My Husband use to be the sweetes person alive then the past couple of years he has been getting really angery at things we might say or he will just start yelling at everyone. but when he comes down he says he didn't say or do any of that. But when we go to the doctors about it he's back to this sweetes guy again and they think I am crazy. What should I do we have a year old son and he is picking up his dads happit.

My Husband use to be the sweetes person alive then the past couple of years he has been getting really angery at things we might say or he will just start yelling at everyone. but when he comes down he says he didn't say or do any of that. But when we go to the doctors about it he's back to this sweetes guy again and they think I am crazy. What should I do we have a year old son and he is picking up his dads happit.

Your husband may not believe he has an anger problem.
How can the doctor help if he (your husband) doesn't think he has a problem?

If your husband isn't willing to acknowledge he has an anger problem, he can't get help-- but he should think about what this is doing to his family.
If nothing is done, your son will pick up his dad's habit and act the same way.

he may have more than an anger problem. do some research on BPD, borderline personality disorder. I discovered it while researching anger management. I had an ex-BF who had what I thought was an anger management problem, turns out anger was just the symptom of the bigger disorder.....BPD

you say that your husband has been getting angry for the past 2 years, which would just about cover your pregnancy and then the birth and first year of your child's life, is there a connection? did you have problems during pregnancy or giving birth that could have made him feel helpless or excluded, or could his frustration have something to do with a lack of intimate relations due to the demands of a baby. it just seems coincidental. in any case you both need help with this before it affects the child. persuade him to go for counselling with you. it won't but easy but the option of just putting up with it isn't easy either.
good luck.

you say that your husband has been getting angry for the past 2 years, which would just about cover your pregnancy and then the birth and first year of your child's life, is there a connection? did you have problems during pregnancy or giving birth that could have made him feel helpless or excluded, or could his frustration have something to do with a lack of intimate relations due to the demands of a baby. it just seems coincidental. in any case you both need help with this before it affects the child. persuade him to go for counselling with you. it won't but easy but the option of just putting up with it isn't easy either.
good luck.

we had this problem before I got pregnant and during the pregnancy he put in depression by the things he said to me. during the birth he wouldn't help any. till this day he doesn't think that the baby is his responsablity its either mine or his moms. He and his family is self employed so he flips out on everyone. Blames everyone if something goes wrong when he is the one breaking equipment and is always taking off. We just don't know what to do he want go to the doctor

Meghan, did he have a head injury or other change in his health before all of this started?

we had this problem before I got pregnant and during the pregnancy he put in depression by the things he said to me. during the birth he wouldn't help any. till this day he doesn't think that the baby is his responsablity its either mine or his moms. He and his family is self employed so he flips out on everyone. Blames everyone if something goes wrong when he is the one breaking equipment and is always taking off. We just don't know what to do he want go to the doctor

ok, so looks like he may not have wanted the baby to start with and feels resentment. many men cannot settle down and find it hard to committ. but he is behaving very badly. if you cannot persuade him to seek help you must look to other members of his family to help. you should not have to put up with this and he must be made to see that. but ultimately if he refuses to change you must to do something for the sake of your child and a trial seperation may be necessary. hope it doesn't come to that.

we had this problem before I got pregnant and during the pregnancy he put in depression by the things he said to me. during the birth he wouldn't help any. till this day he doesn't think that the baby is his responsablity its either mine or his moms. He and his family is self employed so he flips out on everyone. Blames everyone if something goes wrong when he is the one breaking equipment and is always taking off. We just don't know what to do he want go to the doctor


simple solution.....he won't go to the doctor? you tell him you're going to a LAWYER.......
If you tolerate this, you're partially responsible.
:angel:

simple solution.....he won't go to the doctor? you tell him you're going to a LAWYER.......
If you tolerate this, you're partially responsible.
:angel:


LOL Rosequartz! :D

He definitely needs help .. why hasn't his family said something to him about storming off the job whenever he feels like it? Why haven't they said he needs to help take care of his own baby???

