self-destruct
06-26-2007, 06:27 PM
do you ever wonder?
i feel like i suck at my job. like nothing i do is good enough. i work with kids with behavioral and emotional problems. and sometimes i think i need more help than they do. i live with the family i work for, but i have my own seperate space, bathroom, kitchen and my own entrance. this family is mega-neat.(not one of my strong points) and lately i have been having a pretty hard time emotionally. and i havent done laundry in a while. so there are clothes on my floor. not a big deal to me. but apparently a very big one to them. i just havent had time. i sleep everytime i am up here, because i cant function. i just cant do it anymore. i feel like i need a break. a long one. sometimes i just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
i dont like conflict, i internalize it and them magic scars end up all over my body. i just cant cope. and i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to. my parents dont know and are in another state. i just moved a few months ago so i dont have any friends here, and all my friends from where i used to live, sont know what im going through. i mean its not like its easy to tell them. hey im crazy. wow thats such a great conversation to have. a real good way to lose people. and i dont feel like i have enough friends to start losing them .
i just dont think i can take it anymore. i feel like i am losing control. i like to be in control, i need to feel like i can fix things. ad i dont know why i cant fix this.
i like being alone, but my thoughts wonder, and my doctors says its unhealthy
i just want to escape it all
SD
i feel like i suck at my job. like nothing i do is good enough. i work with kids with behavioral and emotional problems. and sometimes i think i need more help than they do. i live with the family i work for, but i have my own seperate space, bathroom, kitchen and my own entrance. this family is mega-neat.(not one of my strong points) and lately i have been having a pretty hard time emotionally. and i havent done laundry in a while. so there are clothes on my floor. not a big deal to me. but apparently a very big one to them. i just havent had time. i sleep everytime i am up here, because i cant function. i just cant do it anymore. i feel like i need a break. a long one. sometimes i just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
i dont like conflict, i internalize it and them magic scars end up all over my body. i just cant cope. and i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to. my parents dont know and are in another state. i just moved a few months ago so i dont have any friends here, and all my friends from where i used to live, sont know what im going through. i mean its not like its easy to tell them. hey im crazy. wow thats such a great conversation to have. a real good way to lose people. and i dont feel like i have enough friends to start losing them .
i just dont think i can take it anymore. i feel like i am losing control. i like to be in control, i need to feel like i can fix things. ad i dont know why i cant fix this.
i like being alone, but my thoughts wonder, and my doctors says its unhealthy
i just want to escape it all
SD
Sponsor
Survivor 1957
06-26-2007, 06:39 PM
welcome sd
There are many people here that will listen to you. You can tell the boards anything. Get it off your chest, you do not need to self distruct, no one will judge you here, We all have our secrets. Talk to the board and a new world opens up, it did for me. I was in your shoes 4 weeks ago. I got a lot of advise and a lot of straight forward answeres, some I did not want to hear but needed to. You are not alone!
k
There are many people here that will listen to you. You can tell the boards anything. Get it off your chest, you do not need to self distruct, no one will judge you here, We all have our secrets. Talk to the board and a new world opens up, it did for me. I was in your shoes 4 weeks ago. I got a lot of advise and a lot of straight forward answeres, some I did not want to hear but needed to. You are not alone!
k
Phoenix
06-26-2007, 08:03 PM
Dear SD:
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
The point is in realizing birth we must one day realize death and not necessarily our own.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
The point is that love albeit sweet, does not last ..................................
unless you want it to.
I could go on for pages but I believe that you get the just of it.
Whatever force brought you to this boar, know that you are here and were destined to be here; welcome to our family.
The family that agrees to disagree on occasion, the family that can cry together and dare I say love together, for there are varying degrees of love that one individual can have for another.
They posess the ability to care about you when you do not.
We have the empathizers and the sympathizers here and some are a special breed of both.
