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I think your a kind person to be even concerned enough to post her in regards to your relationship with your friend. YOU do have a life and if you going out of your way to mend things are only causes you harm I would stop and see if she makes that effort, if not set her go! It's beautiful of you to go to these lengths but you need to think of yourself now!

i think it is a learned behavior to automatically hate someone back when they hurt you. but, i think it is a mature response to say "hey, something bigger must be happening here because she is not acting like the best friend i know."

it is not wrong to still want to be her friend. it is good that you don't want to abandon her even if she is acting that way. it is the bigger picture.

you are doing what she asked. giving her space. meanwhile, it is ok to still want to do things with other people.

it can seem peculiar and confusing when a best friend automatically turns their feelings off. you just have to decide what you want to do about it. if she has an illness, i wouldn't make a rash decision. not until you have done everything you can (and that means giving space). only then, once you have truly tried, can you decide that she means what she says.

it may take months so don't fret. just leave her alone for now. when you feel the time is right, send her a card or give her a call. 2 months or so from now she may be regretting all the things she said and cannot find a way to face you. a phone call out of the blue may be just the thing she needs. who knows, she may still feel the same way. but you can feel good that you cared enough to try.

i am sorry that she hurt you so. noone deserves to be talked to like that. i just think it is so much bigger of you to see the truth and understand that things are not always as they seem.

best to you,
kathryn

Tiger, you asked if something was wrong with you for still caring and wanting to be friends. First of all I don't think caring is wrong but if you keep getting hurt you have to at some point stop the abuse. I have asked myself that question many times regarding my husband because he is abusive and I still kept hoping we could be together over and over. I still love him but I do not want to be abused anymore. I talked to a tdoc once and asked the question you did and after several sessions he said he thought it was because my father was abusive to me and it may seem more normal to me than someone that has never lived with abuse. Is there anything like that in your past? My mother kept putting up with my father so it may be a learned thing with many of us even though deep inside we know its wrong and want to be treated better. I don't know if that helps or not but I am thinking of you.

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sorry this is so tough for you.

i guess it all depends on whether you think it could be the illness or that she plain just doesn't want to be your friend.

if you have any thoughts that it could be her illness then i definitely think it is worth a try. any doubts at all mean you should give it a chance. it won't hurt for you to contact her. it may take awhile, though.

is there any way to find out from a third party how she is doing? that may help you with the timing.

she just might mean what she says. but, i guess you won't know that unless you talk to her. being friends for so long it is hard when the other just gives it all up like that.

seriously, i don't think your mind will be at ease until you talk to her.

i wish you the best,
kathy

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sounds like the story of the boy who cried wolf. she lied so many times that when she was telling the truth noboby believed her.

if she has lied to you in the past maybe she wasn't as good of a friend as you thought. or maybe it was part of her illness all along.

i think it is just a wait and see. she may contact you if she says she cares for you still.

but, don't give up on the possibility that you may need to contact her. just don't throw in the towel without giving it your best shot. only then will you find out the truth. sometimes that is what a person must do in order to find closure.

i think it is very compassionate for you to want to be her friend during her tough time.

maybe you should just put it out of your mind (without truly forgetting) for now. see what happens. go out with your friends.

i still say try to get in touch with her eventually. you will know when the time is right.

i think it would be a shame to lose her if it is only her disease talking.

hope this helps,
kathy