I just went though a very rough break up with my ex that is diagnose with Bipolar3, homicidal/suicidal borderline. I won't get into the whole story cause its too long plus I had some great support from this site already and our relationship is over, after a year of practically living together, were she at the end lost it and was out of control and threatening me. She's is in jail now for breaking my restaining order and for a different crime... Anyhow, my question is...

Is it even possible to have a long lasting relationship with a partner with this kind of men tall illness? ( Of course if they are on there meds):confused:

I just went though a very rough break up with my ex that is diagnose with Bipolar3, homicidal/suicidal borderline. I won't get into the whole story cause its too long plus I had some great support from this site already and our relationship is over, after a year of practically living together, were she at the end lost it and was out of control and threatening me. She's is in jail now for breaking my restaining order and for a different crime... Anyhow, my question is...

Is it even possible to have a long lasting relationship with a partner with this kind of men tall illness? ( Of course if they are on there meds):confused:

I think it is possible to a point it differs to the personalities of both parties, the willingness to work through whatever issues arise, trust factors, the ability to make sure that the meds and appointments are kept and taken, and then you had the daily tasks you do to keep up the health of a relationship. I am Bipolar I and have been married for ten years now to a man who luckily is mentally sound. Though I am unmedicated somehow through many things we have managed to make it work. It isn't easy by any stretch but we try to face the problems together as we do the good times. We communicate well and he listens to what weird things my run through this noggin' of mine. So communication is a much needed avenue. I know others will probably say nay and for them they know what is best. What are you willing to trudge through and wage war with for that one you love?

Eme

Glad you have a great relationship with your husband. Bp 1 must be very challenging is it anywhere similar to BP 3 borderline HOMICIDAL/SUICIDAL?

I just wanna know if people with that diagnoses can ever truly love someone else for an extended time? Or, once they snap ( due to anger and not being on there meds) does there mind just block all emotions?

Dutches, you may get mad at me but I think you need to let this one go for your on benefit... She is not good to herself therefore will never be good to you! She needs to go away and get med adjustment but like you said she won't...

Your a great person anyone would be a fool to not do anything in there power to be with you!

Not sure if this can help you, but I am bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder and my Boyfriend has Bipolar and ADHD. We are both medicated and it is difficult to deal with one another's daily (not knowing which mood one another's going to be in) moods even with meds, but we have been together for over 4 years now.

I go through struggles n even though I vent constantly on the board here (under the 2 mentally ill people in a realationship, advice please (something like that) thread)..........we love one another.

you can enevr guarentee a relationship no matter what happens, I mean, my opinion..........and experience: I was married. 5 years......to a man that was mentally stable. I do not know how he dealt with me now that I know how it feels to deal with someone with Bipolar (n ADHD) every single day of my life. It is very trying and I just get frustrated at it.

so.......to sum it all up: I think a relationship is a possiblity, just takes patience and willingness of both parties. you have to be open and honest, lots of communication and love, plus major honesty.

I don't know you deenah, but I knew if you read this post you would say that! I'm not mad, cause your right, it's just that this whole thing is a big chuck to swallow. I'm not venting anymore.... I just want to understand her.

deenah, I read a post of yours were you say: No one ever understood you. That must be so lonely! I don't want to be with my ex anymore but I still do want to try and understand the person I loved.

I hope your doing better today with your meds adjustments.

dpd, isn't it easier to be with someone that is also bp, cause you can relate to what ever the other person is going through? Meaning, your connecting with each other on a more simulare thinking pattern?

