This is getting a bit annoying because I posted this on the anxiety board and it was deleted..I don;t know why..this is doesn't exactly fit into the "addiction & recovery" category but I figure it's the only place that the moderator will allow it..Anyways

Hey all,
Basically I was really into the drug scene from like midway through high school till the end of first year of university. I had a pretty wicked marijuana habit, sometimes I could go a few days without, but mostly it was every night or every other night..and during the day as well..I quit mostly due to anxiety and feeling burnt out..I got an onset of anxiety attacks both naturally and from the last few times of using marijuana..After a few months, everything was fine (I did drink a lot to counter the pot use but never got addicted)
I am finding myself in a good point in my life now (3 yrs later), although I am stressing a lot and mostly unnecesarily so. I am in my 4th year at a very good University, i am seeing a great girl, have great friends, etc..I've alwys been a bit neurotic and had some anxiety over the years but what I am finding most annoying and frustrating to deal with is comparing myself now and to my marijuana days..I don;t know why this is happening..I feel like I have to replay my whole life since high school (sort of an ocd thing) to analyze myself..through drug use..It's really annoying. Does anyone else have this problem? I have many friends who stopped doing drugs due to anxiety, which comforts me..but more times than not, it becomes an annoying, obsessive thought that bugs the hell out of me. I guess marijuana masked a lot of social anxiety for me..and although it lead to bringing out some anxiety, I am more or less fine these days..so why do i Stress? Anyone relate? Thanks a lot.. Take care

Nick

What is it that you're having a hard time with? The fact that you used drugs, or the fact that you're stressed out now because you don't use drugs? I guess I don't quite understand what you're saying here.

If you're poblem is that you have done drugs in the past and you're not proud of it, that is only normal and natural. The main thing is that you've changed and you no longer do that, though. That is a good thing and nothing to be ashamed of. Change can always happen and with it comes hope. Don't beat yourself up over it. Life is a series of trial and error, and I believe that there is no perfect path. We make decisins, some good, some bad, but the sun always shines on a new day and what is in the past is in the past.

If you're worried about anxiety, that, too, is natural for many people. You are not alone in that. There are a variety of anti-depressants and other similar things out there that can help with that sort of thing.
Perhaps your problem is just mental, like you said, possibly a form of OCD. I think you're doing the right thing by talking about it and working through it.
Believe me, my life has been full of anxiety and depression, and I've been on the meds to counter that. But, be that as it may, I've found that the best therapy and way to deal with it has been by talking about it, or writing about it as the case may be on the net. It isn't always so important that you get great advice. The important thing is being listened to and getting it all off your chest, in sharing your burden with others, who may understand you and relate to your situation and even help you through it.

World

I think you are experiencing a 'de ja vu' as you near senior year in college, just as you did senior year in high school. Your mind is anticipating another "leap" in your life's journey. That is all it seems to me.

School offers a sense of routine and safety; the future represents unknown and perhaps, uncertainty. The girlfriend represents a posssible life time commitment at your age... perhaps another uncertainty? heading towards the end of college represents a real possible loss of closeness with established friends.

Before you use drugs of any kind, I suggest some cognitive behavioral therapy with a social worker of psycholgist. Thinking here that your anxiety stems from 'growing' issues and that perhaps help is needed to learn to embrace the future as exciting and rewarding rather than as frightening. Learn how to change the thinking, which absolutely can be done, and I think the anxiety will dissapate greatly.

Good Wishes
reach