veljul
06-16-2007, 04:07 AM
I just started taking my wellbutrin and abilify that I have left. I counted the pills and I will run out in about 15 days. So....I'm going to talk to my doctors as I promised my group that I met with last week.
I don't feel better, actually more depressed. I stayed in bed all day today waiting for a call from this position I applied for on the 6th. They sent me a letter this week saying that they got my information but basically if you did not hear by the 15th than you were out of contention.......well I did not hear.....so I ate like a pig....which I have been doing a lot of lately.
I have determined that based upon what I have read about disability that it owuld be hard if not impossible for me to get it. I cannot prove that I cannot function. I have worked uninterruppted since I was 13...and I was diagnosed when I was 18. And plus I don't know what to do about income until you get on disability. No one seems to mention that. From what I have read the shortest time I have seen is 2-3 months. It is expensive to live on my own down here and what do I do for 3 months? Plus you are only allowed to make a certain amount of money...I would never survive down here on my own.
I know that I am getting worse because I have started to cry a lot and that only happens when I am really depressed. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon.
I am terrified of running out of money and I am moving the end of the month which will be better on expenses. I will ask for more hours at my part time job while I continue to look for full time work. I also have a temp teaching position for the month of July that will bering in more income.
I have faith and trust in God that things will work. I look back over the times where things have gone awry and it has always worked out the way God wanted it to but I am scared of my future.
And in an aside...I think I feel very alone right now and I am not reaching out to people. It was a relief to interact with people at my old job and my part time job....I watch to much reality t.v. and I see how dull my life is when there is nothing but me. I have not been in a relationship with a potential mate since I was 28..too long to talk about (10 years) I need to go to my therapist to talk about this issue. I hate being alone but I ruin any potential relationships because they always trigger mania and the people just run away from fear.
I'm going to volunteer on Saturday and to my D.A. group. Sorry so long...but I feel like I have never felt in a long time. the rejection of this job search process is draining my emotions. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading!
I don't feel better, actually more depressed. I stayed in bed all day today waiting for a call from this position I applied for on the 6th. They sent me a letter this week saying that they got my information but basically if you did not hear by the 15th than you were out of contention.......well I did not hear.....so I ate like a pig....which I have been doing a lot of lately.
I have determined that based upon what I have read about disability that it owuld be hard if not impossible for me to get it. I cannot prove that I cannot function. I have worked uninterruppted since I was 13...and I was diagnosed when I was 18. And plus I don't know what to do about income until you get on disability. No one seems to mention that. From what I have read the shortest time I have seen is 2-3 months. It is expensive to live on my own down here and what do I do for 3 months? Plus you are only allowed to make a certain amount of money...I would never survive down here on my own.
I know that I am getting worse because I have started to cry a lot and that only happens when I am really depressed. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon.
I am terrified of running out of money and I am moving the end of the month which will be better on expenses. I will ask for more hours at my part time job while I continue to look for full time work. I also have a temp teaching position for the month of July that will bering in more income.
I have faith and trust in God that things will work. I look back over the times where things have gone awry and it has always worked out the way God wanted it to but I am scared of my future.
And in an aside...I think I feel very alone right now and I am not reaching out to people. It was a relief to interact with people at my old job and my part time job....I watch to much reality t.v. and I see how dull my life is when there is nothing but me. I have not been in a relationship with a potential mate since I was 28..too long to talk about (10 years) I need to go to my therapist to talk about this issue. I hate being alone but I ruin any potential relationships because they always trigger mania and the people just run away from fear.
I'm going to volunteer on Saturday and to my D.A. group. Sorry so long...but I feel like I have never felt in a long time. the rejection of this job search process is draining my emotions. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading!