My spinal fusion is off for Monday. :( I had my PAT on Thursday and it was not good news. My white count was very low and my liver enzymes were all out of whack. I haven't been feeling well with digestive problems and extreme tiredness. But I thought it was from getting back to work and just all the excitement of getting my life back together.

The results were sent to my oncologist and he wants me to come in this week. I asked what could be causing this and he said I might be rejecting the stems cells. For some it happens immediately and others it might take a while. I can't tell you how devastated I am by all this. I thought this was the last piece of the puzzle and now I feel like I'm back to square one. :eek:

Jen,
I'm so sorry to hear this. It must be "in the air," because, if you've read any of my posts from yesterday, my white blood cell count was so low, they sent me home & told me to wait until next week for my chemo. Now, I'm going to be pushed ahead further into 2007 with treatment! Darn. What I'm dealing with, sounds miniscule to what you're having to deal with---but, rest assured, the doctors know what they're doing. I've found that through this illness, "patience is a virtue." I SO want to rush through---regain my old life---but, that's just not possible. Now, is a time to get intuned with your body, like never before.
Ask questions, if you need to....plenty. I literally go into my Oncologist's with a list (like 20 questions) and he actually answers them all! I'm still feeling my way around my diagnosis---it's just so surreal. It always "happens to someone else" --not me. Wrong. That's life.
So do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. You're just having another "kink" in the road, like we all do on here, at one time or another.
The best to you.
Keep us all informed. :angel:
S.

Yes Singer I did read that you're chemo was delayed because of low WBCs. I was afraid to reply because I thought I scared you by saying about the shots. If I did I truly apologize. ;)

I can't even think of questions at the moment. I'm so tempted to research it on the net but I'm terrified. If I read that I might need more chemo, well I don't know. :confused:

I know,--
Sometimes the internet can scare the "beejeebers" out of you.
And not ALL the information is always correct.
I've found this forum to be more helpful than anything.
No...you didn't scare me. I realize your WBC gets low during chemo, usually at one time or another. I just thought "I'd" be different. :nono:
S.

Thanks Singer, I'm glad I didn't scare you. I just can't believe this is all happening. I came to HB to ask for advice about my spinal surgery and saw the lymphoma forum and thought I'd share my experiences. I'd never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be posting in this capacity.

I just thought "I'd" be different

I'm so sorry you're not. :(

Hi Jen,
I just went through some of your back posts, to familiarize myself with what you're going through. My goodness, have you been through the mill!
That's why sometimes I feel my plight is trivial, compared to some of you people here.
I, myself, had some back problems in '97. I had a golf-ball size swelling (due to an injury) swell up on L-4 and L-5...it took me tons of tests, CT scans, MRI's, etc...until they told me to "not lift anything over 25 lbs....put ice on it...and have a nice day." I couldn't believe it! I could hardly walk for a whole year! After back-strengthening exercises, it's been better, but I soooo have to watch and be careful. I was also told I have a "bit" of arthritis, so from here on out, I need to be ultra careful with lifting.
I'm told it's amazing what they can do for your back now. Apparently, right off the operating table, they have you up and walking around.
I hope for your sake, that's you. I'm sending you good thoughts...:)

Hi there

I am sorry that this is happening, it is such a shame that all this happens.

Bloods can go up and down for so many unknown reasons.

I know what it's like to want to go back to normality, back to work etc.

If no one has ever experienced what it's like to feel as though you have no energy what so ever, they don't understand how disabilitating it is!!

I feel so bad not being able to do the same things that everyone else does and it makes me cry that I can't be there right now for my kids and husband in that way.

Hopefully things will change, and you will be feeling better soon, I hope so x

I'm sorry about your back problems too Singer but glad it's okay now. My fusion was supposed to be tomorrow, in the hospital 5-7 days and then all would be well.

Now I've been sitting here since I found out crying like a baby thinking that what if I am rejecting the cells. Do I need more chemo or do I start all over again? I just can't even imagine going through this all over again.

I'm so sorry your not able to do things with your family FL. That's one thing I never had to worry about since I'm alone. My dad died of lung cancer and my mom cervical cancer. So today being Father's day is extremely hard. :(

Jen,
So sorry to hear what you're going through.
Remember, don't 2nd guess---wait to hear it from your professionals. I have a tendency to think the worst-case scenario, too---so, I'm one to talk...
But, really, even if you do have take a few steps back, like Ails tells me, "You do, what you gotta do..." And you'll get through it.
I'm sorry your parents passed. My father has dementia, so he's not real aware of his surroundings--but, I'm still so very blessed to have him.
Do you have any support, like good friends, siblings, cousins...?
This forum has probably helped me, more than my actual friends around me right now.
I'm feeling almost "normal" for the 1st time since chemo---
Just in time, to get whacked by chemo again...
Gotta kill those cells, though. I've been having a long talk with them---they need to vamoosh!!!
Lots of good luck and prayers for you :angel: Stay strong.

I am so sorry, I can appreciate how hard it can be on special occasions, not just on those days when you have lost a loved one.

How awful to have lost your parents to cancer, and having to go through it yourself, I will support you if I can and so will every one else here!!

I can't quite get the image of singer talking to her cells out of my head, I know it's not to be mocked sorry singer, but it sounds funny, as though your talking to a child? "Now you behave yourselves you naughty cells or Aunty Ails will come and smack your bottoms?" A joke we have xx

Who you going to call? Cell Busters hey that could work instead of Ghostbusters if you have watched that.

I feel really sick, and I have to admit I think I am still quite funny, but that's just my opinion, which doesn't count for much oh!!

Sorry BeachJen i hope I haven't made you think oh my who is this person writing rubbish on my thread?

All the best I do hope you feel better soon,

:angel: prayers and bestest wishes susie

Yeah, that's called "imagery" when you (mentally) tell those nasty cells to "take a hike."

