Lost-in-Time
06-19-2007, 02:59 AM
I was the dutiful daughter......
Sponsor
isitme
06-19-2007, 05:36 AM
Maybe now it is time for you to do what YOU WANT to do, (because you actually want to do it, not because of pressure piled on you).
Lost - I spent years and years living as I thought people expected me to live. You have a duty to yourself.
Lost - I spent years and years living as I thought people expected me to live. You have a duty to yourself.
stick2013
06-19-2007, 05:54 AM
Dear Lost.
isitme is so right......You don't have to do what you THINK that OTHERS expect you to do... DO what you NEED to do for YOU!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
isitme is so right......You don't have to do what you THINK that OTHERS expect you to do... DO what you NEED to do for YOU!!!!!!
Hugs,
Sid
Phoenix
06-19-2007, 01:48 PM
I was the dutiful daughter who took flowers to the monster's grave. Why? I don't even know, other than that is what people are supposed to do......
Dear LIT:
The word that you attribute to your departed father speaks volumes and is heard loudly (even though it is not in italics or bold print).
I don't know why but all the "monsters" I have seen(whether in person or through some media outlet)have a gentle side.
It sometimes is buried so deep that it just keeps sinking and is incapable of resurfacing.
Does part of you want to forgive him or is that a lost cause?
To begin to know a person; truly, one has to know what has brought about the bitterness in that person.
The answer itself might bring no comfort but in knowing there are possibilities.
I wouldn't dare go against what anyone has posted here because they are all right.
Obviously memories are associated with your definition and if you are up to sharing, we are here (i am more inclined to say "I" when this is about "WE";i'm working on it).
What matters here is that you are comfortable with your decision; which is alright with me (I am far from judgemental).
Take care
God Bless
Ryan (FTM)
Dear LIT:
The word that you attribute to your departed father speaks volumes and is heard loudly (even though it is not in italics or bold print).
I don't know why but all the "monsters" I have seen(whether in person or through some media outlet)have a gentle side.
It sometimes is buried so deep that it just keeps sinking and is incapable of resurfacing.
Does part of you want to forgive him or is that a lost cause?
To begin to know a person; truly, one has to know what has brought about the bitterness in that person.
The answer itself might bring no comfort but in knowing there are possibilities.
I wouldn't dare go against what anyone has posted here because they are all right.
Obviously memories are associated with your definition and if you are up to sharing, we are here (i am more inclined to say "I" when this is about "WE";i'm working on it).
What matters here is that you are comfortable with your decision; which is alright with me (I am far from judgemental).
Take care
God Bless
Ryan (FTM)
Phoenix
06-20-2007, 08:23 PM
I was the dutiful daughter......
Dear LIT:
We both know that there was more to this post.
If you don't feel like going any further with this particular thread, I can respect that.
I would really like to hear your opinions on a few issues.
No pressure..........
Be well, my friend.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
Dear LIT:
We both know that there was more to this post.
If you don't feel like going any further with this particular thread, I can respect that.
I would really like to hear your opinions on a few issues.
No pressure..........
Be well, my friend.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
stick2013
06-20-2007, 10:03 PM
Lost,
We can't help if you won't let us......So open up and let us help. Please???
Sid
PS Are you still on your Cymbalta? Or have you stopped it again????
We can't help if you won't let us......So open up and let us help. Please???
Sid
PS Are you still on your Cymbalta? Or have you stopped it again????
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 12:35 PM
The t says there's nothing else we can do to help me and wants to pawn me off on someone else.....there's no hope...i ca'nt start over with someone else...again......there's nothing else to do
ICC
06-21-2007, 02:21 PM
Lost....Please explain your therapist pawning you off on someone else. Is it a different type of therapist? One that has a different specialty?
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 02:32 PM
yeah a different doctor
ICC
06-21-2007, 02:57 PM
Lost..is it a different type of Dr.? And if not , WHY???? does he want you to switch to someone else.
