Hi guys, I know you are probally thinking man she always have a new thread, but you are the only ones who understand me I really dont have anyone else to talk to. I came back home to move in with my parents during this back issue and all, ans for my parents to help me so I gave up my place to move here with them. I wish i could change my mind on this, it is totally opposite and I feel like an outsider here, me and my 5 year old are sharing a room in the open den and I am paying 400 a month, not a problem about the rent. But I feel like I have to hide my tears my pain and frustration, it is so hard you know.

Today i went to my old place to clean out to more cabinets, everything else is packed to go in storage and my mom came with me, she kinda stood over me holding a bag open and getting mad at me because I am in alot of pain and move slow, i had to remind her of something and she started getting more mad and stated my back hurts too. I was not expecting that much from her, but my gosh, she could have stayed home. I just feel like I took 2 steps backwards instead of forward, I am so mad because I have to be like a kid again and it hard. I wish I would have kept my place now, I am so upset that i did not. I have to hide my pain it seems or bit the bullet, too hard.
sorry for my sad stories again, I just feel so sad and lonley right now I dont know what to do.

KK,
Have you been evaluated for depression? I know that you have a lot going on, and the refusal to do much of anything for you because of the weight issues, but it seems from reading your posts hon that you may be becoming depressed as well. That is truly very common with back problems , in fact any long term medical condition can bring on depression. With having to move back home and the lack of understanding and compassion from your family, it might be worth speaking to your doctor's about and maybe trying an antidepressant for a month or so to see if it helps alleviate some of the overwhelming sadness you seem to be feeling.
You might also find that some of the anti depressants help with the pain as well, I know there are several that are used quite effectively for treating back pain, not just depression.
Anyway, I hope that I haven't offended you, it's just a feeling that I get when reading some of your posts. Best wishes to you hon, hang in there, it will get better.
Sandi M

(((((RACHEL)))) - You are carrying alot on your shoulders and have been to h*ll and back and then some. You are carrying a heavy, heavy load on your shoulders. You need to let it out to someone you trust whether it be a friend or someone who can counsel you and maybe even be able to help you sort this mess out. Please remember that we care and love you sweetie.

Rachel, I sure understand, after my surgery and moving in with a friend I deply regretted it. I felt like a prisoner, it wasn't my own home, and basically like I always had to kiss someone's but. I understand completely. I have forgotten have you had surgery or getting ready to? I only stayed for a month and it sure felt like longer, it is harder when you have kids. Plus it is just hard to live with anyone anyway. Maybe things will calm down and everyone will adjust. Vent anytime, I sure do understand.

Well you have to resound that you are doing "what is needed" for you and your child. And at times, we all have to take a step back and regroup. That is what family is for! It's an intrusion on everyone's part, but you make the sacrifice out of love. It's temporary gal.. and eventually you will be back out on your own.

I not only had to take a step back when I hurt my back, but my I had to do the worst thing in my life. I had to return my beloved son to his father, so I was sure he would have a roof over his head and food to eat. He was not a baby though.. he was almost 16 at the time. BUT STILL.. WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! My son and I are sooooo close, and it was so hard for us both to be separated, but necessary at the time. I will bear that scar to my grave. But he's okay and Im okay.. and we made the best of it.

So, do what you need to keep you and your child with you and things will all work out. (Another great incentive for the extra needed weightloss, so you can get back out on your own).

Hang in there gal. We feel your pain and and our hearts go out to you!! Tam

Rachel
My heart goes out to you. I certainly know what you mean that not everyone understands about our back pain. Chronic pain is very hard to deal with. I am sure that cleaning out your house and having to put everything in storage is very difficult and emonitional. You have been thru so much in such a short time.

I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better but I can't. I just know how hard and emonitional it must be. Remember that when you made this decision it was the best for you and your daughter. I trust that this is true or you would not have made that decision. Sometimes we always have moments that we may regret a decision but in the long run we know it was the right one.

You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers and I sure hope you are able to get some rest.

