Phoenix
06-06-2007, 12:40 PM
Dear all:
I planned on posting a new thread entitled "New Beginnings" but for many reasons, I am not prepared for that title as yet.
I just received information that the liars(-----------insurance company) have responded to the lawsuit complaint.
My father's fiancee wants me to write a poem for their wedding in October(I pray that it can be done).
The thing with me is, whenever I begin to concentrate for a specific amount of time, my headaches worsen and I get this extreme anxiety.
Right now I am so lethargic that I don't even have enough energy to shed a tear.
This makes it difficult for me to even do the day to day chores.
Ireally want to be more productive but it appears that I am not ready; this alone tears at my heart a great deal.
To envision what could have possibly been accomplished with the reality of things is a bit disconcerning.
I despise my existence, for I truly feel as if I am merely existing.
I am simply a human being, when I want to be a human doing.
I always put on the "mask of normalcy" for everyone.
I am tired of putting on airs.
Now I probably have to look forward to a deposition and trial.
Although I am quick to anger, it seems that my meds(antidepressants) are mildly effective.
I still have trouble sleeping though.
One of these days, things will be different but today is not that day.
Wish I could tell you that I was in a better mood but even the thought of two more surgeries are enough to deal with.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I planned on posting a new thread entitled "New Beginnings" but for many reasons, I am not prepared for that title as yet.
I just received information that the liars(-----------insurance company) have responded to the lawsuit complaint.
My father's fiancee wants me to write a poem for their wedding in October(I pray that it can be done).
The thing with me is, whenever I begin to concentrate for a specific amount of time, my headaches worsen and I get this extreme anxiety.
Right now I am so lethargic that I don't even have enough energy to shed a tear.
This makes it difficult for me to even do the day to day chores.
Ireally want to be more productive but it appears that I am not ready; this alone tears at my heart a great deal.
To envision what could have possibly been accomplished with the reality of things is a bit disconcerning.
I despise my existence, for I truly feel as if I am merely existing.
I am simply a human being, when I want to be a human doing.
I always put on the "mask of normalcy" for everyone.
I am tired of putting on airs.
Now I probably have to look forward to a deposition and trial.
Although I am quick to anger, it seems that my meds(antidepressants) are mildly effective.
I still have trouble sleeping though.
One of these days, things will be different but today is not that day.
Wish I could tell you that I was in a better mood but even the thought of two more surgeries are enough to deal with.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sponsor
ICC
06-06-2007, 03:35 PM
Dear FTM..........Master, the Grasshopper is going to tread lightly as I know where you are. Legal battles on top of health issues and chronic pain are overwelming to the strongest. That being said You know my prayers and thoughts for a positive future are with you always and will continue to be. Post when you feel up to it. Are you in therapy? I sort of remember you saying it wasn't working. Of course with the neck pain you have any sort of deep thought and being in the same position will bring on intense cervical headaches. What AD are you taking? Are you taking the klonopin also? When you are ready for the depos I am hear for you. I know how traumatic they can be. Just the anticipation is enough to make you totally stressed out. Try to stay in touch, answer when you can but please, please my friend if you need to vent, yell, scream/need support, comfort, love a shoulder to cry on please come here. Though my shoulder hurts you can still lay your head on it.
Love and Peace,
Grasshopper
Love and Peace,
Grasshopper
sammy68uk
06-06-2007, 04:29 PM
FTM,
You're in my thoughts. Thats a mountain for anyone to climb, even without PTSD... I hope you find the strength you need...
Mark.
You're in my thoughts. Thats a mountain for anyone to climb, even without PTSD... I hope you find the strength you need...
Mark.
stick2013
06-06-2007, 06:15 PM
FTM,
Much better title...LOL!!!!!!!!! ........................................ .heheheheh
Ok on the serious side of things.... Come on, get out of that hole that you are in, and begin to live again. Dig deep, find the strength, and you can do this. I am rooting for you..
Hugs,
Sid
Much better title...LOL!!!!!!!!! ........................................ .heheheheh
Ok on the serious side of things.... Come on, get out of that hole that you are in, and begin to live again. Dig deep, find the strength, and you can do this. I am rooting for you..