Hi Dutches and All,
My son now 16 is BP and had the voices,hoicaidal,and suicidal ect....It took 3 years to get his meds right, he also had blind angry to me and his sister. Which means he had no memory of things he did. He is my son and I just take day by day. My ex 91/2 years now, BP but will not take meds or see docs has been in and out of jail for 9years. I will always love my ex but I cant be with him, its too scary and not stable. My closest friend is BP and is only person on earth that listens and doesnt judge my kids or me. I think there are alot of people with some depression or disorder or chemical imbalance but there is not enough infomation for people to even try to understand these types of illness. Some of my old 30year friends think their kids can catch adhd or bp. It is not a lable to me, it is a sickness to be dealt with a doc like asthma. I learned thru my son how sick my ex husband really is sick. I thought he was mean personally to me but I dont feel that now. I am still learning everyday. Matter of fact, I have been really down and I think I need my own doc or therapist to talk too at this point. But anyway I wish you luck. I have been seeing a man on and off for 6years, he is bipolar but is very different from my ex or son. So I dont think it matters if you or they are of not BP.
Take care
Mslainie

Glad you have a great relationship with your husband. Bp 1 must be very challenging is it anywhere similar to BP 3 borderline HOMICIDAL/SUICIDAL?

I just wanna know if people with that diagnoses can ever truly love someone else for an extended time? Or, once they snap ( due to anger and not being on there meds) does there mind just block all emotions?

Howdy Dutches! It is very similar and I do have Borderline Personality or so they have said. I think part of the luck if you want to call it that is that I do think about every single word coming out of my mouth to an extent. I only blow up when I have had enough by a long shot. It is a challenge and luckily he is very patient and a very compassionate person along with forgiving. Bp I is with the mania full blown and psychotic symptoms. I get confused a lot with all the different categories so not sure how to answer it really.

I think they can truly love someone for extended period of time to be honest it just is hard on the other person to go through and never know what is around the corner good or bad. I do snap from time to time and luckily the husband just doesn't chock in the towel. I am sure that it gets on his nerves but we work through it the best we can. I also have what i feel are the normal moments but because they are so much less emotion wise they feel numb to me. I know those 2 will def. pass.

I was once engaged to someone who was BP I/Borderline?PTSD. You would think it would help to have someone who understands what you go through each day. Some relationships that is the case but for us it meant being triggered by each other. It meant finding it harder to cope with our own stuff and theirs too. That at times we tended to take on bits of the other person and the things they did then. So I think it depends on the couple as to it being something that is workable. I have known others who have been married happily for a number of years. Two of those couples met in mental wards to boot. So never say never just be wary and mindful of things.

Eme

I just want to SCREAM!!!::::::!!!!! F..... THIS ILLNESS AND F.... HER!!!!:::: I'm starting to get more frustrated with myself then with her. I'm catching myself sounding like a weak insecure woman that doesn't know what she wants in life and that's killing me. I know I need to let her go cause she didn't respect me or our relationship enough to check herself in when she knew she was heading towards a mania mood.She kept saying I made her snap, cause I left her in Palm Springs! Making me feel like it was all my fault, she knows too well how to manipulate the whole situation with her illness. She just didn't want to deal with what was happening in the relationship, so she just took the easy way out and cut me out by letting her ILLNESS take over.

Like she put on her bullet proof jacked, bouncing off all the emotions she was feeling! I'm not bp but that's how it seems to me. Plus in the two weeks she stayed by me cause she had no were else to go (after the palm spring blow out ) she knew it was going to destroy our relationship completely. She planed to burn the brighe... She burned the brighe alright...! And now she's in jail and no doubt she will blame it all on me and she will feel justified to hate me. No... not herself! but of course me cause I was stupid enough to take her back in during a full blown manic episode plus,she was off her meds for over two months (which I didn't know at the time)

By her behavior she must be manic depressive as well cause she was flipping every two minutes with a 100% rage about any little thing....a song on the radio was the wrong remix...rage!!!.....i mean it was BAD!!! One night at 4 am she cussed me out calling me the most of full names cause I was on the toilet when she needed to go...?! I mean is that bp or is that manic depressive behavior, maybe we should just put all symptoms in one basked!!HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE, and call it a day!

I know right about now some of you might be thinking "you need to go for a check Up yourself"....smile! I'm just frustrated.

