New to board after googling infertility support. Need a outlet with people who can relate to what I'm feeling emotionally-and this seems like I've found the right place.
I've been ttc for the past 4 yrs (1 IUI resulted in tubal, 1 IVF and 1 surgery). Right now, my husband and I feel the best thing to do is to stop all infertility treatments b/c of the low (30%) success rate. In addition, the costs and detrimental effect the drugs had on me and our marriage helps to make this decision make sense. No regrets about stopping treatments but it's a hard choice that makes me feel resigned.

I know that there are others who have tried and dealt with infertility longer than me and I would welcome any advise on how they deal with it. I'm not thinking about being childless daily but there are triggers (yesterday's baby shower that I felt obligated to plan for a person who's like a younger sister, my younger sister ttc #2 and my younger brother who has 3 kids that he's struggling to care for).

My husband is a good man but he doesn't know what to say and feels that when he says something it's always wrong so now he's silent. However, he feels that I should be positive, patient and realize that our time will come. This is not what I'm feeling and doubt that I will ever feel this way. We're two different people in regards to this issue..something I respect and realize. I don't want to change him but I'm on part of spectrum (baby longing) and he's on the other end (don't worry about it and things will be ok). Also, I'm not ok with being an older parent (I'll be 35 in July) b/c I'm concerned that as time goes by, I'll get content with it just being the two us (the selfishness kicking in).

I really welcome someone and/or others who can offer support. Talking to family is difficult for both parties and my friends fit in the same boat (I've actually not talked to friends w/kids in like a year and haven't seen the kids of 2 good friends b/c of this issue). I'm experiencing the full spectrum of emotions and it's hard.

Hi Taylor and a big wecome to you!

You have come to the right place for advice and support. No matter the treatment or how you are feeling you can bet that someone else here has had it done or is experiencing it too.
IF is a tough journey and unless your family and friends have experienced it first hand there is no way they can understand the cocktail of emotions that we go through on a daily basis.
You sound as though you are blessed with a loving, laid back husband so even though he doesn't always know what to say his heart is in the right place.

The other ladies on this board are great and I am sure you will find the support you need here.

Ruby

IF is a tough journey and unless your family and friends have experienced it first hand there is no way they can understand the cocktail of emotions that we go through on a daily basis.
Ruby


Welcome Taylor!
What Ruby said is so true, IF is something that if a person hasn't gone through it themself it's hard to relate. You've come to the right place. This board if full of people with such great knowledge compassion and encouragement. It's a place to vent on a hot and hard day, and a place to get some info on some new ideas or experiences. We're all in this together and there is always someone who can relate one way or the other.

I think most men are pretty laid back regarding ttc, not that they don't care, but it doesn't let it bother them as much as us- generally.

We've been ttc for 3 years and were planning on returning to IF treatments (after taking a year off) but have decided to stop, for now. Not sure what we'll eventually do.

Hope to see you on the boards. We're here for you!

P

Hi welcome to the board, its a great place to get support and encouragement and the ladies are wonderful! Hope we can give you advice and help with your IF journey. Best wishes.

Hi,
I Know How You Feel And It Is So Hard To Switch Off From The Strain Sometimes.even The Littliest Thing Will Give You A Glimmer Of Hope!!we Have Been Trying To Concieve For The Last 4 Years Nearly And Hve Been On A Rollercoster Of Emotions.well I Say We But Men Dont Really Like To Express Their Emotions Do They???

I Was Told I Had Pcos But Thursday When I Had A Scan For Pain She Said I Hadnt Got It Anymore.all I Took Was Evening Primrose And Vitamin B.i Dont Know What Your Issues Are But Maybe That Will Help Because It Helped Me.

Good Luck Hun I Hope It Happens For All Of Us.

Maybe A Restfull Weekend Not Worrying About It Will Help?i Know That Isnt Easy To Do But It Hasbeen Known To Happen When You Least Expect It!!!!!

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!
Jennie

Welcome to the board taylor!! You'll definitely find support here with these ladies! Even if you take a break from ttc, we're still here, because we all understand not wanting to pump your body full of hormones. You're lucky that you have a laid back husband. I know it's not ideal, but at least he isn't saying that it's not worth even trying. Whatever you want to say you can say it here, everyone here is SO supportive becuase we all know that IF is a really hard raod to walk. But at least don't have to walk it alone ;)

Hi Taylor, Welcome to this board. You came to the right place, this girls out here are great and know how to make you feel better because they know and understand what you are going through.
I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time right now, but there is always hope, and think that you and your husband (which sounds exactly like mine) are in this together.
Unfortunately there is no school to teach you what to do when dealing with IF, you just find yourself in the middle of all this but this girls over here always know what to say to cheer you up. I did see them mentioning a book, maybe that will help your husband and you to get through things more easily.
Good luck to you :) M

Welcome to the board Taylor, this place is so great for support.
I am sorry things are so hard for you right now. We are trying our first IVF after failed IUI's and I find myself wondering how far would we go. My DH would probably keep trying forever.......but I can allready tell that the emotional mess I become every month when I get a BFN is taking a toll on our relationship also. I too have cut off contact from old friends who now are pregnant or have children.......they just didn't offer me the support I needed. The way I look at it is that whatever it takes to get through all this IF junk we need to do. I hope you start feeling better soon and I hope you get your BFP when you least expect it. have faith, good luck, AimeeM

Hi Taylor, some things you said in your post really affected me, and I can truly relate to so much of what you are going through. It touched me so much, that I want to share so many thoughts & personal experiences similar to you. As Aimee & you mentioned, not keeping in contact with friends, and other things you mentioned. I've got to run right now, but am going to post again later on this thread.