Rachel,
I'm so so sorry that your going thru this, my mother is not very affectionate either. In fact she doesn't even acknowledge my back problems at all. She totally ignores it when I do tell her something about my back. Then when I do go for things like these injections I'm starting on 7/2, she will say you never told me about that oh well, then thats the end of the discussion. So I know how you feel, it hurts so much to not have your parents support. Whether your depressed or not it still hurts to not have it. I would try to get some counseling, that way you can get it out while your staying there. You have to get that pain out, it can't stay inside you and fester during recovery that will only slow things down. You might want to take your lil one to let her talk about it too to someone. At 5 yrs old she will have fears about seeing mom not well for a while.

Don't let your parents set your pace, YOU set that recovery pace and use this negative as a positive way to reach your recovery goal even faster than you thought you would. When you feel well enough to handle things a lil better with mom & dad let them see you cry, they need to see that your really in that bad of shape. Maybe if they see it they may be more compassionate, if not at least your not holding it in and causing more pain to your self.

I wish I had a better answer for you, I have the hardest time dealing with my mom, she causes me alot of heart ache because I never really had a mom that taught me things like baking or sewing. She never really did anything with me growing up. Well now I have friends that are older women, more like mentors. One of my friends(62) a few houses away just told me she would like to teach me how to make a cake from scratch, she will never know how good that made me feel. I'm very sad that I have to turn to others for the nurturing I never got but I'm very thankful that God put someone in my life will do the mom things with me even if I'm 45.

Try your best to turn this into a positive motivator, and like others have said it's not forever, as it is said "this too shall pass" and it will pass.

This prayer always helps me so much:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I really sort this out word for word, the things I cannot change is everything out side of me, the things I can change is everything inside of me (emotionally) once you see that & accept it you suddenly find the wisdom & serenity your searching for. I'm not pushing any religion on you, please don't take this that way at all. It's just a 12 step tool that many 12 step programs use in the recovery of many things like alcohol, over eating and so on. Recovering from back surgery I used this so much when I felt like I just could not take the pain another second. I would say it over & over until the feelings were gone and that was the only thing I was thinking about. I hope it helps you too.

I'll be praying for you & the lil one.:D

God Bless

Carol

Sorry so long

Hi Racheal,

I'm so sorry... :confused:

All I can really offer is a big fat "DITTO" to what the others have said to you. I totally agree and understand with what Mama just wrote as well and hope that those words of encouragment will help give you comfort and peace.

I'll be praying for very special prayer just for you tonight, and hope that your pain, physically and emotionally, will ease.

Take care and please know that my heart aches for you, and that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your lil one.

Thank you guys so much, all of you wrote such touching things that i cant address you individually. I started to cry while reading your post, because you all are so caring and always say something to make me think and try to get my act together. I know I have to get myself out of this self pity thing, maybe try to get out more, I dont know. I am seeing a psychiatrist and teripist and started on anti depressants, i really hope it kicks in soon.

You are right I have had alot happen to me in such a short time, I am sad most of the time or sleep, I try to go to water areobics during the week, but it is at a certain time and most of the time I have appointments. I miss my x even though I should not, and with all this, most of my friends dont call me and I miss church, but it was the one with my x fiance. Everything keeps reminding me of him and he was not even good to me through out this whole back experience. I just wish this never happened and know no one really has really called me that much, my friends dont even call much, behind in bills, just too much. But, I do always look forward to you all, you make me smile and cry from all of your kindness and realness, and Sandi you did not make me upset by your post you are right. Yvette, I can know relate to what you went through, mama thanks for the prayer,pepper, clover, justone, and tuscon, and those that I forgot to name I thank you so much for everything. I pray I get through this and that this awful pain goes away, my left side buttock, hips on down are killing me and now I have new numbness behind my thigh, but most of the doctors dont beleive me. Oh well, thats enough, I am going to get better and I know that you all are playing a major role in that. Love yah!
Rachel:angel:

KK - you are right one of the hardest things to deal with is not having your old friends around. I had basically let everyone walk away. I dealt with serious pain for 3 years and you know in the end I had no one except my family. I now realize that part of that had to do with me. I quit calling them, I quit doing things because of the pain, I quit going out for a quick burger, I quit.....do you get what I am trying to say. Look at your behaviors and see if you are saying no, no, no, no -- when they ask you out. You may unintentionally be doing this and not realizing. After awhile they don't want to ask because you will say no. Will it cause your pain to flare? Probably.