The point my new friend is that you are right here, right now and just know that advice is but a few keystrokes away.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
The point is in realizing birth we must one day realize death and not necessarily our own.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
The point is that love albeit sweet, does not last ..................................
unless you want it to.
I could go on for pages but I believe that you get the just of it.
Whatever force brought you to this boar, know that you are here and were destined to be here; welcome to our family.
The family that agrees to disagree on occasion, the family that can cry together and dare I say love together, for there are varying degrees of love that one individual can have for another.
They posess the ability to care about you when you do not.
We have the empathizers and the sympathizers here and some are a special breed of both.
The point my new friend is that you are right here, right now and just know that advice is but a few keystrokes away.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
self-destruct
06-27-2007, 11:53 AM
Ok so im gonna go line by line here, i cant comprehend all at once and my brain is to scattered to respond all at once. please excuse my rudeness, and sometimes my judgement, and lack of understanding, its been a tough week
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
ok but what happens when you cant "weather the storms" i have fought through so much, and honestly dont have the strength to do anymore. and this is not a "woe is me" situation. i know plenty of people that have it worse than i do. but apparently they are just stronger than i am. i guess ive just given up i cant do it anymore.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
yeah the point of my life. not really sure there is one. well maybe to sleep, or to wake up and be a witch with a capital B. i cant go through a day without feeling like i want to strangle somebody. or myself for that matter.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
but for all questions there should be an answer. i need an answer, its just who i am
i dont mean to complain, or make it sound like i dont want the advise, i just need to question and i need answers. im not trying to make it sound like im so much worse off, becasue i am probably not. im just having a hard time
SD
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
ok but what happens when you cant "weather the storms" i have fought through so much, and honestly dont have the strength to do anymore. and this is not a "woe is me" situation. i know plenty of people that have it worse than i do. but apparently they are just stronger than i am. i guess ive just given up i cant do it anymore.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
yeah the point of my life. not really sure there is one. well maybe to sleep, or to wake up and be a witch with a capital B. i cant go through a day without feeling like i want to strangle somebody. or myself for that matter.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
but for all questions there should be an answer. i need an answer, its just who i am
i dont mean to complain, or make it sound like i dont want the advise, i just need to question and i need answers. im not trying to make it sound like im so much worse off, becasue i am probably not. im just having a hard time
SD
Phoenix
06-27-2007, 12:44 PM
Ok so im gonna go line by line here, i cant comprehend all at once and my brain is to scattered to respond all at once. please excuse my rudeness, and sometimes my judgement, and lack of understanding, its been a tough week
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
ok but what happens when you cant "weather the storms" i have fought through so much, and honestly dont have the strength to do anymore. and this is not a "woe is me" situation. i know plenty of people that have it worse than i do. but apparently they are just stronger than i am. i guess ive just given up i cant do it anymore.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
yeah the point of my life. not really sure there is one. well maybe to sleep, or to wake up and be a witch with a capital B. i cant go through a day without feeling like i want to strangle somebody. or myself for that matter.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
but for all questions there should be an answer. i need an answer, its just who i am
i dont mean to complain, or make it sound like i dont want the advise, i just need to question and i need answers. im not trying to make it sound like im so much worse off, becasue i am probably not. im just having a hard time
SD
Dear SD:
No offense taken.
You say that you can't weather the storms.
You don't have the strength
but yet you found something inside of you that brings you here.
You could have chosen not to come here(and i'm glad you did) but you did.
There is strength in choices also.
Despite your depressed mood you still made it here; accept it as destiny.
Here, at this pint in time, you were meant to be here, with us.
I say "us" because none of us can do this alone.
We all come here with the commonality of PTSD but also have other attributes that we bring to the table.
No person is an island here.
It may be difficult to get your bearings now but remember back when that you learned to crawl and then run?
If you need our insight (which i find to be invaluable) we are right here.
Question if you need to but remember that even we collectively do not have all the answers. It is through the "collective conscious" that we help each other.
Some of us have been there, done that and have yet to "do that."
