I am a 39 year old mother of three-ages 10, 6, and 3. My husband is severly disabled with Ankylosing Spondylitis-a form of arthritis which is causing his spine to fuse together and all kinds of other problems.

I'm also addictied to hydrocodone. For the past 3 years I've been taking them, and am up to taking 15-25 10/650's a day.

I've tried detoxing by going cold turkey several times, and I just couldn't do it. I got through the worst of it, only to go back whenever I get 'stressed' which, with my living situation is all the time.

I cannot taper. I'm an addict with the obsessive personality. I have to do this because I'm losing everything and I don't want to be this person anymore.

The last time I tried to go cold turkey, I started getting severe stomach cramping and nausea which landed me in the ER. Other times of detoxing, this didn't happen. Could it have been just a coincidence and I had some type of stomach bug? I just don't think I can go through that again. Of course in the ER, they pumped me full of narcotics, so it finally went away.

Has anyone else had that experience?

Another problem, is trying to go through this detox around my kids. I cannot function for at least 3 days.

I have no one to help me. I have to do this, and I have to do it now. Any advice or words of encouragement would be such a blessing to me right now. I feel so helpless and alone.

Please help

Hi there - have you tried talking to your husband. What about your family - a Mom or Sister or Brother who wouldn't mind taking the kids for a few days? Because if you try to go cold turkey - you are gonna need about a week. You are gonna have major problems. Reading at the top of this forum about detoxing will give you some solutions to some of the issues your gonna face. Stuff you need to buy in advance and prepare for. You are gonna feel bad - I am sorry - I wish I could tell you it is easy - it isn't. I did this 14 years ago - and it was so hard that sitting here right now - I feel what your feeling. To some degree - I truly do. That is how bad it is. But - the good news is - I got through it. I was on way more than you - and I got through it. I have had 14 years of a wonderful life without it. Guess your husband has this med around for him? That may be tough if it is within your reach at all times. I feel for you - I say do it - find a way - find someone to take care of your kids for at least two nights - maybe three - I will check back - My name is Loretta - you can ask for me if you want. Oh - my hugs go out to you - I wish I knew more what to say or tell you. Except that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.

smoochy:

The stomach issues (dry heaves) lasted a week (on a hard taper), in my case. Nausea followed for another week CT, but was bearable.

loretta:

That message is spot-on!
Hmm, after 14 years, does your mind still play tricks on you?

mike

Yes, my husband knows, and has them around, but he is not an addict, so he doesn't understand why I can't taper or just stop.

I had a major surgery 3 years ago with a very long and painful recovery, had just had a baby and was very depressed. That's how it started.

It's not just the dry heaves, I could deal with that, but it's pain, like actually having labor pains in my stomach. I barely made it through hours, much less trying to go through it for a week. At the ER, they gave me phenergan in the ambulance-nothing, then morphine, nothing, them more phenergan and morphine-nada, then some other anti nausea drug-nothing, then benadryl and compazine-nothing stopped it. Finally they came in and gave me stadol and it took it away. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days following up with phenergan and morphine. Of course I didn't tell them what my problem was.

Do you think this will happen everytime I try to detox? The first time I was throwing up for a day, but no cramping. The second time I didn't even get sick, just the usual leg aches, and leg and arm thrashing, the fatigue, irritability, blurred vision, insomnia, racing thoughts, etc, but this is the first time I've ever gotten this sick.

I don't have insurance and don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long. But I'm scared to death, and I don't have anyone to help me with the kids. I know if I could just get away for at least three days I could make it. I want to be free so bad.

Thanks for listening.

Yes - I am still a recovering addict - I always will be. No question about it. Even 14 years later.

