stick2013
06-01-2007, 06:23 AM
Morning,
On Tuesday when I saw Drew I knew that things weren't good. I am house sitting just down the road from his house, and at 10 pm last night the phone rang. It was for the people that live here. The caller explained that all of the members of the church received an email stating that Drew was dying, and would they please hold a vigil at the church and keep the lights on.
I slept well. I know that it's his time. His little body is so tired. But I am crying.
When I saw him on Tuesday, I asked him how he was. As always, no complaints. " HI, I am just having a bad morning."
I wish that I had his courage, his strength, his wisdom, and his faith. For a child of 15 he is so much older than his years. His parents have given him a wonderful life, filled with love, faith, and all the things that a child could want.
It will be hard to go back there. Harder yet to face his parents.
Please excuse my rambles, my thoughts are jumbled.
I ask that all of you say a special prayer for my little buddy that his flight to heaven is swift, and that he sits at the right hand of god. He has earned it. He is truly an angle.
HUgs,
Sid
On Tuesday when I saw Drew I knew that things weren't good. I am house sitting just down the road from his house, and at 10 pm last night the phone rang. It was for the people that live here. The caller explained that all of the members of the church received an email stating that Drew was dying, and would they please hold a vigil at the church and keep the lights on.
I slept well. I know that it's his time. His little body is so tired. But I am crying.
When I saw him on Tuesday, I asked him how he was. As always, no complaints. " HI, I am just having a bad morning."
I wish that I had his courage, his strength, his wisdom, and his faith. For a child of 15 he is so much older than his years. His parents have given him a wonderful life, filled with love, faith, and all the things that a child could want.
It will be hard to go back there. Harder yet to face his parents.
Please excuse my rambles, my thoughts are jumbled.
I ask that all of you say a special prayer for my little buddy that his flight to heaven is swift, and that he sits at the right hand of god. He has earned it. He is truly an angle.
HUgs,
Sid
Sponsor
ICC
06-01-2007, 07:56 AM
Oh Sid.....so many times I wanted to ask but knew you would share when you needed to. He has been in my prayers since you first brought it here and will continue. I see no other way for an "Angel" to go home but swiftly and with many Angels holding his hands. The Lord will be there to welcome him home.Sid I know how hard this is. You have had a full plate lately. My thoughts and prayers are with you also.
Hugs,
grasshopper xo
Hugs,
grasshopper xo
Dee-nah
06-01-2007, 08:17 AM
I'm so sorry, Sid... You are in my thoughts today!
stick2013
06-01-2007, 08:22 AM
Thanks Dee.....
It's been a long road for him....I am grateful that his journey is almost over. I have known Drew for almost 11 of his 15 yrs. He is such a sweet child. I remember when he was younger, and he would get $$ from friends or family for Xmas, and his Birthday. He would split it into 3. 1/3 for him 1/3 for his bank account, and 1/3 for charity.
Sorry, I am just thinking thoughts.......I will miss my:angel:
It's been a long road for him....I am grateful that his journey is almost over. I have known Drew for almost 11 of his 15 yrs. He is such a sweet child. I remember when he was younger, and he would get $$ from friends or family for Xmas, and his Birthday. He would split it into 3. 1/3 for him 1/3 for his bank account, and 1/3 for charity.
Sorry, I am just thinking thoughts.......I will miss my:angel:
ICC
06-01-2007, 08:38 AM
What a wonderful young man, Sid. People like him give us faith in the human race. God bless your little:angel:
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Lost_in_Time
06-01-2007, 12:32 PM
((((Sid))))) Hugs being sent your way and a prayer for peace and strength and comfort
stick2013
06-01-2007, 01:45 PM
Thanks guys,
I didn't go to work.... I called in. Drew's mom sent me an email. I cried so hard reading it. I called them this morning, to ask if there was anything I could do. I tried to be brave, but I wasn't. I cried, she said that they were just standing vigil and waiting. She would keep me and everyone posted through email.
This is the second person this month that I know of that has or is losing a child. I can't imagine the pain that anyone goes through with this.
I know this sounds awful, but I wish that he could just take his last breath here on earth, and begin to be free in heaven. His death has been coming for the last 2 years. It's been painful and he has suffered.
Hugs,
Please say a prayer for my little :angel: buddy....