He sounds like he's having a temper tantrum!
He's too old for that.

What, does he think children are "womens work" ???

I have a feeling if she tells him she's going to a lawyer, he'll act even worse.
Something has to be done!

LOL Rosequartz! :D



I have a feeling if she tells him she's going to a lawyer, he'll act even worse.
Something has to be done!

good point......on second thought, don't tell him, just do it.
do some research on BPD too, see if you think the shoe fits.

He has never been hit in the head. He loves the fact we have a child together and we want another one. I am not going to a lawyer or a trail seperation. I just want to know how should I convince him to go to a therapist or doctor so he and I can talk about it.

He has never been hit in the head. He loves the fact we have a child together and we want another one. I am not going to a lawyer or a trail seperation. I just want to know how should I convince him to go to a therapist or doctor so he and I can talk about it.


Did you ask him to go to a therapist or doctor???? :confused:

If he's loving the fact that you have a child together, why doesn't he help take care of the baby?
And if you're complaining that he doesn't help take care of this baby enough, why have another when he's not helping with the FIRST BABY????? :confused: :confused:

I wouldn't keep sticking around a guy if he wants to demonstrate violence. It's not wise. :nono:
I also wouldn't keep having children w/him b/c that's not good for the kids to see.

They can learn his behaviour if he doesn't change--that's just one of many things that happens in these situations.

I have gotten use to taking care of the baby by myself one because his family has there own business and he works long hours or is always working on stuff. He love to keep busy this last couple weeks he has been helping me with the baby when he comes home. and in the middle of the night. I would like to have another child because is great with children but I told him only if he goes and talks to a therapist. Which he was a little upset because he wants another one but if I wont have one till he gets help then that made him think about it some more. As for leaving him I am not getting a divorce my mother was divorced 2 and I am not putting my child through what I want through. I made the dission to get married to him and I will make it work.

I have gotten use to taking care of the baby by myself one because his family has there own business and he works long hours or is always working on stuff. He love to keep busy this last couple weeks he has been helping me with the baby when he comes home. and in the middle of the night. I would like to have another child because is great with children but I told him only if he goes and talks to a therapist. Which he was a little upset because he wants another one but if I wont have one till he gets help then that made him think about it some more. As for leaving him I am not getting a divorce my mother was divorced 2 and I am not putting my child through what I want through. I made the dission to get married to him and I will make it work.

you're not doing your child any favors by staying in that situation. children learn what they live. you're teaching your child that it's ok to be verbally abusive..... it's probably only a matter of time before he becomes physically abusive. Do you watch the news? Do you see how many women are killed by the man they love because he has an anger problem? Did you see Chris Benoit just recently killed his wife and kid? Remember Lacy Peterson? That girl in Ohio just last week? Do you want to be on the news? You have a chance to get out now, you're still breathing. You really should consider all your options. You can't make it work on your own, it takes two.

did you ever think, you may be alive today BECAUSE your mother got a divorce?

we had this problem before I got pregnant and during the pregnancy he put in depression by the things he said to me. during the birth he wouldn't help any. till this day he doesn't think that the baby is his responsablity its either mine or his moms. He and his family is self employed so he flips out on everyone. Blames everyone if something goes wrong when he is the one breaking equipment and is always taking off. We just don't know what to do he want go to the doctor
I am going through this problem, with my bf. He is not physically violent towards me, but he gets mad at the littlest things. He literally thinks about running people off the road if they are not doing "HIS" speed. He screems at every vehicle, because they are doing everything worng. I do have a wonderful relationship in most ways, but he takes his anger out on me, not by hitting at all but he scares me, by yelling and hitting walls. The thing is that he knows he has a problem, but he only thinks about helping himself when it gets to the point that i threaten to leave him. He is afraid to go to a therapist, because he sais, "they will just put me on antidepressants," and he doesn't want to live his life from a pill. I need help, before my relationship does suffer to the point where we split, because i love his with all of my heart he just has issues bigtime.