The point of your life:
You responded to our post and personally, that helped me; to know that you are struggling and yet find enough energy to want to yield a better quality of living.
You are not a nobody and if you felt that, please refrain from thinking this way because you have posted here and you are now part of your family:
you are somebody.....that matters.
When I said the more we ask why, the less answers we will get
I meant it metaphorically; just like a person would ask "why did this have to happen to me and not someone else?"
You may be having a hard time right now but there is sunshine behind that dark cloud and you have the ability to move it.
Let us help you towards seeing that...................please.
I'm reminded of that lotto slogan "you've got to be in it to win it."
Well "you've got to refuse it to lose it."
We really want to help but you have to take that first step.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
The point of life (and don't share this with too many others) is to be able to rise above adversity and know that in doing so, there are many more storms to weather.
ok but what happens when you cant "weather the storms" i have fought through so much, and honestly dont have the strength to do anymore. and this is not a "woe is me" situation. i know plenty of people that have it worse than i do. but apparently they are just stronger than i am. i guess ive just given up i cant do it anymore.
The point is that we are all here for a purpose and some of us don't even realize that.
yeah the point of my life. not really sure there is one. well maybe to sleep, or to wake up and be a witch with a capital B. i cant go through a day without feeling like i want to strangle somebody. or myself for that matter.
The point is that the more we ask why, the less answers we are going to get.
but for all questions there should be an answer. i need an answer, its just who i am
i dont mean to complain, or make it sound like i dont want the advise, i just need to question and i need answers. im not trying to make it sound like im so much worse off, becasue i am probably not. im just having a hard time
SD
Dear SD:
No offense taken.
You say that you can't weather the storms.
You don't have the strength
but yet you found something inside of you that brings you here.
You could have chosen not to come here(and i'm glad you did) but you did.
There is strength in choices also.
Despite your depressed mood you still made it here; accept it as destiny.
Here, at this pint in time, you were meant to be here, with us.
I say "us" because none of us can do this alone.
We all come here with the commonality of PTSD but also have other attributes that we bring to the table.
No person is an island here.
It may be difficult to get your bearings now but remember back when that you learned to crawl and then run?
If you need our insight (which i find to be invaluable) we are right here.
Question if you need to but remember that even we collectively do not have all the answers. It is through the "collective conscious" that we help each other.
Some of us have been there, done that and have yet to "do that."
The point of your life:
You responded to our post and personally, that helped me; to know that you are struggling and yet find enough energy to want to yield a better quality of living.
You are not a nobody and if you felt that, please refrain from thinking this way because you have posted here and you are now part of your family:
you are somebody.....that matters.
When I said the more we ask why, the less answers we will get
I meant it metaphorically; just like a person would ask "why did this have to happen to me and not someone else?"
You may be having a hard time right now but there is sunshine behind that dark cloud and you have the ability to move it.
Let us help you towards seeing that...................please.
I'm reminded of that lotto slogan "you've got to be in it to win it."
Well "you've got to refuse it to lose it."
We really want to help but you have to take that first step.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
galinaqt
06-27-2007, 01:23 PM
In my mind you should try to change the scenary to feel better. Can you quit and go back to your parents. Live with them until you find something else? In terms of understanding I almost never had it, except some people here. Most people judje you only by their experiences. I had lot of bad feelings towards my family.
isitme
06-27-2007, 02:58 PM
I can empathize with where you are right now. I was there for years - wondering WHAT IS THE POINT. I got sooooooooo fed up of wondering 'what is the meaning of life'. I was quite astonished to find an answer!
love
learn
live
laugh.
Now, I know right now, laughing is not at the top of your list, (nor mine), but something I've learnt is.........it doesn't last. It comes in waves, it can crush a person, then after the devastation has been done, it leaves. Hell, I wish you and I, or any of us did not have to put up with our emotional turmoil.............................. it makes me wonder too.
love
learn
live
laugh.