I agree you are going to need to have at least a week to get yourself together. The first 3 days are hell and it doesn't seem to get easier either, here I am 13 days later and I'm still having problems functioning. I hope there is a close friend or family member you can confide in to help you with your kids and other things around your home perhaps? It really is a matter of life and death for you at this point and if they love and care about you they should be there for you......the sooner you do it the faster you can be back" as the good Mom you want to be,

good luck sweety, keep us posted

You have to stop taking so much hydrocodone. You WILL kill yourself. Your body cannot handle all the acetaminophen that you are putting into it. You are destroying your liver and kidneys and you'd better hope it isn't too late already for you. How long have you been taking so many pills? Do some research, I did, and it scared me to death.
10g, or 10,000mg of acetaminophen is an acute overdose. It can kill you. Even taking that much over the course of 24 hours can be deadly for some people. When you take 20 of those pills, you're putting over 12g of acetaminophen in your body. You are doing that every day. I have no doubt in my mind that your liver and kidneys are damaged, possibly beyond repair by now, and it is only a matter of time and luck before you wind up in the hospital with that kind of habit. I know, because I did it, I'm an addict that just recently seen the light and I know how dangerous acetaminophen is. I'll say it again, you are going to kill yourself with that much intake. Get it through your head, the hydrocodone addiction itself, on it's face, is the least of your worries right now. The acetaminophen should scare the ***** out of you right now if you understood what I was talking about.
Get yourself to a doctor ASAP, I'm not kidding, and get your liver and kidney functions tested. Tell the doctor exactly what you've been taking and for how long. You won't get into any trouble, trust me.

As far as getting off the drug, there are many options. Methadone, is a good one since you also have cronic pain, as I do. Suboxone will also get you off the narcotic without the withdrawals.
I've quit a 20+ pills a day habit cold turkey, once, and it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I only did it because I ran out of pills. It was 3 days of hell. The cramps you get is the acetaminophen destroying your body and small intestines. It binds to them. Read up on it, please. I gaurantee it will be enough to scare you straight. People really DIE from this all the time.

Yeah, I'm well aware of what I'm doing to my body with all the acetaminophen. Fortunately, I don't have any problems showing up on any tests......yet. Or should I say 'showing up'.

I got by yesterday with nine. Not easy, but I did it. I'm already at 8 today, so trying to not do more than 10 or 12. I'm hoping if I can taper down for awhile, the severe cramping won't be there. The wd's are bad enough as it is, but I can't take the stomach thing.

I know I just can't live like this anymore. I'm destroying everything I have, and I can't even believe how I came to be like this. I've always had alcohol problems (thank god I don't drink anymore). I guess I just eventually traded in one addiction for another.

Thanks for listening to me.......

By the way......does anyone know how I can get some help without insurance? Like, are there any free programs or anything? Even if I have to come out and go into a rehab or something? How do I go about finding out?
Thanks for any info.

Hi Smoochy,

You're in Texas and so am I...yes there is state insurance you can get. It's like Medicaid for mental health and addiction. It's called NorthStar here, there is also one for other counties called Tecata. It will probably be called something different where you are. But all states have some kind of free help this way.

If you call an addiction hotline (look in the phone book under addiction) they can tell you who you can call or who to call without insurance. The facilities themselves will get you hooked up with the insurance, you don't have to do anything. That's what they did with me anyway. But an addiction hotline will be able to tell you just about anything, and if they don't know, they can find out.

Good Luck,
Shay
:cool:

I am a 39 year old mother of three-ages 10, 6, and 3. My husband is severly disabled with Ankylosing Spondylitis-a form of arthritis which is causing his spine to fuse together and all kinds of other problems.

I'm also addictied to hydrocodone. For the past 3 years I've been taking them, and am up to taking 15-25 10/650's a day.

I've tried detoxing by going cold turkey several times, and I just couldn't do it. I got through the worst of it, only to go back whenever I get 'stressed' which, with my living situation is all the time.

I cannot taper. I'm an addict with the obsessive personality. I have to do this because I'm losing everything and I don't want to be this person anymore.

The last time I tried to go cold turkey, I started getting severe stomach cramping and nausea which landed me in the ER. Other times of detoxing, this didn't happen. Could it have been just a coincidence and I had some type of stomach bug? I just don't think I can go through that again. Of course in the ER, they pumped me full of narcotics, so it finally went away.

