edie86
06-15-2007, 07:58 PM
on everything. On love, relationships, people, my hopes... everything... i am not allowing another man to lie to me or hurt me... that is over with... i am done... i don't care anymore. i started going to work just for the money because i lost my passion for saving lives. i called the food bank, the blood bank, the place i tutor at, the place i counsel youth, the animal shelter, and all the other places i have been volunteering at and i've told them all i am not coming back, to take me off their lists... i don't care anymore... it is just my family and i that i will give my heart out to... my soul has been broken... my spirit is gone... thank you for the few who have helped me here... goodbye...
Sponsor
stick2013
06-15-2007, 08:02 PM
Wait a minute.... What is going on?????
orchardlady
06-15-2007, 09:49 PM
Edie, what has happened? What "broke" you this week?
Please share this with us.
You wouldn't have share the above information if you didn't want us to know and care about your.
WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU!!
Please share!!
Carolyn
Please share this with us.
You wouldn't have share the above information if you didn't want us to know and care about your.
WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU!!
Please share!!
Carolyn
Sannah
06-16-2007, 10:52 AM
Edie, have you reached your limit of helping others, probably at the expense of meeting your own needs? This is actually a good thing if this is what is going on. You can only give, give, give (when you are denying yourself) for so long until you break. Is it time to meet your own needs now?
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 11:16 AM
Dear Edie,
If this is as Sannah says, please let us know (post 2).
Take care
God Bless
FTM
If this is as Sannah says, please let us know (post 2).
Take care
God Bless
FTM
stick2013
06-16-2007, 11:30 AM
Edie,
Come on out of the woodwork. You know that you want help... Otherwise you wouldn't have posted that you were giving up. Come on... We are here to help. Give us that chance PLEASE!!!!!
Sid
Come on out of the woodwork. You know that you want help... Otherwise you wouldn't have posted that you were giving up. Come on... We are here to help. Give us that chance PLEASE!!!!!
Sid
edie86
06-16-2007, 01:38 PM
I'm just sick of men coming into my life, trying to force sex on me or throwing lie after lie onto me. I can't handle another man coming along and treating me that way. It's so sickening and tiring. I'm just going to withdrawal from society. Be one of those hermit crabs... work and home...
Sannah
06-16-2007, 01:46 PM
Edie, you can find a good man who does not force sex (but this can wait until you work on yourself a bit more). Maybe Sid has more insight on this but those who have been abused seem to think that they do not deserve to be around good people so they settle for less than desirable people?
stick2013
06-16-2007, 01:47 PM
Edie,
Do you have PTSD????
Do you have PTSD????
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 03:27 PM
I'm just sick of men coming into my life, trying to force sex on me or throwing lie after lie onto me. I can't handle another man coming along and treating me that way. It's so sickening and tiring. I'm just going to withdrawal from society. Be one of those hermit crabs... work and home...
Dearest Edie:
Please do not put us men all into a generalized category.
It is not fair to us guys who feel that women are to be cherished, loved, adored and respected; with no strings attached.
Please do not give up entirely on our race.
If you don't want to speak to me, it is understandable but at least post to the others here. Ladies, I bow out gracefully so that headway can be made.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
Dearest Edie:
Please do not put us men all into a generalized category.
It is not fair to us guys who feel that women are to be cherished, loved, adored and respected; with no strings attached.
Please do not give up entirely on our race.
If you don't want to speak to me, it is understandable but at least post to the others here. Ladies, I bow out gracefully so that headway can be made.
Take care
God Bless
FTM
edie86
06-16-2007, 04:38 PM
it is hard to give up on men when every guy i come across wants me to have sex with them without even knowing who i am as a person. it's hard to give up when the men i come across have no problem with lying. they don't think there's anything wrong with lying... everything is triggering my most recent sexual abuse and i just don't know what to do anymore...
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 04:44 PM
you said the men you come across......
not us.
not us.
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 04:45 PM
I don't really know you but fully respect you nonetheless.
edie86
06-16-2007, 04:48 PM
easier to withdraw from everyone but family right about now...
Phoenix
06-16-2007, 04:56 PM
You feel like a superficial shell and you are not.
I am always interested in a woman's inner beauty.
I respect your decision but can you do me a favor;
at least give the others a chance to speak to you and you respond in kind?
I am always interested in a woman's inner beauty.
