hergy
06-13-2007, 11:56 PM
The nature of a traumatized individual is to push away emotion to avoid as much pain as possible. Doesn't work, but we do it anyway. Emotion isn't bad. In my head, it still is, but at least I've come far enough to know emotion is normal. I just can't seem to merge it with my intellect yet without becoming a blubbering moron.
Emotion feels wierd for most of us. It does to me. So I try not to feel. All that does is cause a jack-in-the-box effect. It just pops out and scares the crap out of me.
We can work through those emotions, guys. Don't run. I'm the queen of running. But I know it doesn't work. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I feel because it seems that I can't tell what the heck I'm feeling. It's like every emotion possible attacks me at once. Verbalizing what I'm feeling? No way.
We can all work this stuff out together. I'm kind of out of sorts right now because I'm trying to function with emotions pushing my head out of shape. It's got to happen, though. Better now than later, I guess.
I have OCD. So my new emotions are spinning like a tire on a race car. But I'm working on my OCD stuff in therapy - no more renting videos in three's, no more showering in the same order, etc. Small stuff first, then the big stuff.
Maybe this post doesn't not make much sense. I don't concentrate too well. But I hope you guys understand what I'm getting at.
Love,
Nikki
Emotion feels wierd for most of us. It does to me. So I try not to feel. All that does is cause a jack-in-the-box effect. It just pops out and scares the crap out of me.
We can work through those emotions, guys. Don't run. I'm the queen of running. But I know it doesn't work. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I feel because it seems that I can't tell what the heck I'm feeling. It's like every emotion possible attacks me at once. Verbalizing what I'm feeling? No way.
We can all work this stuff out together. I'm kind of out of sorts right now because I'm trying to function with emotions pushing my head out of shape. It's got to happen, though. Better now than later, I guess.
I have OCD. So my new emotions are spinning like a tire on a race car. But I'm working on my OCD stuff in therapy - no more renting videos in three's, no more showering in the same order, etc. Small stuff first, then the big stuff.
Maybe this post doesn't not make much sense. I don't concentrate too well. But I hope you guys understand what I'm getting at.
Love,
Nikki
Sponsor
isitme
06-14-2007, 05:27 AM
Emotion is fine - certainly. Blubbering moron you call yourself, well I'm number 2 blubbering moron! To NOT be that, I have to avoid whoever/ whatever. I know that is NOT the answer either. The correct answer is facing up to the trigger - WITHOUT an inappropriate response. Slowly but surely working towards the end goal. I'm much nearer to the goal than I was................yet still a long way away. (I do hope I haven't confused you further).
stick2013
06-14-2007, 06:21 AM
Nikki,
When you have learned to block emotion for an extended period of time.....It becomes NORMAL, even though it is abnormal to block them. When you START to feel things, and let your emotions out....THIS is where you get the weird feelings. It frightens you to actually feel emotions. Emotion are there for a reason.
The trauma that you have been through has forced you to pack away your feelings in a tight little package somewhere in your mind and soul. They are coming out now, little by little. Try and let them. Feel them, play safely with them, and nurture them. It's ok....
Hugs sweetie,
Sid
When you have learned to block emotion for an extended period of time.....It becomes NORMAL, even though it is abnormal to block them. When you START to feel things, and let your emotions out....THIS is where you get the weird feelings. It frightens you to actually feel emotions. Emotion are there for a reason.
The trauma that you have been through has forced you to pack away your feelings in a tight little package somewhere in your mind and soul. They are coming out now, little by little. Try and let them. Feel them, play safely with them, and nurture them. It's ok....
Hugs sweetie,
Sid
hergy
06-14-2007, 10:59 AM
When you have learned to block emotion for an extended period of time.....It becomes NORMAL, even though it is abnormal to block them. When you START to feel things, and let your emotions out....THIS is where you get the weird feelings. It frightens you to actually feel emotions.
Sid,
You're definitely right. But like every other step I take, the confused, wierd feelings seem like they'll never go away.
It does scare the crap out of me to feel - to allow myself into emotional places I never dared before. It seems that the temperature gauge on my emotions is broken - just hot or cold.
I'm moving slowly, not by choice, but when I hit new ground and feel, the unfamiliar wave of emotion is consuming.
Thanks for your grounding words.:)
I love you!
Nikki
About my emotions, what do you mean "play safely with them?"