Hugs,
Sid
Sannah
06-06-2007, 06:36 PM
FTM, your anxiety with your headache caught my eye. I want to share a story, I am not sure if you read it when I explained it to Dee-nah. You know those LDA allergy shots that I have been getting. Well, as the shot gets rid of your worst allergies it gives space for your other allergies to react (your immune system can only react to so many allergens). I started to react to allergens that I tested positive to but never reacted to before and I guess because my immune system got some relief from the allergens that I was reacting to before, I was able to react stronger to these new allergens. Anyway, some of my allergies have gotten worse while others have gotten better and this brought new symptoms that I have never dealt with before. I started to get short of breath. In hindsight I have realized that about 75% of my shortness of breath was due to anxiety over my health (I even went to the ER!). I have since learned which new foods to avoid and how to deal with new pollen allergies so I am back to normal but I guess the message of this long story is that anxiety over our health can take off and become much more than what we had to start with. Once I realized that my mind was causing this anxiety I was able to reverse it. Don't know if this applies to you or not.
stick2013
06-06-2007, 07:12 PM
FTM,
Stress can also cause the headaches. NOT that you have any.....So a BOWER may be in order tonight...
Sid
Stress can also cause the headaches. NOT that you have any.....So a BOWER may be in order tonight...
Sid
ICC
06-06-2007, 07:57 PM
OH the bower!!! haven't had one in ages. I think after the past couple of weeks we all need one. What do you think FTM?
:cool:
:cool:
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 02:40 AM
Dear Sid and Grasshopper:
I hereby decree that one and all should take a BOWER(tm)patent pending:) .
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I hereby decree that one and all should take a BOWER(tm)patent pending:) .
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 02:52 AM
Dear FTM..........Master, the Grasshopper is going to tread lightly as I know where you are. Legal battles on top of health issues and chronic pain are overwelming to the strongest. That being said You know my prayers and thoughts for a positive future are with you always and will continue to be. Post when you feel up to it. Are you in therapy? I sort of remember you saying it wasn't working. Of course with the neck pain you have any sort of deep thought and being in the same position will bring on intense cervical headaches. What AD are you taking? Are you taking the klonopin also? When you are ready for the depos I am hear for you. I know how traumatic they can be. Just the anticipation is enough to make you totally stressed out. Try to stay in touch, answer when you can but please, please my friend if you need to vent, yell, scream/need support, comfort, love a shoulder to cry on please come here. Though my shoulder hurts you can still lay your head on it.
Love and Peace,
Grasshopper
Thank you Grasshopper.
I promise not to lean too hard.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Love and Peace,
Grasshopper
Thank you Grasshopper.
I promise not to lean too hard.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 02:54 AM
FTM,
You're in my thoughts. Thats a mountain for anyone to climb, even without PTSD... I hope you find the strength you need...
Mark.
Dear Mark,
You are also in my thoughts.
I hope that things are well with you.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
You're in my thoughts. Thats a mountain for anyone to climb, even without PTSD... I hope you find the strength you need...
Mark.
Dear Mark,
You are also in my thoughts.
I hope that things are well with you.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 03:07 AM
FTM,
Much better title...LOL!!!!!!!!! ........................................ .heheheheh
Ok on the serious side of things.... Come on, get out of that hole that you are in, and begin to live again. Dig deep, find the strength, and you can do this. I am rooting for you..
Hugs,
Sid
Dear Sid,
I truly am both digging and searching.
There are days that I feel like conquering the world, only to take the first step and fall flat on my face.
The frustrating part of it all is that I now have to "get out of the womb"(come out of my own darkness) before I can even learn to crawl again.
All my life, I have been fighting to further my progress in life.
To be "knocked back" this far is unwelcomed news, to say the least.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Much better title...LOL!!!!!!!!! ........................................ .heheheheh
Ok on the serious side of things.... Come on, get out of that hole that you are in, and begin to live again. Dig deep, find the strength, and you can do this. I am rooting for you..
Hugs,
Sid
Dear Sid,
I truly am both digging and searching.
There are days that I feel like conquering the world, only to take the first step and fall flat on my face.
The frustrating part of it all is that I now have to "get out of the womb"(come out of my own darkness) before I can even learn to crawl again.
All my life, I have been fighting to further my progress in life.