I didn't go to work.... I called in. Drew's mom sent me an email. I cried so hard reading it. I called them this morning, to ask if there was anything I could do. I tried to be brave, but I wasn't. I cried, she said that they were just standing vigil and waiting. She would keep me and everyone posted through email.
This is the second person this month that I know of that has or is losing a child. I can't imagine the pain that anyone goes through with this.
I know this sounds awful, but I wish that he could just take his last breath here on earth, and begin to be free in heaven. His death has been coming for the last 2 years. It's been painful and he has suffered.
Hugs,
Please say a prayer for my little :angel: buddy....
ICC
06-01-2007, 04:47 PM
Sid....i will send a prayer up for God to do what's best for Drew:angel:
Thinking of you,
Grasshopper
Thinking of you,
Grasshopper
stick2013
06-01-2007, 04:55 PM
Hi Guys,
Thanks all....
Just received an email from Drew's dad. Drew is comfortable, on Morphine drip. We are down to the last 24-48 hrs. Hospice, his parents, and friends are with him. I can't go, and I hate myself for it. I am a friggin coward that can't stop crying long enough to tell him how much I love him..........I HATE MYSELF AND THESE F****** TRIGGERS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Drew.... I love you sweetie, be safe on your journey, be with god, and be free.... I Love you...
Love,
Wendy
Thanks all....
Just received an email from Drew's dad. Drew is comfortable, on Morphine drip. We are down to the last 24-48 hrs. Hospice, his parents, and friends are with him. I can't go, and I hate myself for it. I am a friggin coward that can't stop crying long enough to tell him how much I love him..........I HATE MYSELF AND THESE F****** TRIGGERS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
Drew.... I love you sweetie, be safe on your journey, be with god, and be free.... I Love you...
Love,
Wendy
Dee-nah
06-01-2007, 05:05 PM
He hears you, Sid.... I don't do well with those types of situations either A LOT of people don't so don't be down on yourself...
ICC
06-01-2007, 05:46 PM
My dearest sister.......How my heart breaks for all of you. Close your eyes tonight and hold Drew:angel: in your arms. Tell him how much you love him and what a wonderful young man he is. Cry, and cry somemore. Let it out. Know that while you're crying my arms are around you comforting you and holding you until the pain subsides. Prayers.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-01-2007, 06:52 PM
Dear Sid,
I pray that you find comfort in my favorite Psalm; number 23.
Know that "death" is a temporary transformation to the next realm.
Know that Drew knows that he is loved.
Know that it is heartfelt prayers that reach God first and that He is listening to each and every prayer and has noticed every single tear that has either fallen or been wiped away.
Know that Drew's place is already reserved in heaven and the "final arrangements" for his coming home celebration by the angels are nearly completed.
Know that Drew is at peace with himself and wants all to be at peace with him.
Peace be with him..................................... ........................................
Now, as it will be in heaven.:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I pray that you find comfort in my favorite Psalm; number 23.
Know that "death" is a temporary transformation to the next realm.
Know that Drew knows that he is loved.
Know that it is heartfelt prayers that reach God first and that He is listening to each and every prayer and has noticed every single tear that has either fallen or been wiped away.
Know that Drew's place is already reserved in heaven and the "final arrangements" for his coming home celebration by the angels are nearly completed.
Know that Drew is at peace with himself and wants all to be at peace with him.
Peace be with him..................................... ........................................
Now, as it will be in heaven.:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-01-2007, 07:09 PM
Thanks FTM,
I am trying so hard to be strong. You know that death is one of my triggers. I know that I will have to go to the funeral. I want to be strong for his mother and father, I would love to see them tonight. Their house is open to visitors, I am 1/2 mile away. I can't get the courage to go and see him.
His parents are both ministers. His dad is the minister of the church 1/2 mile away. They live in the rectory, next door. I want to go to the church and pray, and can't bring myself to even go near it. How in gods name am I going to make it to the funeral???????
Another friend went and saw him today. He said that Drew is as brave as he has ever seen him. In and out of it with the morphine, but aware when he is awake.
It's just so hard, and so sad...
Sid
I am trying so hard to be strong. You know that death is one of my triggers. I know that I will have to go to the funeral. I want to be strong for his mother and father, I would love to see them tonight. Their house is open to visitors, I am 1/2 mile away. I can't get the courage to go and see him.