Sid,
You're definitely right. But like every other step I take, the confused, wierd feelings seem like they'll never go away.
It does scare the crap out of me to feel - to allow myself into emotional places I never dared before. It seems that the temperature gauge on my emotions is broken - just hot or cold.
I'm moving slowly, not by choice, but when I hit new ground and feel, the unfamiliar wave of emotion is consuming.
Thanks for your grounding words.:)
I love you!
Nikki
About my emotions, what do you mean "play safely with them?"
hergy
06-14-2007, 11:03 AM
Emotion is fine - certainly. Blubbering moron you call yourself, well I'm number 2 blubbering moron! To NOT be that, I have to avoid whoever/ whatever. I know that is NOT the answer either. The correct answer is facing up to the trigger - WITHOUT an inappropriate response. Slowly but surely working towards the end goal. I'm much nearer to the goal than I was................yet still a long way away. (I do hope I haven't confused you further).
Isitme,
Without an inappropriate response? You can do it. I'm totally not there. That's why it scares me to let my soft side show. I don't really have anything but a soft side, but I pretend in order to protect myself. If I can't pretend, I run.
I'm glad you understand. I'm not glad you're in the same boat, but I think we're both paddling in the right direction.:)
Love,
Nikki
Isitme,
Without an inappropriate response? You can do it. I'm totally not there. That's why it scares me to let my soft side show. I don't really have anything but a soft side, but I pretend in order to protect myself. If I can't pretend, I run.
I'm glad you understand. I'm not glad you're in the same boat, but I think we're both paddling in the right direction.:)
Love,
Nikki
Lost_in_Time
06-14-2007, 11:52 AM
My T says that emotions are neither right or wrong, they just are.
Sannah
06-14-2007, 03:38 PM
Nikki, I love where you are with this post! I think that with time you will feel more comfortable and with practice you will get more skilled with your emotions. This is progress though. Defining the problem is the first step at solving it! Hey congrats with your progress on the OCD! And your post made perfect sense.
isitme
06-14-2007, 06:20 PM
[QUOTE=red_five;3043***]Isitme,
Without an inappropriate response? You can do it. I'm totally not there. That's why it scares me to let my soft side show. I don't really have anything but a soft side, but I pretend in order to protect myself. If I can't pretend, I run.
Running/hiding/avoiding....................it's all the same. I've changed alot of my responses, bar one. I feel my son will always be the trigger. Can't get past that one at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Without an inappropriate response? You can do it. I'm totally not there. That's why it scares me to let my soft side show. I don't really have anything but a soft side, but I pretend in order to protect myself. If I can't pretend, I run.
Running/hiding/avoiding....................it's all the same. I've changed alot of my responses, bar one. I feel my son will always be the trigger. Can't get past that one at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
stick2013
06-14-2007, 07:02 PM
isitme,
Some of them we can't get over......
Some of them we can't get over......
Phoenix
06-14-2007, 08:33 PM
The nature of a traumatized individual is to push away emotion to avoid as much pain as possible. Doesn't work, but we do it anyway. Emotion isn't bad. In my head, it still is, but at least I've come far enough to know emotion is normal. I just can't seem to merge it with my intellect yet without becoming a blubbering moron.
Emotion feels wierd for most of us. It does to me. So I try not to feel. All that does is cause a jack-in-the-box effect. It just pops out and scares the crap out of me.
We can work through those emotions, guys. Don't run. I'm the queen of running. But I know it doesn't work. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I feel because it seems that I can't tell what the heck I'm feeling. It's like every emotion possible attacks me at once. Verbalizing what I'm feeling? No way.
We can all work this stuff out together. I'm kind of out of sorts right now because I'm trying to function with emotions pushing my head out of shape. It's got to happen, though. Better now than later, I guess.
I have OCD. So my new emotions are spinning like a tire on a race car. But I'm working on my OCD stuff in therapy - no more renting videos in three's, no more showering in the same order, etc. Small stuff first, then the big stuff.
Maybe this post doesn't not make much sense. I don't concentrate too well. But I hope you guys understand what I'm getting at.
Love,
Nikki
Dear Nikki:
You really seem to be on a positive road right now and this is pleasing news indeed.
You hit the nail on the head by saying that together we can do this, for no person is an island unto themselves(I can vouch for that).