To be "knocked back" this far is unwelcomed news, to say the least.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 03:13 AM
FTM, your anxiety with your headache caught my eye. I want to share a story, I am not sure if you read it when I explained it to Dee-nah. You know those LDA allergy shots that I have been getting. Well, as the shot gets rid of your worst allergies it gives space for your other allergies to react (your immune system can only react to so many allergens). I started to react to allergens that I tested positive to but never reacted to before and I guess because my immune system got some relief from the allergens that I was reacting to before, I was able to react stronger to these new allergens. Anyway, some of my allergies have gotten worse while others have gotten better and this brought new symptoms that I have never dealt with before. I started to get short of breath. In hindsight I have realized that about 75% of my shortness of breath was due to anxiety over my health (I even went to the ER!). I have since learned which new foods to avoid and how to deal with new pollen allergies so I am back to normal but I guess the message of this long story is that anxiety over our health can take off and become much more than what we had to start with. Once I realized that my mind was causing this anxiety I was able to reverse it. Don't know if this applies to you or not.
Dear Sannah,
My ongoing headaches are directly related to my damaged cervical discs.
They've tried everything "under the sun" but nothing thus far has seemed to work.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dear Sannah,
My ongoing headaches are directly related to my damaged cervical discs.
They've tried everything "under the sun" but nothing thus far has seemed to work.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-07-2007, 06:14 AM
FTM,
I find that forcing myself to do things when I really don't want to do a darn thing... Is best for me. It sort of kick starts me back into the land of the living...So maybe doing that will help.
Sid
I find that forcing myself to do things when I really don't want to do a darn thing... Is best for me. It sort of kick starts me back into the land of the living...So maybe doing that will help.
Sid
ICC
06-07-2007, 08:12 AM
FTM.........I am proud of you for the fact that you posted 6 xs in this thread alone. Good job. The strength came from somewhere. My firend I truly believe that if you could get this physical pain under control the mental pain would follow. I can truly see how hurting 24/7 knocks the wind out of you and there is no energy left for anything else. It whacks your state of mind and emotions out:dizzy: What is going on with your physical condition at this moment. Any help anywhere? Have the Dr.s tried one of the drugs for nerve pain? Lyrica or neurontin? Elavil is another great drug. Old but works on depression, anxiety, sleep and chronic pain. Maybe you need to put all of your energies into your physical well being first. Fight intil you ge help. Try everything. The legal battles will take care of themselves for a time. Maybe let that crap go until you can get yourself in a better place physically. That's what your attorney is getting paid for. Let him do his job and you do yours.
JMO,
Grasshopper
JMO,
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 08:56 AM
Dear Grasshopper:
Sound advice.:) I am trying; Lord knows.
I have tried both Neurontin and am at 150mg for Lyrica.
You are "spot on" with your perception of my pain throwing all other things out of whack.
After all, next month it will be two years:eek: since the dreaded occurrence.
A pox on the insurance company!
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Sound advice.:) I am trying; Lord knows.
I have tried both Neurontin and am at 150mg for Lyrica.
You are "spot on" with your perception of my pain throwing all other things out of whack.
After all, next month it will be two years:eek: since the dreaded occurrence.
A pox on the insurance company!
Take care
God Bless
FTM
ICC
06-07-2007, 09:31 AM
OK FTM..... Is the lyrica helping at all??? Any massage, heat, ice, stim, ultrasound to keep the muscles around the injured area from going into spasms?
Insurance legal battles: Here's my turn on them. All IC's get paid not to pay you. That's a fact. They will lie, lose paperwork, change facts, anything it takes to stall from paying an injured person. AND they get away with it. Sadly it takes years to fight them with no guarantees at the end. FTM, when I was injured last year it took only a couple of months for a breakdown to happen. I went to my attorney and told him that he had to do everything, I couldn't be in this pain AND fight my own battle. I have done nothing in regards to my WC case since. Still waiting for the Judge to make a decision. When I stopped living the legal battles, I sat and put my priorities in order. Had to get rid of the notion that this was a personal thing on the IC's part. Needed good quality treatment so I went after it myself. Was lucky enough to find a Dr. who had my best interests in mind. Had to heal my body and my mind. FTM they had to be healed whether I won this case or not. You know I know what it feels like to have this dishonest BS going on. it tears you apart if you let it. I don't know ifI'll win or not BUT I do know that I have to goon whether or not I do. That became my priority. It needs to become yours.