Has anyone else had that experience?

Another problem, is trying to go through this detox around my kids. I cannot function for at least 3 days.

I have no one to help me. I have to do this, and I have to do it now. Any advice or words of encouragement would be such a blessing to me right now. I feel so helpless and alone.

Please help
HI there, I heard your story and my heart goes out to you. I wanted to let you know that you should really tell someone you trust and maybe have them watch the kids for at least 2-3 days while you detox. I was taking up to 20 vicodin a day for almost 2 yrs straight and last week I decided I am done with this and tapered off slowly from Monday thru Wed and then went into major withdrawals for about 48 hrs. It is now my 5th day and have not taken anything. In fact, I have no desire to. I have my life back, everything is so much brighter and happier and it was the most miserable 2 days but in the end you will not look back. You must taper off and then know that your going to feel awful, goose bumps, diarreah, muscle aches and pains, restless legs, INSOMNIA. I havent slept but 5 hours in the past 5 days but I still feel like I overcame this with no outside help, detox or rehab. be strong. YOU CAN DO IT! I would help in any way I can. I cant believe now how I lived like that for so long. You will not regret it! I promise you!

I read what you wrote to the gal in TX and I just went through it myself this past week. I am on my 5th day. YOur so right when you say it's bad. OMG, it's the worst 2 days ever but once that 3rd day hits your on the road to recovery. I was taking ALOT and I did it also. Do you ever think about them now? Have you taken any in the past 14 yrs at all? I cant stand the thought of pills and never ever want to see them again. But that is b/c its only my 5th day but later will I want them again I wonder?

BBL,

I've detoxed a few times before, the longest I went was a week before 90 days. If you are a true addict, yes, you will want them again. It can sneak up on you anytime, anywhere.

I played with fire, thinking I could just take one or two, and bam, next thing I know, I'm taking more than I ever have.

Keep hating them. Keep hating them. I would give anything to go back to that first 90 days. I know I can do it again, but that time I had the support of my family, and just messed up so many times, they just don't trust me anymore, or maybe I'm just too ashamed to ask for help again.

I don't know what to do sometimes. But please hang in there. Each day gets better and just remember these pills are the devil. You can't even entertain thoughts of them.

You are so very, very right Smooch......

Addiction is a life long (I'm reluctant to say struggle) .....dang can't think of any other way to say it.....


Gosh, you know I've tried to write this a different way about three times....

How do you put it?

If you're an addict, you are one for life. Never think you have "beat" narcotics....it is way more powerful than we are. It's something we have to be aware of all of our lives and the urge, or craving for a drug of any kind can happen at any moment, no matter how long clean. That's why it's so important that we do alot of inner searching and growing so that when that urge hits we are capable of pushing it away. That's also why a strong support system is so important...when we are having a particularly weak moment, we have others to pull us through.
This for me, was always the hardest part, not the detox, although it's physically gruelling.

Hang in there!
Shay
:cool:

Admitting you are an addict is a huge step for all of us. Understanding addiction is quite interesting to me...now that I know I am one. I used to play the game of , "well, I'm taking RX medication from my dr" vs crack or herione or those street drugs...like I was somehow different than they were...today, I see myself EXACTlY as they are. Addictions are all the same. We all have our drugs of choice...mine was (as many on this board) the little evil white pills...vicodin es. Loved them, hated them...their brutual control over my life. My bizarre behaviors like obsessive pill counting...ugh...to think of those times, it makes me want to puke. Sadly, I say to all of you, if I had a vic sitting next to me, I'd take it for sure. I am addicted. I've been clean since November 06, but I tell you, if I had them, I'd take them....therefore, I do not allow them to be RXd to me for any reason. I had dental surgery and got by on ibuphrophen and tylenol 3s. She was willing to write out the script for vics, but I just couldn't allow that to happen...I know I'd be sucked right back in. You just have to want your REAL life more than the pill and that slight satisfaction it used to give you before you had to take 2 or 3 at a time to "get there". Life does exist and it is so fabulous! I love playing games with my children, hanging outside, swimming, golfing...all fun things...and guess what, I don't need the pill to be "engaging". I am simply me...at my best. Though, I must admit, I am still addicted to the starbucks peppermint mochas...can't seem to let those go...not yet anyway.