I can completely understand how difficult it is to talk with family and friends about fertility. It seems like they try to say the right thing, but always end up sticking their foot in their mouth. And...advice flows like the Nile. It's so frustrating when they "know" a way to get pregnant. Or their mother's friend's daughter's neighbor got pregnant by... I sometimes wonder why I don't just live in a shell and keep all of my business to myself. You'd think telling a few people would create a support network, but they don't realize that asking you every 2 weeks if anything has "happened" is tough on us. Ugh!

OK, so I wanted to comment on a couple things, first, I have distanced myself from many of my friends, only a few very close ones remain. And sometimes I wonder if I get pg will I try to reconnect with lost friends or just move on with new ones? I feel like my social life is on hold until we are successful - in theory I don't believe in that mentality, but that is my reality.

Also, you mentioned turning 35 in July, I'll be 34 in July and have been married for 6 yrs, TTC for 3yrs. I totally start sometimes to think about having a life with just the 2 of us (DH & I) because that is what is REAL, and I've been "putting my life on hold" for too long. I want a child sooo much, but that strong wanting is precisely what seems to cause the most pain when it keeps not happening. So when I try to focus on things DH & I can do right NOW to enjoy & live our lives, like travel, etc then I start to feel my deep desire to be a mother start to fade slightly.

Just Dance,

Thank you for sharing your comments. I really appreciate your thoughts. I know that I'm not alone but at times, I feel isolated. Feel the same way in regards to reality and then the feelings of wanting to be a mother kicks in. Also, I'll be 36 next month (wrong age) and happy birthday to you. I'm ok with getting older but it's the uncertainty of not being a mother that makes it hard.

Totally can relate. I know that family/friends/just about everyone means well but their words are insensitive. My favorites are just relax, go on vacation, the beach/water did it for us...and classic "if it can happen to us, it can happen to you-don't listen to the doctors".
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :) It helps to know that I'm not alone.

Amelu,

I wish you all the best with your 1st IVF. :)
It truly is a roller coaster ride of emotions dealing with this which is something that I wish was discussed in more detail with my RE.

I am beyond happy that this boad is here b/c I REALLY NEED IT!!!

thanks Taylor, I think the best gift this board has given me is that everyone just gets it.....no explanations. Friends who haven't dealt with IF don't even if they try. some of the more active members would post things when I was new.....and it always touched me......justdance, I completely relate to your life being on hold.....I feel like mine has been that way for the past 4 years.....there is alway something we are not doing because in the back of my head I am thinking what if I get pregnant....we have only been married a year but I feel like our marriage has been hijacked by my infertility from endo. since I was diagnosed 3 days before our wedding and on meds or TTC every month since. My DH is allready an amazing father, we have had his 21 yr old boy and 16 yr old girl full time for the past 5 yrs. He always wanted more kids but not with his first wife so I feel like I am letting him down in some ways. My desire is really to create a baby with him, I don't know what we will do if that doesn't happen sometimes I think we could adopt some older children because we have a lot we could offer but who knows. I am extremely lucky because 2 of my sisters who haven't dealt with IF (one has 2 kids) both totally get it so I rely on them a lot when I am down. I realized I am much closer to them than my friends and while I have grown apart from most friends mainly because we no longer live in the same city...I will always be close to my sisters.....they have both offered to surragate for us if needed so that gives me hope. I hope you find the support you need here and remember someone is always here to listen. Take Care, AimeeM

Happy Birthday to you Taylor. I am the same way, I don't mind getting older, its the infertilitity and not having even one child yet that makes me FEEL so old. Not that I think 34 or even 36 or even 38 is old, its being any of those ages sans bebe (without child).

Say what you want, I used to think an only child was incomprehensible, I just KNEW I'd HAVE to have 2-4 kids. Ha! Now, I have completely changed my thinking and would be so elated, blessed, exstatic if I could have but one child. Maybe our miracles are not too far away.

Amilu, that is great that you have such understanding sisters, good luck.

Just Dance,

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I told me husband about this board and he was happy for me b/c I was happy about finding all of you supporters. I feel better being able to communicate my thoughts/emotions/feelings/etc on IF with those who can relate. Thank you to all of you. :)

AimeeM,

Thank you for your support. It means alot to me. It's good to hear that you have very supportive sisters. My little sister is a RN and just as supportive and so is my adopted little sister that I planned the baby shower for this past Saturday. But I know it's hard for them to see me suffering from IF and not being able to do anything to fix it...I would be the same way with them. Also, your husband sounds great (just like mine) which so necessary during these trying times.
Best wishes.

Hi Taylor!
I just wanted to say welcome to the boards! You have definitely come to the right place for support on your IF journey. All of these ladies are great, and are a tremendous amount of support and encouragement! I hope you are blessed with your BFP really soon! :)

Kat

Hi Taylor :wave: I know my welcome is a little late, but I just wanted to let you know that most of us on this board can totally relate to your feelings and frustrations. This understanding I think is what keeps the bond so strong between many of us boardies, and I'm glad you found us. There are only a few people that I talk to about my IF nowadays, and even my family doesn't know that I'm in the middle of my first IVF (not that they'd have a problem with it or wouldn't support me, I just am not comfortable anymore talking to most people about it). Thank goodness for this board!!! I hope things work out and maybe there is a surprise miracle in store for you very soon!!!:angel: