
Hi ChanceFL,
As I read your original post, I felt like I was reading something that I wrote! I have suffered from OCD since I was about 11 years old (I am 25 now) and the majority of the episodes I have had have involved confessing....and a lot of it has involved behaviors I have actually done (so you're not alone in feeling the need to confess actual behaviors). As a child, I went through a period of time where I felt the need to confess any wrong-doing to my parents (it got to the point where I would wake them up at 3am to confess something because the anxiety was so bad). I eventually started confessing things I had never even done 'just in case'! Most recently, I have been feeling the overwhelming urge to confess to my boyfriend of 6 years any statements, behaviors, feelings, or thoughts that I have had about other people. Earlier in our relationship, I felt the need to confess any 'bad' behavior I engaged in as a child so that he might 'know' who I really am and run away if he felt the need to (a protection obsession). I too am overly concerned with being perfectly honest and truthful...but in reality, that is an impossible goal to attain.
I won't go into much more detail because I could write forever. However, I do know that the more I confess and/or ask for reassurance, the worse I feel. As soon as I confess one thing, another memory or thought comes into my head that I must confess...it just snowballs uncontrollably. Fortunately, my boyfriend is amazingly supportive and knows when I am going through an 'episode' of OCD. However, I don't want to keep burdening him (and myself) with this. It is very maladaptive and never solves anything...it just puts unnecessary strain in life.
I have been going to cognitive behavioral therapy for the past 6 months. I highly recommend it. It is by no means easy, but it is worth the challenge. With that kind of therapy, you will learn how to resist engaging in your compulsions and to adaptively cope with the obsessions when they crop up. It is done through exposure and response prevention. The exposure part is meant to have you face the fears you obsess about. This is hard because you are going to feel anxiety when doing this. The response prevention part involves resisting the urge to ritualize to decrease the anxiety. So for instance, when you remember something you've done in the past, you are just supposed to let the thought be there. It will cause anxiety but you are supposed to resist confessing. It is hard at first, but eventually you will become 'desensitized' to it and the anxiety will pass and you will no longer feel the need to confess. The more you practice with this, the easier it gets. I will not lie and say the therapy is easy because it is not...it is meant to be anxiety provoking. However, my therapist has a good saying: Short term pain for long term gain.
Once you tackle the OCD, you will be able to manage other problems that life will throw at you in a more productive way. Also, you'll be freed from the grip that OCD can have on you..and that is a wonderful feeling.
Basically, you should remember that we all make mistakes...and sometimes we make big ones. But the best way to deal with them is to learn from them. Confessing everything you have ever done is not only maladaptive, it is exhausting. However, I know it is hard to keep that in mind as us OCDers obsess about the things we care the most about...and we don't want to hurt the ones we love. However, OCD hurts everyone involved. Also we are all human and will make mistakes in life. You will need to accept that you have made mistakes in the past, learn from them, and move on. You will also need to accept that you are human and will make mistakes again....that is part of life. The present and future is what matters..the past is the past. Dwelling on it will only make things worse.
From one obsessive confessor to another: I urge you to seek out a professional who specializes in CBT for OCD. It is a proven method and it is working wonders for me. I know it can for you. It will be hard at first, but a little bit of challenge is better than a life of pain from the grips of OCD. Good luck.
As I read your original post, I felt like I was reading something that I wrote! I have suffered from OCD since I was about 11 years old (I am 25 now) and the majority of the episodes I have had have involved confessing....and a lot of it has involved behaviors I have actually done (so you're not alone in feeling the need to confess actual behaviors). As a child, I went through a period of time where I felt the need to confess any wrong-doing to my parents (it got to the point where I would wake them up at 3am to confess something because the anxiety was so bad). I eventually started confessing things I had never even done 'just in case'! Most recently, I have been feeling the overwhelming urge to confess to my boyfriend of 6 years any statements, behaviors, feelings, or thoughts that I have had about other people. Earlier in our relationship, I felt the need to confess any 'bad' behavior I engaged in as a child so that he might 'know' who I really am and run away if he felt the need to (a protection obsession). I too am overly concerned with being perfectly honest and truthful...but in reality, that is an impossible goal to attain.
I won't go into much more detail because I could write forever. However, I do know that the more I confess and/or ask for reassurance, the worse I feel. As soon as I confess one thing, another memory or thought comes into my head that I must confess...it just snowballs uncontrollably. Fortunately, my boyfriend is amazingly supportive and knows when I am going through an 'episode' of OCD. However, I don't want to keep burdening him (and myself) with this. It is very maladaptive and never solves anything...it just puts unnecessary strain in life.
I have been going to cognitive behavioral therapy for the past 6 months. I highly recommend it. It is by no means easy, but it is worth the challenge. With that kind of therapy, you will learn how to resist engaging in your compulsions and to adaptively cope with the obsessions when they crop up. It is done through exposure and response prevention. The exposure part is meant to have you face the fears you obsess about. This is hard because you are going to feel anxiety when doing this. The response prevention part involves resisting the urge to ritualize to decrease the anxiety. So for instance, when you remember something you've done in the past, you are just supposed to let the thought be there. It will cause anxiety but you are supposed to resist confessing. It is hard at first, but eventually you will become 'desensitized' to it and the anxiety will pass and you will no longer feel the need to confess. The more you practice with this, the easier it gets. I will not lie and say the therapy is easy because it is not...it is meant to be anxiety provoking. However, my therapist has a good saying: Short term pain for long term gain.
Once you tackle the OCD, you will be able to manage other problems that life will throw at you in a more productive way. Also, you'll be freed from the grip that OCD can have on you..and that is a wonderful feeling.
Basically, you should remember that we all make mistakes...and sometimes we make big ones. But the best way to deal with them is to learn from them. Confessing everything you have ever done is not only maladaptive, it is exhausting. However, I know it is hard to keep that in mind as us OCDers obsess about the things we care the most about...and we don't want to hurt the ones we love. However, OCD hurts everyone involved. Also we are all human and will make mistakes in life. You will need to accept that you have made mistakes in the past, learn from them, and move on. You will also need to accept that you are human and will make mistakes again....that is part of life. The present and future is what matters..the past is the past. Dwelling on it will only make things worse.
From one obsessive confessor to another: I urge you to seek out a professional who specializes in CBT for OCD. It is a proven method and it is working wonders for me. I know it can for you. It will be hard at first, but a little bit of challenge is better than a life of pain from the grips of OCD. Good luck.
purplegirl1
05-29-2007, 10:32 PM
Gosh, when I read all these posts, I felt as if I was reading my own thoughts too. I confess of most things that are just "thoughts" but I do also confess over real things to, that to me seem "huge" but to others (my mom, sister and hubby) are nothing!!!! I confess how much $ I spend on lunch, how much on food shopping, stupid things.
I too go for CBT - is hard but works. A good suggestion is to have your husband meet with you and the doctor to hear about the diesease and to have the doctor explain to your husband why you do what you do (the medical reasons of the disease). I did that and my husband really understood a lot more about OCD and anxiety...
You are not alone, so when you feel alone or like the only person in the world who has OCD or who is walking around, goign to work, or going to bed, with this anxiety, just know you are not alone, we are too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I too go for CBT - is hard but works. A good suggestion is to have your husband meet with you and the doctor to hear about the diesease and to have the doctor explain to your husband why you do what you do (the medical reasons of the disease). I did that and my husband really understood a lot more about OCD and anxiety...
You are not alone, so when you feel alone or like the only person in the world who has OCD or who is walking around, goign to work, or going to bed, with this anxiety, just know you are not alone, we are too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Christian73
05-29-2007, 11:28 PM
I get the urge to confess but rarely follow it. Probably, because I'm Irish-Catholic and prefer to wallow in my own misery. (joking)
I do agree with PurpleGirl thought that the more you can share with your husband and closest friends the less alone you'll feel. I recently took my boss (who's great) into my confidence around OCD/anxiety issues. I find it really helps to be able to feel what you're feeling without having to worry about being found out. The added benefit is that you'd be amazed how many other people in your life are struggling in secret with depression, anxiety and other mental and emotional issues. :)
I do agree with PurpleGirl thought that the more you can share with your husband and closest friends the less alone you'll feel. I recently took my boss (who's great) into my confidence around OCD/anxiety issues. I find it really helps to be able to feel what you're feeling without having to worry about being found out. The added benefit is that you'd be amazed how many other people in your life are struggling in secret with depression, anxiety and other mental and emotional issues. :)
purplegirl1
05-29-2007, 11:52 PM
I agree with what Christian said too, that you don't know who feels what or has what. You never know what others are feeling inside.
It is funny b/c I always obsess on diets and my husband is like, "ah enough already, pick a diet and do it".. but I explained to him that I have trouble deciding b/c of the ocd.. when I explained how I thought. he was like oh wow I never realized that... (this actually happened last night, lol)..and he understood and now has more patients for it, lol.
My husband does NOT have ocd, at all but he checks the front door a million times to make sure our cat did not escape/run out w/o us seeing and he will ask me "did he run out" a few times and I say "no" "no" etc... I try to remind him that - that is how I feel about most things all day long.... so if you can also relate it to what they do, that helps...
It is funny b/c I always obsess on diets and my husband is like, "ah enough already, pick a diet and do it".. but I explained to him that I have trouble deciding b/c of the ocd.. when I explained how I thought. he was like oh wow I never realized that... (this actually happened last night, lol)..and he understood and now has more patients for it, lol.
My husband does NOT have ocd, at all but he checks the front door a million times to make sure our cat did not escape/run out w/o us seeing and he will ask me "did he run out" a few times and I say "no" "no" etc... I try to remind him that - that is how I feel about most things all day long.... so if you can also relate it to what they do, that helps...
TrialofChampion
01-25-2008, 03:01 PM
I thank the threadstarter for bringing this up, because I too have been riddled with this problem, and only through frustrated research over the last few days have I discovered I probably have OCD.
When I was 14 I confessed to both my parents (over the phone, one was having a night out at a party, the other was on a business trip to America) that I had watched pornography on our home computer about 7 months earlier. At the time, I was a christian, and believed that God was telling me that I needed to confess this.
I never thought much of it afterwards, but I'm now 18 and have been with my girlfriend for just over a year. The relationship is perfect, it's everything I've ever wanted, which is probably why I'm constantly wracked with guilt about keeping things to myself. I watched pornography occasionally during the first few months, and 8 months later I felt the need to confess this whilst sleeping at her house. It was the kind of feeling you'd expect to have if you were having an affair, I couldn't even look her in the eye out of this overwhelming guilt feeling. The nagging feeling was 'just tell her then I'll leave you alone, just tell her then I'll leave you alone'. She was absolutely fine with it, and expected anyone of my age to be the same, but confessing just made me feel even worse. I eventually felt so sick I had to get a taxi home.
I once was attracted to another girl about 2 months into my relationship. This came out in a confession 10 months into the relationship, and upset my girlfriend and me a lot and hasn't helped her fear of losing me one bit. I still get constant nagging thoughts making me confess little things - everything from seeing a girl on the street I thought was good looking, to bad things I did when I was 7. I've come to learn though, that everybody has the same 'secrets' I do - but their brain knows that they don't need to confess things as it will only make things worse, whereas my brain doesn't seem to work this way. Also, I've learned that confessing helps me none, because once I've confessed one shame, another guilty thought will come to take it's place, so it's never ending. I'm working on just ignoring it, difficult as it is. My girlfriend is aware of my problem, and so understands if I sometimes act awkward or go silent sometimes - she's very helpful, I love her so much.
I'm going to see a doctor next week, I'll post what he says on here. Thanks for other peoples posts, makes me feel I'm not alone.
-- Muloc
When I was 14 I confessed to both my parents (over the phone, one was having a night out at a party, the other was on a business trip to America) that I had watched pornography on our home computer about 7 months earlier. At the time, I was a christian, and believed that God was telling me that I needed to confess this.
I never thought much of it afterwards, but I'm now 18 and have been with my girlfriend for just over a year. The relationship is perfect, it's everything I've ever wanted, which is probably why I'm constantly wracked with guilt about keeping things to myself. I watched pornography occasionally during the first few months, and 8 months later I felt the need to confess this whilst sleeping at her house. It was the kind of feeling you'd expect to have if you were having an affair, I couldn't even look her in the eye out of this overwhelming guilt feeling. The nagging feeling was 'just tell her then I'll leave you alone, just tell her then I'll leave you alone'. She was absolutely fine with it, and expected anyone of my age to be the same, but confessing just made me feel even worse. I eventually felt so sick I had to get a taxi home.
I once was attracted to another girl about 2 months into my relationship. This came out in a confession 10 months into the relationship, and upset my girlfriend and me a lot and hasn't helped her fear of losing me one bit. I still get constant nagging thoughts making me confess little things - everything from seeing a girl on the street I thought was good looking, to bad things I did when I was 7. I've come to learn though, that everybody has the same 'secrets' I do - but their brain knows that they don't need to confess things as it will only make things worse, whereas my brain doesn't seem to work this way. Also, I've learned that confessing helps me none, because once I've confessed one shame, another guilty thought will come to take it's place, so it's never ending. I'm working on just ignoring it, difficult as it is. My girlfriend is aware of my problem, and so understands if I sometimes act awkward or go silent sometimes - she's very helpful, I love her so much.
I'm going to see a doctor next week, I'll post what he says on here. Thanks for other peoples posts, makes me feel I'm not alone.
-- Muloc
seaturtle
01-26-2008, 01:08 AM
Hi,
I'm glad you're going to get help!
Something that might help: instead of focusing on your need to confess and your anxiety, focus on what the result will be for the other person? If it will only hurt and frighten your g/f, for example, then don't do it.
Everyone commits indiscretions and has thoughts of other people in a relationship. It's quite normal. You're right that the OCD makes us "need" to confess everything. But sometimes if I wear the other person's shoes in my mind, I can really not do it. The confessing is always for my sake, not for anyone else's.
Good luck! I am sure that with help, you'll overcome this. You are so aware.
I'm glad you're going to get help!
Something that might help: instead of focusing on your need to confess and your anxiety, focus on what the result will be for the other person? If it will only hurt and frighten your g/f, for example, then don't do it.
Everyone commits indiscretions and has thoughts of other people in a relationship. It's quite normal. You're right that the OCD makes us "need" to confess everything. But sometimes if I wear the other person's shoes in my mind, I can really not do it. The confessing is always for my sake, not for anyone else's.
Good luck! I am sure that with help, you'll overcome this. You are so aware.