stick2013
06-07-2007, 07:41 PM
HI Guys,
Ok, so all of you are going to call 911 and have me comitted after reading this....
I had to go shopping today, actually I just needed to get away from the dogs for awhile. Binx got into a can of bread crumbs and made a huge mess all over. I swear that dog is dead dog meat......Or will be when I get done with him.....:jester:
So anyway, I had to drive by Drews house. OK, I know I am nuts....I actually had thoughts that he wasn't really dead. I REALLY had to think about it, and then convince myself that he was....It was the weirdest thing I have ever gone through. It was like time just stopped for a few minutes, or reversed or something. It took me maybe 3-4 minutes to come into reality sort of. Oh I don't know what I am trying to explain, or even if I can.
It has bothered me all afternoon. I know he is dead, so why did I have those weird thoughts today??? Denial???? I don't think so. Just a very sureal, weird few minutes....
Any thoughts???
All I know is that I hope it never happens again. It really freaked me out for a few minutes.
Hugs,
Sid
Ok, so all of you are going to call 911 and have me comitted after reading this....
I had to go shopping today, actually I just needed to get away from the dogs for awhile. Binx got into a can of bread crumbs and made a huge mess all over. I swear that dog is dead dog meat......Or will be when I get done with him.....:jester:
So anyway, I had to drive by Drews house. OK, I know I am nuts....I actually had thoughts that he wasn't really dead. I REALLY had to think about it, and then convince myself that he was....It was the weirdest thing I have ever gone through. It was like time just stopped for a few minutes, or reversed or something. It took me maybe 3-4 minutes to come into reality sort of. Oh I don't know what I am trying to explain, or even if I can.
It has bothered me all afternoon. I know he is dead, so why did I have those weird thoughts today??? Denial???? I don't think so. Just a very sureal, weird few minutes....
Any thoughts???
All I know is that I hope it never happens again. It really freaked me out for a few minutes.
Hugs,
Sid
Sponsor
Dee-nah
06-07-2007, 07:49 PM
Sid, do you think it's because you just haven't accepted it yet?? It's only been less then a week (am I right? my head was in the clouds)... I think this is perfectly normal, it just hasn't registered yet.
stick2013
06-07-2007, 07:52 PM
I don't know Dee. It was just the weirdest feelings and thoughts. He died last Sat, service was Tueday, and he was cremated. I KNOW he is dead. I saw his body, I touched him, rubbed his head. But today when I drove by his house the feelings and thoughts ....I just can't explain them....
Sid
Sid
Dee-nah
06-07-2007, 07:56 PM
I know I don't do well with death and from what I read on your post you don't do well with it either. It's almost like you live in that moment (meaning the services) and when it's over it's like it never happen, it wasn't real.
When you went by his house maybe in your mind it was still thinking he was alive since it's normal now, before it was him being sick, then him being in a coma, then him passing away. It was a long process and it's over...
Does that make sense?
When you went by his house maybe in your mind it was still thinking he was alive since it's normal now, before it was him being sick, then him being in a coma, then him passing away. It was a long process and it's over...
Does that make sense?
ICC
06-07-2007, 08:07 PM
Sid ,you and Drew may have had contact. Now don't go thinking I'm nuts because then the two of us are going away together for a long time:blob_fire
This happens and is in my opinion a wonderful experience. Even though it freaked you out once it sinks in you'll be more comfortable. When loved ones die, they visit in different ways. Might be a sound, smell, or just a feeling that they're near you. I think that's what you experienced. He knew you would have a hard time and is near by to comfort you.
God bless,
Grasshopper
This happens and is in my opinion a wonderful experience. Even though it freaked you out once it sinks in you'll be more comfortable. When loved ones die, they visit in different ways. Might be a sound, smell, or just a feeling that they're near you. I think that's what you experienced. He knew you would have a hard time and is near by to comfort you.
God bless,
Grasshopper
beka6
06-08-2007, 12:36 AM
Sid,
I agree with ICC. Contact happens....