His parents are both ministers. His dad is the minister of the church 1/2 mile away. They live in the rectory, next door. I want to go to the church and pray, and can't bring myself to even go near it. How in gods name am I going to make it to the funeral???????
Another friend went and saw him today. He said that Drew is as brave as he has ever seen him. In and out of it with the morphine, but aware when he is awake.
It's just so hard, and so sad...
Sid
sammy68uk
06-01-2007, 07:29 PM
Sid,
Dont know what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you, and your little buddy is in my thoughts.
Mark.
Dont know what else to say, other than I'm thinking of you, and your little buddy is in my thoughts.
Mark.
Phoenix
06-01-2007, 09:00 PM
Dear Sid: (suggestions)
Take your bible and carry it with for support.
If you have a pocket version, place it in your purse.
Some of the greatest journey's in life began with a single step.
You, my dear, can do anything that you put your mind to.
This is one of life's testament to your own strength.
I am not going to lull you into a false sense of security by saying that it is easy but in the long run it will be well worth it.
Now take that bat out, smash that wall standing between you and Drew and get over there.
No better time than the present.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Take your bible and carry it with for support.
If you have a pocket version, place it in your purse.
Some of the greatest journey's in life began with a single step.
You, my dear, can do anything that you put your mind to.
This is one of life's testament to your own strength.
I am not going to lull you into a false sense of security by saying that it is easy but in the long run it will be well worth it.
Now take that bat out, smash that wall standing between you and Drew and get over there.
No better time than the present.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
beka6
06-01-2007, 11:27 PM
Sid,
I'm so sorry to hear about Drew. He's fought a good fight and it sounds like he was an exceptional individual. Did you end up going over to see him? He and his family and YOU will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself and let us know how things go over the next few days.
Beka
I'm so sorry to hear about Drew. He's fought a good fight and it sounds like he was an exceptional individual. Did you end up going over to see him? He and his family and YOU will be in my prayers. Take care of yourself and let us know how things go over the next few days.
Beka
stick2013
06-02-2007, 07:10 AM
Morning ,
I am a coward. I didn't go to see Drew. Couldn't bring myself to go to the church next door either. I tried.
I talked to another friend of mine (and theirs) yesterday, she and her daughter went to see Drew, and then later her husband went. She is a Shrink, knows what I go through, and has recommended that I not go. Drew is getting more and more uncomfortable, and asking to die when he is awake. She was going back at 2am this morning to give the parents a break for a few hours....
I know that I will have to deal with guilt for not going to see him. I don't think I can go to the funeral either. How am I going to explain myself to his parents. These people have been so wonderful to me.
I am not doing well with this at all. I am sorry for rambling on. Sorry because others have issues worse than mine.
I am a coward. I didn't go to see Drew. Couldn't bring myself to go to the church next door either. I tried.
I talked to another friend of mine (and theirs) yesterday, she and her daughter went to see Drew, and then later her husband went. She is a Shrink, knows what I go through, and has recommended that I not go. Drew is getting more and more uncomfortable, and asking to die when he is awake. She was going back at 2am this morning to give the parents a break for a few hours....
I know that I will have to deal with guilt for not going to see him. I don't think I can go to the funeral either. How am I going to explain myself to his parents. These people have been so wonderful to me.
I am not doing well with this at all. I am sorry for rambling on. Sorry because others have issues worse than mine.
ICC
06-02-2007, 08:12 AM
Dear Sid.........You know I understand how death/the loss of someone loved so dearly can effect you. Sometimes we just cannot stand the pain. The last funeral I went to I dissociated. I have not been to the last 3 I felt I should have gone to. I couldn't do it. The family understood. No guilt here, Sid. Drew knows you love him and when he passes he will understand more about your heartaches. Have faith in his love for you, and God's that He knows what's best. He's never late. Please Sid, do what you feel is best. I support you in whatever decision you make.
Love,
Grasshopper
Love,
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-02-2007, 08:12 AM
Dear Sid:
Please do not equate your issues with others.
If it bothers you, it is important.
There is a definite connection between Drew's health status and the way you feel.
The professionals know better than I and if they don't advise it, I would definitely take their advice.