Now my friends are finally starting to come around because I am making the extra effort to be there for them during the trying times and to call and say hey you want to come swim, etc.

Just a thought, I am pulling for you sweetie and I hope the therapist is working and will continue to guide you. Love ya.

You are so right pepper, and I know that this is what i have done, because none of then even want to call me any more. I am trying, i guess the pain is just going to be there. I have to work around it and try harder, i miss my old life before this, i used to have such fun and many friends and before my back my x was the best. Oh well, I gotta try harder! Thanks pepper for keeping it real.:)

It is so very hard, kk. I still have issues. My hubby invited 10 families over for the 4th and I want to just ring his neck. I am still having problems and he went and did this. Now I have to get my house in order, prepare all the food, not to mention all the prep that goes into giving a party......geez I am glad that I don't have a back problem. :rolleyes:

"Another thread ":eek: Just kidding Racheal , :D
Hey we know exactly what your going through , been there doin that..My mother or father isn't around to whine to for me , GOD rest their soul's so I have to whine to my friends and now most of them are gone and the rest only come around now and then. I don't believe anyone can relate to back injuries unless you had one . You have a ton of friends here that will listen and not get sick of it, "BOY" I hope not , cause everyone would be sick of me ."Ok folks your not tired of me complaining I hope" .:rolleyes:

I hope thing's start turning around for you , you need to worry about your baby and not your momma . My mother didn't baby me either:confused: . She was a tuff woman , she wouldn't go to the doc's unless she was VER ILL.
She almost died because her appendix burst at home one day and she wouldn't go to the ER..We made her cause she was very sick.

Pepper is right about everything , she is a very good person too.

Shawley :wave:

Raichel,
this is not easy at all ( when you an adult) to move back with your parents. I had friends who moved in with their parents after they finished college and it did not last long, they could not do it. But they were young and healthy, good professions, and they had another choices. :confused:
You don't have another choice, but to move in and get help as much as you need to recover. Just remember that this is not forewer, you can do it.
It will take some time for you to adjust, it will get better. You can't change your mom and dad, so try to make the best of your situation.
I am sure, sweet heart, they care for you, otherwise they would not let you move back with them. Would be nice if you could get more affection from them, but you can't change people.
Try not to concentrate on negative things, it will provoke more back pain. I read other replies and i agree with everybody: maybe it is a good idea to go and get some advice from professionals. I am not sure about your area but we have here services for people with chronic pain - this means so many people need those services, you are not alone!!
Best wishes!:wave:

With all this stress have you talked to a Dr. about anxiety ? Sound's like your going through alot right now.:confused:



HI MOLDOVA :wave:

:) Pepper, why in the world would your hubby invite sooo many people, my goodness! Do you have to do all the prep yourself, I hope not, but u know how the men are, no offense Shawley. But please be careful, many hugs to you:angel:
Shawley, you know I should count this as a blessing to be able to move back home. I was stuggling finacially and when my x was around no help at all and needed money cause he was a lazy worker. You know my parents along with sis and bro went to take the rest of my stuff to storage and cleaned my old place for me, and I am very grateful . I feel bad for whining and complaining. My dad told me a couple of weeks ago that it is depressing for them to see me like this and not being able to do anything about it. They said it is hard to be around me because I am always so sad and in pain, they said it hurts them and it makes the whole house down. I kinda understand what they ment now. I am grateful, I just was so angry at mom that day, but thats how she deals with it. And thanks
Moldova, you are right this is temp, not long term, I just miss the money I use to make and being on my own. But this will not go on forever, I have alot to look forward to and I am still young, I just cant wait to find out what is wrong so they can try and fix it so i can get some part of my life back. Thanks for your support
To everyone once again, I could not make it without you, thank God I found this board and have met such wonderful people. Big hug to all of you(((((((((()))))))))))))))
Rachel

Ps Shawley, I may have some anxiety, i will mention this on my next visit to the head doc lol, but I do need to calm down a notch, no telling what my poor daughter is going through, mommy is always cranky, sleepy, or fussing, I have to change for her too.:wave:

Rach ,
I understand 100 % , yeah your parent's love you and just hate to see you like this, my mom was the same way ,a tuff ole cookie.

Shawley