Peace always my friend,
Grasshopper
Insurance legal battles: Here's my turn on them. All IC's get paid not to pay you. That's a fact. They will lie, lose paperwork, change facts, anything it takes to stall from paying an injured person. AND they get away with it. Sadly it takes years to fight them with no guarantees at the end. FTM, when I was injured last year it took only a couple of months for a breakdown to happen. I went to my attorney and told him that he had to do everything, I couldn't be in this pain AND fight my own battle. I have done nothing in regards to my WC case since. Still waiting for the Judge to make a decision. When I stopped living the legal battles, I sat and put my priorities in order. Had to get rid of the notion that this was a personal thing on the IC's part. Needed good quality treatment so I went after it myself. Was lucky enough to find a Dr. who had my best interests in mind. Had to heal my body and my mind. FTM they had to be healed whether I won this case or not. You know I know what it feels like to have this dishonest BS going on. it tears you apart if you let it. I don't know ifI'll win or not BUT I do know that I have to goon whether or not I do. That became my priority. It needs to become yours.
Peace always my friend,
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 09:52 AM
Dear Grasshopper:
I just want the darn case over with.
You see, I founded a non-profit organization to help children and if the court rules for them, I might as well forget about the amount of potential that would come the organization's way, when I have healed.
My children's book; forget about sales.
A lot hangs in the balance for me.
Sometimes justice is blind.
I just hope that her vision is restored before my case goes to trial.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I just want the darn case over with.
You see, I founded a non-profit organization to help children and if the court rules for them, I might as well forget about the amount of potential that would come the organization's way, when I have healed.
My children's book; forget about sales.
A lot hangs in the balance for me.
Sometimes justice is blind.
I just hope that her vision is restored before my case goes to trial.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
ICC
06-07-2007, 11:03 AM
Dear Master.......I am somewhat confused.:confused:
1) I totally understand wanting the case over with. I do too. It means we can go on not being under their thumb so to speak.
What I don't understand is what the case has to do with the foundation , other than $$$$, and what it has to do with the sale of your books. Justice is blind alot.
I hate to give you alot to read but have to tell you of a couple of stories I read in the paper recently.
1) Bartender serves and underage girl shots and drinks all night. Knows she is underage and is driving. Serves her anyway. She gets killed in a care accident on the way home. Bartender gets 15 weekends in the county prison.:eek:
2) College girl, age 19. Gets pregnant, hides it from everyone, friends and family. Delivers a healthy baby boy in her mother's bathroom. Immediately suffocates the baby, shoves him in her gym bag, puts the gym bag in her mother's trunk and forgets all about it until a neighbor dimes her out. The very wealthy grandfather puts a hault to all prosecution for a couple of months before the girl is even charged. WHAT am I missing here?
3) Man in his 40's. works 3 jobs to support his family. Never even had a parking ticket. Has the misfortune of being in a minor car accident and a year later gets hurt at work. Both cases overlapped. His attorney did not advise him that this could be a proble, By the time everything went into the depo stage almost 5 years later he was getting dates and events confused between the two cases. Charged with all sorts of felonies. Perjury, etc. Is sentenced to 8 MONTHS in jail.
FTM....you tell me where there is any justice here. How the punishment fits the crimes. It's sickening.
Grasshopper
1) I totally understand wanting the case over with. I do too. It means we can go on not being under their thumb so to speak.
What I don't understand is what the case has to do with the foundation , other than $$$$, and what it has to do with the sale of your books. Justice is blind alot.
I hate to give you alot to read but have to tell you of a couple of stories I read in the paper recently.
1) Bartender serves and underage girl shots and drinks all night. Knows she is underage and is driving. Serves her anyway. She gets killed in a care accident on the way home. Bartender gets 15 weekends in the county prison.:eek:
2) College girl, age 19. Gets pregnant, hides it from everyone, friends and family. Delivers a healthy baby boy in her mother's bathroom. Immediately suffocates the baby, shoves him in her gym bag, puts the gym bag in her mother's trunk and forgets all about it until a neighbor dimes her out. The very wealthy grandfather puts a hault to all prosecution for a couple of months before the girl is even charged. WHAT am I missing here?
3) Man in his 40's. works 3 jobs to support his family. Never even had a parking ticket. Has the misfortune of being in a minor car accident and a year later gets hurt at work. Both cases overlapped. His attorney did not advise him that this could be a proble, By the time everything went into the depo stage almost 5 years later he was getting dates and events confused between the two cases. Charged with all sorts of felonies. Perjury, etc. Is sentenced to 8 MONTHS in jail.
FTM....you tell me where there is any justice here. How the punishment fits the crimes. It's sickening.
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 04:43 PM
Dear Grasshopper:
The defense will most likely attempt to paint me as a liar.
My father knows many prominent people and I just have concerns about my name being "treated like dirt."
The more reputable a person is, the more that they can generate for their respective foundation.
My name is all that I have at this point.
If that comes into question, so does my business prospects.
