Hi,

I don't know if my situation relates to this board but here it goes. I suffer from anxiety and OCD. Part of my symptoms are when I get panicky, insecure about myself, or angry, instead of taking responsbility for my own feelings, I detour the thoughts and direct harming, bad thoughts onto my young child. They are thoughts only. I never acted and will not act on these thoughts and harm my son. I am in therapy and on med for anxiety.

My question to you is when something angers or stresses me: it could be marriage related or a petty thing like I can't find the tv remote control, my first automatic thought is "harm my son". My son has nothing to do with my anger or insecurities about myself, and therapy is helping me deal with this.

Can you suggest techniques on alleviating the automatic thoughts of harming when I become angry about something? Please don't say you are worried I will do something to my son. I will not do anything, that is why I am getting help to manage my anxiety and OCD better.
Thanks!

Irishmom, sorry about your situation. I have never heard of this before but it would explain why a lot of parents act the way that they do. Do you think that you just want to lash out because you are frustrated with yourself? Did your parents do this to you? You are being very responsible for wanting to correct this issue.

Hi Sannah,

You hit the nail on the head by asking "Do you think that you just want to lash out because you are frustrated with yourself?". YES! If something frustrates me, I don't want to think about it so my automatic thought is harming someone else. It has alot to do w/ anxiety disorder and I have low self esteem. My father was an alcoholic who continually told me I had no common sense and I grew up in a very "walk on eggshells" environment. My father has been deceased for many years but I still carry around all of the horrible memories as a child.

I didn't think anyone could relate to what I was talking about in my first message. Like I said, it's more an anxiety/OCD issue but you did make me feel better just by replying. Thank you.

If something frustrates me, my automatic thought is harming someone else.

I have low self esteem.

My father was an alcoholic who continually told me I had no common sense

I grew up in a very "walk on eggshells" environment.

So I would assume that your father's comments lowered your self-esteem? If you think that you are incapable I could see how frustration would cause lashing out because you feel helpless to do anything else? As for learning that you have to walk on eggshells, I could see how this would contribute to you feeling helpless too.

Sounds like you know your triggers very well, Here is something you can try. When ever you have the thought of hurting your son say to your self mentally "hug your son" Not hurt Write it down 20 times say it 20 times and visualize it in your minds eye hugging and loving him. Sounds corny but what you are doing is reprograming your thought process. I have researched this reprograming extensively, and have used the technique it works. Eventually this old programing will be over written so to speak, Kinda of like pavol dogs ##if you dont know who he is he was the guy who trained his dog to salvate any time he rang a bell, . Any how try it You can also try a technique called "NLP" which stands for neuro linguestic programing" You basicly do the same thing but use a finger signal to activate emotions of love and compassion. A good example would be to use the peace sign, But you can use what ever hand signal you choose. The idea is the same as pavols dog but without the bell. Repeat it 20 times a day for 2 weeks by the end of 2 weeks you will have programed this response and all you will have to do is just the hand signal and your brain will do the rest. The key is to envole all of your senses when you visualize sent sound touch sight ect. You can search this in the net too. If you really really want to reprogram this Thought. Try incorporating all 4. So it would be something like this 1. Finger signal 2. write it down 3. speak it 4 visual it. This would count for 1. set so you would do this 19 more times oh and give your self one minute brake between if you do it right it should take you about 30-40 min. You should have already calmed down by the time you are done also. IF you do this every day for 20 days You will have activated this program and mind set 1120 times, and this should over write your previous software so to speak. Good luck God Speed.