So today has been 44 days clean and sober. I figured I am no longer terrified...so there was no need for that name. In case your wondering the whole Shepherd thing, thats my last name the people closest to me have never ever called me by my first name. I am feeling really good physically. I dont sleep as well as I used to but that was expected (i sleep about 6 hours at night so that is good but i could sleep 12 hours when i was messed up, just different thats all). I have found a new appreciation for life, my family, my children....everything. The only trouble that I am having is having to deal with life. Im not used to really truely feeling anything. Sometimes it gets overwhelming. But Im taking it one day at a time. And each day seems to get easier. Im forcing myself to get out of the house everyday, I even have a tan. That tends to be one of the main reasons I dont post very often. However, when I am home I cling to this board like its the only thing holding me above water. Sounds a little crazy...I know. Things are going good though...looking back I never thought I would ever get this far...the last 44 days have gone by pretty quick. I remember sitting on my couch on day 5 thinking that this was going to last forever...boy was I wrong. So heres a big Thanks to everyone once again. I appreciate all you have done. Hopefully I can put my knowledge to good use and help someone else someday. Much Love and God Bless :angel:

I love your message of hope. God is truly blessing you. I forgot how wonderful it is to come out of that deep pit into the sun again !! Thank you, its what i needed to hear right now.

m

Hello Shepard

I really like your new name. What an appropriate transition. Smiles.

You know Shepard, clinging to the board is real normal. I was on this board 24-7 for a few months. I have slowly pushed myself away from being so dependent on it as I grow stronger, but I still stop in a few times a day and just read. usuallly it is minutes at a time where before each session was hours. I think this may be true for many of us. Smiles.

Feeling and dealing with life progresses along, Shepard. We did it before quite naturally and will do it again. Just takes a bit of time. A wonderful poster on this site wrote one time when I was reading that it took him about a year to fully heal. I thought, "Oh ****, no way can I wait that long." I skipped over that post real quick and never reread it. However, I finally came to understand pwersonally that what the poster meant was that it takes some number of nmonths to really get over the whole ordeal. Long after the depression is in control, we continue a relearning process to deal with life in all its abundance, good and bad.

Something kinda great I learned in multiple bouts of depression to various degrees is that I no longer fear the "Where Am I, where is the Real Me? " question that is such a common thread for those in depression. I now understand that 'me' is there all along, just in an altered state. We will never be the 'me' imbedded in our minds. It scares us during depression, but in reality, 'me' continues to evolve and change on a regular basis. When we evolve in a good way, like changing our diets, we are happy and acknowledge the change with good feelings... and don't worry about where the 'old me ' is. We like the 'new me'. We are content with the change. When we get into a temporary state of depression, it does not make us happy and we go looking for the 'old me' again. And 'me' is there all along!

Shepard, you are evolving in wonderful ways. Dealing with life... goodness! You already are! The name says it all.

reach

Reading the posts from the others is what gives me that push....it helps to force me out of the house and keep going. I love all of your words of wisdom...your a true blessing to this site reach. I just hope someday I can help people like you all have helped me. I try to keep myself off of this site, but its hard. The only reason I want to keep away right now is because I want to learn to do it on my own, and not feel like I need someone to push me. But its nice to know that when I do need the help you are all right there. I really like the person that I am becoming and I think you all are helping me to become that person. I was driving down the road a few days ago and I drove past a church and on the sign it said "Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional" and I love that. I never take that road, I never go that way at all, and I dont know what made me turn my head to read it bc normally I would have looked straight ahead....but I think I was ment to see....i know i sound crazy...i tend to sound crazy alot. But its true, Im not going to allow myself to be miserable. I am going to find the positives in all of this and ignore the negatives. I wish you all the very best. Its a long road but a journey that will change our lives for the better. Thank you all....and you are all in my prayers. And reach, honestly I would pay you for your advise and your wisdom....maybe you should look into making this a career you are truely amazing!