Now, I know right now, laughing is not at the top of your list, (nor mine), but something I've learnt is.........it doesn't last. It comes in waves, it can crush a person, then after the devastation has been done, it leaves. Hell, I wish you and I, or any of us did not have to put up with our emotional turmoil.............................. it makes me wonder too.
Sannah
06-27-2007, 03:07 PM
i feel like i suck at my job. like nothing i do is good enough. i work with kids with behavioral and emotional problems. and sometimes i think i need more help than they do.
this family is mega-neat.(not one of my strong points) and lately i have been having a pretty hard time emotionally. and i havent done laundry in a while. so there are clothes on my floor. not a big deal to me. but apparently a very big one to them.
i dont like conflict, i internalize it and them magic scars end up all over my body. i just cant cope. and i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to.
i feel like i am losing control. i like to be in control, i need to feel like i can fix things. ad i dont know why i cant fix this.
SD, so you have a job with some tough to deal with kids in a family who isn't happy because you are different (neat/messy) and this sounds like your first time away from home? No wonder you feel awful! Did you grow up not feeling that things were under control?
this family is mega-neat.(not one of my strong points) and lately i have been having a pretty hard time emotionally. and i havent done laundry in a while. so there are clothes on my floor. not a big deal to me. but apparently a very big one to them.
i dont like conflict, i internalize it and them magic scars end up all over my body. i just cant cope. and i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to.
i feel like i am losing control. i like to be in control, i need to feel like i can fix things. ad i dont know why i cant fix this.
SD, so you have a job with some tough to deal with kids in a family who isn't happy because you are different (neat/messy) and this sounds like your first time away from home? No wonder you feel awful! Did you grow up not feeling that things were under control?
stick2013
06-27-2007, 03:28 PM
HI Sd,
Welcome to the board.....:wave:
I have a question, but need to explain first. No Judgment, just my gut feeling ok??????? I am NOT attacking or anything...Feel free NOT to answer if you don't want....
My gut feeling reading your post is that you are really, really angry... I'm not sure at what or whom, or why. If you are.... Do you know why?????
Sid
Welcome to the board.....:wave:
I have a question, but need to explain first. No Judgment, just my gut feeling ok??????? I am NOT attacking or anything...Feel free NOT to answer if you don't want....
My gut feeling reading your post is that you are really, really angry... I'm not sure at what or whom, or why. If you are.... Do you know why?????
Sid
self-destruct
06-27-2007, 06:42 PM
ok so this may be long, i feel like i have a lot to respond to. please dont judge, and im not being mean when i respond but sometimes how i feel comes out kinda angry. im not always the nicest with words
"In my mind you should try to change the scenary to feel better. Can you quit and go back to your parents. Live with them until you find something else? In terms of understanding I almost never had it, except some people here. Most people judje you only by their experiences. I had lot of bad feelings towards my family."
no i cant move in with my family. my parents cause half my problems. im 24 and i dont need to lose even more control by living with them. i normally love my job right now is just hard. but living with my family is not an option.
"SD, so you have a job with some tough to deal with kids in a family who isn't happy because you are different (neat/messy) and this sounds like your first time away from home? No wonder you feel awful! Did you grow up not feeling that things were under control?"
i have been away from home since i was 18, 6 years. i moved out of my parents house when i was 18 for college. i got a great job working wth kids with autism, and i love it(most the time). i did that for 5 years in the midwest. things got pretty bad and i decided to move, so down to atlanta for a little while. so in january i packed up and moved. the family is great, its just that i am having a hard time. i get off work and i just want to sleep. i dont have the energy to do laundry or even walk to the laundry basket in the bathroom half the time. i just dont have the strength, im hanging on by a thread, i barely make it through the day with the kids. i dont have time for anything else. i had a really bad experience my sophmore year at college, and since then my life has pretty much been spinning out of control.