What is wrong with me that I still want to be with her?????? Please don't say because i still love her, that's a sorry excuse!....I know...take one day at a time...as if two days is an option.....?! I would love to fast forward 6 month from now and not have to deal with letting her go or even think about her and her illness. maybe I should stop writing on this site cause it just keeps me connected to her...and the ILLNESSS..maybe i'm just addicted to all this drama...!

Deenah, I was wrong I'm still venting! Sorry if i offend anyone.... I'm just mad at myself for still feeling like I do about her. I have lots of luv for all you that are dealing with bp, I know it's not a joke and not an easy illness to live with...

I just want to SCREAM!!!::::::!!!!! F..... THIS ILLNESS AND F.... HER!!!!:::: I'm starting to get more frustrated with myself then with her. I'm catching myself sounding like a weak insecure woman that doesn't know what she wants in life and that's killing me. I know I need to let her go cause she didn't respect me or our relationship enough to check herself in when she knew she was heading towards a mania mood.She kept saying I made her snap, cause I left her in Palm Springs! Making me feel like it was all my fault, she knows too well how to manipulate the whole situation with her illness. She just didn't want to deal with what was happening in the relationship, so she just took the easy way out and cut me out by letting her ILLNESS take over.

Like she put on her bullet proof jacked, bouncing off all the emotions she was feeling! I'm not bp but that's how it seems to me. Plus in the two weeks she stayed by me cause she had no were else to go (after the palm spring blow out ) she knew it was going to destroy our relationship completely. She planed to burn the brighe... She burned the brighe alright...! And now she's in jail and no doubt she will blame it all on me and she will feel justified to hate me. No... not herself! but of course me cause I was stupid enough to take her back in during a full blown manic episode plus,she was off her meds for over two months (which I didn't know at the time)

By her behavior she must be manic depressive as well cause she was flipping every two minutes with a 100% rage about any little thing....a song on the radio was the wrong remix...rage!!!.....i mean it was BAD!!! One night at 4 am she cussed me out calling me the most of full names cause I was on the toilet when she needed to go...?! I mean is that bp or is that manic depressive behavior, maybe we should just put all symptoms in one basked!!HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE, and call it a day!

I know right about now some of you might be thinking "you need to go for a check Up yourself"....smile! I'm just frustrated.

What is wrong with me that I still want to be with her?????? Please don't say because i still love her, that's a sorry excuse!....I know...take one day at a time...as if two days is an option.....?! I would love to fast forward 6 month from now and not have to deal with letting her go or even think about her and her illness. maybe I should stop writing on this site cause it just keeps me connected to her...and the ILLNESSS..maybe i'm just addicted to all this drama...!

Deenah, I was wrong I'm still venting! Sorry if i offend anyone.... I'm just mad at myself for still feeling like I do about her. I have lots of luv for all you that are dealing with bp, I know it's not a joke and not an easy illness to live with...

No offense was taken could "hear" the frustration clearly through what you said. I think love is not only a splendid thing but it also can be an obsessive thing. Perhaps it is love that motivates you more then you think. The need to understand how or why it went wrong. The need to find some peace with how it ended and what you feel inside. The need to know why you didn't perhaps see something sooner. I would imagine that there are things that are left unsaid for you and many questions. Neither of which you might get the answers you seek from her. You seem to be struggling with closure on one hand it has already happened the break up and all but the other part is the heart that doesn't turn off so easily. It takes time like many things and much perception on viewing things to see them a bit clearer. It will take time but you will work through it and come out the better for it. I so believe just sort of remembering my own experience. WIth the ex i did some sneaky research via the wonderful web and found answers in his own typed hand. THey weren't outright exactly but enough that it went from being a depression into anger aimed at his head. Ok he deserved it and with my teddy bear therapy it also helped me to get out what I needed to say to him. Little by little I started to let go. Letting go of those we love whether it is a relationship or a child or family is very hard to do. It doesn't mean you stop loving them, caring, or wanting the best for them. It is recognizing that you cannot continue on a path that is destructive and face it some peeps can suck the life out of you.