I could be reading too much into things but that seems to be my M.O.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
The defense will most likely attempt to paint me as a liar.
My father knows many prominent people and I just have concerns about my name being "treated like dirt."
The more reputable a person is, the more that they can generate for their respective foundation.
My name is all that I have at this point.
If that comes into question, so does my business prospects.
I could be reading too much into things but that seems to be my M.O.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-07-2007, 05:07 PM
FTM,
That is the job of the Defense....They have to make you look like a liar.
Did all of your injuries result from the accident???? If yes. Then WHY are you worried. If you have a good lawyer, and ALL of your health issues documented with Dr's, then I don't see what the big deal is. I mean if your Dr can prove that BEFORE the accident you were fine, and then after you were a mess..........
That is the job of the Defense....They have to make you look like a liar.
Did all of your injuries result from the accident???? If yes. Then WHY are you worried. If you have a good lawyer, and ALL of your health issues documented with Dr's, then I don't see what the big deal is. I mean if your Dr can prove that BEFORE the accident you were fine, and then after you were a mess..........
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 05:15 PM
Dear Sid,
I see your point.
For me, it will be sitting there listening to the driver and his "so called witness" lie on the stand under oath.
You see, when my brother passed away in 1990 I was there.
When the case went to trial, a plea bargain was already made and the suspect lied about the facts leading up to his death.
My father said not to say anything and I regret this to this day.
I can still remember the chill I felt when the suspect walked past me in handcuffs.
I am concerned that I may not be able to control myself once the driver and "witness" begin with their lies.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I see your point.
For me, it will be sitting there listening to the driver and his "so called witness" lie on the stand under oath.
You see, when my brother passed away in 1990 I was there.
When the case went to trial, a plea bargain was already made and the suspect lied about the facts leading up to his death.
My father said not to say anything and I regret this to this day.
I can still remember the chill I felt when the suspect walked past me in handcuffs.
I am concerned that I may not be able to control myself once the driver and "witness" begin with their lies.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-07-2007, 05:23 PM
FTM,
Ok I can understand where you are coming from....Now all you need to do is have SELF control. You are such a bright person FTM, I think that you can do this.....Just keep thinking about your main end game, while they are telling their web of lies.
Sid
The truth will come out.
Ok I can understand where you are coming from....Now all you need to do is have SELF control. You are such a bright person FTM, I think that you can do this.....Just keep thinking about your main end game, while they are telling their web of lies.
Sid
The truth will come out.
Phoenix
06-07-2007, 05:27 PM
Dearest Sid:
I really do hope so.
I guess it can all be chalked up to the "uncertainty" of it all.
Preparing myself for any and everything may be a good way to look at things.
Thanks a lot Sid.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I really do hope so.
I guess it can all be chalked up to the "uncertainty" of it all.
Preparing myself for any and everything may be a good way to look at things.
Thanks a lot Sid.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-07-2007, 07:18 PM
FTM,
I have to tell you...Uncertainty, and the unknown, drive me batty....I get myself in a tizzy thinking about the what if's, the scenario playing, and just play old worry..... I think that most of us here do...
But you can do it, and NOT lose your temper. Just keep reminding yourself to stay calm.
Sid
I have to tell you...Uncertainty, and the unknown, drive me batty....I get myself in a tizzy thinking about the what if's, the scenario playing, and just play old worry..... I think that most of us here do...
But you can do it, and NOT lose your temper. Just keep reminding yourself to stay calm.
Sid
ICC
06-07-2007, 07:59 PM
I am so glad you two are on a roll.:blob_fire FTM...I have to tell you that just going through this a couple of months ago there is no point to worrying now. I was in a panic just thinking about the depos and worrying how I would react IF they lied. They did lie, I did fine. My attorney took care of things. Please try to take care of your physical health and worry about this legal crap when the time comes. You're getting too far ahead in anticipating the worse, with your name being muddied and losing any business you might have had. Please have faith. I know there hasn;t bee too much positive in your life lately but I believe if you take one thing at a time it will be easier for you. Start saying the serenity prayer until you can't say it anymore. It will keep your mind on priorities. You have no control over the judicial system or anyone else lying. So five to yourself for awhile until you have to get involved in the BS.
Peace,
Grasshopper
Peace,
Grasshopper
stick2013
06-08-2007, 06:00 AM
FTM,
We can't and don't have control over the WHAT IF'S in life....
Sid
We can't and don't have control over the WHAT IF'S in life....
Sid