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 03:03 PM
yeah..a differnet kind...they give you this hope that things can be better and then decide that it really can't so go see someone else..maybe someone else can help......the hope is all gone.....i can't start over with someone else....how can they expect you to do that
ICC
06-21-2007, 04:04 PM
Lost...I was seeing a therapist that I loved for 3 years. Once he did the dx of PTSD he closed his practice and went to one of the VA hospitals to counsel Vets. At that point I started with a PTSD specialist and it made all the difference. I have never been gun shy as to whether a counselor was male or female. Are you? I stopped therapy a year ago March because I was doing wonderfully and then after I was injured and went into a deep depression started back with a therapist that deals with depression. I lasted 3 sessions and went back to my old one. What does your therapist specialize in and what kind does he want you to switch to? Also what brought this on? why does he want you to change to another therapist? Lost.....I read your first post about your father being a monster. I understand you feeling like that. Why do you feel you have to go see him on father's day? I think it's time maybe you lost that feeling of having to be a good girl and doing what others, the world thinks you should. How about what Lst thinks is right. Talk to me, sweetheart. I care.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
Phoenix
06-21-2007, 04:07 PM
The t says there's nothing else we can do to help me and wants to pawn me off on someone else.....there's no hope...i ca'nt start over with someone else...again......there's nothing else to do
LIT:
Let's "stay in place" for a moment.
Why does this therapist feel there is nothing more he/she can do?
Was it something you did/didn't do?
There has to be an explanation.
I can't envision the session going:
(therapist stands up and says firmly and with conviction)
"LIT, I'm afraid that I can no longer be of help......
Here's the door to new opportunities, as I wish you the best in the near future."
(LIT looks back at the therapist and says calmly)
"Thank you and have a nice day."
Did you ask questions, if none were provided to you?
LIT:
Let's "stay in place" for a moment.
Why does this therapist feel there is nothing more he/she can do?
Was it something you did/didn't do?
There has to be an explanation.
I can't envision the session going:
(therapist stands up and says firmly and with conviction)
"LIT, I'm afraid that I can no longer be of help......
Here's the door to new opportunities, as I wish you the best in the near future."
(LIT looks back at the therapist and says calmly)
"Thank you and have a nice day."
Did you ask questions, if none were provided to you?
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 04:35 PM
it will be okay...i always just cling to people until i wear them out......i've done that now...and they push me away........it always happen.....i was ready for it and yet not ready for it....but it will be okay
Phoenix
06-21-2007, 04:44 PM
We are not your therapist and we are by no means pushing you away........
Allow us to embrace you.
Allow us to embrace you.
Phoenix
06-21-2007, 05:06 PM
What we have here can be classified as therapeutic in nature.
ICC
06-21-2007, 05:26 PM
Lost...please answer some of my questions if you can, this way I can understand what's going on better and give me a better idea what I can do to help. FTM is right. We're not going anywhere and are not leaving you no matter what.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
isitme
06-21-2007, 06:10 PM
What is about people you cling to? Was the therapist to near the knuckle?
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 06:11 PM
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER QUESTIONS. THAT'S WHY I'M NO GOOD IN THERAPY.
(I have to stop crying.)
He says there's nothing else we can do that we haven't done and he wants me to see someone who can up the meds.....I don't want to be on more meds...I can't afford more meds...I can't afford to start a new five years of telling.....i can't tell again.....i just can't......
i'm so tired....and everything is going wrong and breaking down and costing money.....and its too hot to think
thanks guys..i don't konw what to say....i have to go try to stop crying...
(I have to stop crying.)
He says there's nothing else we can do that we haven't done and he wants me to see someone who can up the meds.....I don't want to be on more meds...I can't afford more meds...I can't afford to start a new five years of telling.....i can't tell again.....i just can't......
i'm so tired....and everything is going wrong and breaking down and costing money.....and its too hot to think
thanks guys..i don't konw what to say....i have to go try to stop crying...
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 06:12 PM
i didn't mean y'all were pushing me away....i'm sorry....see...i do it all the time..i just mess up with people
isitme
06-21-2007, 06:15 PM
You're not - between us all we got you to speak. I'd fed up of crying too. Do you know WHY you are crying, cos I don't...........
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 06:24 PM
because someone else has sent me away...
stick2013
06-21-2007, 06:25 PM
Lost,
The new therapist may have different types of therapy. He may offer a different approach. I saw at least 12 before I found Don. He was the ONLY ONE that ever HELP me. The others would just sit there, I would talk, and after 40 minutes, I would leave. With the same **** in my head. Nothing ever changed. Don was different.... He TAUGHT me HOW to cope, how to ground myself, how to love myself. He show me things to help me to sleep. We talked about everything, eating disorders of mine.
Please just try........I know it's hard, and you feel rejected by this therapist that you have seen for 5 years. DON'T..... He is being honest, and telling you that he can't help, so maybe someone else can....... THAT'S SO HONEST for him to do...... He could have seen you for the next 5 yrs KNOWING he couldn't help you at all. He is HONEST.... Don't be sad. Be happy that this guy CARES enough to be honest, and tell you up front......
