So miracles do and don't happen I guess. I just read the rest of the replies on my pregnant thread and now I can't stop crying - this is so bloody unfair!

I started bleeding a little on Sunday night - (TMI coming up) dark blood just like my ectopic bleed last year. Tried not to freak and went to bed and called the dr Monday morning - I was sent straight to hospital for tests and this is the outcome, all a bit confusing so bear with me. I had a scan but there was no sign of pregnancy in the uterus, I told them I was too early for it to show up but they decided instead that with my history the shadow on my ovary was possibly an ovarian ectopic. They rushed through my beta and it came back at 175, below average for 35 days lmp but in the range. This convinced them even more that it is ectopic again. I think that the shadow on my ovary was simply the corpeus luteum but time will tell I guess.

They wanted to keep me in until there is some certainty but I discharged myself against medical advice (you can imagine what they thought of that...) and instead I go back tomorrow. I have stayed home in bed all day today. No bleeding at all since early Monday and they checked my cervix was still closed. This is all a bit irrelevant as my cervix would be closed with an ectopic or a missed miscarriage.

I truly believe that we become more experts than the medical staff. So many people examined me yesterday and they all came out with different information and gave me no comfort at all. I didn't expect a definite answer but I wish they would admit they didn't have one instead of guessing at an ovarian ectopic. They scared my whole family half to death, especially with me signing myself out, but I know how I feel. I am willing to accept it may be ectopic but lets get the facts hey?

So, three options tomorrow. Firstly the beta shows a drop and it is a 'normal' miscarriage, secondly the numbers go up but not much, in which case it could be ectopic and I will stay in hospital for surgery to investigate or thirdly and least likely, the numbers were low but they double and this is a viable pregnancy.

I am going to cry again now because I want to ask all of you who pray to include me today. I have lost all hope for this or any future pregnancy but maybe I am wrong. I don't pray but I wish I did right now, I don't even know how to! How crazy is that? I was brought up entirely secular and this is the first time I ever had the feeling of an hour of need.

I will be in hospital all day tomorrow again but if I come out in the evening I will come on to let you know how it goes. If it is ectopic I will probably be in for a few days. Thanks for all your support, I know you know it means the world to me.

This is my worst nightmare - I have absolutely nothing left. I wish so much I hadn't got that bfp last week and had just waited for the appointment with RE tomorrow to start clomid cycles - I don't know what difference it could have made but this is just so confusing and I feel like we really screwed up getting pregnant naturally.

Sorry I rambled I hope you are all ok, I didn't read any other threads yet.

Love
Kelxx

Kelly, I'm so sorry and feel so stupid for posting on your other thread right when you started this new one. I hope so much for you that the 3rd option is the one that comes true, the viable pregnancy of course. But I know what you mean about knowing your own body better than the doctors. Just try to get your rest, and I will keep you in my thoughts. Post when you can, we hope for the best.

Christin

Kelly

I just don t have the words to express how sorry i am that you re going through all this.I have to admit i was concerned that i hadn t heard from you yest and infact posted in your other thread.

I am praying heard that its your third theory and that all s going to be ok. But it seems so unfair that after all this heart ache you have to go through this as well. I wish i could do something to make you feel better but i can t do much. I promise you my prayers, support and cyber hugs.

I understand what you mean by we kind of know better.....each appt i have i feel i kind of guide the dr what tests to run etc...it s not as imp for them as it is for us is it?

Hold on Kelly ....it might be good news too.
Thinking of you ....here if you need.

Amy

Oh Kel, I'm so sorry.

I don't know what it's like to be brought up entirely secular, but I pray and often, so let me pray for you. You odn't even have to ask, you're always in my prayers.

You know what? I'm SURE you know your own body better than the doctors. Sure, they went to school for like ten years, but you've had your body for your entire life. They can help you understand your body and provide for it but when push comes to shove, you'r the only person who knows your body fully. That's not to say don't trust/listen/talk with/to your doctors. Happy medium, hunny, happy medium :)

I'm praying that you come up with option number 3. A viable pregnancy, that is. It's probably stupid and obtuse for me to say this, but today, try to relax and think positively. I know that the golden option number three is the least likely, but it isn't impossible. And if you can't think positively, or are understandably scared to, that's fine sweetie. Just rest, hunny. We'll do the rest.

I really wish I could say more to make you feel better, sweetie. And don't worry about rambling on, that's what we're here for. We'll be thinking about you and those of us who pray, will have you in our prayers. let us know how it goes, sweetie whenever you can. We have you in our thoughts and are hoping/praying for the best. :angel:

oh Kelly my heart goes out for you and I wiill be sending prayers your way. stay strong AimeeM

Oh Kelly, I can't imagine the fear and heartache you must be experiencing right now. :( Please don't give up hope... there is still a chance. My first and only BFP (last summer) resulted in an ectopic and a laparotomy... and it was after one very long year of TTC. I will pray so hard that you are not going through a second one yourself... I think it was irrational of the medical staff to surmise this is an ectopic for you... how can they do that without a second beta????????? :mad: My Dr took multiple betas before he was convinced it was ectopic. I really think they must get the second beta before making that assumption. Bleeding is common in healthy pregnancies, and sometimes it doesn't even occur during ectopic. Have you had any pain in the shoulders or abdomen? Did they even ask you about that? And an ovarian ectopic, as I understand it, is extremely rare. Was your last ectopic tubal? Kelly, believe me, I am going to be praying so very, very hard for you and your little one. I won't stop thinking about you till I know that everything is going to be okay. Hang in there, and let's really pray we see a second beta that has doubled and you can shove it in those med staff faces! (((hugs))) and love,

Kari

Oh Kell, I am SO SO sorry you have to worry like this! :(

You can count on my prayers. I agree w/ what Kari said about the medical staff trying to diagnose an ectopic so quickly. Mine wasn't diagnosed until after multiple betas and multiple u/s. I wonder why they were trying to jump to conclusions so quickly in your situation??? I probably would've signed myself out as well if I'd been in that situation.

Well sweetie, I know it is hard, believe me I do. But hang in there and try to take it easy. I'll be praying for the best news possible tomorrow & I will have you in my thoughts constantly.

HUGS

Holly

I am going to cry again now because I want to ask all of you who pray to include me today. I have lost all hope for this or any future pregnancy but maybe I am wrong. I don't pray but I wish I did right now, I don't even know how to! How crazy is that? I was brought up entirely secular and this is the first time I ever had the feeling of an hour of need.



This was your prayer. And a good one at that. Dear you do not have to have something written or told to you in order to pray. What ever religion you are, where ever you what ever you are doing, you can pray with just a sentance or just a word. "please help me" is a good start

I am so happy to hear that you didnt just let them do a d&C and you wanted to wait. I know a woman who did that and well her baby is almost 1 yr old now. And he is a cuttie. I am not saying this is or isnt your situation BUT at least you are in charge not them. good luck and please let us know what is going on.

I will pray for you dear. Just asking us to pray is prayers in itself.

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

eurokelly, I said an immediate prayer for you upon reading your post. I think you're doing the right thing, and I agree with mamaof4, that "please help me" is a great start.

Think of God as a loving Father who you can talk to, and speak your heart.

I pray you find some comfort.

-Just Dance

Oh Kelly I am so sorry.But I cant understand why they are jumping to conclusions ectopic are rare and plus even more rare a second time.I just think u should see how it goes before working urself up cause if this does end to be a viable pregnancy all this stress is not good for the little one.I have kept u in my prayers since finding out u got a positive.I will continue to pray for u sweetie and I really pray and hope things turn out positive.Take care of urself and know u are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kelly-

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this. It just seems so unfair at times. I do think after all of the experiences we have gone through that sometime we do know more than the doctors do. I will definitely pray for you. I hope things turn out better than you are fearing. Please keep us updated.

Carisa

I haven't been able to get online for a few weeks, and just saw your message. My heart truly goes out to you right now. You have given me so much strength and support, and I want you to know I am sending positive thoughts your way. (I don't pray the religious way either, but I do believe in its power, no matter how you do it). You are so right about knowing more than the drs. and I think you did the right thing by trying not to jump to any conclusions based on fuzzy information. That shadow could be a number on normal things like a cyst. Trust yourself and listen to yourself. I know you have no intention of putting yourself in harms way. Please take care and do what you need to do for yourself and baby.

Kelly darling I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better. I am sending you huge cyber hugs and of course you are in my prayers.
I think it is great you are following your own instincts and I pray for a happy outcome.

Love Ruby

Kelly I am so so sorry you are going through this, I am sending you love and prayers that you have some good news to share, it is not fair that this happens. Take care love Mariella

Kelly, I'm so sorry they are putting you through all this confusion. I'm praying your little bean is safe and snug in the right place and you will get good news tomorrow.

Lori

Dear Kelly, I agree as well that they are jumping. My friend in a forum I go goes by the handle Crawlbaby, she had already had two children and when faced with this 3rd pregnancy that they said there was no heartbeat at 4 weeks she said tough. I will wait. She was told early on that her waterbroke, i will not go into details as it will make everyone here cry. But let me tell you she was told her baby had died in utero. We prayed our buts off and she kept saying that if the baby had died her gut would tell her. She went back after putting herself on bedrest and the dr's said to go home to finish having a m/c and when she went back there there was a heartbeat. Her amniotic fluid was leaking and she was told to go home and let the baby die in peace if she wasnt going to abort. He only got stronger! She was told at 6months that the baby was a down syndrome baby and she said fine but it he made it this far God has plans and she will take what he gives her since the little baby is still inside of me fighting with little amniotic fluid. Her dh and her and her kids supported her , even her mom said abort so she can be with her girls. But she did not. She was told d&C and she said no. If baby were to die then so be it but she would not help it. I was pregnant with her, found out i was pregnant when i was begging God for her baby's life and to give any chances of me having any more up just so this one would live. NO i do not know her face to face but i didnt have to. God Blessed me with a baby (without fertility this time) when Crawlbaby was only 10 weeks pregnant. So we went through this together yet everytime with her it was always something the dr's said was wrong. I was on my 4th and her on her 3rd and it was so different. Things happen for a reason and we have no clue what the reason is but it's there. She had Dominic and he was fine, no downs no nothing....they told her that hte would be delayed and even had a physical therapist and she finally got rid of them because for some reason everyone had their own opinion. Dillydom we call him is doing great and healthy.

I am not saying that he is alive and well because she fought so hard. I am saying that he is alive and well because that is just what was supposed to happen this time and she didnt allow the dr's to abort or do a d&c and let it be up to them.

I am not a bible thumper by far. But after I begged God for her baby's life and he granted me one of my own without help I promised him that I would have has many as he wanted by the time i was 35 then i was done. I am 33 will be 34 this september. So i hope to have one more maybe if that is what is meant to be.

Religion is hard and everyone has their own opinion, you have to find where your heart is and any questions you have you have to research. Your life is just starting and well just because you where raised a certain way doesnt mean you cant have hyour own opinions. I will pray that this will happen either way , the way it should be and not the way the dr's will most likely try to push you to do. This is your body and you decide. Oh and yes CRawlbaby was told that she would die if she did not abort. Well we all know that there are times when that is true but in her case it wasnt. I would never either way but again only my opinion. your body your words! You want to pray then pray dont be ashamed . God is full of Grace and it doesnt matter who you are. oh but dont ever ask for patience, cuz i did that and well it back fired on me. Now I ask to have a little help with my impatience. LOL

I was watching the health chanel on double twins and the miracle and how this came about and I was thinking of you and your baby. May God's hand be over your belly for what ever happens dear!

Kelly, I am so sorry that you're going through all this! I want you to know that you and your little one will definitely be in my prayers! And as far a praying goes, all you have to do is open up and talk to God and tell Him how you're feeling right now. He is always a great listener! ;) I pray that tomorrow brings you great news and that your little one is snuggled in safely for 9 months!

Kat

Hey kel, just checking in. I don't know what time your tests are today, but I'm praying for you, and praying it's option number three.. Let us know how it goes, whenver you get online, okay? :angel:

My heart goes out for you Kelly - I can only say just don't give up - we all will be MOMs soon.
(((hugs)))
Golds