Dreamsofsanity
06-05-2007, 02:39 AM
I was dx'd with PTSD almost 6 years ago after the birth of my daughter. It was a really rough time, we both spent 2 weeks in the hospital fighting for our lives. I had a really hard time the first few years dealing with everything that happened, and thought I had finally come to a place of acceptance, understanding and "peace" so to speak.
Now, tonight, I sit and watch something on TV and have a major trigger that I didn't even know was there. I'm bawling and heaving and making a total mess out of myself. Most was because of the memories flooding back, but some of it was because I thought I had put it behind me.
So, my main question.....is it always there in the back of your head? Can you really think all is well, then BAM...hit a brick wall? My husband has no idea how to deal with me right now. We both really thought things were going well. I do not like to think that I'm relapsing, we've spent too much time energy and money into getting me better again.
Now, tonight, I sit and watch something on TV and have a major trigger that I didn't even know was there. I'm bawling and heaving and making a total mess out of myself. Most was because of the memories flooding back, but some of it was because I thought I had put it behind me.
So, my main question.....is it always there in the back of your head? Can you really think all is well, then BAM...hit a brick wall? My husband has no idea how to deal with me right now. We both really thought things were going well. I do not like to think that I'm relapsing, we've spent too much time energy and money into getting me better again.
Sponsor
isitme
06-05-2007, 05:44 AM
I would love to say, yes, a full recovery is possible, but I have thought that sooooooooooo many times that it IS all behind me, only to find, the same as you, a trigger hits soooooooooooo hard. I'm left feeling dazed, despondant, depressed and frustrated! And yes, it does feel like one step forward and two back at times. Guess we have to plod on, in hope. It's all about the TRUE perspective of a particular situation. So, I would say, yes, it will always be there. The key is to alter our thinking. Although we will always have our triggers, how we REACT to them is what makes all the difference. That is what brings peace and happiness to our lives. The length of being in that 'bad place' for me, has reduces greatly over the years, (especially now I have admitted to myself that I do actually have ptsd, about 6 months ago). It used to be months, then weeks. Now I bounce back within hours, or a few days at the most. Hold on to your happy times. That will steer you in the right direction.:)
stick2013
06-05-2007, 07:53 AM
HI Dreams,
isitme has done a good job of explaining things... I will add. I have many triggers, some I have dealt with really well, and they only cause me some discomfort now. Others are harder and it takes longer. Some I avoid at all cost, and then there are those that I can't get away from at all. I have done therapy, and graduated with honors after 2 full years of very hard work, I take Cymbalta for the left over depression that I deal with on a daily basis.
My recent has been dealing with death, and dead bodies. My BIGGEST trigger. I won't go into detail you can read for your self under the 2 threads about my ANGEL and his death. Facing ones fear, experiencing it, feeling it and the pain, I think is the only way to deal with the trigger that send us into whack mode.
I do believe that PTSD is ALWAYS with us, BUT!!!!!!!!! It can be managed to a point that there is LIFE after PTSD! We don't have to live as basket cases, we are survivors, we can have a life....
This is a wonderful place for support, advice, or a shoulder to cry on.....As one of our members so often says "When in doubt, POST it out." That is forthemasses favorite saying.. He is a good person with tons of wisdom. There are many more ICC has so much love to give, and always a shoulder. I tend to hit people with my BAT to give them the DUH moment, but hey it works.......Come back, read, post... I promise you, it will help....
Welcome to the boards.....:wave:
Sid
isitme has done a good job of explaining things... I will add. I have many triggers, some I have dealt with really well, and they only cause me some discomfort now. Others are harder and it takes longer. Some I avoid at all cost, and then there are those that I can't get away from at all. I have done therapy, and graduated with honors after 2 full years of very hard work, I take Cymbalta for the left over depression that I deal with on a daily basis.
My recent has been dealing with death, and dead bodies. My BIGGEST trigger. I won't go into detail you can read for your self under the 2 threads about my ANGEL and his death. Facing ones fear, experiencing it, feeling it and the pain, I think is the only way to deal with the trigger that send us into whack mode.
I do believe that PTSD is ALWAYS with us, BUT!!!!!!!!! It can be managed to a point that there is LIFE after PTSD! We don't have to live as basket cases, we are survivors, we can have a life....
This is a wonderful place for support, advice, or a shoulder to cry on.....As one of our members so often says "When in doubt, POST it out." That is forthemasses favorite saying.. He is a good person with tons of wisdom. There are many more ICC has so much love to give, and always a shoulder. I tend to hit people with my BAT to give them the DUH moment, but hey it works.......Come back, read, post... I promise you, it will help....
Welcome to the boards.....:wave:
Sid
ICC
06-05-2007, 08:13 AM
Hi dreams and welcome. Oh the ever so loved unknown triggers. yes we all have them and yes they hit us at any time. Ptsd doesn't go away but as Sid and isitme said it can be controlled. We have to know what our triggers are to get a handle on them. Knowing what they are is the problem sometimes. I have had so many that the wonderful people here have had to shake me at times to see. Sometimes you don't know UNTIL it hits you. Having had many flare ups of my PTSD I have learned that when I am out of sorts you can bet the bank something has triggered it. The you research. What happened, what was said, who said it, what was I reading/watching and what did it mean to me. Stick around. There is a worl of knowledge and support here.
ICC
ICC
dustoffkid
06-05-2007, 08:58 AM
Welcome, dreams...
I'm one of the lucky ones, mine is mostly under control... I go days, weeks (sometimes months) without much in the way of symptomology. Still battle with depression now and then, and some borderline personality traits that I didn't have before all of this. But it's much much better.
Most of the wonderful people here, though, will remember that i had a big stback a couple of months ago whilst watching a comat-related PTSD thing on CNN. Who knew that CNN would be a trigger? :rolleyes:
Anyway, yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and life does get easier with a lot of commitment and hard work, for some of us.
I will think great big comfortable thoughts your way.
Dustoff
I'm one of the lucky ones, mine is mostly under control... I go days, weeks (sometimes months) without much in the way of symptomology. Still battle with depression now and then, and some borderline personality traits that I didn't have before all of this. But it's much much better.
Most of the wonderful people here, though, will remember that i had a big stback a couple of months ago whilst watching a comat-related PTSD thing on CNN. Who knew that CNN would be a trigger? :rolleyes:
Anyway, yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and life does get easier with a lot of commitment and hard work, for some of us.
I will think great big comfortable thoughts your way.
Dustoff
Survivor 1957
06-06-2007, 10:49 PM
I am new to the forum and I want to say that I am so glad I found you all. I have been trapped in the idea that I was alone and that there was no one to share this with.
As far as I know there is no cure for PTSD. I had a real bad flash back 4 weeks ago and ended up back at my counselors office in quite a state.
I told him I thought I was done with all this and he actually laughed, and said you will never be over it you will just learn to deal with it differently as time goes on.
I hate that I still do not know what triggers the flashbacks, they are getting worse and I find myself reaching out for more and more information and help. I do not want to spend my life feeling disconnected from the rest of the world .
As far as I know there is no cure for PTSD. I had a real bad flash back 4 weeks ago and ended up back at my counselors office in quite a state.
I told him I thought I was done with all this and he actually laughed, and said you will never be over it you will just learn to deal with it differently as time goes on.
I hate that I still do not know what triggers the flashbacks, they are getting worse and I find myself reaching out for more and more information and help. I do not want to spend my life feeling disconnected from the rest of the world .
trg247
06-07-2007, 12:51 AM
In my opinion it never goes away. I have a lot of triggers, some are really big and some that usually will not leave a mark. The ones I have recognized I have dealt with them by recognizing what they are, somehow sort it out in my head and then move on. I have been doing this for years. Some of the triggers I can't deal with so I have to figure out a way around them. PTSD can be manged and for the most part controlled. The problem I have is the events that took place can not be erased and in some form will always remain in the back of my mind.
The people on this particular board are helpfull and through their experiences can show you how to control PTSD
take care
trg247
The people on this particular board are helpfull and through their experiences can show you how to control PTSD
take care
trg247
stick2013
06-07-2007, 06:01 AM
Welcome Survivor,
You will find a world of information here with different opinions to help deal with things. The main thing that we all offer is support. WE ALL KNOW what you are going through.
Your therapist is right... There is no cure, but there are ways to deal with it. With triggers it can be tricky to figure out what set the flashback off. It could be a place, a smell, an object, a behavior, ect.....The idea is to try and figure out EXACTLY what happened to set things in motion. I have most of mine figured out, as do some others here. We deal with them the best that we can. I can offer you this. Try and stay in there here and now. When you feel the flashback starting............... REMEMBER......
1) That was then. You are ok, it's only a flashback it can't hurt you. It's only a memory of an event.
2) To stay in the here and now, touch things, keep something with you that has a strong smell and keep smelling it.
These things will help you to stay grounded. You will eventually figure out other ways too of doing this.
Welcome to the board....:wave:
Sid
You will find a world of information here with different opinions to help deal with things. The main thing that we all offer is support. WE ALL KNOW what you are going through.
Your therapist is right... There is no cure, but there are ways to deal with it. With triggers it can be tricky to figure out what set the flashback off. It could be a place, a smell, an object, a behavior, ect.....The idea is to try and figure out EXACTLY what happened to set things in motion. I have most of mine figured out, as do some others here. We deal with them the best that we can. I can offer you this. Try and stay in there here and now. When you feel the flashback starting............... REMEMBER......
1) That was then. You are ok, it's only a flashback it can't hurt you. It's only a memory of an event.
2) To stay in the here and now, touch things, keep something with you that has a strong smell and keep smelling it.
These things will help you to stay grounded. You will eventually figure out other ways too of doing this.
Welcome to the board....:wave:
Sid
Survivor 1957
06-07-2007, 07:33 AM
i have figured out a few triggers but my job puts a lot right in my face every day. it is a constant battle to try to deal with the stress. I know that stress can lead to flashbacks, so its is hard. Does anyone get them while they sleep. This last one, well it was bad, I woke up screaming, it was as if it was happinging right then, smells, pain. I could of sworn i was back 20 years ago.
ICC
06-07-2007, 08:32 AM
Morning SURVIVOR .... and welcome. I never had nightmares but so dissociate. It takes alot of ahrd work and determination to control PTSD adn I don't feel any of us can control it all the time. There are som many things that can set it off. Triggers being the worst. Being ill, in pain physically, being stressed out,etc. My employment was also an big issue with me. Constant physical and emotional stress. How i spent so many years in that environement I still don't know. If I had not been injured a year ago I don't believe I would have stayed therre any longer. My job was part of the cause of many flare ups of my PTSD. Stick around. There is a world full of knowledge and support here.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
sammy68uk
06-07-2007, 09:41 AM
Hi Survivor,
Sorry that you need to be here, but I’m glad you found us...
I’m of the view currently that PTSD can never really be cured. Of course, I haven’t lived all my life yet, so who knows... Perhaps some day there will be a silver bullet. I’ve had it for 20 years now, though only got diagnosed a couple of years ago. Since I found out why I was like I was, I’ve made a lot of progress. Mainly that’s through understanding what’s happening to me and trying to prevent some of the triggers, some was due to counselling, EFT etc...
Presently, I’m doing pretty well. However, I’ve now recognised that a downturn can be only a news bulletin or unexpected noise away. I guess I try to deal with this by wherever possible really making the most of the good times, then when I have something happen to drag me backwards again, I use all of the things I’ve found that work to get through... Sometimes the downturn can be only a few hours, other times it can trigger the start of a depression which takes a whole heap more work on my part to get through. The most important thing I’ve learned though is to forgive myself when I take a downturn. I think that’s my acceptance that I’ll never really be cured, so I shouldn’t beat myself up when I succumb to PTSD. No-one is strong enough to keep the lid on it forever.
I’m lucky in that I’ve only ever needed meds once ( perhaps I should say “so far” ), so I’ve never had to worry about the fine tuning of medications or side effects. However, I do believe that you should try anything and everything ( so long as it’s legal and not harmful ) to try and control PTSD. What works for some will not for others. I hope that you find something that works for you. In my case, it is possible to live with PTSD and mostly control it, but it’s a lot of work and effort to remain in control. Identifying triggers is really useful. It’s really worth putting effort into working out what’s causing you to get worse. If you can identify it you can work on it or learn to avoid it. There are lots of therapies that people have tried and found useful... It’s worth trying all of them if you can in an effort to try and get some relief.
The single most useful thing I’ve found to date is to talk ( either virtually on line, or face to face ) with other sufferers who can re-assure you that you’re not alone, and provide you with understanding which you’ll not get elsewhere. No PTSD sufferer will ever ridicule you for turning into a quivering wreck when you’re triggered, because we all know that “there but for the grace of God , go I” and have experienced it.
I think it’s like having a large, vicious dog behind you all the time. A lot of the time you’ll be able to control it, but once in a while you might forget to pay it the respect it needs and it will bite you on the butt. Sometimes the dog has more strength than we do, and it kicks our ****. In those situations, we need help from other people to bring it back to heel.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Mark.
Sorry that you need to be here, but I’m glad you found us...
I’m of the view currently that PTSD can never really be cured. Of course, I haven’t lived all my life yet, so who knows... Perhaps some day there will be a silver bullet. I’ve had it for 20 years now, though only got diagnosed a couple of years ago. Since I found out why I was like I was, I’ve made a lot of progress. Mainly that’s through understanding what’s happening to me and trying to prevent some of the triggers, some was due to counselling, EFT etc...
Presently, I’m doing pretty well. However, I’ve now recognised that a downturn can be only a news bulletin or unexpected noise away. I guess I try to deal with this by wherever possible really making the most of the good times, then when I have something happen to drag me backwards again, I use all of the things I’ve found that work to get through... Sometimes the downturn can be only a few hours, other times it can trigger the start of a depression which takes a whole heap more work on my part to get through. The most important thing I’ve learned though is to forgive myself when I take a downturn. I think that’s my acceptance that I’ll never really be cured, so I shouldn’t beat myself up when I succumb to PTSD. No-one is strong enough to keep the lid on it forever.
I’m lucky in that I’ve only ever needed meds once ( perhaps I should say “so far” ), so I’ve never had to worry about the fine tuning of medications or side effects. However, I do believe that you should try anything and everything ( so long as it’s legal and not harmful ) to try and control PTSD. What works for some will not for others. I hope that you find something that works for you. In my case, it is possible to live with PTSD and mostly control it, but it’s a lot of work and effort to remain in control. Identifying triggers is really useful. It’s really worth putting effort into working out what’s causing you to get worse. If you can identify it you can work on it or learn to avoid it. There are lots of therapies that people have tried and found useful... It’s worth trying all of them if you can in an effort to try and get some relief.
The single most useful thing I’ve found to date is to talk ( either virtually on line, or face to face ) with other sufferers who can re-assure you that you’re not alone, and provide you with understanding which you’ll not get elsewhere. No PTSD sufferer will ever ridicule you for turning into a quivering wreck when you’re triggered, because we all know that “there but for the grace of God , go I” and have experienced it.
I think it’s like having a large, vicious dog behind you all the time. A lot of the time you’ll be able to control it, but once in a while you might forget to pay it the respect it needs and it will bite you on the butt. Sometimes the dog has more strength than we do, and it kicks our ****. In those situations, we need help from other people to bring it back to heel.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Mark.
ICC
06-07-2007, 10:53 AM
Mark.....Beautiful post!
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Dreamsofsanity
06-07-2007, 03:37 PM
I wanted to pop in real quick and say a great big thank you to all of you. I've been really busy the past couple days, so that's helped keep my mind off of things.
I appreciate you all taking the time to help me and all the others who are dealing with this. I wish you all happy thoughts :D
I will try to stick around because I know you all will be a great help and comfort in my life.
Jenna
I appreciate you all taking the time to help me and all the others who are dealing with this. I wish you all happy thoughts :D
I will try to stick around because I know you all will be a great help and comfort in my life.
Jenna
Survivor 1957
06-07-2007, 07:02 PM
thanks Mark,
I tried to get some help today and got the run around from office to office and that was after driving 110 miles to get there. The last thing I need is so many paeople asking me what my problem is. After all of that they told me that someone would be back in touch with me with in 30 days. Well that through me into a full fledge panic attact. I left (bolted) out side and had to sit for about 1 1/2 hours before I could breath slow enough to drive back home. No I will not give up looking for help, but for the time being I think i will do the cyber thing. thanks for being here
l
I tried to get some help today and got the run around from office to office and that was after driving 110 miles to get there. The last thing I need is so many paeople asking me what my problem is. After all of that they told me that someone would be back in touch with me with in 30 days. Well that through me into a full fledge panic attact. I left (bolted) out side and had to sit for about 1 1/2 hours before I could breath slow enough to drive back home. No I will not give up looking for help, but for the time being I think i will do the cyber thing. thanks for being here
l