Sid
The new therapist may have different types of therapy. He may offer a different approach. I saw at least 12 before I found Don. He was the ONLY ONE that ever HELP me. The others would just sit there, I would talk, and after 40 minutes, I would leave. With the same **** in my head. Nothing ever changed. Don was different.... He TAUGHT me HOW to cope, how to ground myself, how to love myself. He show me things to help me to sleep. We talked about everything, eating disorders of mine.
Please just try........I know it's hard, and you feel rejected by this therapist that you have seen for 5 years. DON'T..... He is being honest, and telling you that he can't help, so maybe someone else can....... THAT'S SO HONEST for him to do...... He could have seen you for the next 5 yrs KNOWING he couldn't help you at all. He is HONEST.... Don't be sad. Be happy that this guy CARES enough to be honest, and tell you up front......
Sid
isitme
06-21-2007, 06:32 PM
Lost - you want to save money? THIS BOARD is the biggest ever type of therapy you'll get for FREE. :) (I've seen your sense of humour). I feel out of this group. I've said it before. Not many, (who am I kidding), NO ONE is here because of being in a bad marriage and continued because it was what was expected of ME, by my parents. Your post about flowers on the grave sent shivers through me........................IT WASN'T WHAT I WANTED TO DO...............
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 09:40 PM
Well, I've been here awhile for the free stuff.....does someone want my money now???;)
Phoenix
06-21-2007, 09:49 PM
LIT:
All we want is to help; sincerely, openly and honestly.
Words are not the most important thing.
Let it come out and once it is out you will be able to process things better because you will be in the present.
The present is as much a key to the past as the past is to the present.
All we want is to help; sincerely, openly and honestly.
Words are not the most important thing.
Let it come out and once it is out you will be able to process things better because you will be in the present.
The present is as much a key to the past as the past is to the present.
Lost-in-Time
06-21-2007, 10:53 PM
i don't know what it is you want to come out....i let it out..i was rejected today....and some of you didn't understand why that made me cry....what now?
Phoenix
06-21-2007, 10:56 PM
Are you ready to join and trust us on a regular basis or is that too much to ask for at this juncture?
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 12:01 AM
i don't know what you mean by that and how to do differently than i am
Phoenix
06-22-2007, 12:16 AM
i didn't mean y'all were pushing me away....i'm sorry....see...i do it all the time..i just mess up with people
I just want to know that you haven't "messed up" with us.
I just have a difficult way of bringing my thoughts to the table without them being misunderstood at times.
Are you prepared to take any steps going forward?
I just want to know that you haven't "messed up" with us.
I just have a difficult way of bringing my thoughts to the table without them being misunderstood at times.
Are you prepared to take any steps going forward?
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 12:29 AM
I"ve been tryng to step forward with the t for five years....but it was always two step forwards five steps back it felt..but i was trying...
Phoenix
06-22-2007, 01:18 AM
That is what therapy feels like at times.
You may be doing everything right and it feels as if all the stars are aligned and then..................
You may be doing everything right and it feels as if all the stars are aligned and then..................
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 01:32 AM
lol..well, I"ve never felt like much in my life was aligned!!!!! But, I know what you mean....I just meant that I HAVE been trying to make progress
Phoenix
06-22-2007, 01:44 AM
and progress you will......
I would like to pick this up tomorrow.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
I would like to pick this up tomorrow.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
stick2013
06-22-2007, 06:19 AM
Dear Lost,
Did you read my reply to you??? Post #23 in this thread? Please just give it a try again....Commit to 6 months every week. Just don't give up please.......
Sid
Did you read my reply to you??? Post #23 in this thread? Please just give it a try again....Commit to 6 months every week. Just don't give up please.......
Sid
ICC
06-22-2007, 08:35 AM
Lost.....I am sorry if I offended you with all of my questions. I do understand your feelin gof abandonment and rejection by your therapist. I just didn't understand what brought it on for him to want to call it quits and have you see someone else. I was wondering how he put it to you and why right now. I agree with Sid. I have also been to more counselors than I can count until I found one that worked with me and I could work with.
