Just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you and we are all praying so hard to hear a positive update tomorrow.
I cannot even try to imagine what you are going through........the drs were too insensitive and really jumped to conclusions . I am hoping they are wrong.

Here for you

HUGS

Amy

Hi Kelly,
I've been thinking about you and your post all day. I can't believe that the drs just jumped to the conclusion that they did!:mad: Unbeliveable. I am so sorry. I am praying for you and thinking about you. :angel: I have been praying all day that you have a positive outcome on your test tomorrow, the best outcome. Option number three, in your post. Please let us know as soon as you can how it went. ((((((((Hugs)))))))) from a fellow IF sister!

Kelly sweetie we are all here for u.I cant imagine how hard this must be for u.But I will keep praying for u sweetie and I just hope these doctors are wrong once again.Try to stay positive.

(((HUGS)))

Mapia

Kelly,

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this. Know that you are definitely in my prayers. Doctor's can be wrong...that's why they "practice" medicine. :)

Keep your head up and stay strong! We're here for you.

Laurie

hey kelly, im praying for you! and so is everyone else here. you are in our thoughts, and we are hoping for a miracle. i know its hard to stary positive, especially after already having been through an ectopic, but lets try!!!! :angel: Aimee

Kelly,

Im so sad to hear your what your going through and i hope to god they are wrong and everything goes as it should.
I was so happy yesterday when i read your post it brought fesh hope to my heart, and i left a note on my fridge to drop you a line today but was running late when i had a look at the site at work earlier my heart sunk!

I hope everything goes ok take care of yourself and keep s posted.

xx

Sending you my love, thoughts and prayers Kell.............

Ruby

Kelly, you and your little one are in my thoughts and in my prayers... Really hoping that some good news is in store for you, and we'll be right here waiting. Huge ((((HUGS))))!

Hey Kelly. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you too. I couldn't believe it when I got online tonight and saw what you have been through. I pray you will get some good news tomorrow. Hang in there girl!

Anna Leigh

Kelly,

I just read your post and now this one. I'm so sorry to hear how hard a time you're having right now. I'm praying for positive results in this. I"ve no idea what you must feel as I've not yet gotten pg. Let alone having lost one already. We're all praying for you and will be here waiting to hear more.


Vi

Kel I will be logging on here during the day to see if you have posted, I can feel what you are going through, it is so emotional and draining but stay positive and know that we are thinking of you.

Mariella Australia

Kelly i just posted on your other post but I am praying and praying. Please let us know how you are.

Kelly - just came on this board to check on you and read your post... so so sorry that you're going through such a hard time with such insensitive docs... praying for you and your little beanie... :angel:

Kelly, I am praying for you and your little one. I pray the dr's are wrong they shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so soon.

Kelly

Kelly

You were my ist thought this am when i woke up. THis must not be an easy day for you . There s still hope for good news and that is what i am praying for.

Sending you big hugs.

AMy

Kelly, you're in my thoughts and prayers as well. I'm really hoping to hear some good news from you today sweetie. I am so sorry you have to deal w/ all this worry, and I pray it is nothing and that your little one is just fine.

Holly

Hey kel,
Like Amy, my 1st thought was of you when I woke up. And I continued praying for you. I know that this is not an easy day for you, but we are still praying for you and thinking about you.... there is still hope :angel:
(((((HUGS)))))

My thoughts and prayers go oput to you today, we are all here for you. Let's hope those stupid drs are wrong. HAng in there.

Gina

Kelly.........you ve been on my mind all day.

Praying so hard for you sweet.......praying for a your miracle baby to pull through...........

AMy

I would have to say that I am still praying that what ever is going to happen ,happens with the Grace of God and Kelly's voice, NOT from these dr's and their saying oh you must or you better........

I pray that the tech that will be doing her u/s today ate their Wheaties this morning or at least stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night and reads the u/s well. Lets hope her OB took their happy pills today and have better manners than they did the other day when talking with Kelly.

And most of all I hope that that little baby is fighting and stays strong for Kelly and all who are around her.

Kelly, my heart really goes out to you right now and I sincerely hope you and little one are doing okay. I'm very anxious to hear from you and still have you and your family in my prayers. Love, Kari

I just want to start by saying I am overwhelmed both on this thread and the other by the prayers love and support you have all given me - I cannot tell you enough what it means to me, and by association, to my DH. You are an amazing group of women who make this whole horrible experience easier and keep me strong.

So this morning we saw the consultant, who had no idea I had even got pregnant or been in the hospital already this week...good start. He then did his own scan and said there is definitely no sign of pregnancy in my uterus, and the lining is less than recorded from Monday (down from 18mm to 11mm).

He could not however say if it is m/c or ectopic and therefore sent me for beta. I am waiting for the results now - I just called the hospital at 7pm as told and they are not ready so told me to call back in another hour. Best outcome is that the number dropped so it is m/c. Worst outcome, number goes up so ectopic. As an aside, I looked in my file when he left the room and another woman with the same surname as me has her notes in there! Can you believe the incompetance of these places - and when the nurse caught me looking she shouted at me that I am not allowed to look....well her timing just stank and she got it with both barrels I am afraid :) especially when you consider that they admitted me on Monday with a wristband with another patients name and d.o.b on it making me 47 instead of 30!!! They are useless I am sorry to say.

I am not having a baby that is for sure now and I feel sad but accepting at the moment, mainly I think because I am too heated up from their bad treatment of me to enable me to feel anything but mad mad mad. The rest will come later I am sure.

I asked the specialist what happens next if it is m/c like when can I start the treatment that was planned. He told me "You got pregnant on your own! Go away and try again and if nothing happens in 4 months go and see your dr and get referred again" Well that takes 3 months so it would be 7 months before I could do the treatment if I stayed on the national health system. So I said "What about the fact I lost 3 pregnancies in the last year or so?" and he said "we don't count the 1st ectopic so you need to go and have another m/c before we do any tests, we like to see 3 m/c to make sure it is not just bad luck". What can you say except YOU INSENSITIVE IDIOT!!! I will not ' go and have another m/c' just because it fits into your agenda - this is human life we are talking about not just "Oh we don't treat veruccas until you have 3".....

We are praying for a low beta, an early m/c and then tomorrow we are going to make an appointment with a clinic called Zita West in London which investigates and treats recurrent m/c and infertility privately - I cannot be in the hands of the UK joke known as the NHS anymore.

Sorry if this turned into a rant - you must think I am crazy not to be distraught and just be so mad but I feel abused by the system - as I said, I will mourn when this is over.

Thank you all again - I will post the beta when I get it. You are incredible and I feel like each of you is a true friend.

Love
Kelxx

Oh wow, Kelly, it really is a sad, unfortunate thing that you are having to deal with insensitive and incompetant health care at this extremely difficult time. :( I wish I could do something to help out and make it better. Just know that we love you and are here for you.

I'm glad that you let that nurse have it... it is ridiculous for them to have notes on another patient in your file! It's ridiculous. And the things that the specialist said were just inappropriate. :mad:

Now as for the little one... I will keep praying for a miracle. In the meantime, all I can say is that I have been in your shoes, hoping to God that the next beta goes down... it's a horrible and scary thing to wish for, but sadly I can relate. Just know that you have our support and our prayers. I hope they don't make you wait too long for the call with your second beta. I want you happy and hopeful again, and we'll be here to see you through this. Gentle (((hugs))) and love.

Kari

Kelly I am so sorry u have to go through this.Doctors can be so insensitive and sometimes I wonder why they ever became doctors I guess for the money.Which is very sad to say but thats how I feel.I really hope u get the help u deserve and get ur little miracle soon.U are in my thoughts and prayers.Take care of urself.

Mapia

Oh Kelly, honey, I am so sad for you. :( I cannot believe how insensitive those people at the hospital were and the things they said to you. It is completely unacceptable. I am so sorry you had to deal with all of that on top of not getting good news from the scan.

I wonder though, is it definite that your lining is thinning? I mean, if they had the wrong notes in your file and the wrong wrist band on you, isn't it possible your lining didn't really thin out and they just had the wrong number recorded?? I am just trying to think of anything to hang onto some hope for you. I know how extremely painful this is, and I really hate to see anybody go through it, especially somebody as thoughtful and sweet as you.

You will definitely remain in my thoughts and prayers. Hope to hear from you soon on the next news/step.

HUGS

Holly

Oh

Kelly i am so sorry for everything that you had to go through and i am so sorry taht things didn t work out as i hoped for your little one.
What about the shadow on your ovary?
You have the right to be mad.......so first they just draw conclusions then they mix up names then they say you need to go through more before things are analysed....come on.........i know you re not up to it now but this is unacceptable. On what grounds don t thry count your ectopic as a m/c? I just can t understand that.I understand that you want to go privately however you have the right to complain...you are paying taxes for this service and i am sure if you send an official letter to authorities you will get VIP treatment
Locally they run basic tests on the 2nd m/c and full tests after the 3rd. I insisted on tests after the first and that s how i found out about my thyroid prob.

My heart goes out to you and dh during this difficult moment. At first whilst reading your post i couldn thold back the tears now i am sooooooo ANGRY.

Vent as much as you want that is what we are here for.

Sending you hugs and lots of love

Amy

Hey kel,
sometimes I wonder why doctors became doctors. It seems like the standard "I want to help people" has gone to hell. I'm so sorry they treated you like that, I'm really mad mad mad mad mad at them! :mad: And I am so glad you let that nurse have for yelling at you! As if it wasn't bad enough that they have another patient's notes in your file, but they got mad at you for LOOKING at YOUR chart? I heard that some docs don't like you looking your chart, but when push comes to shove, it's YOUR chart!! :blob_fire These people.... suffice to say (suffice...that is the correct word?) I am very happy that you are going to a private clinic and getting the attention that you not only deserve, but that you require.
I'm praying for a miracle, kel. Maybe they are worng, I mean, they gave you another patient's wristband and wrote the worng notes in your file, no?
We are all praying for you, and we love you. You have been so strong for us, let us carry you now. hugs and loves
:angel:

I will pray for low beta. I dont have time for a long one right now but I will pray for you and your hubby.

You deserve better than that jerko gave you. Good luck dear

Kelly, I am so sorry to hear your latest news. This is just awful, how the Dr. and nurse treated you:mad: I agree with the other ladies, if they have confused you and your file w/someone else more than once, maybe they don't have the right information on you at all.

Also, I am sure once you go to a specialist on your own, they will investigate why you keep having m/c, ectopic or any other type. Especially now that this would be a third time. I really wish there was something else I had to help comfort you. Hopefully, your new specialist will be just what you needed and that BFP will be here very soon. Keep us posted when you can with any news.

Christin

Kelly-
No, I don't think you are crazy at all. I would be just as livid as you are!! I can't believe they gave you a wristband with someone elses name on it. That's very dangerous. What if you were a patient that was unconsious and they had the wrong info on that person. Oh my.....And then to be caught looking at your file and yelled at. Did they take care of the wrong info that was in your file at least?? I know what you mean about going crazy with healthcare systems. Ours isn't the most wonderful here either. Well, I hope you and your DH get to the bottom of what is causing you to miscarry. I'm glad you have found a good place that can hopefully figure it out. Keep in touch. I would love to know what they find out about it.

Carisa:wave:

You are such an amazing and strong woman! Thank god you are armed with so much knowledge and sense because you have been placed in the hands on incompentent insensitive "doctors." I had a similar experience of being yelled at by the doctor while I was having a m/c. She refused to treat me because my other dr - who had set up this appt for me - had not sent any of my records (not MY fault!) and therefore she would did not believe that I was even pregnant let alone having a m/c. (Of course she couldn't say that to me nicely!) Then when she did get my records, she told me she thought it looked perfectly viable and that nothing was wrong - which I knew meant she wasn't really looking at my records because I had the reseached it enough to know that it the facts were not good, and I had started to really m/c the day before and it was my second time in a few months so I knew it was a m/c. Finally she did an u/s and let me know I had m/c. NO HELP AT ALL. Then when I wanted help from a RE, and got the same " You have to have three before we will see you." That is such an outdated standard, which does not take into account your history and symptoms at all. I am so glad to hear you are not taking "we're not going to help you" for an answer and seeking a private practice for attention.

That being said, it is so hard when looking at pregnancies when it is so early. It is so difficult to see anything. Most people don't even know they are pregnant by this stage, I wonder if these dr. have even seen a patient with a pregnancy this early. Also beta number my not exactly double which can cause unneeded concern. I am glad they told you the info about your lining, and I hope you get some other hard facts that will shed light on what is going on. I have heard so many anecdotes about drs who don't see a heartbeat and want to to an immediate d & C when it is too early for all that. I know how hard it is to be in limbo and not know what will happen to you and the baby, and how difficult it is to grieve during the process.

Please continue to stand up for yourself and do what you feel is best. I know every situation is unique and what is right for one person may not be the best for another. But having been through a few myself, with no d & c, I found it very comforting to m/c at home (with the help of painkillers and drugs to minimize the chances of infection- but I was about 8 & 10 weeks). Of course I hope that it is still too early to see anything and everything is really fine, but if it is a m/c you may have already been through the worst part with your bleeding the other day. You might continue to bleed for a few more weeks, but hopefully you wont be in any more physical pain. It is also helpful to take a few HPT so you can see if you still have HCG levels.

Kelly, I am so so sorry. You and DH take care of each other and take the time you need for yourselves. We are here for you as well. Please let us know if you have any questions or need advise in the coming days.

Oh Kelly sweetie I am so, so sorry.

You have every right to be angry, and like you said you can grieve when all this drama is over. You have been through a hell of a lot in the last year so it is only natural that you are feeling the way you do.

I think it is great that you are going to see a private specialist. It is amazing how much better they are. I think you will be surprised at how quickly things progress for you once you are in the safe hands of somebody who actually knows what he is doing.

Love to you hun and sending you huge hugs.

Ruby

I am definitely not off the roller-coaster yet. I called for my beta later last night and it doubled to 350. A new dr had looked at my notes and said "why are we not considering this to be a viable early pregnancy?" so the nurse was really upbeat and said to me "Good news, it doubled! We have booked you in for a scan on Monday". I was in shock. I called back when I calmed down and said "I had a scan this morning with a reduced lining and no sign of pregnancy in my uterus. I have a history of ectopic. Ectopic pregnancy numbers often mimic in-utero pregnancy numbers in the early stages and on Monday I had to self-discharge against medical advice because you all thought I had an ovarian ectopic and now you are happy to see me in 5 days time?????" They called back 10 minutes later and want to do another beta on Friday and then beta and scan on Monday. Only because I pushed though. The biggest lesson in this I think for everyone is to stay in contol even when you are in a whirlwind, just when you think you don't have any strength left you have to really fight to get the treatment you know you need.

I do not believe it is a viable pregnancy for one minute. The only good thing is that if the numbers double by Friday and again Monday then they should be at 1500 for the scan and at the level all in-utero pregnancies can be seen, thereby confiming that this is yet again an ectopic.

I am feeling so sad and so scared. I feel like my body is the enemy. If the numbers go up on Friday I am seriously considering something I never thought I would and that is admitting myself to hospital for observation for the weekend - I just don't know if I want to put myself and DH in the position of expecting an ectopic to burst and be life-threatening at home all weekend. I told one dr earlier in the week that my last ectopic did not burst and hcg was up over 15,000 3 days before the surgery and she said "it doesn't matter, I once had an ectopic burst with a beta hcg of 22".

I sent DH back to work for the day, and am now going to my sisters as she is worried that if something happens it will happen quickly before I can call an ambulance. She is probably right. I will keep you all updated after the beta tomorrow.

If this is an ectopic in my left tube they will remove it and I will never be able to conceive again, no wondering, nothing. IVF or bust. I guess many of you know what that feels like. It just feels very strange to know I will have no fallopian tubes and cannot get pregnant ever by BD'ing again.

I have not been keeping up to date on the rest of you, and it is selfish and I am sorry. I hope you are all ok, those in their 2ww are holding up and get good news and amy honey I hope everything is ticking along nicely for you x The rest of you not in treatment right now, I hope your turn comes very soon as well. All the love and compassion you are showing to me is yet again proof of what wonderful mothers you will all make one day.

Bye for now,
lots of love
kelxxx

I am so sorry you are going through this, it is the WORSE feeling in the world to not know what the outcome will be, I wish you the best from afar.

Kelly, my heart is breaking for you right now. I don't even know what to say. I am praying that everything will be alright. I know that you are not hoping for any miracles, but I am encouraged by the doubling beta. Those drs have been confusing your chart from day 1, and I am not convinced that your lining actually did thin out. And the time of your original scan was too early to see a pg in the uterus anyway. I don't want to beat you in the head with positive thinking, so I won't go any further with that. I just want you to know you, DH, and your little bean are in my thoughts and prayers.

If you need to vent or a shoulder to cry on or anything at all, you know we all love you and are here to support you. We have never met, but we are sisters all the same. Sending you a huge huge hug.

Holly

Kelly,

I am just wondering, did they try to do an abdominal u/s or a trans vag? There is NO WAY that as early as you would be that an abdominal u/s could detect an embryo at this point. It must be a trans vag. The increasing numbers are encouraging although I understand why you are so guarded. I wish you luck and just want to let you know that I had ALOT of issues in the beginning of my pregnancy, included numbers that did not double in 72 hours. My pregnancy ended up viable, but only after being told that I would most definitely miscarry, but then the bean showed them up. It was the most confusing time of my life. Do I stay happy and optimistic or get real that this pregnancy was probably over?

I wish you tons of luck and hope to see good results on Friday.

Amy

Oh Kel,
I'm so sorry you have to be going through this. Perhaps it IS a viable pregnancy. It's possible, since they're messed up your chart from day one. I'm encouraged by the rising numbers, but I completely understand why you don't want to get your hopes up. I don't want to be a cheerleader,;) because I don't think, in my opinion that is what you need right now, non, so I will say no more :angel:
Do not think for one minute you are being selfish, cherie. Not only is this thread dedicated to you, ma chere, but we allcare very deeply about how you are feeling emotionally and physically.
Please, if you can keep us updated on how things go. We love you very much
and are praying for you.

Kelly, I am so sorry each day's news keeps getting more difficult and confusing for you. I am glad that you are willing to check yourself into the hospital if needed this weekend, I am just sorry you have to possibly be there in the first place. It is so frustrating that so many ladies here dealing w/infertility have to continue to struggle so much w/their pregnancies. My thoughts and well wishes are w/you this weekend. If you are up to it, please let us know how you are doing and what new news the dr's give you. Maybe you can request that they check your lining again, as Holly said, maybe they gave you someone elses info. from the beginning.

Sorry I kept rambling, but try to stay strong Kelly!
Christin

Kelly, hun, you are not selfish for one minute. You are going through something extremely difficult right now and it is appropriate for you to focus on your situation. Remember that even when you are off-line, we are thinking of you and praying for you. Please let us know how Friday's results come back and what you plan on doing over the weekend. Love you hun.

Kari

Kel

I am sorry that you still don t really know where you stand. However i am praying that it is too early to visualise the beanie on u/s and that your results will be optimistic.
How far along are you?Maybe ovulation and /or implanation occurred late and it s still early.........
Please keep us posted on your beta results tomorrow.
Don t even say the word selfish.........this is the time when you have to rest and concentrate on yourself.........and it is oyr time to try to do our best to help you out.

Thinking and praying for you.

Lots of love

Amy

Kelly, you sound like a very smart & strong woman, and I admire your insistence with the doctors, I think that is very important. You are very smart to keep in close proximity to your sister, dh, hospital, etc just in case.
I was a little confused, you said that last ecptopic you were at 15K hcg & the tube didn't burst, but then said that if they remove your left tube you will not have any tubes??? Sorry if I missed this in another post, but what happened to your right?

I have only be pg once (2.5 yrs ago) which was also ectopic, on my right side. I have both tubes, but I almost always ovulate on my right - for years I've felt right side ovulation, but with IF sono's I have the pictures to prove it. In the 2 yrs of treatments & sono's, we've never seen a left ovulation - the closest has been on clomid & now Repronex where there are follies on both sides, but more & bigger ones are always on the right. Not even sure if the left ones ever actually release eggs.

I know limbo land is a hard place to be. But you know one thing now, if you numbers doubled, you did not have a m/c and you are still pregnant. (Even thought your in such a tuff spot right now, I still smile and am happy to know know you are pregnant!) When they did the scan, it went against what the numbers said, proving that it is too early to visually see the pregnancy yet. It is still too early to know if all is well, and I understand compleatly about being guarded. But, it wouldn't be far fetched to be cautiously optimistic since your numbers did double. That would be the best case senario for option three, right? I can't imagine how scary this is for you and I am so sorry you are on such an crazy rollercoaster. Just remember treat yourself right, and keep taking your pre-natals. I am sure you are exausted! BTW - how far along are you? You are always in my thoughts, take care.

Kelly-

I'm so sorry you are having all of this stress and worry right now. I think it's great that you are able to hang out with your sister in case something goes wrong. Who knows, maybe everything will turn out ok. It's not over till it's over. I will be thinking of you. Good luck with your upcoming ultrasound.....

Carisa

wow kelly, what a crazy emotional roller-coaster you are going through. the one good thing about anyone who has dealt with a pregnancy loss or infertility, is that we know our bodies a lot more then our peers and some drs! im glad you are staying ontop of what is going on. i do think it is better safe then sorry, you definitly dont want to put yourself in danger. im glad the dr agreed to see you for beta and not wait 5 days, who knows what could happen. i know you dont believe it, but we will all be praying for a miracle!!!!!! and after having more then one ectopic and miscarriage i would want my dr to find out why, i cant believe how insensitive some of the dr's are they are just plain PRI*Ks!!!!! ha. anyway, we are thinking about you!! <3 aimee

Kelly just wanted you too know that I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers. Just remember doctors don't know everything and yoou may have a viable pregnancy. But I won't push you to think that way because I know how disappointing it is to think positive and have it all taken away. Just know we are here for you if you need us.

Kelly

Kelly - I cannot imagine what you must be going thru right now... but I am consoled that at least your physical safety will not be in question now that you're with your sister... Nothing I say can comfort you but will be praying for you and thinking of you :angel:

Kelly, I am so sorry for all the pain that you're going through right now. My heart goes out to you. I know I can't do anything to make you feel better right now, but know that you will be in my prayers.

Kat

Hi Kelly,

Just wanted you to know you are still in my thoughts and prayers. I think you go back for another beta today, and I wanted you to know you won't be waiting for the results alone. Hoping for some good news sweetie.

Holly

Kel

Just wanted to let you know that we are here for you. Please keep us posted on your beta results today.
You are in my thoughts and prayers

Amy

kel, ma chere, we are thinking about you so today, and praying very much for you today. We love you and whenever you can share your results, we'll be here to listen. (((HUGS)))

Kelly sweetie you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.I feel so sad not seeing u around the boards.I know u must be in so much pain.We are always here for u whenever u deceide to come back on we will be here.

Love ya,

Mapia

Kelly, I'm still praying and hoping that everything is going to be okay and I'm anxious to hear that you are alright. It sounds like you have a good family support and I'm sure they are taking great care of you right now. Please let us know how things are going whenever you feel up to it. (((hugs)))

wonderful boardies :)

Just wanted to update you again. I went for 3rd beta yesterday and didn't get the result until 10pm, it nearly tripled in 48 hours from 350 to 950. In addition the dr told me my progesterone is rising as well. I didn't get the number and now I regret it because I found a lot of progesterone/ectopic research online after the call. I once again got pushy and as a result I will have a 4th beta tomorrow, with a scan on Monday morning. If my numbers increase significantly again tomorrow at least the scan should be fairly definitive (Over 1500hcg).

So still looks ectopic. I have been bleeding lightly for the last couple of days, but no pain or discomfort so happy to stay at home with this regular monitoring. I hope at Mondays scan they will diagnose as I will then be able to have my private healthcare kick in and move to the nice hospital instead of being in the hell hole any longer. (They don't do 'emergencies' in UK private healthcare and this is classed as emergency case until diagnosis).

I will let you know what happens, I hope you are all ok and I hope to be back on here giving some support out again soon instead of all this taking. Thanks so much, lots of love
kelxxx

Oh yes, I just wanted to add to Justdance, in answer to your last post, my last ectopic did not burst but I did lose the tube - it was removed along with the pregnancy so I only have a left tube. I was interested to hear that you didn't lose a tube with ectopic - did they operate and remove the pregnancy and leave the tube or did you take methotrexate? (sp?). If this is ectopic again I am not overly concerned to keep the tube as I will not get pregnant again anyway, I cannot go through this. DH and I had a long conversation about it last night and the way we feel at the moment is to spend a little time recovering, take a trip or two and then complete our adoption forms. He was adopted as a new born and it didn't work out too well, and he has always wanted to adopt, we just thought it might be a mixture of biological and adopted children in our family, but it is ok to be all adopted too - we would be blessed anyway.

I am interested to hear if they only used drugs with your ectopic as if at all possible I would like to to avoid another operation....

Lots of love
kelxx

Kelly

I have to be honest i don t know much about ectopics but couldn t there be the slightest chance that it was too early for that us last time. How far along are you? I went to my gynea last thurs he didn t even want to try to do a scan ....he said it will just be to early when i ll be 5 wks 5 days and he said it might still be early.What i mean to say is ........why isn t there hope that this might be an early pregnancy ?I am praying hard for a miracle.

We will all be here to support you whatever happens and what ever you decide to do.
I think adoption is a very special thing one can do....i am sure it will be especially rewarding to DH. Remember there s a chance that your tube will be ok and that you may still conceive naturally.

I am praying that you ll find strenght to face this difficult time.......please keep us posted. Praying for you.

Amy

Hi Kelly glad to hear from u.I am a bit confused here cause ur #'s seem to be going up very well why are they saying its ectopic?Just because u had one doesnt mean u will have another one.Well in any case I hope they are wrong and u do get ur miracle.Also adoption is a great thing to do.So whatever happens we are here and praying for u.Take care sweetie.

Mapia

Kelly, I am gonna keep praying that you are able to see a sac in the uterus at your scan on Monday. With a beta growing that strongly I am skeptical that this is an ectopic. :confused: Please take care of yourself cause there is a chance that this could be a viable pregnancy. In response to your question to JustDance, I just wanna say that with my tubal ectopic we elected to do a laparotomy at the recommendation of my Obgyn... even though it's the most difficult to recover from and requires hospitalization for a day or two, he said it is extremely precise and doesn't tend to leave much scar tissue like the lazer (?) from a laparoscopy... so it often leaves the tube unharmed. And in my case he was right and my tube has looked awesome since the surgery. Well I hope it's not EP for you and you'll get good news on Monday. Please keep us posted, cause we're all continuing to pray for you. (((hugs)))

Kari

Hi Kelly,

Thanks for giving an update, I've been wondering how things are going with you and thinking about you a lot. Regarding my ectopic, my hcg numbers were doubling and my uterus lining was thickening, but they never saw anything in the uterus (duh?), but it took much longer than it should have to find out it was ectopic, 7wks LMP, stupid OB. Anyway, I had laporoscopic surgery, which was an outpatient procedure (left the same day) and they removed the pregnancy from the tube, with the tube in tact. They went through my belly button and one tiny incision about 1.5cm on my stomach, so practically no scarring. I had an HSG later on, and both tubes are completely open.

As for the meds question, in my follow up appt (with same lame OB), I asked if I were to ever have an ectopic pg again, is there anything else that could be done, and he said YES, that depending on how early they detected the ectopic that I could possibly have a D&C. At this point, I just stopped asking the questions, because I didn't really like what he was saying - I've never read much on the subject, but I'm pretty sure a D&C scrapes the lining of the uterus to remove any lost pg, etc. So if I had something growing in my tube, why in the world would a D&C do anything about that? It's almost like we'd need to find out if there is an "abortion pill" or something to dissolve very early pg if they are tubal.

I'm sorry, so sorry that you are going through this. We did injections this month with awesome results on EVERY test, and I just got a BFN...but a couple days ago I started feeling shoulder tip pain (just like I felt with my last ectopic, due to the internal bleeding) and I started to hyperventilate and lose my breath because I was panicked that it was all happening again. I was soooo incredibly scared that it was all happening again, that when I got my BFN, I was actually somewhat relieved. (The shoulder pain may be from my Yoga the night before, or just psychosomatic?)

Kelly, I am glad to hear the numbers are rising so strongly and you haven't had any pain. I am continuing to pray that everything turns out for the best for you and the little one.

Holly

Kelly

I know tomorrow is going to be an important day for you. I am hoping in a miracle and praying that your little beanie will be in your uterus snuggling up for the coming months. I hope that the drs were mistaken. Please keep us posted. We will be here to support you whatever happens however i am thinking positive.

Praying for you.

HUGS

AMy

Hi Kelly

I too am praying for a miracle for you. We are all thinking of you and sending you our love and best wishes.

Love Ruby

Hi Kelly,

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.

Laurie

Kelly, I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. I haven't been able to get on here for over a week, and I can't believe what you've had to deal with. I am with you 100% on your thoughts on the NHS. Talk about adding insult to injury OMG! Will you make an official complaint? I guess it won't help.. you're really doing the right thing going private. There's only so much incompetence/ indifference / insensitivity you can deal with on top of all the grief & despair & emotional highs and lows.
Take care of yourself sweetie. This will be a positive move.
(PS. Thanks for the accupuncture info you posted before - I'm going to give it a go.)

I'm praying for you too Kelly. x

Hi Kelly, I've been thinking about you and wondering how everything is going. Hope to hear from you soon.

Holly

Hi Kelly

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and praying that all is okay.

Ruby

Kelly

Would love to hear from you. Just wanted to let you know that i am thinking and praying for you. This might sound repetitive....but it is true.

Hugs

AMy

Hello my friends,

Apologies for no update since Saturday, but I have a very good reason. Started with pain early afternoon on Saturday but my fear of hospital kept me at home until I got really scared around 6pm when I had to go. Got admitted and was in agony - had to have several internal examinations and painkillers injected in my butt....kept that going until Sunday evening and then scanned me on Monday morning. Empty uterus but the 'growth' next to ovary had grown from 5mm to 23mm and was diagnosed as ectopic - so rare I cannot believe my own misfortune. Had a beta next (they didn't do it on Sunday due to the state of me). It dropped, miraculously, by about a third down to 660 and they believe it is a very unusual case of a 'dissolving' ectopic, and the pain being caused by this breakdown of tissue - I lost an awful amount of blood on Saturday/Sunday and it is still coming now. I discharged myself again yesterday afternoon on the agreement that I return every 48hours until the beta is back to <5 as ectopic pregnancies can still burst on there way down apparantly.

I am very sad - am taking at least the rest of this week off work as I will be in and out of hospital so much and need some time to recover.

We have some big decisions to make as well- we are so keen to start our family (I turn 31 next week) but do not think we dare to risk pregnancy again even though we saved a tube this time. Two ectopics and an m/c in 15 months have scared and hurt me and there is no guarantee we won't continue with the ectopics, there is obviously a problem. We are talking about overseas adoption and may even start the prelim forms this week. IVF has an even higher risk of ectopic and for me why risk it? There is a message from my body somewhere in all this I am sure.

So girls, no doubt when I am back in work I will be back on the boards for support and a catch-up with all of you. You are friends for life. For the rest of the week though I am just laying around with DH talking and planning trips so I will take a few days away from all this. I hope you are all doing well. You are always in my thoughts, I wish success and happiness to each and every one of you. Holly, I hope so much you get this cycle and it works! Amy, hope your bean is snuggled in safe, Mapia, I want to come to Greece soon (we adore it - Santorini is our fave island but we love everywhere), Kari, I have to hang around because you make me laugh so much (especially the 'shove it in their med faces' - DH and I were in hysterics at that :) Ruby, my middle of the night friend you are going to see that BFP next I can feel it, Princess, you are the sweestest chere in the world, lizzie BEAT THE NHS with acupuncture, justdance thanks for the info and hope!! And to Aimee, Laurie, Anna Leigh, Vi, Mariella, Mama, Hazel and Kelly, Carisa, Gina, Christin, Tigrilla, Kat, and Amy2, your prayers support wishes hugs love and words of kindness and wisdom have been truly invaluable - I hope to repay you all when I am back. What a lucky lucky girl I am to have this board.

Sending love and wishes to you all, you deserve babies more than anyone could ever know.

Lots of love
see you soon sisters
kel xxx

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear they confirmed the pg is ectopic. :( I really didn't want to believe it. It's just not fair that some people have to endure so much heartache. I think it's great that you took the week off from work to take care of yourself and spend time with DH. I should've taken time off w/ my m/c. I was a wreck, and everybody around me could sense that something was wrong, but I wouldn't talk about it. It would've been better if I'd just let myself begin healing in private. So take this time to grieve, and know that we are grieving along with you. We will be here when you are ready to get back online. And we will support you in whatever decision you make about starting your family.

Sending warm gentle hugs your way.

Holly

nonnnnnnn....... :( Kelly, my heart is broken to hear ectopic. I was hoping this not to happen. It really is not fair.
I am so glad you have taken some time off, thoguh, cherie. You need some time to mourn, and wallow. And we are here for you whenever you feel like tlaking again. I am prayign for you, ma cherie, and please know that, just as Holly so wisely said, we support you in whatever decision you make about starting your family.

Sending you loves and hugs, cherie.

I am so sorry. It really changes your perspective about the odds, doesn't it? I know it is incredibly dissapointing when your body doesn't work as it should. You have always had a good intuition about your body, and now trust yourself as you think about other ways to start a family, and take a step back from TTC as you heal. You were absolutly right in all the desisions you made and watching out for yourself when the doctors maybe wern't. I pray for your safety till those numbers fall down, and I'm glad your able to take this time now for yourself, and have such good support in DH. I'm sure he is dealing with a lot himself. I am really glad to hear that you saved a tube, and that you are thinking of starting a family through adoption. That is a huge step, and I'm sure it will bring you and your family a lot of joy. I have several adopted cousins, and our family would not be the same without them. I think the world of you and am so glad to have "met" you. You are really an inspiration, and I wish you the best on your continued journey towards holding your baby in your arms.

Kelly, I am so so sorry, I was fearing the worst as we hadn't heard from you. Thanks for taking the time to let us all know despite what you're going through. Perhaps you should consider getting even longer off work, take a bit of time out to let your body and emotions recover as much as possible, and give yourself time & space with your DH to think about the future. I actually thought ivf would be ok as i didn't think the embryo would go up into the fallopian tubes, but i don't know much about it. I know there's so much to think about and you just need to rest and heal at the moment, but I guess if you go ahead with adoption it doesn't rule out a pregnancy in the future, you are really young still, so don't go worrying about 31! I know how painful it is though, when you've waited so many years.
Anyway sweetie, thinking of you, sending you loads of love, look after yourself, take care.
Lizzie x

Hi Kelly sweetie.I am so sorry u had to go through this.I just cant believe this happened to u twice.I am just glad u were able to save the tube.I am sure u and DH have a lot of talking to do and figuring out what ur next step will be.I will pray god guides u both to where u need to go.We will always be here for u......like u said friends for life.But I consider u all sisters for life.I wish I could give u a hugh hug.U are always welcome to come to greece like I have said to all the ladies u have a free place to stay :) Santorini is beautiful.I have only gone once and that was for the day cause I was on a 5 day cruise and we would make one stop every morning to a different island.So I got to see a few islands.Santorini was my favorite DH and I plan on going maybe next summer.Such a romantic island they say it has the most beautiful sunset.I cant wait to go.If we arent pregnant that is we will go but hopefully we will have just had our little one.Well sweetie I wish u all the luck in the world.Know we are always here for u.Take it easy.

Mapia:angel:

Poor sweet Kelly, I am so sorry. I had really hoped for a happy ending for you. You are an amazing person and a thoughtful caring friend and I hate to see you suffer like this.
I think you are very wise to take some time off while you heal. It is great that you and DH get to spend this quality time together talking and making plans.
I think adoption sounds like a wonderful option. Whatever happens, you know that you are going to be a mum and you are fighting for that dream to become a reality - I admire that so much.

Love to you - I'm going to miss you while you take this break but I realise it's for the best. I'll be thinking of you hun.

Love Ruby

oh kelly im so sorry. it really just sucks!! why do things like this happen to such good people. you mentioned not being very religious, and stuff like this realyl does make me question my faith.. it is just so unfair. im so hurt for you, i was so excited when i first heard about your miracle!! i have been praying for you though, and i hope the international adoption will be your dream come true for being a mommy and daddy. im sure you are in pain now, physically and maybe more so emotionally, losing a child to miscarriage, ectopic, anytime is so very difficult, and i pray that god does help subside your pain a little faster!! we are obviously always here for you sweetie!!

<3 aimee

Kelly -- i really don't know what to say... it angers me that you have to go through this over and over again... I am also amazed that you have the strength to think and make good decisions about your health while going through all of this... I sincerely wish and pray that you have a wonderful bundle of joy soon (by whatever route) -- and I sincerely pray that your and DH's share of bad times is done... and your share of joys is just round the corner... any child would be very lucky to have you as a mum and idol... so happy that you have a wonderful and loving DH who can help you be strong.

Please take care... will be looking out for you when you're back in office and on the boards. Meanwhile will miss you :angel:

Kelly

I am so sorry ....my heart goes out to you at the moment. How are you feeling? You sound so strong it impresses me............
I cannot even imagine what you are going through...but i am sure that somehow or another you and DH will pull through and will be holding a little one in your arms some time soon.

I am glad that your tube is saved. WHy is ther a greater risk of ectopic with IVF. I don t get that....don t they implant the embryo directly into the uterus? On the other hand i understand your concerns yiou ve been through more than enough heartache. Adoption is just amazing....and i am sure that the little one will give you so much joy.Moreover it will have a special meaning for you and DH.

Thank you for your well wishes..........i understand that you need a break. We will all miss you so much. please take care of yourself and know that whenever you are ready or ned support we will be here for you.
Sending you big hugs and lots of love.

Amy

Hi Kelly, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you today. I hope you are okay. I am sure you and DH are comforting each other through this trying time. Just know that we are here for you too if you need us. I am so sorry you're having to deal with all this heartache. I pray nothing but happiness lies in your future.

Hugs

Holly

Hi Kelly, I'm thinking about you, and hope wherever you are, whatever you're doing you're slowly finidng peace and happiness again. We love and think about you so much.

Kelly

Wanted to let you know that not a single day goes by that i don t think of you.............i am sorry that you are going through all this pain. I wish i could do something to make this a little better................
Praying for you and DH during this difficult time.

AMy

Kelly,

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I hope you are well, and healing in the best way you can. I can't imagine the heartache, stay strong!

I was adopted, so I am a huge advocate! I hope that whatever route you travel offers you peace and happiness. It doesn't take genetics to be a mommy, and I am certain you will be the best there is!

Huge hugs, love and prayers!

Laurie

Kelly, I am still saying prayers for you and hope you are recovering. So many of us have you in our thoughts, and it will be that way whether you are on the board or away. If and when you do feel up to it, we'd love to hear how you are holding up. (((hugs))) to you.

kel,

im so sad youve had to go through this torture. the highs of getting pg only to be taken away in the ways that they have, you are incredibly stong, im happy your determination to be parents isnt over and that your moving forward to adoption as you don need to consider the impact not only on you and dh emotionally but on your body also. im certain you will make brilliant parents just hope you dont need to wait for too long.

please keep us updated
take care xx

girls you are so kind I just wanted to drop in and let you know how I am doing. Quite well really. I had 1 day of major depression on Thursday and the last couple of days I feel like I am recovering. I have been losing a lot of blood now for last 3 days so that is tough (going through 3 pairs of pants and pj's a night....) but emotionally DH and I are talking a lot and keeping close and kind to each other. Actually he makes me laugh so much that it heals me more every day, he is so sweet and funny. We actually put IVF back on the table today. My fear is of a disasterous natural pregnancy and IVF would be carefully monitored so no danger, or at least much less I think. We filled in the forms for the initial adoption interview as well and are going to take a little time (days or a couple of weeks, not months) to decide which route is best for us.

I cannot get past the fact in mind that my gorgeous kind funny wonderful DH does not have a single biological relation whereas I have an amazing mum, dad, brother, sister, nieces and nephews as well as the whole extended family and of course he shares in that and loves them, but is it different when you don't share genes? we really don't know the answer and want to figure that out before the next step. Thoughts from those with experience on that would be appreciated.

I will be back to check out all you girls after the weekend - I can't leave you I miss you too much.

Lots of love
Kellyx

Hi Kelly, it is lovely to hear from you!

I'm glad that you are holding up okay. You sound as though you have a wonderful DH who loves you so much and the two of you have definitely got the right attitude.
I think it's great that you are considering IVF. Like you said, you would be closely monitored so there would be little chance of anything going wrong. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing and whether you adopt or have an IVF baby I just know that happiness is coming your way.

I look forward to catching up with you again after the weekend.

Ruby

Hi Kelly,
So good to hear from you. I'm glad you're feeling better and have such a wonderful DH to look after you. You always sound so strong, so positive and so calm under the pressure of your ordeal and big decisions. I'm glad you're considering ivf - it sounds to me as if it would be a good way to go, with all the careful monitoring involved. I see what you mean where your DH is concerned, it would be so lovely for him to have a baby of his own flesh & blood, having no biological relatives. Then you could go ahead and adopt too! You are an inspiring person.
Take care,
Lizzie

Kelly! Cherie! It is so good to hear from you! We missed you so much and were thinking about you everday! :D
OH, your DH sounds so perfect! How sweet of him to make you happy during such a hard time. And adoption sounds so lovely! oull have to let us know how that goes as I'm interested in that myself, and I'd bet my luck I'm not the only one here ;) When do you start taking the steps towards IVF? I mean, after you decide which route to go with.... will you make an appointment right away for consultation, or wait a bit? Lol perhaps I am not being clear, so I apologize.:angel: Basically, what are your plans?

****BABY DUST**** and so so so glad to see you back cherie.

Kelly

so glad to hear from you. I am sorry that you re bleeding so much.It must be uncomfortable and at the same time delays emotional healing. On the other had as Lizzie said you are sound so strong.
I do not really have experience in the field but i liked your original idea of your own biological kids and adopted kids too.
whatever you decide to do we will be here to support you and share each step of the way with you until you are cradling your little one.

Your post made me think of something....i can t really know hoe you re feeling right now but if i were you i d probably be feeling so unlucky. Whenever i had bad news re health issues , when i m/c, or when drs refused to take me on etc....i used to feel so unlucky...and ask all my late relatives if they ve forgotten me........then i used to think how i d cope without DH and i think ok i have him and he s a big bonus. Looks like you ve got an amazing man by your side....hold on to him.....i am sure that together you ll take a decision and whatever you decide to do you ll both make amazing parents.

BIG HUGS

AMy

Kelly, it is SO good to hear from you. I am glad to hear that you are dealing so well, and I'm sure having a wonderful DH like you do has helped. You've been in my thoughts quite often, and I am so happy to see a positive post from you. Let us know when you two decide what the next step will be. I will be here cheering you on.

Holly

Kelly

How are you doing?
Would love to know what you 2 have decided......we will be here to support you step by step until you become a mommy.

Here when you are up to it.

Amy