How about writing a letter to the family and sending it off or giving it to your friend, so it would get there quicker (just a suggestion)?
You are there in spirit; trust that God has His own way of conveying this message to them.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Please do not equate your issues with others.
If it bothers you, it is important.
There is a definite connection between Drew's health status and the way you feel.
The professionals know better than I and if they don't advise it, I would definitely take their advice.
How about writing a letter to the family and sending it off or giving it to your friend, so it would get there quicker (just a suggestion)?
You are there in spirit; trust that God has His own way of conveying this message to them.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-02-2007, 10:36 AM
God works in mysterious ways........You know that I am a coward.....God thinks otherwise. I just received an email from Drew's parents asking me if I would please come over tomorrow and clean the house for them as they are having their family coming.
God give me strength....I am going to need it.....
Sid
God give me strength....I am going to need it.....
Sid
ICC
06-02-2007, 10:48 AM
Dear Sid..........God does His job always. Look at it as His way of helping you to do what you feel is best and what is best for you and Drew. I will be praying for strength for you. Also I don't know if this will mean anything to you orhelp in any way, But Being the parent of a deceased child I have many times had to step in and help someone else through it. We do this out of love.
ICC
ICC
stick2013
06-02-2007, 11:17 AM
ICC,
I just wish I could turn off the trigger of death for the day. I need to be strong when I am there. Not having flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, and acting crazy.....not to mention crying like a ***.
I am starting to get angry with myself for feeling these things. I don't know just a confused mess of feelings right now.
I am going to get my nails done.......Something for me today.....
Hugs,
Sid
I just wish I could turn off the trigger of death for the day. I need to be strong when I am there. Not having flashbacks, panic attacks, anxiety, and acting crazy.....not to mention crying like a ***.
I am starting to get angry with myself for feeling these things. I don't know just a confused mess of feelings right now.
I am going to get my nails done.......Something for me today.....
Hugs,
Sid
ICC
06-02-2007, 11:48 AM
Dear Sid..............STOP!!!!! slow down. THINK!!! about what's happening and the degree of seriousness. Crying in front of the family is OK. Let them help to comfort you. It doesn't hurt the family to see people cry attimes like this or to fall apart. It helps us to know how much others love our children.
My closest friend of 26 years lost her son to leukemia 6 months before my daughter died. They grew up together. She came to my daughter's home the day she died and stayed clear of me. I had to go to her and take her in my arms and tell her I understood what she was feeling. Her husband had planned to take her away for a few days before they knew my daughter had passed. She wanted to cancel, I talked her out of it. I knew she couldn't be there. I knew it would destroy her to watch me in so much pain. She went away, I got through the funeral with 1000 other people there, in oblivion, dissaciated. We then supported each other afterwards for 5 years until she passed suddenly. Had to tell you this as a parent. We knowthe love others feel. We have no problem helping others through our children's deaths. Let Drew's family help you. Do what you can , but if you fall apart know that it is true love and human emotion that brings you to this. Afterwards you will hopefully have relief from the panic, anxiety, acting crazy,flashbacks.
Prayers,
ICC xo
My closest friend of 26 years lost her son to leukemia 6 months before my daughter died. They grew up together. She came to my daughter's home the day she died and stayed clear of me. I had to go to her and take her in my arms and tell her I understood what she was feeling. Her husband had planned to take her away for a few days before they knew my daughter had passed. She wanted to cancel, I talked her out of it. I knew she couldn't be there. I knew it would destroy her to watch me in so much pain. She went away, I got through the funeral with 1000 other people there, in oblivion, dissaciated. We then supported each other afterwards for 5 years until she passed suddenly. Had to tell you this as a parent. We knowthe love others feel. We have no problem helping others through our children's deaths. Let Drew's family help you. Do what you can , but if you fall apart know that it is true love and human emotion that brings you to this. Afterwards you will hopefully have relief from the panic, anxiety, acting crazy,flashbacks.
Prayers,
ICC xo
Phoenix
06-02-2007, 12:09 PM
Dear Sid:
Remember when Nikki had an appointment that she was apprehensive about going to?
We all said that we would be there.
I am once again putting on my yellow spongebob suit and am offering to sing the song "Lean On Me."
The strength is there.