Lost....I feel the title of this thread says so much. You called your dad a monster which I am not saying anything is worng with. If the man was a monster than youhave the right to call him one. BUT I think maybe the fact that you brought him flowers on fathers day have nothing but remorse and anger for him says alot about why you are stuck in one spot. Lost...some people with trauma have to go back , face it and go on and others don't. BUT we all need to know that the traumas are in the past not happening now. Did you go to see him in hopes it would make you feel better about yourself? And then when you didn't it made you feel inadequate again? I'm hitting in the dark right now because it is allunclear to me where your stuck that you can't go forward and I feel since you started this thread the issue at hand is something big that you need to come to terms with. let us help. If I haven't made sense or hit on where youa re please don't hesitate to tell me. I'm just trying to get you started.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Lost....I feel the title of this thread says so much. You called your dad a monster which I am not saying anything is worng with. If the man was a monster than youhave the right to call him one. BUT I think maybe the fact that you brought him flowers on fathers day have nothing but remorse and anger for him says alot about why you are stuck in one spot. Lost...some people with trauma have to go back , face it and go on and others don't. BUT we all need to know that the traumas are in the past not happening now. Did you go to see him in hopes it would make you feel better about yourself? And then when you didn't it made you feel inadequate again? I'm hitting in the dark right now because it is allunclear to me where your stuck that you can't go forward and I feel since you started this thread the issue at hand is something big that you need to come to terms with. let us help. If I haven't made sense or hit on where youa re please don't hesitate to tell me. I'm just trying to get you started.
Hugs,
Grasshopper
Sannah
06-22-2007, 10:22 AM
Lost, as the others have said, your therapist isn't giving up on you. He is being honest that he doesn't have what it takes to help you (I can't believe that he waited 5 years!). He wants what's best for you. All therapists are different. They have different personalities, different skills, and different techniques. I, like the others, had several therapists. Of course the last one was the best. If I had not moved on to different therapists I might not be better now.
So you interpret this as being rejected. He is not rejecting you he is actually rejecting himself by admitting that he cannot help you.
I have known Dakota Skye on the depression board here for almost a year. I have talked and talked and talked to her. We just recently pinpointed that what has been going on with her is "learned helplessness". (The experiment with I think mice where they got shocked repeatedly and they couldn't escape. Eventually the mice stopped trying to escape because it was no use.) With Dakota, she had tried and tried to get better and she wasn't so she just gave up. I don't know if this applies to you or not but I thought I would share it in case it does?
So you interpret this as being rejected. He is not rejecting you he is actually rejecting himself by admitting that he cannot help you.
I have known Dakota Skye on the depression board here for almost a year. I have talked and talked and talked to her. We just recently pinpointed that what has been going on with her is "learned helplessness". (The experiment with I think mice where they got shocked repeatedly and they couldn't escape. Eventually the mice stopped trying to escape because it was no use.) With Dakota, she had tried and tried to get better and she wasn't so she just gave up. I don't know if this applies to you or not but I thought I would share it in case it does?
isitme
06-22-2007, 12:25 PM
Sannah - I can relate to what you've said.
I gave up in '96. Didn't believe change was possible, then it clicked - the change HAD TO come from ME.
I gave up in '96. Didn't believe change was possible, then it clicked - the change HAD TO come from ME.
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 12:48 PM
grasshopper, (oh man, I can't keep anyon'es name straight...) you did not offend me with your questions..i just don't have answers for them..
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 12:49 PM
yes, i read them all..thanks for posting.....
i'm not seeing nayone new...i can't afford it right now
i'm not seeing nayone new...i can't afford it right now
Phoenix
06-22-2007, 01:14 PM
if it is a monetary issue, can't the state provide assistance?
Lost-in-Time
06-22-2007, 01:28 PM
i think i make too much money for assistance...but not enough to keep splurging on drugs and doctors
isitme
06-23-2007, 06:09 AM
grasshopper, (oh man, I can't keep anyon'es name straight...) you did not offend me with your questions..i just don't have answers for them..
Don't you have the answers, or are the answers far to painful to even think about? I know how bad it is when you're in catch 22 situation re money v social benefits. It never seems fair when you are just below the level to claim. No money accepted here - it is a charitable site for all who wish to join in!
Ps - I understood why you were crying, it was myself I don't understand at times.
Don't you have the answers, or are the answers far to painful to even think about? I know how bad it is when you're in catch 22 situation re money v social benefits. It never seems fair when you are just below the level to claim. No money accepted here - it is a charitable site for all who wish to join in!
Ps - I understood why you were crying, it was myself I don't understand at times.