"My gut feeling reading your post is that you are really, really angry... I'm not sure at what or whom, or why. If you are.... Do you know why?????"
yeah im sure i am angry, but its not just one things. little things throughout the day set me off. im sure there is some deeper meaning to why, but i really havent figured it out. i think the thought of it is just to hard. my life is pretty screwed up anyway. re-living what happend is just not an option
SD
"In my mind you should try to change the scenary to feel better. Can you quit and go back to your parents. Live with them until you find something else? In terms of understanding I almost never had it, except some people here. Most people judje you only by their experiences. I had lot of bad feelings towards my family."
no i cant move in with my family. my parents cause half my problems. im 24 and i dont need to lose even more control by living with them. i normally love my job right now is just hard. but living with my family is not an option.
"SD, so you have a job with some tough to deal with kids in a family who isn't happy because you are different (neat/messy) and this sounds like your first time away from home? No wonder you feel awful! Did you grow up not feeling that things were under control?"
i have been away from home since i was 18, 6 years. i moved out of my parents house when i was 18 for college. i got a great job working wth kids with autism, and i love it(most the time). i did that for 5 years in the midwest. things got pretty bad and i decided to move, so down to atlanta for a little while. so in january i packed up and moved. the family is great, its just that i am having a hard time. i get off work and i just want to sleep. i dont have the energy to do laundry or even walk to the laundry basket in the bathroom half the time. i just dont have the strength, im hanging on by a thread, i barely make it through the day with the kids. i dont have time for anything else. i had a really bad experience my sophmore year at college, and since then my life has pretty much been spinning out of control.
"My gut feeling reading your post is that you are really, really angry... I'm not sure at what or whom, or why. If you are.... Do you know why?????"
yeah im sure i am angry, but its not just one things. little things throughout the day set me off. im sure there is some deeper meaning to why, but i really havent figured it out. i think the thought of it is just to hard. my life is pretty screwed up anyway. re-living what happend is just not an option
SD
stick2013
06-27-2007, 06:47 PM
SD,
I can understand how you feel, we have ALL been there... I will only say this, with NO ill meaning, and I am not trying to upset you at all... I just want you to understand that I am not trying to upset you..........
In order to move forward in our healing, you have to go back and face the past... even if you think you can't or don't want too.. Going back is the only way to move forward.
You are here because you are a survivor. You are here because you are seeking help.... Take the hands that are offering you the help. Listen to what they say.....Please... It's the only way.... I know. I too have been there...
Sid
I can understand how you feel, we have ALL been there... I will only say this, with NO ill meaning, and I am not trying to upset you at all... I just want you to understand that I am not trying to upset you..........
In order to move forward in our healing, you have to go back and face the past... even if you think you can't or don't want too.. Going back is the only way to move forward.
You are here because you are a survivor. You are here because you are seeking help.... Take the hands that are offering you the help. Listen to what they say.....Please... It's the only way.... I know. I too have been there...
Sid
Phoenix
06-27-2007, 08:31 PM
Dear SD:
I hope that you have felt the concern here and I hope to hear from you (if you are up to it) when you receive your meds tomorrow.
Please be honest with your psychiatrist tomorrow (i didn't forget) as it will go a long way in the recuperative process.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
I hope that you have felt the concern here and I hope to hear from you (if you are up to it) when you receive your meds tomorrow.
Please be honest with your psychiatrist tomorrow (i didn't forget) as it will go a long way in the recuperative process.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
galinaqt
06-27-2007, 09:25 PM
If moving back with your family is not an option, may be looking for another job is the way to go. Something were you can go to your own place not have a pressure by living with somebody.
Another option may be even change a field, at least temporary.
I know it comes with a territory, you may have a hard time getting back in the field, but your health is the most pressures thing.
Another option may be even change a field, at least temporary.
I know it comes with a territory, you may have a hard time getting back in the field, but your health is the most pressures thing.
Administrator
06-28-2007, 04:13 PM
Just let people vent...it is not the time to offer solutions.
Let them vent and offer empathy.
Let them vent and offer empathy.