One thing I suggest you do is perhaps to write down all the things if you could say you would say. Every single phrase, look, thought, emotion, and anything else whether in a journal style thing or something else. By getting the emotions out A) they aren't locked inside of you B) You can start the process of letting go as you are able C) you are validating that it is ok with how you feel and that how you feel has importance which it does D) later on you have something to reflect upon that perhaps might give you more insight then what you have at the moment. You might be surprised at the things we know but somehow we blind ourselves to them.

This board is helpful and will continue to be so in the future. All won't be cleared up at once but in baby steps at times and at others in leaps and bounds. It never hurts to understand something and to know as much as you can so in the future you are better prepared and wiser. I hope this helps somewhat and that in time peace will find you again and the strength that is waiting inside.

Eme

Hey you... This is what I didn't want for you... "I'm catching myself sounding like a weak insecure woman that doesn't know what she wants in life and that's killing me".

This is NOT your fault she is playing her disorder on you and that is not right. It just gets me upset because you've come a long way and now your back to where it began.. Your not offending me at all, I have a special bond with you regarding this, I don't want to see you get hurt.

I'm not well myself right now and it's due to meds, but I'm not hurting anyone...Everyone who doesn't have it has there own opinion on what I should do, this gets me angry.. I try my hardest to be calm but when I do snap I make sure as I'm doing it that the person knows I'm just not in the right frame of mind, it's up to them what they do with that. Thank god I am surrounded with people that care about me and know Dee-nah for Dee-nah. To be honest I've been very calm, it's just frustrating right now and I think if it was any other disorder/illness they would be frustrated too since it is med related..

Maniac Depression is Bipolar, it was just orginally called Maniac Depression! If she doesn't see that she is having a problem then it's a waste of time, you gave her a second chance and SHE blew it. I personally wouldn't even go there again unless she seeked the proper help, you need to think of your own needs now.

If it wasn't for you and others on this site I would be completely in limbo about her behavior and my responsibility towards her. It's great to hear how others are dealing and handling the same problems. To know she has a chose but she chooses to be the victim really is the biggest disappointment for me.

No matter what you've done during your episodes you sound like you take responsibility and are trying to stay on track, though I'm sure it must be so hart at times, I respect you for that.

you too eme, thanks for your words. It's good to know i'm not crazy for thinking and trying to have a serious relationship with someone who has bp. I hope for my ex ,Sommer, she gets out of her victim mind set and starts working on herself again.She pretty much has hit rock bottom at this point.

Looking back she did try during the whole year we were together. She was going to night school and taking her meds even got a membership at the gym to get in shape again. I miss those times so much. I don't know what made her throw the towel..........according to her, it was because I was putting her down when she was trying her best, I do then to be a more of a critical person, then Palm springs was just the breaking point. But she still can't just blame me for it, cause I didn't know anything about bp and how hard it is to stay on track. I would have bin much more sensitive and understanding with her. I would have totally made sure we got couples counseling to prevent any build up due to lack of communacation skills....

Deenah,eme, after a manic episode like this can you remember what happened? I mean, do you comprehend the situation? And how do you feel about the people you've hurt?

I just went though a very rough break up with my ex that is diagnose with Bipolar3, homicidal/suicidal borderline. I won't get into the whole story cause its too long plus I had some great support from this site already and our relationship is over, after a year of practically living together, were she at the end lost it and was out of control and threatening me. She's is in jail now for breaking my restaining order and for a different crime... Anyhow, my question is...

Is it even possible to have a long lasting relationship with a partner with this kind of men tall illness? ( Of course if they are on there meds):confused:

no it's not and I hope you're not even considering it at this point.....you got this person out of your life.....count your blessings and move forward.

I do take responsibility for my actions, I know when I'm wrong but If I feel I'm right about a situation I will voice that as well... This is whether I'm personally on track or not, granted I may get some elses opinion about the situation but I own up to it...