I pretend there's like a "Pac man" (remember the Pac Man game?) running around through my veins, gobbling up the bad cells. BAD CELLS BE GONE!
It's along the line of meditation---focusing....
I've always thought I have a bit of ADD (attention deficit disorder).. so, if ever I needed to learn to focus, it's now.
I realize how important it is to become almost "self absorbed." It is so against my nature, since I've always taken care of other people---but, I'm learning that it's "my time."
Fairy...you feeling ANY better? Jen...what's up? I have to read your other post...
XO

Hi there Good for you singer :D I remember space invaders? not sure if it's similar?


I am just the same as always, thank you for asking, what have you all been up to today?

I went to see my father's horses and make tea for the stable hands!!

He said it would do me good to get out, he was right in away but I cursed as I was driving down to his house, as I hadn't had any sleep and looked as rough as anything!!

hope you are all well

love and wishes Susiexx

Fairy,
Pac-Man isn't Space Invaders---The Pac Man is almost like this :yawn: --
like a little round-faced character, chasing other characters around a maze...
I used to like it when I was younger. Anyway---
I'm staying inside, due to my low white blood count. I was warned by many people about being open to infection...so, thank goodness, it's warm & I can get outside & get fresh air. I intend to go shopping later...much later, because I need some things before my next round of chemo (sigh).
Do you feel better, for having gone out? I hope so. I still think you should seek further opinions, like Amanda was telling you.
I was talking with my husband this morning, and we were discussing cancer---and I said, "How does is start?" Meaning...exactly where does it come from?--- I guess that's what cancer research is all about. They "really" don't know, do they? There's just so many weird, mutated diseases anymore---I know prevention is the key. I wish I could rewind the last few years. I would've lowered my stress levels IMMENSELY!
S.

If anything you guys have me laughing, well smiling a bit. I never thought of calling me cells anything because I didn't know who they were. They were a stranger in my body and I wanted them OUT and NOW!!!!

I've had a visit from the old "black dog" and I'm doing my best to keep my spirits up until I see my oncologist on Wednesday. Today should have been my surgery and as I reminder I'm in a bad flare. I didn't even make it to work today. :(

I know...these ladies on here have quite the sense of humor.

What's "the old black dog?" I think you lost me there....

So sorry you're down---that's what this forum is for---We're all in this together---the sick, the tired, the healed, the wounded, the eternal optimists--- We need one another, and you KNOW we're all sending you lots of positive energy! :bouncing:

The Old Black Dog, or how about Mr. D?? Yep I'm battling depression big time. I've been battling this for over 3 years now and I'm a "survivor". I remember when I had my transplant. All that chemo and all that radiation and wham!!! I watched those cells dripping from that bag and it took 20 whole minutes. I thought, wow that's it? All the hoopla, all the sickness and that's all?

Thanks for making me feel not so alone Singer. I've lost touch with a lot of people who used to be my friends. Even more so, I'm supposed to go to Alaska in November. And if I can't?????????????

Well I hope you ladies are happy? :D Now I can't get the Space Invader theme out of my head. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum!!!!:D

OH....depression. Of course---I think illness & "the big D" often go hand in hand. I was there once (suffering depression) during and after my divorce. I never thought I'd regroup---but TAH-DAH!....I'm better off.
I don't know exactly what you went through with your transplant---it does sound scary---but, this chemo-thing I'm now experiencing, was certainly MORE scary "before," than "during." I'm hoping for the "after" to take place soon---not soon enough, that's for sure!---so, I can relate, in that our minds like to work overtime & blow things out of proportion.
My niece (a nurse) has told me often, that practicing medicine is basically like math-- this & that = this. I didn't explain that well...but, she means ---it's just basically common sense.
You know---speaking of "friends." I, too, already have "lost" a few friends that were pressuring me. At this point in my life, I certainly do NOT need pressure. Friends are supposed to support, right?
I feel badly, but I'm very guarded right now, as to whom I allow in my private life. It's a very different time for me.
About songs: I had the Pointer Sisters "I'm So Excited" stuck in my mind for months! I don't know why---I'm glad it's gone. That's odd how your mind latches on to something and won't LET GO!
:)

I wasn't thinking quite of that space invaders!! but thanks any way I can't get the theme out of my head either:confused:

I sacked a lot of so called friends, as i realized that they were selfish, and I can't do with any more of those in my life right now!!

It's weird how your life changes and you see people change and those who you thought would excel in life haven't etc.

I so miss working, I feel so stupid, as all of you have chemo etc, and theirs me who can't even brush my own hair at times!!

I want to be sexy again (wit wooh ;) ) and feel normal, i can't remember that feeling!!

I said to my husband I feel as though I am in a swamp, and sometimes I feel as though I have the energy to reach for the branch to pull me out, and I am struggling to reach it I give in as it's too strenuous and I end up sinking back down, and down.

Well that's my analogy of it x

I am feeling like raaaaaagh at the moment lock yourselves up:dizzy: I am shouting at everyone, I just feel so low, I have started the dreaded d meds!!

I feel for you ladies, feel the love xxxxx

Even thought I'm still stuck in this hole you guys have brought a smile to my face. Pointer Sisters? I'm So Excited? Now that's one to go by. :)

I thought today was my appt but it's not until tomorrow. Still got the "fog" thing going on too. :confused:

I just want to know one way or the other what's going on. I'm on pins and needles not knowing.

I feel as though I am in a swamp, and sometimes I feel as though I have the energy to reach for the branch to pull me out, and I am struggling to reach it I give in as it's too strenuous and I end up sinking back down, and down.

I'm glad that you have someone there FL and I hope he's pulling hard on that rope. How about.....George Clooney on the other end??? :p