Sannah
06-28-2007, 04:20 PM
SD, do you think that the needs of the children that you are taking care of are weighing you down too much?
beka6
06-28-2007, 05:46 PM
SD,
Just a thought here about the anger... I experienced the same type of thing - just angry and it didn't take much at all to just push me over the edge. My therapist explained to me that there is an anger continuum for all of us. Most un-traumatized people are at the calm end of the continuum and it takes a lot to get them really mad. Having PTSD puts us in the middle- to the high end of the continuum on any given day. That means we only need half as much irritation to get us boiling mad about something. Maybe I'm just rambling on... but, I'm hoping that this explaination will help you see that you are not alone in feeling angry and just plain wiped out. You are working so hard carrying everything around - no wonder you are worn out.
I work with disabled kids too and it can be unbelievably rewarding and unbelievably draining all in the same day! If you love your job - I commend you for sticking with it. Sometimes the trick of it is just finding healthy ways to rejuvinate yourself. That's the part I'm trying to learn right now, too.
Take care of yourself,
Beka
Just a thought here about the anger... I experienced the same type of thing - just angry and it didn't take much at all to just push me over the edge. My therapist explained to me that there is an anger continuum for all of us. Most un-traumatized people are at the calm end of the continuum and it takes a lot to get them really mad. Having PTSD puts us in the middle- to the high end of the continuum on any given day. That means we only need half as much irritation to get us boiling mad about something. Maybe I'm just rambling on... but, I'm hoping that this explaination will help you see that you are not alone in feeling angry and just plain wiped out. You are working so hard carrying everything around - no wonder you are worn out.
I work with disabled kids too and it can be unbelievably rewarding and unbelievably draining all in the same day! If you love your job - I commend you for sticking with it. Sometimes the trick of it is just finding healthy ways to rejuvinate yourself. That's the part I'm trying to learn right now, too.
Take care of yourself,
Beka
Phoenix
06-28-2007, 11:00 PM
SD,
Hope that you are alright.
I realize that you were to be prescribed meds today.
If you are up to it, please post how you are feeling.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
Hope that you are alright.
I realize that you were to be prescribed meds today.
If you are up to it, please post how you are feeling.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
ICC
06-29-2007, 07:09 AM
Hi SD......I think Beka's last post was reeally explanatory concerning thos with PTSD> The anger is on the surface. Therefore it's so very easy for it to pop . SOmething I learned through my therapist. I alwyas thought i had horrible panic/anxiety attacks. One day thorugh a session something clicked with her and she asked me if I thought I had anger attacks and not panic attacks. BINGO! she was right. I nor she had ever thought about it. Once that reality came out and I knew what i felt was not fear, anxiety, panic, etc but true anger it was so much easier for me to spot it and deal with it immediately. I know longer have the attacks I called panic/anxiety after 32 years of them. I hope this makes sense. it did to me.
Grasshopper
Grasshopper
self-destruct
06-29-2007, 09:43 AM
[removed]
ill write more about the doctor later today. i need time to process it
SD
ill write more about the doctor later today. i need time to process it
SD
beka6
06-29-2007, 02:33 PM
Wow - anger attacks - that clicks with me, as well, ICC. Thanks for sharing that!
Beka
Beka
Phoenix
06-29-2007, 04:31 PM
[removed]
ill write more about the doctor later today. i need time to process it
SD
Dear SD:
I hope that all is well with you.
When you are ready, know that we are here to lend an ear.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
ill write more about the doctor later today. i need time to process it
SD
Dear SD:
I hope that all is well with you.
When you are ready, know that we are here to lend an ear.