I respect your decision but can you do me a favor;
at least give the others a chance to speak to you and you respond in kind?
stick2013
06-16-2007, 05:42 PM
Edie,
First of all... Talk to me. And the others. We will all try and help you sort through the mess that your in right now. OK????
You say that every man you meet want to have sex with you, without knowing you. Ok, so on one hand it's a compliment, and on the other it's a low life insult. You can take it either way, but it's YOUR response to it that's important.
Just because the men say that they want to have sex with you doesn't mean that you have too. This is where boundaries come in. If you feel insulted by their statements. Then politely tell them that you are NOT that kind of a person, and you would appreciate it, if they took their comments somewhere else.
If your interested, and NOT going to have sex with them... Tell them that you don't sleep around, and if they would like to get to know you, you MIGHT be interested.
Lying.......Ok, so we can't control what other people do or say. My advice... Tell people UPFRONT what you are willing to accept, or not accept in a relationship. That is setting boundaries right away... Tell them if they cross the boundaries, the are DONE!!!!! And then YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY from that relationship...... NEVER EVER set aside your boundaries for a second chance. People will walk all over you if you do...
Sid
First of all... Talk to me. And the others. We will all try and help you sort through the mess that your in right now. OK????
You say that every man you meet want to have sex with you, without knowing you. Ok, so on one hand it's a compliment, and on the other it's a low life insult. You can take it either way, but it's YOUR response to it that's important.
Just because the men say that they want to have sex with you doesn't mean that you have too. This is where boundaries come in. If you feel insulted by their statements. Then politely tell them that you are NOT that kind of a person, and you would appreciate it, if they took their comments somewhere else.
If your interested, and NOT going to have sex with them... Tell them that you don't sleep around, and if they would like to get to know you, you MIGHT be interested.
Lying.......Ok, so we can't control what other people do or say. My advice... Tell people UPFRONT what you are willing to accept, or not accept in a relationship. That is setting boundaries right away... Tell them if they cross the boundaries, the are DONE!!!!! And then YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY from that relationship...... NEVER EVER set aside your boundaries for a second chance. People will walk all over you if you do...
Sid
edie86
06-16-2007, 09:17 PM
i'm really good at telling them that i am not going to have sex with them. this guy from work, i've known for almost a year now, we went out to have a drink, and the first thing he mentioned to me was how he wanted me in the back of his truck. "sorry, but i don't know where you've been." he kept pressuring me... so i got up and left... but when it's a constant problem... happening all the time, that's when it gets frustrating...
stick2013
06-16-2007, 10:07 PM
Edie,
So this guy is a jerk. You set your boundaries, by leaving. Now don't go with him again. Be polite, but if he asks you to go out for a drink. REFUSE!!!! Word will get around soon enough that you aren't that type, and they will stop asking.
I hear what you are saying, but I really think that you are way to upset for this to be the real issue. guys hit of women all the time. I had my fair share too. So why the RAGE with you??? WHAT really has you so upset. I don't think it's just this guy hitting on you, I think that something else is bothering you.
Want to talk about it???
Sid
So this guy is a jerk. You set your boundaries, by leaving. Now don't go with him again. Be polite, but if he asks you to go out for a drink. REFUSE!!!! Word will get around soon enough that you aren't that type, and they will stop asking.
I hear what you are saying, but I really think that you are way to upset for this to be the real issue. guys hit of women all the time. I had my fair share too. So why the RAGE with you??? WHAT really has you so upset. I don't think it's just this guy hitting on you, I think that something else is bothering you.
Want to talk about it???
Sid
edie86
06-17-2007, 10:23 AM
all these guys pressuring me for sex trigger my ptsd. they bring me back to what happened with my second to last boyfriend. how i told him i wasn't having sex with him and how he tried to rape me. how he tried to force himself on me... it's the being pressured for sex that triggers my body to remember what it went through when i was with him... it took me two years to get over the abuse my biological mother, my foster parents, and my brother did to me and I was doing wonderful... i was taking really good care of myself and got myself an education, a job as an er nurse, and doing so much for other people... i even had a really great relationship that had to end because he went to iraq... ever since, men have just been jerks... it's like, when will i ever find a decent man???
orchardlady
06-17-2007, 10:39 AM
Edie, when you say "withdraw from everybody but family right now," this is an excellent choice.
As Sannah said, you need to work on you for a while.
My suggestion is to follow your own advice, withdraw into your family, assuming that is a safe place for you to be, find an excellent therapist and work on why you choose the men that you do choose.
I have told this story before, but I will tell it again. Sometimes in the sharing of ones life another person can find a a message for themselves and even a new path.
When my husband left me after 17 years of marriage, our home was a violent place. He left because of the violence, leaving me to fix it all alone (my son was the violent one.)
Because of the damage I had incurred at the hands of my father, the neglectful emotional damage at the hands of my husband, and the damage that was evolving at the hands of my son...I knew that pursuing a new male relationship was a very poor choice for me to make.
I didn't frequent bars.
I didn't date...
for a very long, long time...many years!
What I chose to do was heal my mind through therapy.
I suggestion is that you do the same...
find a therapist...
work on yourself...
keep yourself out of those environments...
find your triggers and work on why they are your triggers,
find out what you are seeking through those triggers,
what is missing in your life that puts you in the position of saying no sex, but then end up with what is probably a one night-stand with a man.
You probably will find that there is a connection in your mind that causes you to allow yourself to be put in these situations.
I will be back in a week, and will look for you and ask for an update on what you chose to do.
In the meantime, keep talking in here. This board is full of :angel: who are giving and helpful.
We all need one another
:wave: See you in a week,
Carolyn
As Sannah said, you need to work on you for a while.
My suggestion is to follow your own advice, withdraw into your family, assuming that is a safe place for you to be, find an excellent therapist and work on why you choose the men that you do choose.
I have told this story before, but I will tell it again. Sometimes in the sharing of ones life another person can find a a message for themselves and even a new path.
When my husband left me after 17 years of marriage, our home was a violent place. He left because of the violence, leaving me to fix it all alone (my son was the violent one.)
Because of the damage I had incurred at the hands of my father, the neglectful emotional damage at the hands of my husband, and the damage that was evolving at the hands of my son...I knew that pursuing a new male relationship was a very poor choice for me to make.
I didn't frequent bars.
I didn't date...
for a very long, long time...many years!
What I chose to do was heal my mind through therapy.
I suggestion is that you do the same...
find a therapist...
work on yourself...
keep yourself out of those environments...
find your triggers and work on why they are your triggers,
find out what you are seeking through those triggers,
what is missing in your life that puts you in the position of saying no sex, but then end up with what is probably a one night-stand with a man.
You probably will find that there is a connection in your mind that causes you to allow yourself to be put in these situations.
I will be back in a week, and will look for you and ask for an update on what you chose to do.
In the meantime, keep talking in here. This board is full of :angel: who are giving and helpful.
We all need one another
:wave: See you in a week,
Carolyn
Sannah
06-17-2007, 11:38 AM
Edie, so you are being triggered here.... Well, avoiding triggers until you can deal with them better is a good route to take. I am just wondering why you are finding yourself with disrespectful men? Can you not "see" them from a distance? Maybe this is a skill that you still need to learn. I can see a disrespectful man from a distance. They do not have self-respect and they do not respect others. Respectful men are very easy to see also. They respect themselves and they respect others. Of course self-respect comes from being respected by others and self-respect comes before someone can respect others. There still seems to be a gray area here, however, for me. Maybe someone can help me fill it in here. "Victims" sometimes are low on self-respect but they still respect others.
stick2013
06-17-2007, 11:46 AM
Edie,
As long as it's the comments that are triggering you, I think that you can deal with this. Walking away from men like that is a good boundary starting point. Verbal boundaries is another.
What I am hearing is that YOU WANT a relationship, but are upset because you seem to find only jerks. Am I right????? If I am .....Join the group. Sorry, but I too picked weirdos for so long I gave up. You don't have to go the route though. Take sometime for you. Figure out what YOU WANT in a MAN. What you will tolerate, and not tolerate. What are expectations for a man? What kind of education must he have, income, there are all sorts of stuff to look for...
I would agree with Carolyn...TAKE time for you, work on your PTSD, figure out what type of man you want and the start dating. My therapist always told me, that after a failed relationship, a person should take up to a year before dating again..... How long has it been for you?????
Sid
As long as it's the comments that are triggering you, I think that you can deal with this. Walking away from men like that is a good boundary starting point. Verbal boundaries is another.