I hope that your day went well.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
Emotion feels wierd for most of us. It does to me. So I try not to feel. All that does is cause a jack-in-the-box effect. It just pops out and scares the crap out of me.
We can work through those emotions, guys. Don't run. I'm the queen of running. But I know it doesn't work. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I feel because it seems that I can't tell what the heck I'm feeling. It's like every emotion possible attacks me at once. Verbalizing what I'm feeling? No way.
We can all work this stuff out together. I'm kind of out of sorts right now because I'm trying to function with emotions pushing my head out of shape. It's got to happen, though. Better now than later, I guess.
I have OCD. So my new emotions are spinning like a tire on a race car. But I'm working on my OCD stuff in therapy - no more renting videos in three's, no more showering in the same order, etc. Small stuff first, then the big stuff.
Maybe this post doesn't not make much sense. I don't concentrate too well. But I hope you guys understand what I'm getting at.
Love,
Nikki
Dear Nikki:
You really seem to be on a positive road right now and this is pleasing news indeed.
You hit the nail on the head by saying that together we can do this, for no person is an island unto themselves(I can vouch for that).
I hope that your day went well.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
sammy68uk
06-15-2007, 05:15 AM
Emotions are tough for me to do... I've spent so long holding things in check that my emotions are something that only I know about... apart from Anger. Unfortunately this is the one that I cant keep in...
Sometimes I long to let my feelings out... In the past I’ve only ever been able to come close with women, and women that I REALLY trust. I guess it let me break free of the macho BS that tells me I’ve got to be strong.
I think emotions will always be a minefield for anyone who’s been traumatised in some way... I get them confused. Show me affection, I assume attraction, show me anger and I feel hatred and humiliation... I wonder what causes them to get crossed that way. Often my emotions are only ever extremes... I guess that relates to my answer to a previous post. Only the extreme will leave me feeling alive.
Mark.
Sometimes I long to let my feelings out... In the past I’ve only ever been able to come close with women, and women that I REALLY trust. I guess it let me break free of the macho BS that tells me I’ve got to be strong.
I think emotions will always be a minefield for anyone who’s been traumatised in some way... I get them confused. Show me affection, I assume attraction, show me anger and I feel hatred and humiliation... I wonder what causes them to get crossed that way. Often my emotions are only ever extremes... I guess that relates to my answer to a previous post. Only the extreme will leave me feeling alive.
Mark.
isitme
06-15-2007, 08:02 AM
Show me praise - I assume sarcasm
Show me interest - I assume a motive
I think I'd better go into hiberantion!:dizzy:
Show me interest - I assume a motive
I think I'd better go into hiberantion!:dizzy:
Phoenix
06-15-2007, 10:07 AM
Dear isitme:
You and I are of the same mind on this one.
By saying that, it doesn't mean that this way of thinking is healthy, by no means.
For me, it stems from an unwilling nature to distrust others around me.
I need to get out of that "closed box" way of thinking; I am working on it.
How do things go for you?
What is your take on things?
Take care
God Bless
FTM (Ryan if you are comfortable with it)
You and I are of the same mind on this one.
By saying that, it doesn't mean that this way of thinking is healthy, by no means.
For me, it stems from an unwilling nature to distrust others around me.
I need to get out of that "closed box" way of thinking; I am working on it.
How do things go for you?
What is your take on things?
Take care
God Bless
FTM (Ryan if you are comfortable with it)
ICC
06-15-2007, 11:00 AM
Ryan and isitme....My turn on this is that it is a self esteem issue that most of us have due to being traumatized most of our lives. How can we trust??? It's certainly not an easy thing to accomplish.
"'Show me praise---I assume sarcasm"
"Show me interest---I assume motive"
Both statements clearly show a lack of trust, and a lack of self esteem in that our belief is that anyone who could/would show interest or praise us in anyway MSUT have a hidden agenda since we certainly are not worth praise or interest. Make sense?
ICC
"'Show me praise---I assume sarcasm"
"Show me interest---I assume motive"
Both statements clearly show a lack of trust, and a lack of self esteem in that our belief is that anyone who could/would show interest or praise us in anyway MSUT have a hidden agenda since we certainly are not worth praise or interest. Make sense?
ICC
isitme
06-15-2007, 12:22 PM
ftm - what can I say. The first few times I was here I dissected every word you said. Remember I asked about paranoia. Not in the psychotic sense, but the wary/motives/suspicion that surrounded every situation. I have progressed.........................