Take care
God Bless
Ryan
ICC
06-30-2007, 08:24 AM
Hi Beak and all.......Beka it kncoked my socks and the therapsits's off. I had been with her for almost 3 years and neither of us ever thought of it. Something I said clicked with her in a session and that's what brought it up. SInce then, when I think I'm having a painic/anxiety attack I think of this and YES I am angry at something/someone. I guess I had the anger and so much of it shoved so far down that I didn't recognize it. Now I am able to handle it immediately and see clearly WHY I have that feeling. After the first couple of times that I had to tell someone how i felt that maybe had been bothering me for a long time it has become much easier to protect myself, keep my boundaries in tact, say it like it is and walk away. It has never once bothered me again how the other person took the change in me. If it was how I felt I validated my feelings and went with it. Since I am in a legal battle due to my injuries I started with my Attorney:eek: , then went on to all treating Dr.s, nest was family,the last was aquaintances and friends. It worked for me just having this knowledge and accepting it. I haven't , Thank God, had a panic/anxiety attack in months after having them since I was 21. Now 53.
Hugs,
Grasshopper:)
Hugs,
Grasshopper:)
beka6
06-30-2007, 09:12 AM
Good morning all!
ICC, this "anger attack" thing just makes so much sense to me. I am at the point where I have been too nice to people in my life, I think. I have so many people right now who obviously don't respect me and they take advantage. I end up feeling SO angry, but have convinced myself that their needs are more important than my own. Well, that is changing as of today. I have a few individuals that need to understand my needs for a change. You've really inspired me, ICC! (again! :))
Hope you are well today!
:)
Beka
ICC, this "anger attack" thing just makes so much sense to me. I am at the point where I have been too nice to people in my life, I think. I have so many people right now who obviously don't respect me and they take advantage. I end up feeling SO angry, but have convinced myself that their needs are more important than my own. Well, that is changing as of today. I have a few individuals that need to understand my needs for a change. You've really inspired me, ICC! (again! :))
Hope you are well today!
:)
Beka
ICC
06-30-2007, 10:15 AM
Beka....You sound like me. For so many years everyone else's feelings were important , mine weren't at all. I was made to feel my feelings were stupid for so long I guess that's what built the anger up. Never sticking up for myself, just swallowing it. I also was "too nice" all the time and it destroyed me. For years I felt like "the slave" to many. The first time a counselor asked me what I do for myself and what my likes were I sat there speechless. How should I know. All I do is wait on others and take care of everyone else. I had no idea what I liked, enjoyed or that I was even entitled to be happy. It is a hard mold to break but you can do it. I started with the most important issues in my life, told the person how I felt and WHAT was going to happen from now on. Once I took control back of my own life those that had no respect for me, my feelings or the changes that I so desperately needed to make have been eliminated from my circle of friends and family. Beka...the important part here is to tell those you have to tell and hold your guns. Whatever you feel is right for you, those that don't take kindly to it walk away from BUT most importantly when you decide what you boundaries are and your needs are don't let anyone sway you away from them. Know in your own mind what is best for you and if they will not give you the respect you deserve that you need to hold onto yourself.
Wishing you the best in your journey ,
Grasshopper
Wishing you the best in your journey ,
Grasshopper
beka6
06-30-2007, 02:35 PM
Grasshopper,
I am seeing myself in your words today. You've basically identified the area in which I'm struggling the most right now. I don't even know myself. How can I meet my own needs when I'm not sure what those needs are? So, I'm getting myself very busy trying to figure this out. Growing up, I was never allowed to have boundaries. So, learning how to set them has been a very hard lesson to learn. I wonder if most people with PTSD from childhood issues experience the same thing?
Your words are like fresh water today - so encouraging to me! Thank you - and I hope that ALL is going well with you.
Beka
I am seeing myself in your words today. You've basically identified the area in which I'm struggling the most right now. I don't even know myself. How can I meet my own needs when I'm not sure what those needs are? So, I'm getting myself very busy trying to figure this out. Growing up, I was never allowed to have boundaries. So, learning how to set them has been a very hard lesson to learn. I wonder if most people with PTSD from childhood issues experience the same thing?
Your words are like fresh water today - so encouraging to me! Thank you - and I hope that ALL is going well with you.
Beka