What I am hearing is that YOU WANT a relationship, but are upset because you seem to find only jerks. Am I right????? If I am .....Join the group. Sorry, but I too picked weirdos for so long I gave up. You don't have to go the route though. Take sometime for you. Figure out what YOU WANT in a MAN. What you will tolerate, and not tolerate. What are expectations for a man? What kind of education must he have, income, there are all sorts of stuff to look for...
I would agree with Carolyn...TAKE time for you, work on your PTSD, figure out what type of man you want and the start dating. My therapist always told me, that after a failed relationship, a person should take up to a year before dating again..... How long has it been for you?????
Sid
Dee-nah
06-17-2007, 11:53 AM
I'm not allowed to be in a relationship for reasons similar to yours... WE CAN DO THIS... Plus a wise woman (Sid) once told me that I can not love anyone truely unless I love myself...
stick2013
06-17-2007, 11:57 AM
Dee,
Are you figuring out yet HOW to love yourself????
Sid
Are you figuring out yet HOW to love yourself????
Sid
Dee-nah
06-17-2007, 12:00 PM
I wouldn't say I'm 100% there but I'm beginning to realize if something bad happens it's not my fault...
stick2013
06-17-2007, 12:01 PM
Good girl... That's a start.......
edie86
06-17-2007, 08:15 PM
I have enough self respect thankfully. In my twenty-one years of being alive, I have only slept with one man, a man who I truly valued and who truly cared for me in every way possible. I don't know how I keep finding myself in these situations... The guy who asked me to have sex with him in the back of his truck or whatever is a guy that I worked with for a long time and he showed me respect at work, but as soon as we were outside work, he turned into a totally different man. I know what my triggers are... being lied to by someone I trust and being pressured to have sex... I had a guy I barely knew touch my butt, trying to hit on me, and I walked away from him and haven't spoken to him since. I went on a date with a guy who tried touching my boob, and I ended up calling a cab to bring me home. I am very good at standing my ground. I have never had a one night stand. I know I am a good person. I know that I deserve better and can do better than some jerk pressuring me to have sex. I am a good catch. I have no kids, an education, and a future. I really don't want to have to go through therapy all over again. i mean come on... maybe if i get some anxiety medicine it will be good for me? After dating the last two men, I've already decided to stay away from dating... But I'm not going to turn down a man that actually proves he's worthy... The minute a man says the word "sex" or does something offensive to me, I know that this man is not right for me... I just don't know what to do...
edie86
06-17-2007, 08:28 PM
I have been single for four months now. I do love myself. I know what kind of person I am. I know what I want in a man too. He has to have a religious background, have an education of somewhat, and be making at least the same as I am... Never been married and no kids... unless she did something to hurt him... I dated two men since my last relationship and I was able to walk away from them both without getting upset... One guy tried to touch me on the first date and I walked away... The other told me he had never stepped inside a church in his entire life... goodbye... A guy that I've known for years, who ran around in the same crowd as the man I was entirely in love with, has told me that he likes me. He has an education, a career, no kids, never been married, religious, opens doors even for people he doesn't know, and seems really nice. He knows about my past abuse and he knows about my most recent abuse. I told him I need time for myself, and he told me he understands, but he would like to spend time with me as friends.
stick2013
06-17-2007, 08:30 PM
edie,
It sounds like you have good boundaries, know how to walk away when someone oversteps them, and you have good self esteem and really know what you want.
So let up on yourself. So you've had a couple of bad dates. There are always jerks out there. Lighten up on yourself for awhile. Give it sometime, and DON'T get so depressed and angry. You're young and have loads of time to find someone....
Sid
It sounds like you have good boundaries, know how to walk away when someone oversteps them, and you have good self esteem and really know what you want.
So let up on yourself. So you've had a couple of bad dates. There are always jerks out there. Lighten up on yourself for awhile. Give it sometime, and DON'T get so depressed and angry. You're young and have loads of time to find someone....
Sid
stick2013
06-17-2007, 08:32 PM
So be friends with him, and see what it develops into.... Sounds YUMMY to me....
Sannah
06-18-2007, 12:42 PM
Edie, sorry that I insinuated that you didn't have any self-respect. I was just puzzled about the guy's advances? Maybe you are just not ready for any therapy now which certainly happens and is fine. I started my therapy in my mid-twenties, on and off (about 20 sessions) over a 10 year period. I would work on an issue with a few sessions and then go on with my life until another issue came up, on and on, until I got to the point where now I can work out whatever comes up myself. Keep posting.