Smoochy-
Please don't ever be ashamed to ask for help. Your family loves you, and yes they would be disappointed, but only BECAUSE they love and care for you. Part of the recovery process is working towards acceptance of your shortcomings/mistakes, working through them to correct those mistakes, and then earning the trust of those you love & whom love you with there entire heart.

You deserve a fighting chance, and you can get through this. You know what you have to do, and you have so many reasons to fight this fight. First- for yourself, and then for your little ones, and then the rest of the people you love most. You have every reason in the world to keep yourself going. You deserve to be free of this demon. Once you are on the path to recovery, everything else- including the trust of your family will fall into place. Recovery isn't easy, and earning lost trust back isn't easy either, but it IS totally possible.

For right now, take it a day at a time, a minute at a time if you have to, but realize that you are worth the effort. You will find that soon enough you trust yourself again too. You deserve good things to come your way and they will. I'm sending positive thoughts your way. You are brave, you are strong and you are a good person. Take care of you and the rest will follow.

I know, sometimes I just want to scream out-THIS IS THE DEAL-PLEASE DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME. But I just keep holding back. I have a weird family. Everyone has some kind of addiction that they themselves don't acknowledge, and everyone likes to kick everyone when they are down. I've been involved in it too.....I grew up in it, but after trying to get sober and stay that way, I've learned alot in AA, and try not to be that kind of person anymore.

Not like I'm some saint now or anything, but at least I'm learning, and I'm trying. At the beginning they were really supportive, then when I was going to too many meetings, and actually taking SHOWERS again......I was going up there to get drugs. Imagine that!

I'll figure it out along the way I guess. I so envy people who can just go to a rehab and shut down for awhile. This is so hard.

Sorry for the whining.

smoochy

Hey Smooch!

I had to check twice to make sure I didn't write your post! Because everything you said is exactly something I would. I've got addictions in my family too, and if they aren't actually addicted to something, they have the same behavior as a full blown drug addict!
Pretty much everyone in my family is in denial about something, plays the blame game, won't take personal resposibility for anything...it goes on and on. A shrink would have a field day with all of them!
I have the same problem with not getting help now. They think you're supposed to get this fully on the first try...or at least the second. Then they just don't have time for it anymore. It's like I always tell my mother..."if you think all this is a pain to YOU, try being IN it!" and "if you think YOU'RE sick of this, try being ME!" And I'll get the occasional "it hurts me to see you do this to yourself"......well......you know what my response is to that!
I don't know about you, but even when they are, what they think, is supportive, they're really half of the reason I'm the way I am. And I SWEAR I'm not blaming my family for everything, but it did start that way, I just tend to allow them to continue to "kick me when I'm down" as you said. The times I was in an aftercare program I couldn't get them to go for family night. I know it's because things just hit home too hard for them and they could all too well relate to what was going on....it was THEM!
Well you got me on a roll with this one!:rolleyes:
I can soooo relate to what you're saying!
Is there some reason you can't go to an aftercare program or a rehab or something?
It does make a huge difference!
Well you came to the right place to vent, that's for sure!;)

Hang in there and don't buy into "their" crud!
Shay
:cool:

Shay,

Sounds so similar........what I can't stand is the talking behind my back crap.

But I can't get into that, it's just another excuse. We have so many of them don't we? I took your advice and found a number for a state assistance deal. I have to call in the morning, they aren't open.

At this point, I don't care if they lock me in a jail cell. I'll puke my intestines out for a week if I have to, I just cannot do it around my kids or my husband. He'll have a hard enough time handling the kids, it'll make me feel guilty, I'll be pushing them away from me, and they won't understand why. I just can't do it.

I told him tonight I may have to go somewhere. My whole family will have to know, cuz I work with them in a family business. But I know they talk about me whether I'm sober or not, so they might as well assume I'm still using when I'm not. It won't make a difference. Does that make sense?