Hopefully with her being in jail she gets help! I don't know there procedures but i'm assuming they don't ignore a situation as mental illness???

In any kind of relationship your going to go through your good and bad days, nobody is perfect so please don't dwell on what she said regarding putting her down.. This is all normal to a certain extent of course, plus you get 2 girl PMSing....Watch out!!!

I'm sorry to say but no I don't remember anything if I'm maniac while fighting or doing something extreme!!! When someone tells me what happens I won't deny it... I know what I'm capable of!

just wanted to pop on and say hi. I am BP II and have been for about 7 yrs during which i have had the bad and the good. I am married for almost 4 of them and at one point we almost got divorced. but we are good now and all relations bp or not, you need to work together.
so I am not saying everything is always perfect even "normal" people have major issues or character flaws.
but you need to find someone who respects themselves first. then they can love themselves enough to love another ... in which case, YOU.
so keep on keepin on take all the lovely people's advice on this thread since its all great advice.
good luck to you. I read your other post and you went through a lot.
you dont have to deal with that. well I hope you find the right person, and good luck to you :D

you too eme, thanks for your words. It's good to know i'm not crazy for thinking and trying to have a serious relationship with someone who has bp. I hope for my ex ,Sommer, she gets out of her victim mind set and starts working on herself again.She pretty much has hit rock bottom at this point.

Looking back she did try during the whole year we were together. She was going to night school and taking her meds even got a membership at the gym to get in shape again. I miss those times so much. I don't know what made her throw the towel..........according to her, it was because I was putting her down when she was trying her best, I do then to be a more of a critical person, then Palm springs was just the breaking point. But she still can't just blame me for it, cause I didn't know anything about bp and how hard it is to stay on track. I would have bin much more sensitive and understanding with her. I would have totally made sure we got couples counseling to prevent any build up due to lack of communacation skills....

Deenah,eme, after a manic episode like this can you remember what happened? I mean, do you comprehend the situation? And how do you feel about the people you've hurt?[/QUOTE]

Dear Dutches,

I normally remember to a degree usually in bits and pieces and luckily very few of those i care about have been around or if they were didn't know what it is they saw. The people I hurt is a guilt i bare every single day. I cannot make up for the hurt caused other then to strive to do better. It is not easy and I don't always win that battle. Most of the family doesn't want to understand or they give me that you are being irrational with a unhappy look. Well yeap I am duh!

I cannot blame others for when I fall and don't try to. But again I am different then Sommer is and so that is to be considered. I know that others will help it along and instigate it to a degree which doesn't help. But in the end rational or not it is up to me to go with the insane flow of it. It is at times akin to trying to paddle upstream if you are strong enough you can do it. And let's face it there are moments not even Superman is strong enough to do that. Also with each person being different it is not always the same breaking point for each of us. Some can handle much more then many others. Some are gentle and wound much easier.

If she felt this way then why did she hide it and not say something? Communication is def a key in any relationship mental illness attached or not. If someone doesn't know you are hurting them in some fashion they will continue to do or say whatever it is. Without communication you have not much of anything other then a roommate. So now you know about Bp and how much of a struggle it can be. You also know that a good support system is key for the times when things get very bad as they can do that. And with her hitting bottom the only way she has to go is up. But it has to be she that decides to either sink or find a way to make it better. In some ways, I think she was trying to reach out and find the light in what she had once known and remembered. (When she called you is what I speak of.) It is only a guess. I know the feelings run deep like the roots of a old tree but even trees have long memories. Is this love the kind that is good for you? Is it something you can trust and not be afraid of it hurting back in vicious ways? Only you can know those things. It will not be easy the path before you no matter what you decide.

I hope you are feeling better about things at least better then before. Hugs to you and the hope it won't hurt forever.

Eme

Dutches, how are you = )

Please continue this discussion of broken relationship recovery on the Relationship Board.

Any BPers may reply on that board.