"'Show me praise---I assume sarcasm"
"Show me interest---I assume motive"
I probably said what I said as I was in the past at that moment. It is unhealthy I agree. I continue to try to change my perception of a given situation. Infact a year ago or 2, hearing my hubby speak to our child so suspiciously made me sit up and listen to myself. (Lack of trust/suspicion IS contagious). There is no way I wanted my children to be so doubted, so I have altered my ways!!!
I always did trust and I will again. It wasn't easy to change my way of thinking, it takes alot of work. Maybe we can help each other. Kids are calling..........
"'Show me praise---I assume sarcasm"
"Show me interest---I assume motive"
I probably said what I said as I was in the past at that moment. It is unhealthy I agree. I continue to try to change my perception of a given situation. Infact a year ago or 2, hearing my hubby speak to our child so suspiciously made me sit up and listen to myself. (Lack of trust/suspicion IS contagious). There is no way I wanted my children to be so doubted, so I have altered my ways!!!
I always did trust and I will again. It wasn't easy to change my way of thinking, it takes alot of work. Maybe we can help each other. Kids are calling..........
beka6
06-15-2007, 02:48 PM
Of course we think people have hidden agendas. Most people do. Call that a lack of trust, or whatever you want. The fact is, most of us have a reason to distrust. To us, the proverbial "monster in the closet" is real. How can you fully trust when a lifetime of experiences tells you otherwise?
As far as misreading people's actions - like what isitme and mark were talking about - I think that can be a common thing that people do. Maybe it effects us so much because it gives us another reason not to trust ourselves.
Who knows?
As far as misreading people's actions - like what isitme and mark were talking about - I think that can be a common thing that people do. Maybe it effects us so much because it gives us another reason not to trust ourselves.
Who knows?
stick2013
06-15-2007, 04:45 PM
The one thing that all of you are missing is this......YOU CAN LEARN to TRUST AGAIN!!!!!! I have....I give you one chance, and then your out... But I do trust... I am wary, but not totally withdrawn from trusting. So it can be achieved again or for the first time, with work.....
Sid
Sid
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 06:28 AM
I always did trust and I will again. It wasn't easy to change my way of thinking, it takes alot of work. Maybe we can help each other.
I am looking forward to it.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
I am looking forward to it.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Phoenix
06-20-2007, 10:29 PM
Dear Nikki:
Is emotion still "OK" with you?
I realize that you are going through a tumultuous time at the moment and somehow I feel that my role in all of this is huge.
It bothers me and I accept blame.
I should have known better.
I should have been the voice of reason.
I just need to know if you are alright.
If therapist says stop, we can do that to.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
Is emotion still "OK" with you?
I realize that you are going through a tumultuous time at the moment and somehow I feel that my role in all of this is huge.
It bothers me and I accept blame.
I should have known better.
I should have been the voice of reason.
I just need to know if you are alright.
If therapist says stop, we can do that to.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
hergy
06-21-2007, 03:54 AM
...I feel that my role in all of this is huge....It bothers me and I accept blame.
I'm ok, Ryan. You are in no way to blame. No way. The family visiting is still here so my opportunity to get online is limited. I'm actually posting right now while three kids are asleep behind me.
I am having a difficult time, but you're NOT to blame. You help more than you know. Don't forget that.
I'm messed up, but I'm not needy. I feel like I've sent that message. The last thing I want is to be thought of as a help case. I want to help just as much as you do. I accept blame for perhaps sending the message that I want to suck you dry. I don't.
Have no regrets. You've got no reason to have them. Your generous support is NOT a reason to be bothered. I appreciate you. I have and will.
Love,
Nikki
I'm ok, Ryan. You are in no way to blame. No way. The family visiting is still here so my opportunity to get online is limited. I'm actually posting right now while three kids are asleep behind me.
I am having a difficult time, but you're NOT to blame. You help more than you know. Don't forget that.
I'm messed up, but I'm not needy. I feel like I've sent that message. The last thing I want is to be thought of as a help case. I want to help just as much as you do. I accept blame for perhaps sending the message that I want to suck you dry. I don't.
Have no regrets. You've got no reason to have them. Your generous support is NOT a reason to be bothered. I appreciate you. I have and will.
Love,
Nikki