I'm just so alone right now. My husband isn't talking to me. He just doesn't understand. I'm so scared right now, but I have to do something.

Ranting again.........hopefully I'll find a light in the morning..........

If anyone read this, thanks for listening.

smooch

Hey Smoochy :wave:

I don't know if I can say it here but I do know of a great rehab that takes private pay as well as govermental assistance. I live in Texas also, actually not far from Houston at all - I went to this rehab last February and it absolutely saved my life - Serenity House in Frederickburg. It is not a cushy, swimming pool and spa place and that is just what I needed. The womens counselor is great and pulls no punches - she really get's down to the root of the problem. What she told me was that the drug was just a symptom - the detox is the easier part - staying in recovery is the tough part.

Let me know and I'll tell you more if you want.

Christy

I'm so relating to everything you ladies &/or gent's ;) are saying.... I'm finding myself in a bit of a funk right now and although I am staying clean, I am defintely at new low... (depression) but.... I suppose that is what moves me to want to comment. If I were to decide to take the 'easier route', via those evil pills again, I'd have to go through what you are describing over again.... no thanks. Sorry if that's at your expense but take solace in that you've helped me stay clean again... for today. Thanks for that, truly.

So, here's the thing... what you describe your going through right now, I've been through ....sigh.... but! for the most part, I am making it. You will make it to- I ended up on a liver transplant list about 8 years ago because of my acetaminaphen intake. Almost sued everyone involved, dumb dr, dumb therapist, dumb pharmacist, dumb pharmacutical companies, dumb insurance companies .........dumb me......... in retorspect, I never should never have let it happen, but, what do they say?.... hindsight is 20/20, right?

And, oh my goodness, the family crap... I bow to you because I can sadly relate to that, too. Sometimes my family members make it hard to breath, but alas, at least they still evoke feeling at all.... I'm afraid of that place, can't even think about it. So maybe, we can support each other w/ any family issues, right?..... misery loves company, or maybe, not so much.... maybe we can encourage each other through addiction and family issues. (hee-hee)
Anyway, just putting that out there.

So now, to the support part.... You can do this..... if I could, you can. And you will. i'm certain of it. btw, my liver is fine now.... I was SO lucky! My liver was able to regenerate itself, but it was very touch and go for a while... please dont let that happen to you, ok? Stay close here, we can do this.

Thanks for listening, I really hope some of this makes sense.... my mind is racing at the moment:)
take care of yourself, jkm

OMG What a scary post, but thanks for sharing. I definitely don't want a new liver.

I have that number for the state assistance plan, but have yet to call. I've made my mind to call tomorrow morning.

One of my sisters told me at work the other day, that they all suspect I'm using (I made a mistake at work and we ended up doing a huge job for free) it's not the first time it's happened (not by me), and probably won't be the last (again, not by me). Our job is very high stress, multi task, we deal with several clients and several contractors and every once in awhile mistakes happen.

What's so funny is that I don't even get 'high' anymore, I'm pretty much just keeping the wd's at bay. What's funnier, is one sister comes in every morning stoned, smokes on her lunch hour, and now one of my other sister is going to lunch with her everyday.....hmmmmm.

And then my other sister---who just had a liver transplant a year ago from drinking and hep c, comes in at noon when she goes 'out to dinner' with a certain friend cuz she's hungover.

I'm not making excuses for my behavior-I am who I am, but how dare these people try to call me out when they are no better off than me??

At least I know I have a problem, hate myself for it, and want to do something about it. I'm so sick of living this life, and now it's time to stop whining on this board about it and take action.

I've put it in writing. I'm calling tomorrow. I'll post on my lunch hour tomorrow and let y'all know how it goes. My husband and I had a whole day long heart to heart talk about all this and our other problems and he has promised to support in anyway he can.

Just having y'all here for me helps more than you can possibly imagine. Please think of me with good thoughts, and please help me help myself. I appreciate each and everyone of you here.

Sarah