Sorry didn't mention that we have not had a child yet, but he is acting like this still. I think it is insecutiry, mostly, what do you think?!?!?!

What a weak man. Sorry, but he'll never change, you put up with it and he'll keep doing it. Get yourself together and get out!

But seemy problem is not as bad as some women, with abusive husbands. My bf only has anger problems, he is not abusive towards me in any way. He only takes it out on me, because all of his friends dumped him when he quit doing drugs to make a better life for me and his child. so therefore i am the only person he has to listen to his problems. And when he is screaming, it is not at me, i just have to listen to it because i am the only person around him. I am not afraid for my life with him, i do feel protected all of the time, i just do not like him getting that angry all the time. for no reason. I am trying to figure out why he is this way. His dad moved in with us, (Finally out now) YAY, but i noticed while he was living with us, his dad always stays depressed, and angry, he is the most non social person i have ev er met. I just don't want my bf to end up like his father. I need help to get a little deeper, to figure it out.

Sorry didn't mention that we have not had a child yet, but he is acting like this still. I think it is insecutiry, mostly, what do you think?!?!?!


yet? please tell me you're not even considering it....no I don't think it's insecurity, I think it's another case of borderline personality disorder.

But seemy problem is not as bad as some women, with abusive husbands. My bf only has anger problems, he is not abusive towards me in any way. He only takes it out on me, because all of his friends dumped him when he quit doing drugs to make a better life for me and his child. so therefore i am the only person he has to listen to his problems. And when he is screaming, it is not at me, i just have to listen to it because i am the only person around him. I am not afraid for my life with him, i do feel protected all of the time, i just do not like him getting that angry all the time. for no reason. I am trying to figure out why he is this way. His dad moved in with us, (Finally out now) YAY, but i noticed while he was living with us, his dad always stays depressed, and angry, he is the most non social person i have ev er met. I just don't want my bf to end up like his father. I need help to get a little deeper, to figure it out.

yelling and venting at you because you're the only one who will listen to him IS being abusive, and the fact that you're making excuses for him shows just how far he's beaten you down already. And you don't want him to end up like his dad? He already is.....take off the blinders. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Don't try to be a hero and save this one....just toss him back.

so let me get this right, he yells and rants and raves because he lost his friends? you are about half a step from being his whipping post.gee does he tell you how sorry he is? so do you want to keep your teeth and face intact?take it from some one who has been there,he is about one step from becoming abusive and you are half a step from becoming another statistic,or a news story.get out now while you still can.:nono:

Get out while you can and don't bring an innocent child into this.

Hi:

I can see that you have had a lot of advice that you perhaps feel uncomfortable with.
Only you know the details of your very specific problems and it would be unfair for anyone to give you advice that you haven't asked for, like "Leave him!!!" or "for the sake of your child".
At best these are contraversial statements for anyone to make and at worst could seriousley damage your, your partner and your childs lives. :nono:

I have a thought that perhaps you want to face these issues and resolve them instead of running away from them.

I think if you made your partner aware of his behaviour from an external viewpoint he might be convinced to seek professional advice and support.

To do this you could try somehow to record his behaviour onto video or audio media, or perhaps have someone available to act as a witness to his behaviour then replay or explain the incident to him.

You may not get an immediate posotive response, but I'm sure that if he is made aware of himself acting out in this way he'll soon ask himself questions that may lead to his (made with direction from you) decision to seek counsil.

I'm nearly 39 (not 40, :D ) and suffer badly from behavioural problems, not helped by my cessation of smoking.

Catching my behaviour on video camera shocked me! At the time and soon after I had denied to myself that I had done anything wrong, but I couldn't deny what I was seeing when this other person that was really me acting out this way.

Will you let me know how you get on please? :bouncing:

Kind regards,