I understand that death is a trigger but I remember in one of your posts, you stated that life was a series of choices.
Please look into choosing to "celebrate his life."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Remember when Nikki had an appointment that she was apprehensive about going to?
We all said that we would be there.
I am once again putting on my yellow spongebob suit and am offering to sing the song "Lean On Me."
The strength is there.
I understand that death is a trigger but I remember in one of your posts, you stated that life was a series of choices.
Please look into choosing to "celebrate his life."
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Lost_in_Time
06-02-2007, 02:07 PM
Sid, I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, but I'm praying for you and sending strength your say. I pray that God gives you strength and peace and comfort to help you through all of this.
stick2013
06-02-2007, 03:43 PM
HI everybody,
I went to see my buddy Drew.... He is in a coma, doing as well as can be expected. HIs parents are AMAZING!!!!! His mom knew that I would probably NOT show up, and understood. She was glad that I did though.
They have decided to wake him at home, the casket is there, dry ice is on hand, as are air conditioners. It was a little shocking to see a casket in the front room. They decided that they will clean and bathe him when he dies, and hold the wake for 2 days before cremation.
I think I am at peace now. The past 24hrs have been hard but today came with a sense of acceptance. My friends here have also played a part in my coming to terms with my own fears... Thank you all for your help...
The funeral will be my final goodbye to my :angel: Drew, it will be hard, but I think I can do this....
Again, thanks so much for all of your help, kindness and friendship.....I love you all.
Wendy AKA Sid
I went to see my buddy Drew.... He is in a coma, doing as well as can be expected. HIs parents are AMAZING!!!!! His mom knew that I would probably NOT show up, and understood. She was glad that I did though.
They have decided to wake him at home, the casket is there, dry ice is on hand, as are air conditioners. It was a little shocking to see a casket in the front room. They decided that they will clean and bathe him when he dies, and hold the wake for 2 days before cremation.
I think I am at peace now. The past 24hrs have been hard but today came with a sense of acceptance. My friends here have also played a part in my coming to terms with my own fears... Thank you all for your help...
The funeral will be my final goodbye to my :angel: Drew, it will be hard, but I think I can do this....
Again, thanks so much for all of your help, kindness and friendship.....I love you all.
Wendy AKA Sid
sammy68uk
06-02-2007, 05:34 PM
sometimes I only reach the real me when I'm drunk. I am now. And the real me sends you a big hug Sid aka Wendy... I'm thinking of you.
Mark.
Mark.
isitme
06-02-2007, 07:08 PM
So sorry sid........
Try not be angry at all your emotions, (that we all have at times). It makes you what you are - very, very special. Hugs to you.
Try not be angry at all your emotions, (that we all have at times). It makes you what you are - very, very special. Hugs to you.
Phoenix
06-02-2007, 08:44 PM
Dear Wendy,
I realize that this was a huge step for you.
You are tapping into that inner strength.
Walk carefully, my friend.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I realize that this was a huge step for you.
You are tapping into that inner strength.
Walk carefully, my friend.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dee-nah
06-02-2007, 09:01 PM
Sending you out a BIG HUG....
stick2013
06-02-2007, 09:24 PM
Thanks guys for everything....
Hugs,
Sid
Hugs,
Sid
beka6
06-02-2007, 09:42 PM
Sid,
I'm glad that you went to see Drew. I think you might have regretted it otherwise. He is almost done here and he will be at peace soon. We're all here for you.
Beka
I'm glad that you went to see Drew. I think you might have regretted it otherwise. He is almost done here and he will be at peace soon. We're all here for you.
Beka
stick2013
06-02-2007, 09:45 PM
Thanks Beka,
How are you doing????
How are you doing????
beka6
06-02-2007, 10:00 PM
Hi Sid,
I'm okay - just kind of coasting for a while.
More importantly right now - you seem to be more at peace with things. I am glad to see that. It's hard now, and you'll probably feel sad every year around this time - and every year around Drew's birthday, etc... Let yourself feel what you need to feel.
Beka
I'm okay - just kind of coasting for a while.
More importantly right now - you seem to be more at peace with things. I am glad to see that. It's hard now, and you'll probably feel sad every year around this time - and every year around Drew's birthday, etc... Let yourself feel what you need to feel.
Beka