I remember when my friend passed away, for about 3 weeks after his funeral, I would all of a sudden panic because I hadn't done his laundry for a while and I just knew he must be out of clean clothes! For the first few weeks, I would find myself still planning to swing by and visit him after work. Even though I sat by his side and watched him deteriorate in a coma for his last 10 days on earth - and I KNEW he was definitely gone, I still had the habit of him. He was part of me.
Give yourself time. You'll adjust in your own way.
Beka
I agree with ICC. Contact happens....
I remember when my friend passed away, for about 3 weeks after his funeral, I would all of a sudden panic because I hadn't done his laundry for a while and I just knew he must be out of clean clothes! For the first few weeks, I would find myself still planning to swing by and visit him after work. Even though I sat by his side and watched him deteriorate in a coma for his last 10 days on earth - and I KNEW he was definitely gone, I still had the habit of him. He was part of me.
Give yourself time. You'll adjust in your own way.
Beka
trg247
06-08-2007, 01:05 AM
After my Dad died I would catch myself thinking "When I go home I need to ask Dad how to fix ...." and I would have days where I thought these things and write them down as a reminder so your definately not alone
On Contact: I was sitting upstairs in the funeral home trying to get myself prepared mentally on reading this...(I don't remember what they are called) and I was a complete wreck and couldn't even read the words on the paper. I looked up at this ceiling fan and said outloud "Dad I really need your help to get through this" the ceiling fan started to move faster and faster and this calm came over me and I was ready to read the thing I had written. My exwife who was with me was pretty much freaked out. I had never felt as at peace and safe as I did at that moment
take care
trg247
On Contact: I was sitting upstairs in the funeral home trying to get myself prepared mentally on reading this...(I don't remember what they are called) and I was a complete wreck and couldn't even read the words on the paper. I looked up at this ceiling fan and said outloud "Dad I really need your help to get through this" the ceiling fan started to move faster and faster and this calm came over me and I was ready to read the thing I had written. My exwife who was with me was pretty much freaked out. I had never felt as at peace and safe as I did at that moment
take care
trg247
beka6
06-08-2007, 01:08 AM
Trg,
Thanks for sharing that story about your dad. I believe very much in things like that. I'm glad for you that you have that memory.
Beka
Thanks for sharing that story about your dad. I believe very much in things like that. I'm glad for you that you have that memory.
Beka
Phoenix
06-08-2007, 02:45 AM
Dear Sid:
I would also like to add that it could be on a subconscious level you have incorporated a defense mechanism that makes it easier to cope with the present reality of the situation.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I would also like to add that it could be on a subconscious level you have incorporated a defense mechanism that makes it easier to cope with the present reality of the situation.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
isitme
06-08-2007, 05:16 AM
Isn't it a case of wishful thinking. Hioing that the person is still alive and for some bizarre reason you could have got it wrong, so you had to go back to check!
I did exactly the same after my mum died. I also KNEW she had died. But I went to her house..........in hope, but really for comfirmation. Your not batty! His death is a big shock to your system. Give yourself time to reajust.
I did exactly the same after my mum died. I also KNEW she had died. But I went to her house..........in hope, but really for comfirmation. Your not batty! His death is a big shock to your system. Give yourself time to reajust.
stick2013
06-08-2007, 06:07 AM
Thanks guys,
I have to go back to his house on Tuesday. It will be hard. For the past year all you heard was the TV A HUGE SUCKER 60" Plasma HD screen given to him from the Make a Wish foundation, and the sounds of his O2 machine. It will be quiet. He won't be sitting on HIS side of the couch, I won't be able to stop on my way to the kitchen and say, "Hey buddy how ya doing today?"
Damn this is so hard.....He impacted my life, just by being Drew. I guess I just need time....
Sid
I have to go back to his house on Tuesday. It will be hard. For the past year all you heard was the TV A HUGE SUCKER 60" Plasma HD screen given to him from the Make a Wish foundation, and the sounds of his O2 machine. It will be quiet. He won't be sitting on HIS side of the couch, I won't be able to stop on my way to the kitchen and say, "Hey buddy how ya doing today?"
Damn this is so hard.....He impacted my life, just by being Drew. I guess I just need time....
Sid
ICC
06-08-2007, 06:48 AM
Dear Sid,
Yes, time will help to ease the pain but you know it never goes away totally.I have had those that passed visit me many times. Sometimes in the car I'll smell cigar smoke and I knw my father-in-law is there. The day of my sister's funeral I came home and found a picture of my father and my daughter who passed along with my "safety" bear in the middle of my bed. I had to call hubby and my daughter upstairs to se because I knew no one would believe it. They were stunned. Ther is know way where these things were they could have made it to my bed. I don't know which one of them visited but i do know someone did to let me know they were with me. I hope you continue to have these experiences. In time you'll be comforted by them. As far as going to Drew's house, For years everytime I walked in my parents house I saw my dad sittin gin his recliner. No one would sit there. I finally started to and was comfoted in doing so. Take your time. Though it's not easy you are coping in a healthy manner.
Love you,
Grasshopper
Yes, time will help to ease the pain but you know it never goes away totally.I have had those that passed visit me many times. Sometimes in the car I'll smell cigar smoke and I knw my father-in-law is there. The day of my sister's funeral I came home and found a picture of my father and my daughter who passed along with my "safety" bear in the middle of my bed. I had to call hubby and my daughter upstairs to se because I knew no one would believe it. They were stunned. Ther is know way where these things were they could have made it to my bed. I don't know which one of them visited but i do know someone did to let me know they were with me. I hope you continue to have these experiences. In time you'll be comforted by them. As far as going to Drew's house, For years everytime I walked in my parents house I saw my dad sittin gin his recliner. No one would sit there. I finally started to and was comfoted in doing so. Take your time. Though it's not easy you are coping in a healthy manner.
Love you,
Grasshopper
hergy
06-08-2007, 01:08 PM
Sid,
I missed so much the past few weeks. So, first, I want you to know I'm so sorry about your loss. You let us know what a wonderful person Drew was, and no one will forget that. So many more people know him and the beauty of his character because of you.
Your experience driving by his house doesn't make you nuts. I have a friend who lost her dad when she was a young teenager. As an adult, she was driving to work and passed her uncle in traffic (he looks very much like her father). She said it gave her the strangest feeling, startling at first - not one of joy or fear, but, like you said, surreal. She was entranced and disturbed by that experience all week. She knew it wasn't her dad, but seeing his likeness touched a place inside her that she couldn't describe.
Everyone holds a special place for people they care about. When that person dies, the tangible reminder that there's a reason for your space is gone. It's frightening and painful to recognize you're holding on to a memory. As with my friend, even years later, she was startled by the emptiness. It lingered for her for a few days.
Time can be a healer, but no amount of time makes you feel good about losing someone you hold dear. You can adjust, but try to take comfort in the love and support of people that care about the pain you're feeling. You're not alone with the feeling, and so many people really do care.
I love you.
Nikki
I missed so much the past few weeks. So, first, I want you to know I'm so sorry about your loss. You let us know what a wonderful person Drew was, and no one will forget that. So many more people know him and the beauty of his character because of you.
Your experience driving by his house doesn't make you nuts. I have a friend who lost her dad when she was a young teenager. As an adult, she was driving to work and passed her uncle in traffic (he looks very much like her father). She said it gave her the strangest feeling, startling at first - not one of joy or fear, but, like you said, surreal. She was entranced and disturbed by that experience all week. She knew it wasn't her dad, but seeing his likeness touched a place inside her that she couldn't describe.
Everyone holds a special place for people they care about. When that person dies, the tangible reminder that there's a reason for your space is gone. It's frightening and painful to recognize you're holding on to a memory. As with my friend, even years later, she was startled by the emptiness. It lingered for her for a few days.
Time can be a healer, but no amount of time makes you feel good about losing someone you hold dear. You can adjust, but try to take comfort in the love and support of people that care about the pain you're feeling. You're not alone with the feeling, and so many people really do care.
I love you.
Nikki
stick2013
06-08-2007, 03:05 PM
Thanks Nikki